Anne snuggled deep under her own thick quilts, resting her head on the soft feather pillow. She didn’t know what lay ahead exactly, but she was determined to prepare herself as best she could. She might not have gotten all the answers she wanted, but at least now she had a means of searching for them.
She was, after all, a Keeper of the Sparrow.
A Kind of Epilogue
And so Anne became the Rightful Heir, and the Kingdom of Saint Lupin’s became the official home of the newly minted Saint Lupin’s Quest Academy. Princess Whiskers took over the Matron’s office and spent most of her time either sleeping on her cushion or batting around the prophecy medallions, while Dog resumed his place in the basket in the corner. However, since Nana also insisted on continuing to sleep in the office, everyone who entered the room had to climb over her tail, and eventually they elected to hold all staff meetings in the bathroom down the hallway.
Rokk moved into the bell tower and rang the bell every hour on the hour. His timekeeping was accurate to one one-millionth of a second.
When Hiro wasn’t busy making lists of things that needed fixing (mostly of things he himself had blown up), he spent much of his time helping Sassafras search for his lost slippers or chasing stray poodles. Captain Copperhelm trained Penelope in advanced sword fighting techniques—that is, until she accidentally stabbed him in the buttocks. And Anne helped Jocelyn prepare the new campus. They hired top instructors from all over the Hierarchy, installed hot showers in the bathrooms, and sent the iron knights to work in the coal mines.
In the end, they also kept the zombie sharks.
Just in case.
Oh, and the red-covered guidebook with the gash in it, tucked carefully under Anne’s mattress, finally managed a title that made sense. It read: The Adventurer’s Guide to Magickal Book Repair (Please!)
FIRST-YEAR READING LIST FOR WOULD-BE ADVENTURERS
(If you haven’t run away screaming after reading the list, you might have a chance.)
QUESTING 101
• The Adventurer’s Guide to Adventurer’s Guides: The Best Guide for Determining the Best Guide for You
• The Keeper’s Handbook, 23rd Edition
• Nez and the Art of Gauntlet Maintenance
• Introduction to Sparrow Psychology
• Five Hundred Impractical Outfits for Adventurers
• Dead Keepers of the Hierarchy and How They Met Their Ultimate Demise
HISTORY OF ADVENTURING 101
• A Complete History of the Hierarchy (Minus the Boring Parts)
• A Complete History of Adventuring: Fact vs. Fiction vs. Hearsay vs. Stuff Your Uncle Once Told You When You Were a Kid vs. Things People Sometimes Mumble in Their Sleep
• The Book of General Knowledge Not Generally Known
COMBAT 101
• Your Sword: More Than Just a Pointy Stick to Annoy Your Friends With
• The Pacifist’s Guide to Basic Combat
• The Fine Art of Pillow Fighting
• Squirrels: Friend or Weapon?
MAGICK 101
• An Introduction to Magick and Why You Should Probably Never Use It
• Magick: A User’s Guide (Bandages Included)
• Magick Without a Hitch: How to Determine Your Cost for Magick Without Losing Your Hair (Unless, of Course, Your Cost for Magick IS Losing Your Hair, in Which Case Sorry but We Can’t Help You)
• The Rules of Magick for Mannequins
DRAGONS 101
• Travel by Fireball: Innovation of the Century or Just One More Stupid Way to Get Yourself Killed
• Red Means Dead
• Why Humans Make Good Toothpicks
• What to Do When a Dragon Sits on You (and Other Helpful Tips)
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
First and foremost, my thanks to my family: to my wife, Wendy, for her support, counsel, cheerleading, and occasional nudging, and for being the person who makes me laugh more than anyone else in the whole world; to Josh, Greg, and Zach, for reading (or listening to me read) many drafts of this book and still laughing at all the right parts; to Phil, for reading and critiquing way more drafts than any reasonable person should ever be asked to read (including the first draft, which no one should ever be asked to read) and giving invaluable feedback; to Lisa and Mom for their ongoing enthusiasm and encouragement; and in memory of Dad, who I think would have found it funny, especially travel by fireball.
Thanks to my wonderful agent, Elizabeth Kaplan, for her sharp wit and steady guidance, and for believing in the book in the first place and continuing to work tirelessly on my behalf. May all your flowers bloom in season.
Many thanks as well to my eagle-eyed editor, Lisa Yoskowitz, for her brilliant insights and unwavering passion for Anne and her story, to Mariano Epelbaum for his fantastic artwork, and to the entire team at Little, Brown Books for Young Readers, including (but not limited to) Kheryn Callender, Maggie Edkins, Jen Graham, Jeff Campbell, Saraciea Fennell, Jessica Shoffel, Melanie Chang, and Megan Tingley, who helped transform this author’s words into the book you now hold in your hands.
My thanks to the following readers and fellow writers who read some version of the story, whether in whole or in part, and provided me with such insightful and thoughtful comments: Betsy Aldredge, Tim Beers, Aimee Blume, Juliana L. Brandt, Ken Byars, Sarah Byrne, Laura Capasso, Senner Dan, Julie Dao, Arielle Datz, Kit Davis, Cale Dietrich, Sandy Fetchko, Tatum Flynn, Jane Forni, Keith Grant, Robert M. Graves, Mary Hallberg, Jeanne Haskin, Rita de Heer, Naomi Hughes, Michelle Hulse, Kathryn Jankowski, Kimberly Johnson, Michael Keyton, Kim Long, Casey Lyall, Rebekah Maxner, Danayi Munyati, Katrina Oppermann, Dragon Paradise, L. K. Pinaire, Sarah Schauerte, Caitlin Sinead, Phillip Spencer, Kimberly Vanderhorst, Sue Wachtman, Max Wirestone, and Kim J. Zimring. My thanks as well to everyone in the Best Word writers’ group for being a great support and cheering me on.
A huge thank-you also to the following younger readers: Heidi, Robyn, and Sarah.
And finally, my thanks to the squirrel who bit me when I was ten years old. Your contribution to this book should be self-evident.
* If the answer to this first question is “No,” in most cases there is no need to complete the rest of the form (use your discretion).
** If you thought it would be funny to scratch in “Yes” here, please note such action will appear on your permanent record.
CONTENTS
COVER
TITLE PAGE
WELCOME
DEDICATION
A SORT OF PROLOGUE
1: The Matron of Saint Lupin’s
2: Fire Lizards and Fireballs
3: The End of the World
4: The Silver Medallion
5: Flight from Saint Lupin’s
6: Welcome to Death Mountain
7: The Cat and the Quest
8: Not-So-Basic Training
9: The Official Antagonist
10: Mr. Shard
11: The Tower with No Door
12: Inside the Infinite Tower
13: The Knight Who Never Lived
14: Sand Wolves and Portals
15: The Key You Cannot Hold
16: The Construct
17: Prisoners of the Council
18: Robot vs. Dragon
19: The Throne Without a Crown
20: The Rightful Heir
A KIND OF EPILOGUE
FIRST-YEAR READING LIST FOR WOULD-BE ADVENTURERS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
COPYRIGHT
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the p
roduct of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Text copyright © 2016 by Wade Albert White
Cover and interior artwork copyright © 2016 by Mariano Epelbaum
Cover design and lettering by Maggie Edkins
Cover copyright © 2016 Hachette Book Group, Inc.
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at [email protected]. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
Little, Brown and Company
Hachette Book Group
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Little, Brown and Company is a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The Little, Brown name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
The publisher is not responsible for websites (or their content) that are not owned by the publisher.
First ebook edition: September 2016
ISBN 978-0-316-30527-3
E3-20160803-JV-PC
The Adventurer's Guide to Successful Escapes Page 22
