“You’re not cut out for this life, sweet meat. You got mono written all over you. Mono and marriage and babies and picket fences and shit. Go home, sweet heart. Before you get hurt.” The wariness was gone from Eagle’s eyes. He didn’t look defensive for once. He looked sad.
I reached out and took my car keys.
“But fuck if I won’t miss that sweet cunt you got between your legs.”
Eagle took my chin between his thumb and forefinger. He laid the lightest kiss on my lips. Then he turned and went back into the garage. From the distance, I heard the sound of the girl climaxing.
I got in my car and went home.
Chapter Twenty
I skipped class. It was the first time in four years. But hey, I was on a role with first time experiences this week.
My first orgasm had been out in the middle of a dark street.
My loss of virginity had been on the hood of a car.
My first blowjob had been in a room full of strangers.
On the scale of badass, playing hooky from the final few days of my senior classes was peanuts.
I rolled over on my mattress and winced. I was still a bit sore despite Owl’s soothing bath and massage. Sorer than my pussy were my feelings.
I scratched at the irritation in my chest. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Hawk looking at me while he fucked that girl. His expression unreadable but holding me still, making sure I watched. I could no longer tell if I was hurt that he’d fucked her in front of me? Or if I was just jealous that he’d fucked her instead of me? It didn’t matter. I wasn’t going back to get fucked again.
The space between my legs, which had been a sore spot only a moment ago, throbbed in excitement at the thought of getting fucked again. I clamped down on my feelings and I squeezed my thighs together. My resolve strengthened as the throbbing subsided. I was nearly back to myself, back to my calm, quiet, plain, predictable self.
My phone rang. I leaped for it. The name on the caller ID was not who my heart pounded for.
It was Jerry, my boyfriend. My boyfriend who I was supposed to go away with tomorrow for a weekend of planned romance and intercourse.
What was I going to do about Jerry? I had to tell him. But tell him what? That I’d fucked a group of guys and it had been a mistake? That I’d been about to throw everything I’d worked for four years for away on a couple of orgasms? Okay, a lot of orgasms.
I was not this girl. I had a plan. A three story home, two children, and one devoted husband. Not a life in a crowded garage with a host of strangers fucking anything with a warm cunt. My initial plan could still work. I answered the phone.
“Hey Jer -Jerry.”
“Eleanor, hey. I was just checking in. You’ve had truffles before, right?”
“Um…yeah?”
“Good, I picked up some for this weekend. They’re supposed to be an aphrodisiac. I thought…well, you know. We could have some and then…”
Hawk had never offered me an aphrodisiac. He’d never even offered me a glass of water. No, he’d just put his hands down my panties and I got aroused.
“That sounds like fun, Jerry. I’d like that.”
“I want you to be comfortable,” Jerry said. “I want everything to be perfect for you.”
I choked. For the past year, Jerry had been nothing but sweet and patient with me. He’d never once looked at another girl while we were out together. When I met his friends they did nothing more than shake my hand. Not one of them had ever put their hand up my skirt.
Jerry was concerned with my food intake and my comfort. He’d never fuck a girl up against a wall right after making love to me. Jerry would never fuck me to begin with. He wanted to make love to me tomorrow night. In a sense, it would be my first time. I hadn’t made love with Hawk or Eagle or Crow, or even Owl. They’d all fucked me.
“Eleanor? Ellie? Is everything okay? Do you still wanna go?”
“Yeah, Jerry. I do wanna go with you.”
******
We pulled up at a cabin in the woods. It was more like a cottage with a sloping roof made of logs and a porch with a swing. Inside, Jerry had laid out purple asters. Asters were a daisy-like flower that were a favorite of both bees and butterflies. A peek in the bedroom showed candles waiting to be lit. It was the perfect setting for a romantic weekend.
“Hungry?” Jerry came up behind me. He put his hand at the small of my back. It rested there lightly, without any sensual weight.
I wasn’t hungry, but I followed Jerry and sat down at the table. I ate the truffle-covered scallops he’d had prepared for us. We chatted about his schoolwork. He asked questions about mine. Before I knew it, the sun had gone down.
Jerry got up to put the dishes away. “You wanna take a shower?”
“Why?”
He shrugged. “We’ve been traveling all day. Just thought you might want to be fresh. I’ll go in after you.”
I fidgeted in my dry underwear. Eagle had three pairs of dirty, soiled panties of mine but Jerry wanted me to come to him clean. Well, that was probably what normal boys wanted; clean girls with clean panties. I went to the shower.
I undressed and looked at myself in the mirror. My nipples were soft, not tight points like Crow liked. There was no abundance of wetness between my legs like Eagle insisted on. I soaped up, dried off, and then went into the bedroom to wait for Jerry.
He came in ten minutes later. He paused in the doorway, mouth agape.
“What’s wrong?”
“N-nothing,” he stammered. “I just didn’t expect…” He waved his hand in the vague direction of my body.
I looked down at myself, still not understanding the problem.
“I thought you’d wear some sexy lingerie,” he stammered. “Or underwear, or something.”
I lay naked on the bed. It hadn’t occurred to me to wear any lingerie for him to take off. For a second a thrill went through my cunt and a trickle of wetness made me ready. Was Jerry going to punish me for not offering him my panties? I felt myself flush at the prospect of a vibrator stuffed in my aching pussy.
Jerry turned away from me. He reached out and turned the lights out. Now, cast in darkness, I felt him approach.
“You wanna get under the covers?” he asked.
It wasn’t really a question. He was already pulling back the comforter and sheets. I scooted over and lay down. For a second, I thought we were going to actually go to sleep. But then he awkwardly mounted me. He politely nudged my knees open. I spread for him. I felt him grope around between us for the waistband of his pants. His fingers brushed my core. He inhaled sharply.
“You okay, Jerry?”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m good. You okay?”
“Mmh hmm. Yeah.”
He leaned in and put his lips on mine. I realized this was the first time he’d kissed me since he’d picked me up this afternoon. His lips felt stiff, cold. How had I thought he was passionate before? Before, Hawk.
Thoughts of Hawk putting his mouth on me, tracing his tongue around my mouth, down my neck, invaded my conscious mind. Hawk grabbing the back of my head with his big hand and directing me where he wanted me to go. Hawk watching me with those big eyes that soaked up my pleasure, took it in, and reflected it back at me like it was his own.
“Ohhh,” Jerry groaned.
“You okay, Jerry?”
“Yeah,” he panted. He looked up at me with a goofy grin. “Was it good for you too?”
“Pardon?”
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
My eyes adjusted to the dark. I looked down to see his flaccid penis withdrawing from me, shrinking in the used condom. I hadn’t even felt him go in.
Chapter Twenty-One
When I left the lab it was late in the evening. The sun had set and there was nothing to guide me back to my dorm but the campus blue lights. Playing hooky last week, and having my head elsewhere the days before, had cost me time on my final projects. I’d been putting in late nights for the past few days.
“You shouldn’t be out walking by yourself, sweet meat. Never know when a predator might be lurking in the dark. A sweet little morsel like you would be too hard to resist scooping up and carrying away.”
I stopped in my tracks at the sound of that deep voice. He was on me before I turned around. His torso brushed up against my backside. His nose sank into my hair.
I stepped out of his reach and turned. “What are you doing here, Hawk?”
Hawk narrowed his eyes at my retreat but didn’t close the distance.
“Shouldn’t you be breaking the speed limit or fucking some girl on the hood of a car?”
He grinned. “That sounds like fun. I’m parked just over there if you wanna ride. Or a seat on my hood.”
I swallowed. “No, thank you.”
“Always so fucking polite.”
“Well, there's a lot of naughty girls on this campus, one’s who’ll suite your tastes better than me. I’m sure you’ll find what you’re looking for.” I turned to leave.
Hawk grabbed my hand. “I came looking for you, Ellie. I want you."
I tried to take my hand from him. He wouldn’t let go. He intertwined his fingers with mine.
“I can’t…” I looked at his hand, wondering who else those fingers had fondled in the days since I last saw him. “I can’t…”
Hawk brought me into his chest. “Shh, baby. Let me hold you, Ellie.”
I didn’t struggle. Not with him. I stopped fighting myself too. I relaxed in his arms. God, I’d missed the smell of him, the feel of him.
He stroked my hair. Planted light kisses on my brow. He tilted my chin up. I looked into his eyes and he looked into mine. I saw sadness reflected back at me.
“Ride with me?” he said.
I hesitated.
“Just a ride, Ellie. I want to show you something. Then I’ll bring you back home. I promise.”
I allowed myself to be led to his car. He folded my palm into his. Somewhere between the pavement and the passenger door, our fingers intertwined.
Hawk handed me into the passenger seat, then rounded the car to climb into the driver’s side. He put the key into the ignition and the engine roared to life, along with my dormant core. My clit perked up, eager for a joy ride. We took off.
Hawk was silent for many miles. He sped down the highway, the miles falling away like the days that had spread between us. He reached his hand over to my thigh. Before it settled on my leg, he paused in mid air. He clenched his fist and put it back on the steering wheel.
We pulled into a residential neighborhood. It was a gated community. Hawk punched in a code and the gates opened. The guard at the gate nodded at Hawk and leaned back in his seat as we drove past the guard shack.
We drove through the McMansions with pricey cars in the garages and pools in the back yards. They were beautiful homes. The type of homes I’d always dreamed of having with my husband and two kids. We pulled up to a curb, and Hawk put the car in park.
“Where are we, Hawk?”
He turned from looking out the window at the house up on the hill in front of us. “Home.”
I looked up at the house. “Whose home?”
“This is where I grew up. My father’s a lawyer. Worked sixty hours a week since I was kid, but he has a strict weekends-off policy. Always came to my soccer games and school functions. My mother was a stay-at-home mom. She was on the PTA and drove us to all our after school activities. I’ve got a sister. She’s an Art major in college. My parents are still married -happily.”
I looked up at the house again. It was the life I wanted, the life I’d planned to have with Jerry. The mailbox at the end of the drive had a flag of red, white, and green. The name “Hernandez” was written in bold black on the side of the mailbox.
Hawk turned to me. “I’m not some broken man who’s got mommy issues. My father wasn’t absent or abusive. I didn’t have a rough start. My parents didn’t spoil me into thinking I could get whatever I wanted.”
He paused, staring into my eyes, searching for understanding. “I fuck who I want to, when I want to, because I want to. I don’t need somebody to fix me. This is who I am. This is who I choose to be. I’m not broken, Ellie.”
I would be lying if I hadn’t assumed exactly what he was disproving. That he’d been abandoned. That he had trust issues. That he didn’t know what commitment looked like and I just had to show him. That he’d be so grateful that he’d give up all the other girls and be mine and only mine forever.
Hawk looked me right in the eye. He leaned back so I could get a good glimpse of his picture-perfect upbringing. Then he leaned forward so I could see the earnestness in his face. See that what he told me about himself was all true; his lived past and his chosen future.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I was wrong to fuck that girl the way I did. I did it to get at you.”
“To get at me?”
“You…” He stopped, shook his head, and sighed.
I felt him searching, struggling for words. I wanted to reach out to him, but I stayed my hand.
Hawk tried again. “Ellie I’m never gonna be monogamous. It’s just not how I’m built. But I can’t stop thinking about… fucking you. I’ve fucked at least five girls since the last time I saw you. And after I’ve pulled out of every one of them, I’ve wanted to come find you and fuck you.”
He leaned into the driver’s door. He looked at my lips as he ran his thumb back and forth across his own lips. “I don’t know what you did to me,” he continued. “I’ve never slept with a woman. Like actually slept in a bed. I don’t remember the last time I fucked a woman in a bed. When Eagle caught us together in the morning…” He shrugged. “That girl I fucked in front of you, that was just stupid guy shit. It was childish and I should’ve handled my shit like a man and not taken it out on you. I’m sorry for that. I will never do disrespectful shit like that to you again.”
“I don’t understand what you’re asking me, Hawk?” I thought about Shakira and Owl and the blurry lines of their relationship. I wanted a clear definition of what was going on between us. “Are you asking me to be a piece of tail for the Watchers Crew? Are you asking me to be your personal fuck buddy?”
I swallowed, but the hope rose in my chest as I put voice to my heart’s desire. “Are you asking me to be…your girlfriend?”
Hawk rolled his eyes at the last statement and my heart sank. I felt so stupid, so childish, so naive.
“I fucked my boyfriend,” I said.
His face turned from an eye roll to a glare of displeasure. It reminded me of Eagle’s glare when I’d shown up without panties. “Who’s your boyfriend?”
“It’s not like you know him.”
Hawk’s jaw tensed as though that was exactly his point.
I flustered in my seat. “So you can fuck other girls, but I can’t fuck other boys.”
Hawk’s eyes narrowed on me. “You didn’t like it.” It was a statement of fact, not a point of inquiry.
I reared back, but I said nothing. I would not give him the satisfaction.
“If this boy friend,” he made sure to separate the two words, “did right by you, you wouldn’t be in this car with me.”
“You’re a hypocrite.” I looked out the window at his childhood home. All the lights were off inside.
“Am I? I like knowing that who ever is fucking you is gonna take care of you. That they’re gonna send that sweet pussy of yours into convulsions. I make you come. Hard. Every time. My boys’ll do the same. This boyfriend -what the fuck is his name?”
“Jeremiah.”
“Jere-fucking-miah. If he doesn’t know how to get you off then he doesn’t deserve to get between your legs.”
“And you get to get other girls off? Any girl you want, any time you want, any way and place you want? And I’m just supposed to wait around for you? Let your boys fuck me while I wait for you?”
Hawk stared at me, his jaw tense. He looked into my eyes and slowly his chest deflated like a ba
lloon. “I’m not gonna lie to you, Ellie. I want you. Bad. But I’m not gonna pretend to be someone I’m not. If that’s what you want, the monogamy and the marriage and…” he tilted his head to indicate his parents’ home. “If that’s part of your plan, then I am not the man for you.”
I didn’t respond.
“I’ll take you home.”
He started the car. The engine called to my core. My clit reared up, but my heart was too busy aching to take notice.
Chapter Twenty-Two
We drove in silence. Hawk kept the car just under the speed limit all the way home. He pulled up to my dorm and put the car in park. We both just sat under the street light for long moments in silence.
Finally, he got out of the driver’s side. I closed my eyes and exhaled the breath I’d been holding all the way home. When he reached for the door handle I panicked. I nearly reached out my hand to hold the door shut so I could stay in his world a little while longer.
My hands stayed in my lap and he pulled the door open. He offered me his hand. I took it. Those same sparks from the first night we met zipped throughout my body.
Hawk stared in my eyes. He leaned against me for a moment, my ass against the steel of his car. It all felt so familiar. I wanted to lift my legs around his hips. But he took my hand and pulled me away from the car. He laced his fingers with mine as we walked to my dorm room.
We paused at my door. He looked down at our entwined hands as though he didn’t know how that happened. Slowly, he unraveled his fingers from mine. Before our finger pads separated I clenched his fingers back to mine. We stood there leaning against each other.
“I know, baby,” he said. “I’m aching for it, too.”
We stared at each other. I knew exactly what he was thinking. Maybe, just one more time?
I unlocked the door. I was confronted with the wall I’d been staring at for the last few days. The wall I kept imagining him fucking another girl against. I came inside, stepped out of my panties, and put my face against the wall.
Test Drive (Watchers Crew) Page 10
