by JA Johnston
Inside the room, he allows me to open them. Both cribs are set up on the left side of the room with the changing table between them. On the opposite wall is the cushioned rocker and nightstand. Tears sting my eyes as I look at the room, which has been painted a pale gray. “This isn’t all, go look in their bathroom.” Lucas whispers.
As I walk into their adjoined bath, it’s been painted in a whitewash look. “I can’t put the accessories out until everyone leaves. So, we’ll have to wait to see this finished later.” He says behind me.
My eyes have not stopped watering. “You did all this today?”
He just grins at me, “come”, he takes my hand and leads me to our bedroom. Our bedroom is very big and it has a sitting area that I never could quite figure out what to put there. Lucas has, and tears are now streaming down my face. In the middle of the sitting area are two beautiful cradles, the Chelsea cradles in distressed black from Bratt Décor.
“The cribs match the cradles.” Is all I can manage to get out along with tears. Lucas wraps his arms around me and holds me in his embrace kissing the top of my head. “I love it. Thank you. I love you so much. You are going to be the best daddy to them.”
Lucas’ arms get tighter around me, “And you are going to be a great mommy to them.” He holds my face between his hands, “I didn’t mean for you to cry.” He’s very concerned.
“I can’t stop, I love it...” I pause trying to get my tears under control. I don’t know why it won’t stop. These damn hormones. I place my face into the center of his chest breathing him in. His hands caress my back as we just stand there.
“I got you a chaise by the window.” He says quietly.
I turn and look to see a patchwork print of muted colors on an overstuffed chaise lounge. Beside it, there is a small end table with a low light lamp and a rocking chair. He’s also put another changing table against the wall. I smile as he quietly whispers, “Now, all we need are for our babies to be here” and I relax into his strong arms.
Seventeen years, five months
WE’VE BEEN EXTREMELY busy at Executive Services. This is the beginning of the winter season and everyone seems to want an escort to accompany them to a corporate, or holiday event.
I just sat down at my desk and noticed a new client folder on my desk. “What the…” I don’t even open it up as I hit the call button to my assistant.
“Yes, Ms. Bennett?” Abigail says.
“Get in here please.”
Abigail Martin has been my assistant for all of four months. She’s around my height with ash blonde hair and blue eyes. She had a great resume but had not worked in three years. She was a stay at home mom, but then her husband was killed in a car accident.
“Yes, Ms. Bennett.”
“Abigail, please call me Amelia.”
“Yes, Amelia.”
“What is this folder on my desk for?” I ask harshly.
“A new client.”
“A new client for whom?”
“For you.” She says hesitantly.
I close my eyes, take a deep breath and count; one, two, three… “I don’t have clients. I have employees who have clients.” I stand up and walk towards her with the file, “Technically, they are my clients, but I do not take any on personally. So, why is this on my desk?” I ask again holding it for her to take from my hand.
“On the form, there’s a request for; ‘type of companion the client is looking for’.”
I interrupt her, “Yes, I know.”
“Well, this one was very specific in his request.”
“Abigail, there are other girls here that look like me. You set them up on an interview to see if they will be able to work together.”
She interrupts me, “I know. But it wasn’t looks that he wrote down. It was you, your name.”
“What?” I snatch the file back and open it. There it is, written on the line next to ‘Is there anything specific you are looking for in a companion?’, Amelia Cierra Bennett. “Who?” I ask out loud as I look to see who knows my name, my entire name? I look at the top for the applicant’s name, David Ryan Sawyer.
“I didn’t know what else to do, Amelia.” She says nervously.
“Thank you, Abigail. I’ll take care of this.”
Abigail leaves as I sit down behind my desk. How did he know that I work here? I ask myself this as I read over his application. We don’t accept anyone as a client until they are paired with an escort. I could just shred this, but I won’t. I need to know how he discovered where I worked. I don’t stay in touch with anyone from my childhood because that’s the one place I couldn’t wait to escape.
To everyone else, my entire childhood seems perfect. After all, I lived in a mansion with my father and grandparents. Went to the best private school, and had friends whose parents or grandparents were family friends. My whole life was controlled.
I didn’t even want to date David when I was in high school, but my father and grandfather made that decision for me. That’s why when I was in college, I ceased all contact with everyone. At first, I thought I would meet new people, make new friends.
Instead, I sought out to create a new me. Make a life where I had no one controlling with whom I surrounded myself with. Funny thing, I never really surrounded myself with people. I preferred to be alone and make my own schedule on my time. Trying to discover what I wanted.
That was a life I was raised in, not the life I wanted. So, I began saving money. Began working. I tried different jobs, retail, waitressing, day care. That’s where I met Piper. She was picking up her nephew and we talked some. Then, she approached me one day while I was out. She recognized me.
We talked for over three hours when she asked me if I had ever considered being an escort. I cringed at the idea, thinking it was prostitution. Then Piper explained to me that it was playing a part without sex involved. Once she told me the pay, I jumped at the chance.
I thought I was free from my father, grandparents and that life they forced me to live. Yes, I was forced. I wanted to be with Grams. I hardly saw her; excuses always being made as to why I couldn’t go see her or spend time with her. As I got older, I felt guilty.
Guilty for waking up from a nap. Guilty for walking into my father’s office. Guilty for standing there watching my father beat my mother. Guilty for telling the lie my father told me to tell. Guilty!
All these facts begin to suffocate me. I have to get out. I have to leave. I walk out of my office, out of the building onto the sidewalk. I hear Abigail call my name, but I just keep walking. Walking away, walking to where?
I’m not certain how I got here. But here I am standing at my mother’s grave. I haven’t been here since I was a little girl. Not sure how I found it.
I kneel down on the damp grass facing the granite stone.
In loving memory
Courtney Amelia Bennett
July 30, 1968 – September 20, 1997
Daughter, Wife, Mother
I feel the sting as tears begin to fall. There’s a burn in the back of my throat, I feel as if it’s closing. “I’m sorry mommy.” The floodgates have opened as more tears stream down my face, I cannot control my sobbing as my nose begins to drain over my lips. I lay down on the cold ground in front of an unmoving solid stone. “I’m sorry mommy, I’m sorry.” I repeat over and over, straining my hoarse quivering voice. My chest heaving into the ground as I grip the dirt and grass in my shaking hands.
My heart is aching for the love of my mother. The love I have sealed away for no one to find.
I’m not sure how long I’ve been laying here or when the tears stopped. Everything aches, my body, my mind, my throat, my heart.
“Miss! Miss! Are you alright?” I hear a woman’s voice beside me. She’s kneeling beside me holding my hand.
All I can manage is to stare at her and shake my head. “Should I call for help?” she asks in a worried tone.
“No.” I manage to whisper. I keep staring at her. She’s an older woman with li
ght brown hair, probably dyed that way. There’s a softness of worry in her tone and on her face. She looks around the age of Grams. Her eyes seem kind but worried, and she’s talking to me while holding my hand between the embrace of her two hands. I’m not sure what she’s asked, but I find myself handing her my phone.
She sat on the ground beside me, holding my hand, and comforting me. I hear her talking still. Talking to someone who’s standing on the other side of me. Now that person is kneeling, “Amelia.” I hear his voice, feel his hand take my chin and turn my face towards him. His hazel eyes are full of concern and love.
The next thing I know I am sitting in Adam’s car. I see him talking with the older woman. Adam gets in and turns on the heat. “Amelia, will you talk to me?” He’s holding my cold shaking hand. “What’s going on?” His voice is pleading.
But all I feel is numb.
I awake to voices in the hallway. I’m in Adam’s bed under the comforter. It’s warm under here, yet I am still shaking. I sit up and swing my legs over the side. I stare down at the wood floor while I clasp my hands on my lap, twisting my fingers. I can hear voices outside of the bedroom door.
“Why did she walk out? What happened Piper?”
“I’m not sure. Abigail said she called for her, but she kept walking, not answering.” Piper must be worried; she’s the closest thing I have to a friend. “There was a file on her desk, that Amelia had questioned Abigail about. A few minutes after she left her in the office, that’s when she walked out. Here’s the file.” Another pause, she must be handing Adam the file.
“This is for a client. Amelia doesn’t have clients. Does she?” I can hear the anger and hurt in Adam’s tone.
“No, she does not. Hasn’t in many months.” I hear Piper sigh. “Whoever this David Sawyer is, he knows her. Specifically, put her name down on the form.”
“Who is he?” Asks Adam.
“I don’t know.” Piper wouldn’t know, no one would. I left my family, friends, to create a new life. My life, my way.
“He was my boyfriend in high school.” I say loudly enough for them to hear me. Adam and Piper both come into the bedroom. Adam is by my side quickly.
“Amelia.” He kneels before me. He’s looking at me with furrow brows and concern.
“David Sawyer was my boyfriend in high school. Not that I had the choice. I was told to date him.”
“What do you mean, told to date him? You don’t tell someone who to date.” Piper sits beside me on the bed.
I look at her as she places an arm across my shoulder. Her touch is warm, comforting. Adam is holding my hands, rubbing his thumb across the top of them. That warm feeling in my chest is breaking down the walls I’ve guarded my heart with. Letting them in. Letting them love me. I feel it overtake me as tears threaten behind my eyes.
“Don’t cry, Amelia.” Piper swipes a lone tear that found its way down my cheek.
All I can manage is a smile, and then I lay my head down on her shoulder as she enfolds me into her embrace. With Piper holding me and Adam’s warm hands holding mine, I finally open up.
I open up about my mother. What I can remember. I tell them about my father, about the lie. How I never truly spent time with Grams. My life dictated by my father and grandfather. Then how after I graduated I was expected to marry David Sawyer.
“That’s when I got up and walked away.” I’ve been lost in Adam’s eyes the entire time I’ve told them about my life. I could see how he fought to not interrupt when I talked about my father. I saw love and anger, but most of all, I saw hurt.
“That was when I made you the offer on Executive Services.” I could feel the nod of Piper’s head against the top of mine.
“Yes.” I lift my head to look at her. “I am so grateful for you and for giving me that opportunity.” I truly am thankful for her and all she has done for me since I’ve known her. “I hadn’t realized until today, but you’ve always mentored me. You also always cared in a motherly way. I don’t know how I could have been so blind.” I admit while releasing my hands from Adams to take Piper’s hands into a tight squeeze. “Thank you.”
“Oh Amelia, you don’t need to thank me. There was always an emptiness in your eyes and I’ve been trying for years to find out why. Now, now I understand.” Her voice is full of emotion as she smiles at me. “I care for you very much, Amelia, and I love you as if you were my own child.”
“Oh, Piper” I cry. “I love you too!” I fall into her embrace. Her hand is rubbing my back and Adam is rubbing my thighs. I’ve been so adamant about keeping love out of my life that I somehow unknowingly let it in. Oh, I love this feeling. I feel so much warmth and so much emotion. My mind is going in circles as I smile and cry at the same time.
Piper leans back and takes my face in her hands. “Thank you for opening up to us. I am here for you anytime.” She kisses the top of my head and stands. “You’re crying, but I know now that you’re better.” She glances over at Adam, “But now it’s time for just the two of you.” She gracefully leaves the room, and we hear the door to the condo close.
I look into Adam’s hazel eyes. What is he thinking? How does he feel towards me now, knowing that I’m a liar? That I’ve let a murderer live his life and control mine. “Adam, I…”
He presses a finger to my lips. “Shhh!” He whispers and lays his head on my lap. I run my fingers through his hair. “I knew you were keeping your past to yourself. I knew there had to be a reason why, but I honestly was not expecting what you shared.”
“Thank you for finally trusting me and opening up.” His brow furrows as he looks in my eyes, “I love you and I will never hurt you or try to control you.”
Oh, Adam! Tears threaten beneath the surface, “I love you, Adam. Oh, I love you so much.”
Adam’s face lights up with a huge smile, and his eyes crinkle at the edges as he leans in and kisses me.
Seventeen years, five months
“I THINK, IF it’s a boy, you should name him after me ‘Daniel’.” Dan says with a huge grin as he pops a fry into his mouth.
“Why should they name one of them after you?” Adam asks.
“I’m Mels’ best friend. I’ve known her, her entire life.” Dan says with a smirk. He knows about my attraction to Adam. I think he likes rubbing it in on how well he knows me.
“I’m Lucas’ best friend. So, they should name a HIM after me.” He has a serious look on his face.
“Um, guys…” I begin. “We’ve already chosen the names.”
“And?” Dan looks at me.
“Not going to happen.” I smile and shake my head.
“Come on Mel, we’re dying here. And as godfather, I need to know what to get them.” Dan pleads.
“You’re godfather? No, I’m godfather.” Adam is glaring at Dan.
Lord help me. Where is Lucas? We’re having lunch together today in the conference room since he has a meeting following lunch. I thought that meant the two of us, not the four of us.
“Two babies, two godfathers.” I look at the both of them. “Now, please stop this pissing contest, it’s rather annoying.”
Now they both are looking at me laughing. “Pissing contest? Really Mel.” Dan says laughingly.
“It’s what it sounds like to me. ‘But I’m Mels’ best friend’. ‘But I’m Lucas’ best friend’.” I say in a mocking tone. “Honestly you are both annoying me so much that I don’t want to be in the same room with either of you.” Damn, that sounded really bitchy of me.
“Who got you so riled up?” Lucas asks as he walks in the door with Alex. Guess that makes the five of us for lunch. I don’t want to be around any of them. All of them are just pissing me off left and right.
I huff at him and just glare daggers at him. I’m not even sure why I’m pissed at him.
The room has gone quiet. No talking or movement. I feel their eyes on me as Lucas approaches me. He reaches out to touch my arm, “What’s wrong?”
I pull away from his touch; “Don’t tou
ch me.” I shake my head and walk out of the conference room. I’m on edge and I don’t know why. There’s this weight of impending doom looming in my thoughts. I’m not even sure what it is, but it’s been bugging me.
I’m walking towards the restrooms when I feel strong arms wrap around my stomach, pulling me to him, then I’m up against the wall. You would think it was done roughly, but it was gentle. “Don’t tell me not to touch you.” Lucas is now glaring at me, “What is wrong?” He says in a gruff voice.
“I don’t know.” I look into his pleading eyes. I feel defeated, tired, useless. “I just feel angry today and I don’t know why.”
“Are you angry with me?” He questions with one brow arched.
“Yes.” I look into his eyes, they’re laced with concern, “No”. I’m so confused. “I don’t know.” My eyes are beginning to tear.
He’s smiling at me, “What do you want or need for me to do for you?”
I look at his handsome face, into his gorgeous blue eyes. “I hope our babies have your eyes.”
He just grins, “I want them to have your eyes.” He whispers and brushes my hair behind my ear. “I want our little girl to look like you.”
“I want our son to look like you.” I wrap my arms around his neck as he leans in and kisses me. It’s a passionate kiss but not a long one. Once we stop I sigh, “I’m just in a bad mood today. I don’t have a real reason to be. Then I thought we were having lunch, just the two of us. So, imagine my surprise when I walk into the conference room to see Dan and Adam there. You’re not there, and I had to listen to them gripe and try to get me to spill about the babies’ gender. Then you walk in and Alex is with you. I’m swollen and tired. I’m annoyed that everyone keeps asking us what the gender is when we specifically told them all it would be revealed the day of the baby shower.” I finally finish and take a deep breath.
“Are you finished? If you’re not, it’s ok, you can continue.” He’s smiling down at me, while both his arms are on either side of my head, keeping me against the wall.
