by Joel Skelton
As Brent stepped into the group, arms took hold of him. Ian shared the advice from Dr. Monroe regarding Grandma’s update.
For the first time in his life, he thought as they swayed back and forth, he couldn’t find a single thing funny about a group hug.
ALEX sipped his Dew and stared out the car window. The bonfire had grown over twice its original size since he’d left his friends and ducked back into Zits. The crowd around it had gotten larger too. Along with a handful of freaks plus a few stragglers from schools nearby, most of his class was present, getting wasted on keg beer. The party was strategically located in a remote tree farm outside the city limits. He dreaded these end of the year blowouts. Even this year, with his graduation a few weeks away, he wished he were anywhere but here. Graduation—his life was about to change. He leaned his forehead against the window. He wasn’t sure how or when the change would come, but he felt it looming in the air.
Big-time change.
He had never been a drinker. He saw enough of that at home to last a lifetime. And even if he were a drinker, tonight he felt like being alone. Alone with his thoughts. He was consumed by replaying what had happened that afternoon beneath the palisade. Back in his car at Norbert’s, he’d felt ashamed for being so weak. He was starting to reevaluate those feelings.
I’m gay. It’s because I live in this crappy small town I’m forced to sneak around, and that’s what’s making me feel shitty. Guys hold hands walking down the sidewalks in San Francisco. This town is fucked up, not me. If he could just hang on a little longer.
Audrey promised this summer he could start waiting tables during lunch if he agreed to keep his regular hours busing and doing the dishes during the dinner rush. The extra cash would help him with his grand exit. When the season wound down, he’d wave a big goodbye to the palisade and head west, maybe all the way to San Fran. He could live his life there any way he chose. For the first time all night, he felt the dark cloud of doom begin to lift.
Where did Colin and Sarah go?
It was after ten. Safe to go home. His dad would be passed out in front of the television. He scoured the crowd, looking for his best friend. Dammit, Colin. I hate it when you ditch me like this.
“Dude, what are you doing sitting in Zits?” Colin whipped open the car door and leaned in.
“You scared the crap out of me. Where’ve you been?” He watched Colin throw the remainder of a twelve-pack into the backseat.
“There’s a party going on, if you haven’t noticed. You okay?” Colin settled into his designated shotgun seat and slammed the door.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Not really into it, I guess. Where’s Sarah?” Alex looked over to the fire to see if he could spot her.
“She’s in the woods with Emily… crying.” Colin sounded disgusted.
“Huh?” He needed some clarification on this one.
“I’m breaking up with her. Let’s bounce! I’m not into this either.”
“Whoa, when was this decided?” He was surprised. Captain of the wrestling team and the cute cheerleader; for some reason he’d just thought they’d marry and have a bunch of great-looking kids. I didn’t see that one coming.
“Tonight. I just decided tonight. She was all in my face about going on a vacation this summer with her family, and I don’t want to do it. Her dad’s a dick. No way am I going to do that. There’s other stuff too. Come on, let’s go somewhere else.”
Alex started up Zits and guided the car down the rutted road out of the tree farm and onto the highway.
“You hungry?” he asked when he could finally relax his grip on the wheel.
“Naw, I’m thirsty. Let’s park somewhere so I can pound down a few of these brews before I go home and crash. Where should we go?”
“I know.” Alex blushed, thinking he’d been too quick to solve the “where to” problem. “Let’s see if the road leading down to the old palisade cabins is okay.” Returning to the scene of the crime?
“That works, but try not to get Zits stuck. That would suck.” Colin reached in the backseat and grabbed a beer.
Alex turned off the highway onto the road leading down to the lake. “Wow, it looks like somebody else has been down here recently.” It felt strange to lie to his best friend. Strange and kind of empowering at the same time.
“Probably Sheriff Parker making sure no deadbeat out-of-work taconite dudes are living here. Oh man, I’m sorry!” Colin reached over and punched Alex on the shoulder.
“It’s cool. He is a deadbeat… not a dad. You forgot to tack on asshole. I don’t see anyone else around, do you?” He parked Zits in the same spot he’d been parked at with Mike.
“Nope! The coast is clear.” Colin flashed him a thumbs-up. “I wonder if this beat-up old place will ever get reopened? Maybe it will get torn down and people will build those humongo homes here, like they did outside of Silver Bay where the Cozy Inn used to be.”
Alex didn’t have an opinion or an answer. They sat in silence for a few moments, staring out at the lake. He and Colin had hung around together for so long they could sit like this for hours without feeling the need to make conversation.
“Wanna get high?” Colin reached into his coat and pulled out a pipe and a ragged baggie.
“Yeah, sure.” He enjoyed getting high if he was relaxed and felt comfortable. Colin always had weed.
“I can’t wait to get out of this town,” Colin said, passing the lit pipe.
Tell him. Tell him tonight.
He took a hit off the pipe and listened while Colin ran down his list of reasons for wanting to go away to school. For the most part, the list didn’t change much. Occasionally there would be a new entry, like tonight.
“I feel like Sarah is strangling me.” Colin took a huge hit off the pipe. “I like her fine,”—he attempted to talk while still holding in the hit—“but do I want to spend the rest of my life with her? This shit is really good.” Colin emptied his lungs, filling the car with sweet smoke. “I don’t think so. I’d end up in jail because I’d lose my temper and kill her dad.” Colin took another hit. “Have you made any plans to boogie?”
Tell him. This is stupid. Tell him now.
Alex couldn’t keep track of the times he’d come close to having this conversation with Colin. Today felt different. His experience down here with Mike had in some way validated once and for all what he had refused to admit. Whatever the hell the reason, tonight it felt right. He took over the pipe and cautiously inhaled. “Kind of. Colin, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“Are you finally going to find the balls to tell me you’re gay? Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said balls.” Colin glanced over with that droopy, goofy smile you had to love.
He was stunned. Blood rushed to his head. His vision blurred for several seconds and then cleared. When he’d had a moment to come to terms with Colin’s frank deduction, he started to laugh. Colin exploded seconds later and then went into a coughing fit of epic proportions, causing Zits to rock from side to side.
“Oh man, I’m going to barf,” Alex barely got out. Tears were rolling down his cheeks.
“Shut the hell up! Don’t say another thing, I’m dyin’.” Colin hugged his chest as he weathered another violent round of coughing. “You pole sucker,” Colin taunted when he was finally able to breathe.
“How long have you known?” He couldn’t imagine Colin had kept something like this quiet for long.
“Boundary waters.” Colin looked over to Alex.
“Huh?” Alex didn’t have a clue. “I’m not getting it. What does boundary waters mean?”
That was two years ago.
“My sleeping bag slipped off my pack into the lake when we were loading the canoe after that long portage. That night, remember we laid a tarp over my wet sleeping bag, using it as the bottom layer, and then shared your bag for a top cover. Do you remember that?”
Colin, you were sleeping. I remember, you were sleeping.
“Yeah, I remember. So?” Hi
s stomach tightened.
“You thought I was asleep. I wasn’t. Dude, I felt your hand touch my ass… and stay there.”
Alex looked away. He felt his face flush. Waves of shame swept over him. There wasn’t a thing he could say. He remembered it in such detail it would frighten Colin if he only knew.
“I don’t know what to say.” He was humiliated and unable to look back over to his best friend.
“It’s cool. You asked me how I knew so I told you. Honestly, I thought you were gay for a long time before, but that’s the moment you confirmed it for me, dude. Hey, look, I don’t care. If I did, you would have heard from me before now.”
“You were snoring. I thought you were asleep.”
“I’m great at fake snoring. I got good at it to keep my little sister from bugging me.”
“I can’t believe you let me get away with it.” He finally found the courage to look over. He was rewarded with another droopy smile.
“I kind of liked it. But kind of didn’t. I’ve had some time to think about this, and I think on some level, I understood what courage it took for you to make the move, and—” Colin punched him on the shoulder. “—I knew you needed to do it. Wanna beer now?”
“No, but I’ll take another hit. Wow! This is amazing.” He accepted the pipe, lit it, and took a nice, slow toke before passing it over.
“You need to get out of here. You need to go where you can be yourself, dude.” Colin opened the window and emptied the pipe.
“Yeah, I know.” I need a plan. As soon as I have a plan, you’ll be the first to know.
“I’d invite you to come live with me in the Cities, but Eric and Ben will be there, and they’re not going to let you be who you need to be. There’s nothing for you here but trouble.” Colin reached into the backseat and pulled out another beer.
“Thanks, Colin.” He was overwhelmed by what had just transpired.
“Wanna touch my butt again? Just this once I’ll drop ’em so you can get a nice squeeze.”
“Fuck off!” he barely got out before they erupted into fits of laughter.
IAN sat next to the bed, and Andy sat in the corner of the small recovery room. Allison, Spencer, and Brent had gone home with the promise from Ian he would call if for some reason Harper’s condition took a turn for the worse.
“Hey,” Andy asked out of the blue, “how did you know it was that Flynn bitch who shot him?”
“You want to hear something really weird?” Ian looked over to Andy. “He’s been having nightmares where he wakes up drenched. She’s been in his nightmares. Chasing him. She’s also called him at home, threatening him. The last time she called, he got mad at her and really let her have it. A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. I went downstairs to answer the door, and she was standing there. She’d obviously been in the neighborhood when she called. She’s a freak. Never in a million years….”
“Wow! Yeah, who would ever think someone would get so mad they’d take a shot at another—”
Andy was interrupted by a nurse who came into the room. “Has he moved or opened his eyes?”
“No, not yet.” Ian backed his chair away from the bed, studying the nurse for her reaction.
“Enough time has passed since surgery. He could continue to sleep once the anesthesia has worn off, or he might regain consciousness.” The nurse made a quick tour of all of the monitors and devices hooked up to Harper. “If he does wake and you’re still here, why don’t you let one of us at the nurse’s station know. We want to make sure he’s resting comfortably and has everything he needs.”
“Sure.” His eyes met Andy’s briefly before watching her leave.
“She didn’t seem too upset or anything.” He scooted his chair back up to the edge of the bed.
“Yeah, she seemed pretty calm. I would think there’d be a whole lot more going on if he was iffy. Well, you know what I meant,” Andy whispered defensively after Ian had shot him the look.
“He doesn’t look as pale as he did when I saw him in the trauma room before surgery. That was so scary. There was blood everywhere—”
“Ian!” Andy jumped up out of his chair. “He just moved his eyes.”
“Wow!” Ian grabbed the metal rail of the bed and peered over for a closer look. Oh please. Please let him wake up and be okay. “Harper, it’s me, Ian. Can you hear me?”
With Andy breathing down his neck, he began a scan of Harper in hopes of another sign that he was coming to. Minutes passed by, and Andy sat back in his chair. “Maybe it’s just a reflex thing. I’ve heard of that happening before.”
“I hope it wasn’t just that.” He petted Harper’s hand gently. “Harper, we miss you. Everything is going to be fine. I love you.” He looked over at Andy. “Are you hungry? I’m sure they have sandwiches in the vending area.”
“His lips just moved.” Andy jumped out of his chair again.
This time there was no mistake. Harper twisted his head slightly. His left arm rose for a moment and then went back down.
“Harper, it’s Ian. Everything’s going to be just fine. I’m here, I’m right here.” He ran his finger through his boyfriend’s hair.
Harper scrunched up his face and then relaxed it. “Ol kin,” he mumbled after a few more seconds passed, in a small, weak voice Ian could barely hear. “Ol kin.”
“I’m here, Harper. It’s Ian. Andy’s here too. What are you trying to tell us?” He waited for Harper to respond.
“Maybe he’s talking in his sleep or something,” Andy offered when Harper failed to respond to Ian’s question.
“Harper, it’s Ian. What are you saying?” He wasn’t about to give up hope.
Seconds later, he was rewarded with more movement. First Harper’s legs twitched under the sheet, and then his head moved from left to right. Then he said it again. “Ol kiiinnn.”
“Andy, do you know what he’s saying? I can’t make it out.” He was frustrated. “Should we go grab the nurse?”
“Ollll kiinnnn,” Harper said louder and clearer.
“It sounds like he’s saying oil can or something that sounds like it.”
“Oil can?” Ian shook his head, exasperated.
“Yeah, like the Tin Man….” Andy stopped, slapping Ian on the shoulder. “I think your boyfriend is messing with us.”
Ian looked back over to Harper in time to catch something so wonderful, so astonishing, tears welled up. Harper, with his beautiful, deep dark eyes twinkling like diamonds, flashed a devilish grin like no other. “Hey, guys.”
Chapter 6
IAN looked up from his magazine when an elderly man took the seat next to him.
“Excuse me, young feller, would you pass me the People?”
He looked over at the table and discovered the magazine the old guy was referring to was the one he was reading. My magazine! You’re too old to read this stuff. Here’s National Audubon; run with your bad self. The last thing he wanted to do was relinquish his rights to the hot photo spread on excommunicated Mormon studs and their smokin’ fund-raising calendar to raise money in support of marriage equality. He’d never in a million years buy this to read at home. It was a special indulgence, something to pass the time away at doctor and dentist offices.
“Here ya go.” He gave up, handing the magazine over.
“Oh, no, I can’t take it from you if you’re already reading it.” The old man smiled thoughtfully.
“Nope, I’m done with it. It’s all yours.” He held the magazine out, and the man took it.
“When I was here on Thursday, I started reading an article on Mormons. They do a lot of charity work, is what it said. This year they’re doing a calendar you can buy. The wife and I always get our calendar from our insurance guy, Roland Lesinski. Otherwise I might be persuaded to buy one. I don’t know when I’ll be back. Hopefully not anytime soon.” He leaned over and whispered, “I’ve got a little skin cancer they’re treatin’.”
The small waiting area had become almost a second home. Ian had l
ogged a lot of hours here over the last seven weeks, waiting while Harper’s progress was examined and his treatment adjusted. On a few visits, he’d brought his work along. Sketching garden layouts and making product lists. For reasons he couldn’t explain, it was hard to concentrate here, and he found passing the time with a magazine his best bet. Whatever he could do to keep his mind occupied was of huge importance. On more than one occasion, the smell and the setting had joined forces to launch a series of painful memories. He fought valiantly to bury recollections of the shooting and those anxious days directly after. The day of discharge was one such memory he’d give anything to be rid of. After Harper had been wheeled out of the hospital, he had tried on his own to get up out of the chair, stumbling into Ian’s arms, too weak to accomplish even this simple task on his own. A preview of the challenges they would face over the next days and weeks. It had been a long journey for them both.
Remarkable, when he thought about it, Harper’s recovery. So far it had gone amazingly well. Initially, pain had been the main issue. How horrible to watch someone you loved so much suffer. Frequently he wished there was a way for him to absorb the pain, to relieve and give Harper a break. Medication and time had worked its magic, and soon the tide had turned. Awful days were replaced with not-so-good days. Not-so-good days eventually gave way to okay days. On almost a daily basis, Ian could see signs of improvement. Small gains in movement and flexibility. Harper struggled to perform tasks most everyone else took for granted. Dressing, eating, so many activities were either rendered impossible or very difficult by eliminating the use of his left arm.
Ian’s recap was interrupted briefly when a young woman walked in. After checking in at the desk, she took the chair directly across the room from him. She looked familiar, but why? This would pester the hell out of him until he solved the mystery. Damn! Who do you look like? It’s right there. You look like…. Yes! He had it. She looked like Maureen, the lead nurse on Harper’s floor during his hospital stay.
