Stefano felt familiar guilt chill the pleasure he had gained in the moment and he glanced at Kiki. Something in her expression made him wonder if she’d overheard. He could only hope not.
When he seated her beside him she answered his questions, but there was still the distance that had been there since he’d collected her. A gulf so wide he could see no way of bridging it. He assured himself that was good.
She seemed to prefer to converse quietly with the Mayor, on her right at the table, and yet he, the more practised statesman, was too much aware of her. Probably just the upheavals of the day.
The evening continued to unnerve him. He had been prepared to protect her, gloss over the mistakes she wouldn’t see, but she required no help.
Kiki nodded and smiled and held her composure with concentration. If she excluded the grandeur of the surroundings and the glitter of the people and concentrated on one person at a time she found her advice held good.
Especially if she blocked Stefano out.
Just in that first moment before they’d left, when he’d entered her rooms to escort her, he’d looked so tall and forbidding in black tails and the royal sash, with jewelled medals flashing, she’d mentally faltered.
But only for a moment, before she’d stoked up her anger. She’d concentrated on the person, searched behind the regalia and remembered the man who had left her without support and now expected her to fail in such unfamiliar and challenging surroundings.
That had been inexcusable, and the reminder had protected her from any connection that would discomfort her—until she’d heard that muttered judgement from Prince Paulo.
It had been a glimpse into Stefano’s life and what he dealt with every day. She remembered his comment that his mother had been the lighter-natured of the two. She could see that now, and despite herself felt herself soften and sympathise with Stefano.
She glanced across to the old Prince and unexpectedly caught his eye. She glared at him, glad the engagement was a farce, because she didn’t need a person like that permanently in her life. He blinked. Grumpy old man. She turned away.
If tonight’s disapproval had been there all Stefano’s life no wonder he could become tense with pressure.
She could sense him beside her now. Feel the awareness that seemed to inhabit the space between them even when they were not conversing. But she couldn’t afford to lay her hand on his arm and express the sympathy she wanted to because she needed to stay focussed until she could return to the safety of her room. But perhaps she understood him a little more.
Luckily the gentleman beside her could converse easily, with little prompting from her. The Mayor of Aspelicus was one of the five Elise had mentioned, so she knew his role in the business, and that his son was in charge of festivities for the Prince’s Cup. He did seem delighted with her knowledge and her appreciation of his heavy civil duties, and mentally she thanked Elise for her tutelage.
Eventually the older gentleman excused himself to answer a question from another table companion and Kiki had to turn back to Stefano.
He raised his brows. ‘And how is my old friend Bruno Valinari?’
Kiki smiled, because in a lesser man he would have sounded almost petulant. ‘He is well. And proud of his son—as he should be. And how is your dinner and your evening, Your Highness?’
His mouth came down level with her cheek and she tried not to inhale the subtle tang of his aftershave, because it floated too many memories for a state function. Tried not to look at the strong cheekbones and carved mouth as he drew closer.
‘I am wondering if there is to be any attention from my fiancée.’
Subtly she drew back further. ‘You’ll survive without my attention.’ She raised her brows. ‘As I did without yours today.’ She met his eyes. ‘Did it occur to you I could have done with a little guidance from you?’
‘My apologies. My duties constrained me.’ His glance travelled over her. ‘Though I see no lack in your instruction.’
‘Gee, thanks.’ She could play that game. ‘How unusual for you not to see something.’
His eyes gleamed. ‘So the cat has claws.’
Kiki sat straighter in her chair and even leaned a little to the right to increase the distance between them. She kept the smile on her face but there was none in her voice. ‘I’m not duelling with you at this table.’
Actually, when it came down to it, she couldn’t. She didn’t have the headspace.
She glanced around for a friendly face and Marla waved her fingers discreetly from across the table. Kiki realised she did have another ally in the palace. When people began to circulate, perhaps she could excuse herself and cross over to Marla. The chance to seek out her supposed future sister-in-law would help enormously.
She changed the subject. ‘I see Theros and Marla are here. They look happy.’
Stefano turned to look at his brother and his face became more guarded. ‘Yes. It is good to see him not as restless as usual.’
That seemed a strange thing to say. ‘So he is normally restless?’
He glanced around to see if anyone had overheard. ‘That also is not for this table.’
No-go zones made life even more difficult, but what did she expect when in truth she knew little about his family? ‘In that case it’s your turn to start a conversation or I’ll go back to Bruno.’
He smiled and inclined his head, and the appreciation in his eyes made the heat rise in her own face. She jammed the rising weakness back into its box.
‘You look beautiful. And confident. I applaud you.’
Maybe he should go back to mocking her, because compliments played havoc with that very composure. ‘Thank you.’ She glanced at his father, who watched them both from under fierce white brows, and then back at Stefano. ‘It could just be confidence from designer clothes and my own stylist.’
‘Perhaps. Perhaps not. We shall see. Tomorrow you must meet the people. Two more critical children have flown in for surgery and I must go to the hospital. As soon as they are stabilised I will be in surgery.’
She wanted to ask more but he went on.
‘Unfortunately the new wing—funded by last year’s Prince’s Cup—is to be opened. Now I cannot be there and my father’s advisors have requested you attend with him.’ He mocked her. ‘Are you free?’
As if she had so much to do. And what if she said no? But just the idea of getting away from the palace made her feel better. She thought of the hospital and her spirits lifted. ‘Of course. And could I visit the children as well?’
His eyes shuttered. ‘I doubt there will be time.’ He shrugged. ‘You will be busy with your duties. It is only to be a short visit.’
The flattening of her spirits at his refusal did more to unnerve her than anything the glittering room could achieve. That he could so nonchalantly ignore the fact that to visit the children would give her pleasure seemed so out of character for the man she’d thought he was. It hurt anew.
Someone spoke to him from his left and she sank back in the seat. Sank back, not relaxed back, because foolishly she looked along the row of guests, most of whom glanced her way every few seconds, and knew this wasn’t her natural habitat. She’d never get used to it—didn’t want to get used to it, because in fact she disliked the grandeur, the formality, the opulence of it all intensely. At this moment she also disliked Stefano intensely, and this was where Stefano belonged. Not her.
When she glanced down to the end of the table a man smiled at her and she realised it was Dr Franco Tollini from the other day. She raised her brows and smiled and let her gaze drift away. Complications were too hard. Her head was above water—just—and she wanted to keep it that way.
She lifted her spoon and tasted the dessert but she didn’t want it. Too much food.
How did Stefano keep so fit? He was all lean muscle a
nd power...and perhaps she shouldn’t let her thoughts drift there while she was being watched by a hundred eyes. Thankfully, Bruno turned to her and asked a question before she lost herself in remembering just how weak she was when he held her in his arms and how she had arrived at this moment.
* * *
Finally the long dinner was over. Nobody circulated, and Kiki had never felt more trapped. They bade goodnight to the Crown Prince, who glanced over them both coldly, and then to Kiki’s relief they bumped into Marla and Theros. Stefano seemed reluctant to chat, but Kiki made a point of asking Marla how she was.
Before she could answer her husband chimed in with, ‘Catwoman. Meow.’
Theros grinned at her and Kiki blushed. Stefano stepped in and took his brother’s arm, steered him away. Kiki wasn’t sure what had happened.
She looked at Marla, who smiled apologetically. ‘I’m well.’ She glanced at her husband and lowered her voice. ‘He’s an absolute darling but he has no social skills.’
It seemed a strange thing to say about a prince, but Marla went on warmly.
‘What about you? I thought you were so brave, coming tonight.’
That made her laugh for the first time of the night. ‘I didn’t have much choice.’
Before she could enlarge on that Stefano returned with a subdued Theros, and Marla whispered, ‘Let’s catch up tomorrow,’ before she caught her husband’s hand and led him away.
Something wasn’t right, and Kiki frowned after them, but all she could think was that perhaps the younger prince had had too much to drink.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
STEFANO STEERED HER in the other direction. ‘Come. It is late and we both have a big day tomorrow.’
His hand was on her arm again, and she didn’t know how much more of this hot and cold treatment she could take. Her physical awareness of him beside her only made her more cross. Judging by the way his hand came over hers on his arm, he might have picked up on the vibe that she was about to shake him off.
Stefano meant to leave her at the door and stride away. Because if he didn’t there was a risk he would sweep her into his arms and forget everything. But he wasn’t that man.
That man who had temporarily ignored the responsibilities of his station.
That one lapse.
Once in his life he had allowed his heart to rule his head and look what had happened. But he could not rid himself of the look of hurt in Kiki’s eyes and his own heart ached in a way he had never felt before.
When he let her go to open the doors to her suite Kiki paused as he looked down at her. She stared at him, as if trying to see beneath his skin, and the moment stilled. The ever-present sounds of the grandmother clock faded and their eyes met and held.
Here they were, and for the first time that evening Kiki had time to feel like putting her head in her hands to mourn what they had lost.
How had they found themselves at such loggerheads? How had she ended up here, ‘temporarily engaged’ to the man she had tragically made a child with?
What series of events, trends of fate and plain bad luck had mocked them both and put such obstacles in the way of a woman and a man who were attracted?
‘What happened to us, Stefano?’ Kiki asked carefully.
Again he let her down. Just compressed his lips and shuttered his eyes.
‘Almost everything. We must try to make the best of this disastrous situation while I deal with it.’
Her temper flared. ‘I am not a “disastrous situation”. I am a respected medical practitioner who has been kidnapped.’
She saw him glance around to check they were alone before he steered her through into the rooms, closed the doors and stood with his back to them. ‘Please try and remember what happens when people overhear things they shouldn’t.’
She was sick of worrying about what others thought. ‘Why do you think you can shut me out? Why do you need to control everything? Do you think it actually changes fate? Life is learning to live with what happens.’
One of them needed to be honest.
She gestured to the room. ‘Everything is different here. You’re different. Especially now I’ve seen a small part of what your lifestyle entails and how it changes you.’ She stepped up to him and he watched her with very little expression on his face. She wished he would react at least. ‘This control freak is not the man I fell in love with.’
He blinked when she said she’d loved him.
‘I need control.’
The words seemed almost torn from him and she stopped, arrested by the expression on his face.
Some nuance captured her attention, cut through her distress, sharpened her instincts. ‘Why do you need control?’
He stepped away from the door, walked past her towards the settee she’d slept on earlier.
‘How do you find my brother?’
She frowned. That was random. She almost said, I’d look for Marla, but she didn’t want to talk about Theros. ‘He seems nice.’ She thought for a moment, and then a suspicion began to form in her mind. Something Marla had said. And Stefano had said Theros was restless. ‘Is there something wrong with Theros?’
He sighed. ‘You know Mikey’s brother—Chris—he woke up. He’ll be fine.’
Another random comment. Or was it?
‘I’m glad.’ She sat down beside him as he stared straight ahead. She waited.
Finally he began to speak. ‘There was an accident when we were children. Theros almost drowned in an ocean pool. I managed to resuscitate him but not fast enough. He is a child in a man’s body because of me.’
She lowered her voice. It all began to make sense. Guilt. Shame. Loss of control. ‘How old were you?’
‘Eight.’ Still he stared straight ahead, and somehow she knew he had never spoken about this to anyone. She couldn’t understand how he had kept it from being common knowledge.
‘Eight years old?’ Her stomach dropped and she wanted to take his head in her hands and kiss him for the years of pain and self-flagellation she could now see he had been determined to endure. Had probably been encouraged to endure, if she’d read his father right. But she needed to speak carefully if he was ever to have peace. ‘And you resuscitated your drowned brother?’
He flexed his shoulders. ‘Not quickly enough to prevent damage.’
She said, ‘You resuscitated your drowned brother, by yourself, so that he breathed again?’
‘Yes.’
She saw him blink. Consider. Finally use his powerful brain to think about himself. He closed his eyes.
She persisted. ‘Would you have blamed Mikey if he had done the same?’
His eyes flew open and he sat straighter. ‘Of course not.’
She stared at him, but he refused to meet her determined gaze with his own. She lowered her voice but knew he heard every word. ‘Then perhaps it is time to forgive yourself.’
Finally he looked at her. ‘I fear I am destined to hurt the ones I love.’
She nodded and took his hand, stroked the strong fingers that had held her through memorable nights, felt his pain and rested his fingers against her heart. She understood him so much more.
‘And that is the dilemma. Perhaps it’s time to let go that which can’t be changed. Perhaps consider that happiness doesn’t need perfection. Theros seems very happy.’
Stefano looked down at the slender fingers that stroked his and felt the weight of the years grow imperceptibly lighter. Just a little. He thought about his brother. Smiled at the thought. ‘He is happy when he isn’t in trouble with me.’ He could acknowledge that if he allowed himself to consider it.
She put his hand back down and moved hers away. ‘Then let it go. You can’t control everything.’
How did she do that? Suggest gently and steer him towards peace
when he’d carried guilt like a blanket made of lead around his shoulders for as long as he could remember?
The grandmother clock began to chime and neither of them spoke as the toll rang out until midnight was proclaimed.
Suddenly Kiki realised the day she had dreaded was here. But, despite his presence, Stefano wasn’t with her for that.
She stood up. God, she was so tired. And there was so much to think about. Tonight she was going to try and do the same thing she’d told Stefano to do, because she’d promised herself that when this day came she would let go.
‘Please leave. I’m tired and I can’t think any more.’
She knew he could sense her withdrawal, so she was surprised when he asked, ‘What if I don’t want to go?’
She turned her back on him, because she didn’t have the reserves to fight. ‘I can’t help that,’ she said. And she walked away.
* * *
After an emotional discussion with her pillow Kiki slept fitfully. She was woken by Elise with coffee and croissants and a warning that soon the stylist would arrive to prepare her for a day of official functions.
Every time her mind wandered to the significance of the date she pushed it away.
The really bad news came with her breakfast. She must travel with Crown Prince Paulo in the official convoy.
She sipped her tea pensively. What the heck could she talk about? Or maybe you didn’t talk to the Crown Prince—though an hour of disapproving silence would be like water torture.
By the time she was handed into the official car she was feeling more sure than ever that she wasn’t cut out for this life. And the royal scrutiny was such that she couldn’t tell if he was satisfied with her appearance or not.
‘Good morning, Dr Fender.’
‘Good morning, Prince Paulo.’ She slid into the car past the footman holding the door.
‘Did you sleep well?’
Apparently he did talk, and Kiki felt herself relax slightly. She usually did after a big cry. ‘It was a different sleep than on the ship.’
‘Of course.’
The Prince Who Charmed Her Page 13
