What. The. Fuck. This was not normal. I’d felt perfectly fine up until five minutes ago, then bam! Hands on knees, I avoided touching anything in the stall, which I was now intimately involved with. When the finally nausea subsided, the sweats seemed to retreat too. Standing slowly, I tested my equilibrium. A bit more stable than just minutes before, I flushed the toilet with my foot. With one hand on my stomach, and the back of the other over my mouth, I ventured to the sinks. Thankfully I appeared to be alone. I wiped at my face with a wet towel, cooling the flushed skin as much as I could.
I groaned when I heard a toilet flush behind me. Of course I wasn’t alone, how embarrassing, I thought as I watched a very pregnant woman exit a stall. She gave me a wry smile, so I knew she’d heard everything I just endured. Awesome. Wetting a fresh towel, I again pressed it to my cheeks and then over my mouth. My eyes met the woman’s in the mirror as she washed her hands. When she grabbed her own towel, she said, “Boy, I sure don’t miss those days. My first trimester was brutal too. Hang in there … the second and third are easier on the stomach.” And with that, she exited the bathroom, leaving me no chance to reply.
What. The. Fuck! I puked and automatically this stranger assumed I was pregnant. How cliché was that? An indignant snort escaped me as I took in my reflection. Cheeks pink, skin clammy, eyes wide, I let her words sink in. I warred with myself for a few moments, before promptly returning to a stall to heave once more. This was not normal.
Thirty minutes later I was climbing into my car to make my way to the store. This can’t be happening, I thought to myself over and over as I purchased a pregnancy test, and again as I walked back to the car. I tried to figure out where to go. Pausing, I thought home was the easy answer, but nobody was there, and I didn’t want to do this alone. I needed a witness. Going to my mom’s was out of the question. Realizing the one and only person I wanted, and needed, to do this with was Jonathan, so I pulled out of the parking lot and headed north.
It was Wednesday, so the midday traffic was no problem as I made the trip. I had a few moments of panic over what may or may not be happening right now, but I focused on getting to Jonathan. Glancing at my watch, I knew he didn’t have classes this afternoon, so I hoped I’d catch him at his apartment. This really wasn’t something I wanted to do over the phone, and if he weren’t there, I’d have to tell him I was.
After a few minutes of trying to find parking, I grabbed the bag from the passenger seat and quickly moved down the sidewalk. When the elevator didn’t move fast enough, I took the stairs. Clearly elevators didn’t like me today. The need to be with Jonathan was mounting. The knowledge that he’d make me feel better, regardless of what happened, was pushing me up those three flights of stairs.
Finally reaching the stairwell door, I placed my hand on the handle and paused. Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm my racing heart. Nothing like showing up on your boyfriend’s doorstep, panting, with a crazed look in your eye. With one more calming breath, I steeled my shoulders and opened the door, then stopped abruptly, my breath stalling in my throat as I tried to not make a sound.
Standing in front of Jonathan’s door was a girl. She had long, bleach-blonde hair, long legs encased in tight jeans, and a CSOC hoodie wrapped around her waist. It’s identical to mine. Then Jonathan opened the door, and the look of excitement on his face when he saw this girl was stifling.
“Miss me?” the girl asked, and I wanted to gag. Not just from the innuendo-laced tone of her words, but because the nausea was making a comeback.
“Oh my God, I can’t believe you’re here. Get in here!” I barely heard him say as he pulled her into his apartment and closed the door.
Numbly, I walked down the hall and found myself standing in front of his door. Motionless, I debated whether or not I was going to knock. Fisting my hands, the plastic bag protested, and the noise startled me. I’d almost forgotten why I was there. Shaking my head, I lifted my hand to knock when I heard a distinctly girlish squeal, followed by giggling, come from the other side of the door.
Tears instantly filled my eyes, and pain speared my chest as I allowed myself to imagine what could possibly be going on in there. Any other time, I liked to believe I’d be banging on that door, interrupting whatever it was. But today was different. Everything in my body told me exactly what was going on. I saw the look on his face. I recognized it. It was one I thought was reserved for me. My gaze dropped to the stupid bag with the pregnancy test in it, and my tears dropped to the floor. Suddenly, what I needed was no longer there. I was a two-hour drive from home, and I needed to get there as soon as possible. I just needed to get the hell out of there.
The ding of the elevator door spurred me into action, and I moved swiftly in the opposite direction, back to the stairwell. I heard someone behind me before a firm knock reverberated in the silence of the hall. I ignored it, not even bothering to look back as I let the heavy door slam behind me, and I hurried down the stairs. I hoped I could hold it together a little longer, when everything inside me was screaming as it fell apart I rushed to my car. Home. I needed to get home. There was nothing I needed here any longer.
Opening the door for the second time in five minutes, I found my dad standing there. As cordially as possible, I said, “Hey Dad. Come on in.” Thankfully, Madison had warned me he was there too. Apparently being nice sometimes required preparation.
“Hey son, hope we aren’t interrupting anything. Madison insisted on stopping by on our way home from the airport.”
“It’s fine, I’m glad she did. She’s welcome here anytime,” I admitted as I looked to Madison who was now coming out of the bathroom. Raising my voice so Madison could hear me, I added, “Although, I admit, I didn’t recognize her. I wish I was going to be there tonight when Mom sees her hair. I’m thinking she might jump all over your shit.”
Madison gave me an annoyed look as she stroked down the length of her hair—hair that had been brown up until she left for Europe last year. “Actually, the one I’m worried about is Aunt Allie. She might disown me for letting someone else do this to my hair.”
Dad laughed as he sat down. “Yeah, I’d buy tickets to that show. You’re lucky your aunt is pregnant and can’t move very fast.”
She sighed. “Well, it was fun while it lasted. But seriously, Mom will just be so surprised to see me, she won’t care about my hair.”
I wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince herself, or us, but I laughed and sat down, trying to ignore the pile of homework I had to finish today that was spread out all over my room. Robby joined us when he heard my dad’s voice. It wasn’t common for Dad to be there, considering our less than cordial relationship. He looked a little uncomfortable, and I was certain he assumed I’d be asking him to leave soon. My mom’s voice played through my head, telling me to be nice. Then I recalled my conversation with Leeann about me being laidback. I was sure if she were here, she’d sense the tension. I smiled at the thought of her. Turning my attention back to Madison, we chatted a bit about her trip and how she’d decided to come back earlier than planned. That was another reason I wished I could be there when Mom saw her. Madison was making some drastic changes and decisions lately.
“So, we were going to grab some dinner to kill time before driving to San Diego. You guys want to come?” Dad asked, with hope and apprehension in his voice. I sighed. Sometimes it was annoying to stay mad at him. Thinking about all the work I had to do, I was grateful for the valid reason to decline his invitation. It wasn’t like I wasn’t going to see him over the weekend anyway.
“Sorry Dad. I have a lot to get done and turned in tonight.” He gave me a sad nod, and Madison glared at me. I ignored them both, because it wasn’t a lie. Robby happily accepted the invitation, though, never one to turn down food. Not too long after, I was alone and trying to make up for lost time. Glancing at the time, I realized I hadn’t heard from Leeann yet. Shooting a quick text to let her know I was thinking about her, I got back to work.
A few
hours later, Robby strolled in. Dropping his jacket on the arm of the couch, he sat and rubbed his obviously full belly. “Damn, you missed a great steak dinner tonight.”
I laughed. “Oh yeah? You forgot to say ‘and some quality time with dear old dad, too.’” My voice was heavy with sarcasm, as this was an old argument.
Robby shook his head. “Man, at some point you’re gonna need to get the fuck over that crap.”
“Whatever man, I’ll think on that another day.” Looking at my phone, I was disappointed I hadn’t heard back from Leeann. She always responded or called, so this wasn’t right. Dialing her number again, I was surprised when it went straight to voicemail. Since they didn’t have a landline at their apartment, I left her a message. “Hey babe, just checking on you. Usually I’ve heard from you by now. Call me.”
After declining yet another call from Jonathan, I decided to turn it off. The drive home was a blur, which was scary now that I thought about it, but I was home. When I walked in, Mari took one look at my face, and she knew. That was when I fell apart. The first sob that escaped was physically painful, nearly knocking the wind out of me. Wrapping her arms around me, Mari led us to the couch and just let me cry. The comfort settled over me, pulling the pain to the surface. She didn’t bother with questions; she knew who this was about.
After some time, the sobbing subsided, leaving me with the lovely gasping-hiccupping sound you made after crying for a long time. I wanted to curl up in bed and sleep and forget everything that happened today. Pretend it was a nightmare. I shivered, and Mari pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and covered me with it.
Repositioning herself, she let me lie on the couch as she moved to the floor in front of me. She was gearing up to interrogate me, I could see it. Not that I blamed her. If she walked in the door and did this, I’d be ready to interrogate too.
“All right, now that the sobbing has slowed down, for the time being at least, can you explain what the fuck is going on?” Taking in a deep, stuttering breath, I went with the less shocking of the two things I needed to share. Well, at least I thought it was the least shocking.
“I saw Jonathan with another girl at his apartment.” I waited for Mari to explode in the protective manner I knew she was capable of, but she didn’t. She only shook her head and gave me a confused look. Not what I was expecting.
“Are you sure?” Mari asked.
I gave her a look of disbelief. “Um, yeah. I’m sure. God…”
“Okay, wait, let’s back up a second because something’s not right. First, that doesn’t sound like something Jonathan would do. And second, why were you at his apartment anyway?”
“Obviously it was unexpected. Clearly he didn’t think I’d be showing up.”
“Can the sarcasm, Lee. I know you’re upset, but I don’t buy it,” Mari said, a determined tone in her voice.
“What’s not to buy, Mari? I saw her at his door. I saw how he looked at her. Then I saw him pull her into his apartment.” Replaying it was painful, and a fresh round of tears welled up and over. Taking a deep breath, I tried to fight it.
Mari rubbed her hand up and down my arm. “Shh, okay, okay. I’m not trying to upset you more, but what were they doing? What did he say?”
“Nothing.”
“Well, that’s a stupid defense. Of course they were doing something.” Mari huffed, finally showing some of the defensiveness I expected before.
Needing to clarify, I said, “No, he didn’t say anything. I didn’t even confront him. There was nothing I wanted to hear from him. I had to get out of there before I threw up all over the place. I’m actually surprised I didn’t.”
Head cocked to the side and eyes squinted, Mari studied me intently before saying, “We’ll come back to the lack of confronting him in a minute. You didn’t tell me why you were there yet.”
Taking a deep breath, I tossed the grenade. “I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.”
“Oh shit! What do you mean, pretty sure?” she asked, her eyes wide.
“I seem to be able to vomit almost on command lately. I thought it was the stress of all that work drama. But today, I had like a ten second warning before embarrassing myself.”
“So, you went up to tell Jonathan, unannounced, and found a girl outside his apartment,” she stated with sympathetic understanding. I could only nod, my voice suddenly not working.
All of a sudden, Mari was standing and using that freakishly strong grip to pull me up. “All right, get up. Let’s get us a yes or no answer. Something better than pretty sure.” Before I could respond, she was pulling me into her bathroom. Just as I was about to tell her the pregnancy test was in my room, she produced one from her own drawer.
My eyebrows went up in question, but she shoved me into the bathroom, “Don’t give me that look. I had a scare a little while back and the multipack was cheaper. Now get in there and pee dammit!”
“Fine, but there’s a story there. Don’t think I won’t seek it out as a distraction,” I called while dropping my pants.
“Don’t kid yourself, Lee. I’m pretty sure when the word pregnant pops up on that screen, you’ll be a little preoccupied to talk about how I’m not pregnant.”
Good point. I stared at a plastic stick that was about to tell my future. That was an awful lot of power for a piece of plastic to have. Sighing, I did what I had to do.
Setting it on the back of the toilet, I sat on the side of the tub and waited for my answer.
Damn voicemail again. “Leeann, baby. I haven’t heard from you since yesterday at lunch. I’m worried, please call me back.”
Something was definitely wrong, and I was on the verge of losing my shit. Tossing my phone on the couch with a little more force than necessary, I paced the living room, waiting for something. A call. A text. A fucking email would be fine. Anything dammit!
Robby walked in, and I whirled around at the sound. He flinched at my expression. I could only imagine what I looked like. “Dude. What the hell? You look like shit.”
Running my hands through my hair, I pulled at the ends, trying to calm down. I didn’t like the nagging feeling in my gut. “Sorry man, I’m just jumpy.”
Tossing his bag on the kitchen floor, he grabbed a water and asked, “Lee still hasn’t called back?”
“No. I haven’t heard a thing from her. It’s not normal.”
“Have you called her friends? Her mom?”
“I called Mari and left a message, but I don’t have any other numbers. I was gonna call my mom and see if she’d go over there to check on her. I even left a message on her voicemail at work … but nothing.”
Glancing at his watch, Robby gave me a considering look. “I’m done with classes today, so why don’t we just head down there?”
Looking at the books that were sitting on the table, I knew there’d be no concentrating on those. I’d been debating heading down there before Robby came in. It was now or never. I packed up my stuff as I answered, “Yeah man. I need to see what the fuck is going on. Let me just email my professor.”
“I love three day weekends! Friday classes are lame anyway,” Robby declared, retreating to his room. I followed suit and we were on our way within ten minutes.
Of course we hit traffic, so by the time we arrived in San Diego, Leeann wouldn’t be at work anymore. I decided to have Robby drop me at my mom’s house to borrow a car. Mom recognized the determination in my eyes as she handed over her keys, advising me she needed it in her driveway by six the following morning. Not a problem.
More anxious than ever, I got to Leeann’s apartment building in record time. Looking around the parking lot, I didn’t see her car, but I headed up to her place to double check. The fact that I hadn’t heard from her had my mind conjuring all sorts of bad things, and not seeing her car didn’t help settle my mind. Knocking on her door, anticipation swamped me. When there was no response, anxiety surged, forcing me to knock again. Louder. Maybe she’s sleeping.
At this point, every though
t was an excuse to keep my sanity intact. Whatever the hell was going on, I just needed her to be safe. After a few minutes of knocking, with no answer, I felt hope slipping from my grip. Scary scenarios began to run unfettered through my head.
What if she was hurt and couldn’t call for help? No. Mari would’ve called me. What if both of them were hurt? Shit! This wasn’t helpful at all. And since kicking down the door was not the next option, though it was the quickest one, I needed to find the apartment manager to get me in there. If not, then I’d kick in the door.
I was walking toward the elevators when its doors opened … and there she was. My heart stalled and then took off at a gallop as my fears and concerns from the past twenty-four hours fell away, leaving me shaky and relieved.
“Oh thank God you’re okay, I was so fucking worried,” I declared as she stepped off the elevator. I had her in my arms in a matter of seconds. Burying my face in her hair, I took a deep breath, letting her scent wash over me, relaxing me for the first time since yesterday, making me almost dizzy. She was stiff for a moment, then she began to push me away.
“Don’t touch me,” she growled as I stumbled back. Shocked and confused by the venom in her voice, but still needing to touch her, I reached out. She took a step back, and I got a good look at her face—a face devoid of make-up with two puffy, pink eyes glaring at me, even while they filled with tears.
Assumptions Page 23
