“How’s your day going? Putting up with the clients some more?” she asked.
“No, thank god. They left this morning, but texted me most of the evening about different places along Bourbon. I imagine they were pretty hung over this morning.” His nose wrinkled.
“Yeah?” Lisette didn’t even know if he was the partying type anymore. She’d have imagined he would have enjoyed it, not turned his nose up at it.
He glanced at her as he chewed, a message she couldn’t read telegraphed by the way he didn’t quite meet her gaze and kept looking away. What had he found out about her now? Had he asked Mom and Dad? Would he regret coming to see her?
“Okay, so you’re in an awkward place where we all know you do shit that sounds weird, so how about I even the score a little?” Lafayette took a sip of his cup.
“Uh, okay?” Heat crawled up her neck and blossomed in her cheeks. Shit, what did he know?
“This goes into our brother-sister pact of things-we-never-tell-Mom-and-Dad, got it?” He set his sandwich down and leaned forward.
“Sure.” At the moment he could probably get her to agree to anything.
Lafayette dug in his pocket for a moment before producing his keys. He selected a medallion hanging from the ring and handed it to her. She took it and studied it.
A one-year sobriety chip from Alcoholics Anonymous.
“Mom and Dad don’t know. Well, not all of it. They knew about my DUI, the first time, but I never told them after Dad started giving me tips for how to hide liquor on my breath so it wouldn’t get me caught at work. About a year and a half ago I crashed my car swerving to miss a bunch of kids on a sidewalk. I was drunk off my ass and could have hit and killed them, but I just totaled the car. I got off easy. Community service and promise to go to AA. I live with two other guys who are between a year and two years sober and it makes it easier, but some days it’s hard.”
“And Mom and Dad don’t know?” It was easy for her to keep her life quiet. She’d avoided living in the same state for years. But this?
“They see what they want to see. I had the suits, the job and the appearance that mattered. They don’t want to see trouble if they can avoid it.” He shook his head. “I don’t get them sometimes.”
“Me neither.”
He glanced at her. “There. Now we both have secrets.”
She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. Why had it taken this mess to bring them together? A year and a half ago she could have been there for him. He squeezed her hand in return before they both tucked into their sandwiches.
“Have you thought about dropping in and seeing Mom and Dad at all while you’re here?” he asked.
“No.” She felt a little pang of guilt. They were her parents, but for all she knew they were also still fans of Seth.
“Can I change your mind at all?”
She set her sandwich down and leaned back in her seat. “I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s a good idea, or if it would be a disaster.”
“I understand, and they aren’t the warm, fuzzy kind of parents, but they’re still family. I think that should count for something.” He shrugged. “We only get one.”
“I’m worried they’re still in contact with my ex,” she said at last, wincing.
“Really?”
“Yeah.” She shrugged. “They stopped talking to me after we broke up, unless they wanted to try to convince me to go back to him.”
“I didn’t know that.” His face scrunched up. “I mean, I know what they said about the break-up, but I don’t agree.”
“What did they say?”
“Stupid shit.”
“Like what?”
“Just that they were concerned that you wouldn’t make it on your own and you’d need someone to help support you. They never really got you, I don’t think. You aren’t like Julie, who is super book smart. And you weren’t an attention whore like I am.” He flashed his smile.
“Yeah, I was always lost between you two.”
“That’s not true. You were the good kid, just maybe too good.”
“That’s not really helping.”
“Yeah, okay, I get it. But think about seeing them, okay?”
She nodded, but doubted he could sway her from the decision. It wasn’t just about what she wanted, but their safety. Leo didn’t get that, but she wouldn’t put him at risk just to satisfy his curiosity. She hadn’t realized how much she wanted him in her life until now, and she wasn’t willing to make him a target.
Mathieu rolled to a stop at the curb of the intersection and glanced around. Rain pelted the car from all sides, obscuring the area and pedestrians. A blonde woman in a red coat rushed out from under an awning. He reached across and pushed the passenger side door open.
Lisette dove in and slammed the door shut behind her.
“Whew, that is a lot of rain.” She laughed and wiped water droplets off her face.
“You don’t check the news much, do you?” He chuckled and shifted into gear as she strapped the belt on.
“Nope. Guilty. Thanks for coming to get me.”
He’d gotten back to the apartment to find her gone and Gator whining to be let out of his crate. For a moment he’d panicked, but a quick call had placed her at a bookstore. That was the Lisette he remembered from college. Her nose stuck in a book, the world moving on around her.
“Is Gator okay?” She situated her backpack in the floorboard and turned toward him, her lower lip caught between her teeth.
“Yeah, he’s fine. I took him out before it really started raining. I left him out of the crate so he’ll probably chew the couch to pieces.” He sighed, but it was what he got for not finding a way to get a bigger, more suitable place for Gator.
“Oh good. I totally lost track of time and I feel horrible for leaving him crated for so long.”
“He’s usually crated now when I’m not in the apartment. The building manager freaked out one day when she came in to do something, so it’s the rule now.” He eased into traffic, but didn’t head straight home. “How about dinner? Hungry?”
“Sure.”
“Want anything in particular?”
“I’m down for anything.”
He shifted in his seat and headed toward a little restaurant he hadn’t been to in a while. He parked the car in a tiny lot next to a freestanding brick building at the end of a street. The red and white awning appeared red and gray with the water streaming off it.
“I’ve got an umbrella here.” He twisted to search for it behind his seat.
“Don’t worry about it. What’s a little more water going to do?” She flashed him a smile and flipped the collar of her coat up.
Lisette laughed as they dashed through the rain to the shelter of the awning. He held the door for her and they stepped into the dim interior of an Old World-style establishment, complete with brass fixtures and worn wood everywhere. It was one of the few establishments that hadn’t seen too much damage because of Katrina.
The silver-haired host seated them right away in a table for two against the windows. A single candle in wicker-wrapped glass lit the table.
“This is nice,” Lisette muttered when they were alone. She pushed her coat off her shoulders.
“I guess so,” he replied and took her coat from her, hanging both their jackets on a brass hook on the wall. He settled in across from her and flipped open the menu, searching for the day’s special.
“Saw my brother again today,” she said.
“Yeah, you mentioned having lunch with him. How’d it go?”
“Good, actually. He wants me to see my parents, but I’m just not sure about it yet.”
“I understand completely.” If he had his way, she wouldn’t see them at all. Lisette deserved people who would care for her as she deserved to be treated. No matter where her proclivities ran.
He was fairly certain his family was aware that his tastes in women ran in an exoti
c direction. Perhaps it was one reason they’d wanted to like Amanda. They understood her, at least at first.
“I’m going to tell you something and you can never admit I told you, okay?” Lisette leaned forward on the table. She hadn’t even touched her menu.
“Okay.” He glanced up. Tendrils of blonde hair curled from the humidity to create a halo around her face. With the candlelight casting a warm glow on her skin, she could be an angel.
“Lafayette’s been in AA for over a year.”
“Really? What do your mom and dad think about that?”
“They don’t know. He told me to put us on the same ground, I think. I didn’t anticipate liking my brother, you know?”
“I’m as surprised as you are.”
“Yeah.” Her gaze dropped to the table.
chapter Twelve
Too Far
Lisette twirled her pasta, with no intention of eating it. Her nerves were strung too tight. Mathieu had only been back in her life for a handful of days, and he’d shaken her up and tied her into knots. This dinner—at a seemingly casual, intimate location—didn’t help at all. It was too date-like, when what she needed was some emotional distance from the object of her affections.
Mathieu ate on, completely oblivious to her inner turmoil.
Did she tell him how living and playing with him was doing a number on her?
Her rational side said yes, tell him now. Find somewhere else to stay. Thank him for putting her on this path. But could she? She’d slept in his arms last night and thought she wanted to buy into the dream that they could be together.
“What do you think about the scenes we’ve done so far?” Mathieu asked into the silence.
“Uh, which one?”
Don’t ask about last night.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Let’s start with the first one.”
“The flogging? I liked it. It could have been harder, but it was great.”
“Did you even get any marks from it?”
“No, just a little soreness the next day.”
“What about the rope?”
“That was—cathartic. I don’t know how else to describe it. I really liked the rope, and it just felt like I could be really free and unrestrained, because I was safe. Does that make sense?” She tapped the table nervously, not liking the direction of this conversation. It was a good one for any Dominant to have with a play partner; she just didn’t want to have it right now. She couldn’t lie to him.
“Sure. Besides, it’s not what makes sense to me; it’s about you and if you got what you needed from the scene.”
An orgasm would have been nice.
“Yeah, I think I did.”
Change topics…
“And last night?” He wasn’t looking at her. Not at all now and it made her fidget more.
Were they really going to have this conversation? She blew out a breath and tried to select her words carefully.
“It was different. The first two were more about what I needed. Last night was different. It wasn’t always about what I needed, but about what you chose to do. And it was sensual. There was a lot of sexual energy, and,” she steeled herself for the admission, “it’s really thrown me for a loop.”
That got his attention. Mathieu glanced up, brows drawn down into a line. “How so?”
“Well, you stated no sex as a limit. I made the assumption that it included sexual contact.”
“I see.”
“I’m just. . .” She cringed. There was nothing to do but go ahead and say it. Lying to him would make the situation worse for both of them. “I’m in a really vulnerable place right now and I’m not sure what the answer is. I care for you, but I don’t want to become confused and misinterpret your actions as something more than two friends playing together and overcoming our pasts. Not something romantic.”
He set his fork down, completely focused on her. “I hadn’t even thought of it that way, but I can see how that could be an issue. What do you want to do about it?”
“I—don’t know.”
“First, the sexual contact. Do you feel like I broke your trust last night?”
“Uh, no. Not really. It’s less about the physical and more about the emotional. I thought about it, and with any other platonic play partner an orgasm wouldn’t be a big deal. But I think with our history and where I am, it complicates things. Orgasms release chemicals that make us bond, and the play has been so good I’m afraid going farther will cause problems. And that’s where I’m just confused.”
He nodded slowly, deep lines creasing his face. “So is the answer no sexual contact?”
“I don’t know,” she said for what felt like the hundredth time. She wrung her hands under the table. Were she counseling a client on what to do in her situation, her advice would be to do what she was doing now. Talk to them. But it didn’t seem to bring any more answers. If anything, Mathieu was building more walls between them. She could feel it, like having a window shut.
“Maybe we should scale back the play. Maybe it’s not a good idea.”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” Panic rose up, constricting her throat. Their play had helped her feel alive and herself for the first time in ages.
“But it’s what I’m saying. I’ve already had my ex leave me and I’m not ready to have a woman depending on me again.”
“Is that what this is about?” He was hung up on her needing help?
“No. But when this is all said and done, you’re leaving and going home to Florida.”
She blinked at him. “I am? That is news to me.”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
“I left my life and my job, Mathieu. All of my stuff was in a condo I stupidly moved into with Seth. Everything I had is gone. I literally gave my job no notice I was leaving. I called them while I drove to Chicago and was lucky enough to get a recommendation to a few other practices. I didn’t move to Miami because that’s where I wanted to be. It was a good location for me to work and there was an opening that fit my needs, but it’s not home. I don’t know where I’ll be when this finishes.”
“Oh. I…”
His phone rang, breaking into their conversation. He fumbled in his pocket before answering the call.
She listened to his monosyllabic side of it all while her mind went through loopy-loops. What was his problem? Was it still issues over his ex? This was starting to get plain silly. She’d just wanted to have an honest discussion with him about her concerns, and this was a disaster.
“I’ll be over in a few. I have a key, so you don’t have to wait on me.” He pulled out several bills and tossed them on the table before rising and circling the table for their jackets.
Was this it?
Their waiter hurried over, glancing between them.
“Sorry, we have to run.” Lisette stood and Mathieu shoved her jacket at her.
“Understandable. Do you want a to-go box?” the waiter asked.
Mathieu strode toward the front doors and out to the sidewalk.
“Uh, I guess not. Thank you. The food was lovely.” She pulled on her jacket and hurried after Mathieu. This was ridiculous, and she was starting to get pissed at him.
She dashed through the rain and into the idling car. If she hadn’t followed him, would he have left her at the restaurant?
“What’s going on?” she asked.
Mathieu didn’t reply.
“Is something wrong?”
Again he didn’t respond.
He turned onto one of the major streets and headed toward the highway. For ten minutes neither of them spoke. The radio wasn’t even turned on.
Mathieu was supposed to be the Dominant, the one in charge, and he was acting like a bitter baby instead. An adult conversation had devolved into cold shoulders and the silent treatment. Well if he wanted to play the immaturity card, she could, too.
Lisette crossed her arms over her chest and stared out of the w
indow. How had her life come to this? It was crazy and ridiculous.
Mathieu drove them all the way into one of the new housing developments. Some of the houses were built on the foundations of their predecessors, while others were completely new builds. In the years since Katrina, it had evolved into a busy community, evident by toys in the yards and well-kept houses.
He drove to the end of a cul-de-sac and parked in the drive of a house built in the style of years gone by, with brown and darker brown accents.
“I’ll be a second,” he said.
“I need to pee.”
“Can you hold it?”
“No, you didn’t give me a chance to go at the restaurant.”
“Fine. Come on.”
They dashed through the rain to the small porch where he unlocked it and let them into the house. The scent of herbs, sage especially, was heavy on the air. Women’s voices rose in laughter from somewhere deeper in the house.
“Mom?” Mathieu called out, frowning as he shucked his coat and hung it on a rack.
“Heck no,” a woman called.
She knew that voice.
Mathieu ducked into the room to their right, a den area. Lisette hung hers next to his and followed. A statuesque, beautiful woman with dark skin and a halo of curls emerged through another doorway that seemed to lead into a kitchen.
“Have you forgotten your sister?” Lola asked with a grin.
“Hey.” Mathieu enveloped Lola in a hug and Lisette had to fight down a momentary surge of jealousy. It was his sister, for Christ’s sake.
Lola’s gaze landed on her over his shoulder.
“Hey, baby girl. I was beginning to think I wouldn’t see you.” Lola pushed her brother away and strode to her, wrapping her in a tight embrace.
Lisette’s greeting was muted by the taller woman’s shoulder. She closed her eyes and squeezed her back, accepting all the comfort she could.
“Everyone goes off and leaves me in the kitchen alone,” another woman said, heavily accented with bayou French tones. She stepped into the doorway and Lisette knew this had to be his voodoo grandmère. Several necklaces hung around her neck with odd adornments. She couldn’t make out exactly what they were, but her imagination was full of ideas. “Hello, dear. Who are you?”
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