by S. E. Hall
-S
I fold the note back up, searching aimlessly for a place to tuck it. I have nothing with me, not even my own clothes, so I hide it back under the pillow I slept on last night, secretly hoping I’ll be back there soon to pick it up. I check his bathroom, stealing a quick tryst with his toothbrush, and then go back to sit on the edge of his bed. I can’t stay in here all day, but the thought of wandering out, in his clothes, mortifies me. I refuse to do the walk of shame when the dirtiest thing we did was talk about pooping.
Ten minutes later, I can’t sit idle any longer. I have too much to do today. I stand, tightening the drawstring of his shorts that hang past my knees despite my efforts and make my way down the hallway. I wince as a floorboard creaks beneath my cold, bare feet, but I forge onward.
“Morning, Sunshine,” Laney greets me in the kitchen.
“Hi, Laney,” I duck my head, crossing my arms over my braless chest. “H-how are you?”
“Good, considering it’s morning. I hate them.”
“Uh, where’s Sawyer?” I mutter, still looking at the floor.
“He had a class, but he told me to tell you he’ll be back at ten. And,” she comes around the corner, holding my clothes and purse, “he went and grabbed these from Bennett’s for you in case you woke up.”
“Oh, thank you.” I sigh in relief and take them from her. “I’ll, ah, go get changed.”
“Emmett,” she places a hand on my shoulder, “don’t be embarrassed. I know Sawyer, therefore I know you have nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“What do you mean?”
“You slept, all night, in his bed, and he let you. And you’re still here in the morning. You’re different for him. I’m not trying to be nosy, I just want you to know you don’t have to feel weird. No one’s going to think less of you, okay?”
I swallow down the disgust I taste at the thought of Sawyer’s revolving door, flashbacks of him and Mariah in the alley playing in my mind. “Okay, thank you.” I give her a fake smile and scurry down the hall, his clothes now burning my skin.
Shutting the door and changing as quickly as I can, I’m not sure which bothers me more, the thought of all his conquests or the fact that I’m not one. Am I deficient? Can he smell the baggage on me?
Wait, what the heck, Emmett? You told him it wasn’t an option and now you feel rejected? See, this is what happens when you get too close to the fire…you go completely insane from smoke inhalation. I have a plan, a clearly laid path that I must stay on, and no one will lead me astray.
I grab my phone, dialing the cab company. I realize I don’t know the address here as soon as they ask. “Hold on,” I grumble in his ear, walking back out to the kitchen. “Laney, what’s your address?”
She spouts it off and I repeat it into the phone, confirming a fifteen minute wait before hanging up. “Why?” she finally turns around to face me and asks.
“I needed it for the taxi.”
“What? Why? No, please don’t leave!” she shrieks, her arms flailing wildly out to her sides.
I back up, slightly concerned for her sanity. I think she might actually be tearing up right now, and I’m more than a little freaked out.
“Is it because of what I said? I meant it as a compliment, Emmett, like you don’t have to hang your head, afraid we all think you slept with him. Not that it’s bad if you did, but, God!” She fists her hands, holding them to the sides of her head. “I didn’t mean anything. I’m so sorry. You just looked embarrassed. Shit, he’s gonna kill me!”
And she seemed so normal yesterday.
“Laney, I have to go because I have a lot to do. I’m not upset. I know what you were trying to say and I appreciate it, really.”
“Sawyer will be back any minute. Why don’t you wait and let him drive you? He’ll be so upset if he comes back and you’re gone. You didn’t see his face this morning, Emmett. I haven’t seen him smile like that in months.”
“I like him too.” I grin despite myself, thinking of the way he makes me laugh, the feel of him holding me close all night. “He’s a good friend. It’ll be fine, I’ll see him at work.”
Her head drops and she shakes it back and forth. “You’ll destroy him.”
“I won’t,” I say sternly. “He knows we can only be friends. I promise, he’ll be all right. His headboard will be rocking again before you know it.” I snicker facetiously, trying to convince myself as much as her that everything’s just great.
A horn sounds outside. Thankfully, the cab’s early.
“That’s my ride, I gotta go. Everything’s cool, Laney. Promise.”
“Yeah.” She swipes her hand under her nose, sniffling. “So, I’ll see you Thursday night? You promised to come to Crew Night.”
“I’ll be there,” I nod and turn to get out the door as fast as my legs will carry me.
She knows as well as I do that Sawyer and I have already happened and collateral damage is inevitable.
I just pray I can bear the brunt of the pain and he’s spared.
Obviously he wasn’t happy that I left before he got home, since he’s refusing to walk up to my door now.
Sawyer: I’m downstairs, come get the car keys please.
If this makes him feel better, like he’s punishing me, I’m going to let him have it. As I walk down the stairs, approaching him, I lose my breath. He’s propped on one hip against the side of the car, aviators covering the eyes I can feel on me. Dressed in dark washed jeans and a white muscle shirt, white ball cap riding backwards on his head; he’s absolutely the sexiest man I’ve ever seen.
“Hey,” I mumble, fiddling with the leg of my shorts. It hurts to look at him any longer, the tugging on my heart more than figurative, it’s downright painful.
He startles me by shoving his hand under my hair at the base of my skull. “Your hair’s wet. How hot is it up there?”
“Not bad, I just have thick hair,” I pull the tie off my wrist and make quick work of a ponytail. “Thank you for letting me use the car. I shouldn’t accept, it’s too much,” I peek up at him with a small smile, “but I will.”
“Why’d you leave me this morning?” His grip on my neck tightens and he pulls my head to his, resting his forehead on mine.
“You actually left me,” I snicker, “but I had to go. I work tonight, so I needed to do laundry and try to find my landlord, stuff like that. I didn’t mean to make you mad.”
“I wasn’t mad.” He sighs, his fingers on the side of my neck now massaging the muscles under them.
“Liar,” I smirk, “that’s why you made me walk down here to you. Doling out your big punishment.” I poke him in the stomach playfully.
“Come with me, please.” He presses his lips against mine, sliding them sideways back and forth. “At least until your air’s fixed. We can drive to work together, eat first. Let me take care of you, Emmett.”
I struggle to breathe steadily, consumed by the feel of our lips feathering one another. “We can’t keep going in circles, Sawyer. I’m only so strong. I can’t take this,” I whisper, my traitorous voice squeaking with the urge to surrender.
He drops his grip on me, backing away and lifting his arms in the air. “All I fucking see is you! All I’m asking for is a chance, Emmett! I don’t care about your past, everyone fucking has one woman!”
“Don’t yell at me!” I gulp back the sobs, but can’t stop the flow of tears. “You said you didn’t want to know, so you’ll just have to trust me, Sawyer. I’m not worth it!” I turn and run back up the stairs, slamming my door and throwing myself face down on my bed. How quickly things turned, his soft mouth and warm breath caressing me one second, lashing out in pained harshness the next.
I hear him coming, a man his size can’t sneak up on anyone, so I don’t even flinch at the sound of his voice, leaving my face down.
“Here’s the key, drive the car.”
I feel the key bounce on the bed beside me right before he slams the door behind him and I listen to his hea
vy, angry footsteps plod down the stairs.
Good—I hope he stays angry at me. I’d rather have him mad than hurt.
—Sawyer—
I’m really on a roll today…I’d left Emmett in tears, was a complete dick to the cab driver (probably should’ve planned how I’d get home after leaving her the car) and now I’m scaring Laney. I crash through our front door, putting the knob through the wall, causing Laney to jolt a good four inches off the couch.
“Shit, Sawyer!” She clutches her chest, shrinking me on sight with her scathing glare. “What’s on fire?”
“Sorry.” I pull the door out of the wall, slamming it closed. “I didn’t mean to scare you. That woman is driving me crazy!”
“She’s scared.” Her face now dissolves into a sympathetic frown. “I don’t know of what, but she’s petrified. I hate to say it, but you may need to back off.”
“Oh, I’ve backed off all right. I just screamed at her and left while she was crying. Fuck!” I grab my head with both hands, scrubbing furiously back and forth. “Why the fuck don’t I have longer fucking hair! Shit!”
“Okayyyy.” Laney walks over to me, pulling down my arms. “Come sit down before you blow a blood vessel.” She guides me to the couch. “By the way, you need to work on your angry words. The f-bomb is only powerful if you don’t drop it every other word.”
I can’t help my lip curl, smiling at my girl; she always knows the right thing to say. Her slick wit gets me all the time. “You were scared shitless when I first met you. Tell me what to do, Gidge.”
“I told you, I honestly think you should back off. Let her come to you.”
“Like a butterfly, let her land on me,” I mumble to myself, thinking of Kasey’s advice.
“That might be the coolest thing you’ve ever said,” she looks at me in wonder. “Have you been camping out in the greeting card aisle?”
“Something like that.” I shrug. We’re talking about me here, not Kasey, so screw giving him credit.
“She’s coming Thursday night, she promised. Stay away from her until then, and POW!” She slams one fist in the other palm. “When she gets here, show her what’s been missing all week. Be aloof but flirtatious, dress to kill and let your Gidge take care of the rest.” She winks at me.
“Have I told you lately that I love you?”
“Seriously, stay out of Hallmark. You’re creeping me out.” She shoulder nudges me. “And I love you too.”
Chapter 10
You, Me and the Crew
—Sawyer—
Monday night I went to the gym and worked out until I could barely lift my arms. I downed three beers in one episode of Miami Ink, CJ called about a race this weekend and I hung up on him, and then I went to sleep. Actually, then I laid in my bed and tossed and turned, typed and deleted about four texts to Emmett, then I feel asleep.
Tuesday I went in to The K before the lunch shift, took care of all my stuff at lightning speed, and got the hell out of there. I waited for Zach outside the field house and forced him to go on a two-hour ride on our bikes. I ate in my room then jacked off twice in the shower. Three guesses, and the first two don’t count, who I pictured in my head while yanking myself.
Wednesday I skipped classes because honestly, right now I fear for the safety of anyone who crosses my path sideways. I can’t remember ever being this wound up in my life, not even when I couldn’t find her. I’m fucking exhausted because I can’t sleep, starving because I’ve barely eaten and sore as hell from the marathon gym trips. Not to mention, I’ve never gone so long without sex in my life and I’m a little worried backed up cum may start seeping out my eyeballs any second.
I can’t go in to work for obvious reasons and Dane’s probably about to kick my ass for all the overtime he’s about to have to pay Kasey. I worry about her non-stop, especially not being at the bar to watch her, but I trust Laney’s advice and I’ve come too far to fuck things up any further. The only reason I find restful sleep Wednesday night is because I know she only worked until nine, has a car now, and tomorrow is Thursday, Crew Night, and she’ll be there.
When I walk into the living room Thursday morning, Dane’s adjusting his tie in the mirror by the door. “Could you be any more obvious?” he asks without meeting my eyes.
“’Bout what?”
“Why all of a sudden, after three days, you’re functional and spunky-tailed. Where’s your ‘don’t give a fuck’ attitude?”
“If it was up your ass you’d know it.”
“Testy.” He chuckles. “You ready for tonight?”
I glare at him, at the nerve of the smug bastard. I taught him game. “Pretty sure I got it, but thanks for your concern.”
“Don’t get it twisted, Sawyer.” He turns, face now serious. “I am concerned. If you’re upset, Laney’s upset. If Laney’s upset, I hire fucking clowns. Now whatever’s up your ass—fix it.” He heads back to the door, picking up his briefcase. “Saw her at The K the other day,” he comments nonchalantly. “She asked about you. Said to tell you ‘hi’ since you haven’t returned her calls or texts?”
“Hmm,” I reply, shooting for unconcerned.
“And for what it’s worth, I think she’d be crazy not to see what a great guy you are.”
“Thanks, Daney,” I give him shit, “did you take care of the other thing for me?”
“Should go down sometime this afternoon.”
“My man.” I walk over and fist bump him.
“And the place?”
“Sent the cleaners in today; all yours.”
“I meant to ask, not that I’m not glad as hell you did, but why’d you buy that duplex too?”
He turns and looks at me like I’m one beer short of a six-pack. “Is that a real question? I’m controlling the perimeter. I have to make sure guys don’t live on either side of Laney.”
“Tate lives right there,” I point, “and I’m pretty sure he’s a guy.”
“He’s my brother.”
“Tucker, also penis-packing, lives right there,” I point to the other side of the room. “Really pulled off that plan,” I jibe. “Good job.”
“You’re right, he is penis-packing. Packing it right into his boyfriend.”
“How could you possibly know that?”
“If you live with, beside, or anywhere in the vicinity of Laney, I know.”
“Does it bother you at all that you’re psychotic?”
“You say psycho, I say careful…and Laney says she loves me.” He winks. “I’m sleeping just fine at night.” He claps me on the shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “Key’s on the counter.”
I shake my head, laughing to myself at that douche. Can’t help but love the kid, though. I assume Laney’s already left or she would have accosted him on his way out the door, so with the house to myself, I crank up my Emmett song, “In Luv Wit a Stripper” by Somo. I do the dishes and clean my room like a good boy. When all that’s done, I head to the store, following the list Laney left for me with a ton of help from the guy at the store, who also had no idea what half the shit she wrote was. Hell, I bought it and I’m still not sure what the fuck hummus is.
Crew Night starts at seven, so at six, I jump in the shower, wanting not only to be clean but as relaxed as possible. A man with a loaded gun can be a very scary thing, and I can’t afford to “scare” Emmett tonight. Jumping on her the minute she walks in the door and humping her leg probably wouldn’t be conducive to the whole “I’m a sensitive guy, Emmett, I swear” fact that I desperately need to her to understand. So now scrubbed head to toe, I squirt more shampoo in my palm and wrap it around my dick. I close my eyes and lean my head against the tile wall, like I’ve done so many times this week, and picture her in my head. More often than not, I use the still frame in my mind of her in that little red bikini, but today…today I envision her big green eyes looking up at me as she lies beneath me in my bed. She sucks on her bottom lip and slowly lets her knees fall open before me. “Take me, Sawyer” she whispers,
using her hands to spread herself wide open for me. Ah, Goddamn, that’s it, my hand moving rapidly up and down my length, squeezing tighter around it.
“What do you want?” I actually pant out loud, totally vested in this fantasy.
“You, inside me,” my dream girl sweetly begs. “Please, Sawyer.”
My cum spurts out of me and I grunt, pulling and tugging on my dick with no mercy. I can almost feel her soaking it up, all I have to give her, and I remain bent against the wall, my chest heaving long after I’ve finished.
Now I’m ready to see her tonight. With that pressure alleviated, surely I can go at least five minutes being in the same room with her without imagining myself buried in her. I get dressed like Laney instructed, a white button down with the sleeves rolled to my elbows and low riding jeans. I put both diamond studs in my ears, slide my eyebrow ring in, and brush my teeth three times, finishing up with a dash of Usher cologne.
I’m filling the kitchen sink with ice and drinks when the first of the crowd starts to arrive. Because they only have ten steps to make, it’s, of course, Tate and Bennett.
“What can I do?” Bennett asks, and I turn, hands full, and give her a kiss on the cheek.
“Everything Laney had me get is in the fridge. Maybe you’ll know what to do with it.”
Tate beats her to it, reaching in for a beer. “She specifically said she wanted me to taste test the beer. Duty calls,” he says as he tilts back a Dos Equis. “So, I hear we’re plus one tonight.” He hitches a brow my way. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dying to meet the girl who’s sprung Sawyer Beckett, Esquire.”
“Don’t say shit like that when she’s here.” I turn and point at him, my cheeks beginning to flush. “I mean it, vag bag.”
“I won’t, relax,” he grins, “but think about this. If you have to be someone else around her, then you’re not letting her get to know the real you. Why would you want to be someone else? If she falls for the wrong version, she’s not really falling for you.”
“Makes sense,” I ponder it for a minute, “but I’m not doing it on purpose, it just is. The person I am around Emmett, it’s the me I want to be. It feels natural.”
