by Mary Manners
In the kitchen, Rena didn’t give Cody time to dwell. She tossed him a roll of paper towels and a garbage bag.
“Let’s mop up the ashes and wipe up what we can of the soot and foam. It will be a start, at least. The rest can be dealt with later.”
Sammy, ever watchful, curled up on the floor just beyond the mess. A patch of fur was singed on his belly, and Rena gave his head a pat on her way to the pantry for a mop.
“You’re a hero, Sammy.”
Her words elicited a moan from Cody. “He is…truly.”
“Come on.” She grabbed the mop. “We’ll have this mess cleaned up in no time.” She began to swab the floor, urging Cody to get to work as well. She knew the damage was far beyond what they could repair on their own, but they had to start somewhere...and Cody had to keep moving.
Cody rambled as he surveyed the scorched stove. “How could I be so careless, Rena? How could I have taken my eyes off Seth for even a moment? I know how he’s...so full of energy and into everything. What if he’d gotten burned worse? What if—”
“You’re not careless, Cody. It was an accident. Accidents happen. You were doing your best to take care of Jackson, and Seth, too. Everything’s going to be OK.”
“But...Jeanne. I’ve let her down in the worst possible way. I promised Caden I’d protect the boys and look what I’ve done. How will Jeanne ever forgive me? How will she ever trust me with them again?”
“Is that how you would feel if the situation was reversed? Would you have trouble forgiving her?”
“I...no...oh, I don’t know.” He hung his head, shamed. “What does that matter?”
“It matters to me, Cody.”
“How can a person forgive something like this?”
Rena froze. Despite the heat, a chill rushed through her. In that moment, she realized all she needed to know about his ability to trust and forgive. Thank God she’d never told him what happened to Allie. Thank God he didn’t know. She’d never tell him now.
“Do you really feel that way, Cody?”
“What way?” His eyes were dazed, so she repeated the question.
“Do you really feel that way…about forgiveness?”
“Of course. This is terrible, Rena. Just awful.” He turned toward the doorway and glanced into the living room. “Seth could have…”
She dropped the mop. The handle clattered against the floor. “I-I have to go.”
“Go?” Cody’s blue eyes were grief-stricken, and his voice was raspy from inhaling smoke. “Why?”
“I’m...sorry.” Rena stumbled by him as the tears she’d been fighting broke through. If Cody couldn’t forgive himself this one mistake, how could he ever forgive her life-altering one?
She rushed to the doorway.
“Rena, wait!” Cody’s footsteps pounded after her, but she refused to stop. She fled down the hall, through the living room, and rushed out the front door, nearly tackling Jeanne who was coming in. She ignored Sammy’s howls from the front porch as she sprinted to her car. She cranked the engine and forced the gearshift into drive. Tires squealed in protest as she sped away.
****
She sobbed as she threw her keys down on the hall table. She cried as she showered off the smoke and soot, and then wrapped herself in a baby blue terrycloth robe. She wailed as she curled up on the couch and pulled a throw pillow to her chest, hugging it as if it were a lifeline.
The harder she tried to stop crying, the more the tears came. Finally, she just gave up and let go. Floodgates unleashed magnificent torrents, and Rena thought her heart might collapse under the pain.
A knock at the front door startled her. She sat up on the couch, hiccoughing.
“Rena, I know you’re in there. Open the door.”
“Go away, Kelsie. I want to be alone.”
“No, you don’t. You want a shoulder to cry on and a strong dose of female comfort. I know you’re bawling in there, Rena. After all these years, I know your crying voice.”
“Please, Kelsie. Go away. I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“If you won’t open the door, then you leave me no choice. I’ll just have to climb through a window.”
“You wouldn’t. You’re pregnant!”
“You know me better than that. I’m coming in there whatever it takes. So just open the door, you hard-headed, stubborn—”
“OK.” Rena bounded from the couch to flip the deadbolt. “Come in.”
“Now, that’s more like it.” Kelsie took a good look at her and frowned. “Oh…my. Either you’re sporting the Alice Cooper look with those puffy eyes and black mascara streaks smeared down both sides of your face, or this is a lot more serious than I thought. What’s going on, Rena? Kyle just got a phone call from Cody—something about a fire at Jeanne’s—and he was all torn up. He said one minute you were talking and helping him clean and the next minute you bolted from the house like the devil himself was after you. What happened?”
“I-I...” The tears came again. Rena wiped them away, choking.
“Take it slow.” Kelsie guided her to the couch. “Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.”
“But it is. It’s awful!”
Kelsie sighed and patted her on the shoulder. “Let’s make some tea and crackers and get to the bottom of it. I’m not leaving here until whatever’s happened has been settled.”
Rena sniffled. “Tea and crackers?”
“Yeah. Your mom was right. It really works.”
Over chamomile tea, Rena related how she’d been with Jilly in the driver’s seat of the fire truck when the call of a house fire came in. She explained how she’d jumped in her car when she heard the address and rushed over to Jeanne’s to find paramedics and firefighters swarming the house. She described the destruction in the kitchen and how Sammy had sat on Seth to extinguish the flame that engulfed his shirt sleeve.
And she told Kelsie the painful things Cody had said about trust and forgiveness.
“He’ll never be able to trust me if I tell him what happened to Allie.”
“What happened to Allie was no more your fault than what happened to Seth is Cody’s fault.”
“That’s not true. I should have never gone to the meeting at the literacy center that night. I didn’t know the sitter very well, and she was young and inexperienced. I was selfish. I was only thinking about what I needed. I should have been thinking of Allie.”
“You were thinking of Allie. You were trying to make a better life for her. There’s nothing selfish about that.”
“But what if Cody doesn’t feel that way? I was just beginning to trust my feelings for him. I thought maybe we could be more than—than...”
“Cody was pretty upset. He was in shock. Kyle said he barely made sense on the phone. He was out of his head over you running away, Rena. You should talk to him. You need to trust him. You can trust him.”
“No, I can’t. It will only lead to hurt. I just can’t bear to hurt anymore. Maybe I’m just not meant to be with—with a man. Maybe I’m just meant to work with kids, and not have my own. Maybe this is God’s way of letting me know.”
“Rena, you’re so wrong. Talk to Cody, please.”
“I can’t. I’ve made up my mind. That’s it, Kelsie. And I feel better for doing this. It takes the pressure off.” Yet her heart felt like it was being ripped in half.
Light the Fire
19
Rena grabbed her car keys and headed for the door. The phone rang and she thought about letting the answering machine pick up, but grabbed the receiver at the last minute.
“Hi, Rena. It’s Jeanne.” She sounded breathless. “Hope I’m not catching you at a bad time.”
“I’m on my way to the library, but I have a minute. Is everything OK? How are the boys?”
“Seth’s burns have almost completely healed, and Jackson’s back to feeling like his old self. Tommy’s slept through every night this week, too, so things are good.”
“That’s great, Jeanne. I�
�ve missed seeing Seth at the library.”
“He’s missed you, too. That’s why I was wondering if you might consider watching the boys for me this afternoon. I’m supposed to meet with the insurance adjuster about the kitchen repairs, and you know how that kind of thing goes with three boys in tow.”
“I can only imagine.” Rena hesitated before continuing. “Is...is Cody OK? I know he usually watches the boys for you.”
“He’s...got a meeting in Chattanooga this morning. Something about a project he’s been working on. He wasn’t sure he’d be back in time.”
“Well, I’ll be glad to spend some time with the boys. I finish at the library at four-thirty. Is that OK?”
“It’s perfect.”
****
Cody’s phone rang while he poured his third cup of morning coffee. He couldn’t seem to shake the fog off. He thought about letting the machine pick up, but on the fourth ring, he grabbed the receiver instead.
“Rena?” It had been eight long days since the fire, and she’d refused every one of his calls.
“Sorry to burst your bubble, but it’s only me.”
“Hey, sis, how’s everything?” His voice was flat. He knew he failed miserably at an attempt to hide his disappointment.
“The boys are fine. Seth’s been asking for you. He misses you, Cody. All three boys miss you. They miss Rena, too.”
“I...I know.”
“Have you talked to her lately?”
“No. She won’t take my calls. I…I don’t know what happened, Jeanne. She was fine one minute, and then she just ran out of the house. You saw her—she almost plowed you over rushing to her car.”
“You have to talk to her, Cody.”
“I know that. But what am I supposed to do if she won’t talk to me?”
“It will work out. It always does.”
“Not this time.”
“Well, when are you going to quit beating yourself up and get over here for a visit?”
“I dunno. I guess it’s pretty selfish, huh?”
“You said it, not me.” She sighed. “Look, I know you’re headed to Chattanooga this morning, but can you be back by four?”
“If I have to be. Why?”
“I’m meeting with the insurance adjuster this afternoon. You know how hard it’s been to get an appointment, so I don’t want to cancel. Can you come over and watch the boys? I’ll get things done a lot faster if I go alone. And I really want to get this kitchen fixed. Dinners of cereal and milk are getting old.”
“You sure you want to leave me in charge of the chaos again?”
Jeanne laughed. “You’ve already destroyed my oven and most of the kitchen. How much worse can it get? I figure we’ve got all the bad out of the way. It can only get better from here.”
“Well, since you put it that way. I’ll pick up a couple of pizzas on my way.”
“The boys will be thrilled. I’ll see you then. And thanks, Cody.”
****
Rena arrived at Jeanne’s a few minutes early. She knew Jeanne’s appointment with the insurance adjuster was important. The quicker the kitchen got put back to right, the quicker the boys would get past the trauma of the experience.
She stepped over a tricycle and around a pot of blooming cherry-colored wave petunias to knock on the front door. Squeals erupted and scampering feet rushed toward her. The door flew open.
“Miss Rena! Did you bring some books to read?”
“I did. Is your mom here?”
“She left.” Jackson took the book bag from her arms. “But Uncle Cody’s been playin’ with us.”
“Cody?” She looked down the hall to see him standing in the living room doorway with Tommy bundled in his arms. Her heart caught as his eyes swept over her with a mixture of shock and longing. “What are you doing here?”
“Rena.” Her name on his lips startled her. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed the sound of his voice. “I-I could ask you the same.”
“Jeanne called me this morning. She asked me to watch the boys while she meets with the insurance adjuster. Where is she? Is everything OK?”
“Everything’s fine. No fires today. No broken bones. I’ve been very responsible.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re intelligent. You figure it out.” In that instant his eyes flashed and hardened. He suddenly looked like a stranger. “Jeanne called me this morning, too, and asked me to watch the boys.”
“Why did she call both of us?”
“Isn’t it obvious? We’ve been set up.”
She followed him into the living room, where Legos were scattered across the floor in a rainbow of colors. Paper plates filled with half-eaten slices of pizza covered the coffee table along with crumpled napkins and sippy cups.
“Set up?”
He spun to face her. “Do I have to draw you a picture? Jeanne must have thought if she forced us together, we’d work things out. Guess she didn’t realize how hard-headed you are.”
“Me? You’re the stubborn one.” She nudged Legos out of the way to make a path to the couch. “So, you’re staying?”
“You got that right. I’m looking forward to spending some time with my nephews. We were just about to build a Lego fort. Sorry if that’s an inconvenience for you.”
“Why are you so mad?”
“I’m not mad, Rena. I’m just...I don’t know. Confused. Frustrated. Tired of playing this game.”
“It’s not a game, at least not to me.” She didn’t know whether to cry or scream at him. Hard-headed, all right. “I guess I’ll go, then. There’s no need for us both to stay, especially with you so...”
“No!” Seth wrapped his arms around her legs and held tight. “Don’t go, Miss Rena. I want you to read a story.”
“Seth, I—” The pleading look on his face nearly undid her. She quickly shifted gears. “Be careful with that bag. You’ll break the eggs.”
“Eggs!” His shout echoed off the walls. “That means we’re gonna make green eggs and ham.”
“But the stove,” Cody murmured.
Rena leveled him a look. “I know how to make eggs in a microwave.”
“We already ate the pizza Uncle Cody brought, but we can have eggs, too,” Jackson said. “I know—the eggs can be our dessert!”
“Good thinking, little man.” Cody mussed his hair. “Now, a real gentleman would take the bags and carry them into the kitchen.”
“I will, I will!” Seth reached for one bag and Jackson the other. “We need to get org’nized. Right, Miss Rena?”
“That’s absolutely right.”
Someone had done considerable cleaning in the kitchen. Ashes were gone from the floor and a large section of ceiling that had been scorched by flames had been removed and replaced, then painted with clean, white primer. The burned oven had been hauled off, leaving a gaping hole. But the floor was clean and the microwave on a counter still looked usable.
“Who fixed all this?”
“Jeanne and I took care of it that night. We thought it would be easier on the boys if they didn’t have to look at the mess.”
“Good thinking.” She helped Seth set the bag of eggs on the kitchen table. A sudden wave of guilt convicted her. “I-I’m sorry I didn’t stay to help.”
He shrugged. “You did what you had to do, I guess.”
Yes, she’d thought so at the time. But now she wasn’t so sure. Had she considered what was best for the boys...for Jeanne...and for Cody?
“Even so, I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted.” His smile was lopsided. He settled Tommy into his high chair with a sippy cup of milk.
“Can we make the eggs now, Miss Rena?”
“Sure. Let’s do it together. We can each have a job.”
“I wanna make them green.” Seth reached for the food coloring.
“I wanna crack the eggs.” Jackson found a bowl.
“And I can put them in the microwave when they’re all ready to go.
” Rena took the carton of eggs out of the bag.
“But what about Uncle Cody? What can he do?”
“Don’t worry, sport. I’ll do the mixing. I’ve been told I’m pretty good at that.”
“OK. And Sammy can be the taste-tester.” Sammy wandered into the room and plopped his huge body down in the middle of the floor, surrounded by their feet. “Heroes should get to taste first.”
“That’s a good plan, little man. Now, let’s get started.”
They got to work. When the eggs were ready, Rena scooped a spoonful onto a paper plate and placed them on the floor for Sammy. Once he’d given his stamp of approval, Cody took Tommy from his high chair and they settled around the table to eat while Rena read Green Eggs and Ham.
****
“Jeanne just called. She’s going to be later than she expected. Something came up.”
“Oh, I’m sure it did.” Cody helped Rena clear the mess of eggs from the table. The scent of her honeysuckle shampoo weakened his anger and made him lightheaded with desire. “Just wait ’til I get my hands on her, the conniving little...”
Rena’s eyes looked wounded. “Is it that bad, spending time with me?”
“Oh, it’s torture of the worst sort.” Because all I can think about is holding you, kissing you, and it’s driving me insane.
“I could go. You can handle things fine here on your own.”
“Don’t.” He touched her arm, hesitant to let her go again. Being with her here—now—made him realize how much he’d missed her. A powerful longing rose in him, and he brushed a finger over her lips. “Stay a while longer...please.”
“O-OK. But just a little while.” Her honey eyes were heavy with longing, too, and she wound a piece of hair along her finger.
His gut tightened. His heart stuttered at the scent of her…so close. “Rena, I—”
Jackson bounded into the room with Seth in tow. “Will you play soccer with us?”
Cody groaned. His gaze remained locked with Rena’s “Sounds like a good plan. Let’s work off some of that energy. Then it’s baths and bedtime.”
