by MJ Carnal
“I haven’t said that out loud before.” I wipe my face. “I have to find a way to forget so I can move on. It’s always there, right under the surface. I want it gone.”
“You won’t ever forget. But, we can work together to make it not so painful. We can find a way to deal with the pain and begin to heal. I want to help you if you’ll let me.” Rachel squeezes my hand. That would be nice. It would be nice not to wake up every morning and think about it.
“I’m willing to try. I don’t want to hurt anymore.” I sigh and give her the best smile I can manage. “I trust you, Rach. I want to start my future with Katrina and I don’t want it laced with heartbreak.”
Chapter 29
The recovery room is cold and I shiver as I attempt to pry my eyes open. I try to move but instantly regret it. The pain shoots through my shoulder and I whimper. The nurse is at my side instantly. She checks my vitals and offers me a syringe full of something sure to take this agony away. I welcome the warmth as it spreads through my blood stream. She asks me my pain level and I don’t even care anymore. She laughs and says the medicine is working.
“I almost forgot,” she turns back around and smiles at me. “This really handsome man stopped by and asked me to give this to you.”
I smile when she hands me a rock. “Thank you.”
“What does it mean?” She looks up from my chart.
“I don’t know. He’s been giving me rocks for a couple weeks. He’s always so proud of himself when he hands me one.” I stare at my new rock and my heart beats a little faster. He’s mine and I want to keep him.
“You’re a lucky woman. He caused quite the stir when he walked in here. The girls all went a little crazy for him. He still had his IV in so the nurse with him threatened all of them to behave.” She laughs and I’m confused.
“IV? Was it Lorenzo?” I’m confused. Maybe the drugs are working overtime.
“It was Chance. They’ve got him in a room on the orthopedic floor so you can be in there with him once you’re more awake. Try to relax and we’ll get you moved as soon as the surgeon signs off on your orders.”
My brain is scrambled. Was Chance in the car with us? I try to remember but it’s all a blur. “Wait. I’m having a hard time understanding.”
“That’s normal, honey. There’s a Joshua Seymour outside if you’d like some company.” I shake my head yes and she smiles at me. “I’ll go get him. Try to rest.”
The minute I see Joshua, I relax. I don’t remember what happened. Bits and pieces are coming back to me but I’m still so tired. I reach out to him and he takes my hand and smiles down at me.
“You had us all worried. Glad to see those beautiful eyes open.” Joshua sits by my hospital bed.
“The nurse said Chance was in the hospital. What’s going on? I thought Lorenzo was in the car with me. Where is he?” I’m fighting sleep.
“Lorenzo is still in surgery. The surgeon says everything is going fine, they’re just taking extra precautions to fix his arm so he has a chance to race this season. Chance was able to see him before surgery. He was a little out of it but he was able to answer questions.” He rubs my arm and looks at the clock. My eyes follow his and I notice it’s after two in the morning.
“Was Chance in the car?” I shake my head trying to clear it.
“No. We were at Harley’s wedding when we got the call about your accident. He’s ok. He got really upset seeing you here and thinking about his past. His blood pressure went pretty high so they’re just keeping him overnight to be on the safe side. I just left his room and he’s sleeping soundly. Rachel is with him.” I can tell he’s trying to protect Chance.
“Rachel is with him,” I repeat as my brain starts to function. “He panicked being in the hospital, didn’t he?”
“Yes,” Joshua’s eyes dart around the recovery room.
“It’s ok. I know about his parents. They told me about him and what happened to his parents when I got to the foster home. He told me he didn’t remember them but I know that’s not true. You aren’t breaking his confidence. Shit, my shoulder hurts so badly.”
Joshua waves the nurse over. “Can you give her something for the pain? She’s really hurting.”
“I can give you another injection of morphine. The doctor wrote for a second dose. We need to try to get your pain under control before you head up to your room.”
“Ok,” I shake my head yes. I’d take another dose of anesthesia if they’d let me have it. When she begins injecting it into my IV, my eyes get heavy. “I’m going to take a nap. Don’t leave me.”
“I’m right here,” I hear Joshua say as I fall into a deep sleep.
“Yes,” I whisper. Chance is sleeping soundly in the bed across the room. I’m up for the third time since surgery. The pain is too intense to sleep for more than a few minutes. I’m exhausted but it’s comforting knowing he’s right here with me. “Yes, I’ll move in with you.”
He stirs and I wonder if he’s heard me. When he doesn’t respond, I smile. I just wanted to try the words on for size. They felt right coming out of my mouth. Am I crazy for making this decision now? Will Ray kill me for leaving her? Will this hurt Lorenzo?
“Why aren’t you sleeping?” His voice is raspy and it’s the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard. “You need anything? Pain medicine? Me?”
I smile. “Pain medicine and you sound great. But it’s too early for medicine and you need some rest.”
“I’ll rest when you’re ok.” He stands up and drags his IV pole with him. “It’s dumb I’m even here. I should be waiting on you.”
“Joshua said you scared the hell out of him. He said he thought you were having a heart attack. He was really sweet down in recovery. I felt really protected.”
He leans down and kisses me gently on the mouth. He takes extra care not to put any of his weight on me. “Remind me to thank him tomorrow.”
There was a moment, when the lights from the oncoming car blinded me, that I wondered if I’d ever see Chance again. “I love you.”
“I love you too, baby. You scared me twice tonight. Once when you left the party mad at me and the other when the EMS driver called and said he needed to notify next of kin. No more fighting about stupid shit. I don’t care if Lorenzo loves you. All I care about is whether or not you love me.” He kisses me on the forehead, the cheek and then the tip of my nose.
“Yes,” I say with a huge grin on my face. He wrinkles his forehead and stares at me. I laugh and then grab at my collarbone. Laughing is not my friend.
“Yes,” he repeats like he knows what I’m talking about. I see the second he realizes what I’m talking about. “Yes?”
“Yes,” I smile. “Maybe it’s the morphine.”
“Maybe it’s because I’m charming and you can’t imagine one more night without me.”
“Maybe it’s because you’re so humble.” That makes him laugh. “We’ll have to wait a few weeks so I can heal. I can’t move anything with my whole chest wrapped up like this.”
“Fuck that, I’m rich. We’ll hire someone.” He laughs at me when I roll my eyes.
“I’ll call the Boston paper tomorrow and turn down the job.” I yawn.
“Do you want the job?”
“Yes. But, I want you more.” My eyes start to close.
“Then we’ll both go to Boston. They guys will be fine and I can fly back and forth when I need to.”
As I fall into a hard sleep, I swear I hear him say he’d go to Boston with me. When I dream tonight, I’ll dream of the Red Sox, Old South Church, Beacon Hill and all the gorgeous sites I won’t see every day because there’s no way I’d let him give up his family for me.
Chapter 30
Lorenzo sleeps soundly and I feel like a stalker watching him. It’s strange to think a few weeks ago, he was one of my favorite athletes and I would have done anything to meet him. He seems like a nice enough guy but he has eyes for my woman and that changes how I feel about him. He’ll always be in her life and I
will find a way to come to terms with that. For now, I’m letting myself feel a little competitive. I’m taking Katrina home today, to our home, and I wanted to talk to him before we go.
“I can feel you staring at me. It’s creepy.” His voice is laced with sleep. The remnants of an Italian accent apparent every time he speaks.
“Sorry,” I chuckle. “I wanted to stop by and check on you before we head out.”
“How’s Kat?” He sits up a little and cringes. I know he’s in pain but he fights through it.
“She’s healing. She’s not very good with pain, is she?”
He laughs and holds his shoulder. “Not even a little. She’s the toughest woman I know but when she’s down for the count, she’s really down.”
I sit up a little straighter. “Listen, I’ve asked her to move in with me and she’s agreed. I wanted you to hear this from me. I know how you feel about her. I knew the day you told me not to hurt her. I can appreciate that. She’s incredible so why wouldn’t you love her? I want you to know that I’m in it for the long haul. I don’t plan on stepping aside and I hope you’ll respect that.”
“You don’t need to say anymore. I know how much she loves you. I won’t stand in the way of that. Yes, I love her but I won’t stand in the way of what makes her happy. I’ll step aside. But know this, if you ever fuck up, I will be there to pick up the pieces.”
I nod my head. “Fair enough.”
He reaches out to shake my hand and I take it without hesitation. “Be good to her, Chance. She’s got a big Italian family and my mom doesn’t tolerate anyone hurting any of her kids.”
“I know that should intimidate me, but honestly, it makes me happy to know that.”
“It will make us happy to know she’s happy.”
I stand to leave but turn before I walk out the door. I take a deep breath to steady my nerves. “Before I go, I need to ask you something.”
I stand at the edge of the ocean appreciating how powerful it is. Katrina is safely asleep in our king size bed, feeling less and less pain every day. It’s been a week since the accident and six days since she came home with me. We haven’t gotten any of her things yet. That will come when she’s feeling better. The most difficult part was telling Ray and even though she was sad, she packed a bag of her clothes and brought it to me. I assured her she was welcome any time and I even had to promise I’d introduce her to the rest of the band.
“The surf is pretty tempting today.” Harley’s voice startles me.
“Hey, brother.” I give him a hug. “What brings you out here?”
“We just wanted to check on you.” Harley points to my back deck and I can see everyone watching us.
“Kat’s sleeping.” I wave to them.
“She actually let us in.” Harley takes a deep breath and smiles. “You and Max have the right idea. Living on the beach is heaven. Wonder if I’ll ever convince Laney to move again.”
“Tell her you bought her a place as a wedding gift.” I laugh when I see Harley considering it.
“How are you? You had us all worried.”
I look at Harley. Where would I be without him? If it hadn’t been for him and Della, who knows what would have happened to me. He saw something redeeming in me all those years ago. I will never be able to thank him enough.
“I’m doing alright. Rachel’s been here every night and talking really does help. Who knew?” I laugh when I see Harley’s face. I seem to remember a time, not too long ago, that he said the exact same thing.
“Rachel’s pretty good at what she does.” He looks back at the ocean. “I want you to know that I’m here if you need to talk. I’m not going to have any good advice and probably won’t know what to say. But, I’m an ear to listen and I keep everything that’s said to me to myself.”
“I know you do. I appreciate it, brother.” I put my arm around him and we both watch as the waves break and wish we were out there. “I’m sorry about cutting your wedding short.”
“Don’t ever worry about that. You were there for the important parts and there’s no way in hell we weren’t going to be at the hospital. Katrina is one of us now. Of course, at that point, we didn’t know you were going to try to steal the show and pass out on all of us.”
I punch him in the arm. He’ll always give me shit. “She was getting all the attention. I’m an attention hog. You haven’t realized that yet? I like to feel important. I need people to know who I am.”
Just as the words are out, two girls in bikinis walk by and wave at me. Harley belly laughs and I follow. “Perfect timing.”
“Just a few months ago, I would have run after them. Funny how fast things change.”
“Katrina’s a good match for you. I think she’ll keep your ass in line. I’m happy for you.”
I smile at Harley. “I’d settle for her keeping my ass in bed.”
“Come on, Casanova. Let’s head back. Mia brought a ton of food. We all thought we needed a family night.”
“That sounds perfect.”
As I follow Harley up the beach to my back steps, I think about how much has changed. We started out as four single men, living with Della in a cramped apartment, and willing to sell our souls to the Devil to be able to play music for a living. Della and Harley became husband and wife as the rest of us vowed never to settle down. Before we knew it, Joshua Seymour, the hottest name on the music scene, was offering to manage us. We signed a record deal, played some shows, went platinum, and moved in to our separate places where life began to change so quickly we couldn’t keep up. Then Della was gone and we stumbled but Joshua picked us up and refused to let us give up.
Now here we are, all involved with the women we’re supposed to spend our lives with. Harley turned his life around and found love for a second time. Damien got a second chance with the love of his life. Max met his in the midst of the darkest days of our lives. And then there’s me. The one who no one ever thought would believe in love. I found it and it hit me like a four by four across the chest.
As I step onto the deck, I lock eyes with Katrina. She’s made me believe there are no accidents. God knew what he was doing when he put her into that awful foster home. There’s no coincidence that we came face to face again. We were meant to be together.
Chapter 30
“Stay in the car. I’ll just be a minute.” I jump out and leave it running for her. I curse myself for not remembering to get milk on the way home from work.
I push my way inside the convenience store and head straight for the milk. I’m exhausted and just want to get home so Elizabeth can finish her latest creation from the Food Network, we can eat and I can go to bed. I’m new at the label and they’re working me like a dog. I have to prove myself so I take the extra hours, see the extra concerts, and meet the clients no one else is willing to take on.
I walk toward the counter but stop to look at the candy. I pick up a chocolate bar that Elizabeth loves and smile. It’s not much but maybe it will remind her that I love her. She’s heartbroken again this month. We’ve tried for what seems like forever to get pregnant and every month, it’s the same thing. One line, instead of two. One more reminder that we aren’t going to be parents. We’ve been married two years and we want a baby more than anything.
I hear the cocking of the pistol and life stands still. For the first time since walking through the door, I notice how quiet it is. I see the clerk standing stock still at the counter, his face pale, his eyes scared.
“Get on your knees.” The gunman screams in my face, the smell of liquor filling my senses.
“Don’t do this,” I take my knees and look out the door. Elizabeth is in the front seat singing along with the radio. Her blond hair is piled on the top of her head like it always is when she’s cooking. Fear takes hold of me. What if I don’t get to tell her I love her just one more time? “Please let me go.”
“Stop talking,” he yells, the gun waving around in the air. “You move, you die.”
I look at the cler
k. He’s frozen in place. “Give him the money. Give him whatever he wants.” I yell but he doesn’t move.
The gunman looks between me and the clerk. His pupils are dilated and he’s covered in sweat. I know there’s no reasoning with him. I need to just stay quiet until this is over. He’ll get his money and leave.
I look back outside and see Elizabeth getting out of the car. Please, baby. Please don’t come in here. Please turn around. I feel the tears hit my cheeks as I realize there’s no stopping her. If I move, he’ll shoot me. If I don’t, he’ll see her. Everything is in the slow motion.
I look back at the clerk one last time. He’s taking the cash from the register. If he had moved just a few seconds earlier. If I had stopped on the way home from work. If Elizabeth had stayed home as I ran back out for milk. If only I could tell her one more time that I’m the luckiest man on earth that she’s my wife and being her husband is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
She reaches for the door and I’m on my feet. My movement catches the gunman off guard. He points the gun at me and I hear the ear splitting thunder as it goes off. The explosion of pain is instant as heat rips through my shoulder. I hear Elizabeth scream my name as I fall to the ground, hitting my head against the concrete floor.
Just as I fade from consciousness, I hear the second shot rip from the barrel.
Epilogue
The breeze is cool as I sit next to Katrina on the large rock at the side of the lake. My hands shake as I hold the remote control. I look at Rachel and Joshua with tears of joy in my eyes.
“You ready?” Joshua holds the boat in his hands and eases it into the water. It’s an exact replica of the one I got on Christmas Eve in 1995.
He found it in a vintage toy store when he’d gone on vacation and brought it home for me. He’d been so worried that I’d get upset. It was the exact opposite. The moment I held it, I felt connected to my parents and I was able to relive the joy of opening it.
