by Annie O'Neil
Emma’s lip wobbled a little. ‘Oh, honey, I’m so sorry. I really am.’
‘I haven’t been ready to stop for so long. I just wasn’t ready to let go. I’m not sure if I really am, but I do have to accept that my husband is dead. That I won’t be having his baby, because...because I just can’t.’ Abbie’s chest felt as if it had a thick weight pressing on it. ‘I tried. God knows, I tried.’
Twisting the edge of the duvet in her fingers, she rallied. ‘So, I’m moving on. I’m going to leave NICU because I just can’t face working with those little ones every day. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m determined that this time next year I’m going to be in a new job. At least, maybe my career can be my baby instead? That’s something to look forward to, right? I’ve actually made the decision to let go. It hurts like hell, but...’ Actually, it felt like a betrayal for everything she’d promised Michael, for everything they’d worked towards. She was betraying him and it felt like a knife in her heart. But... ‘Anyway, no more hormones, so that’s a relief. Well, happy Christmas to me. I may even put a tree up next year too. Who knows? Oh, and I got you both a present but they’re at home. Right. What do you think?’
‘Oh, honey, I know what it’s taken for you to say that. I think you need a break and some rest and some time.’ Emma wrapped her in a hug. ‘But it is lovely to see you being positive.’
Abbie blew out a long sigh. ‘Okay, so you don’t think I’m giving up too easily? Good. Thanks. So, what do you have to tell me?’
‘Rosie, love... Let me show you how to do this. Look, you can draw pictures...’ Emma sat her daughter on a chair and gave her the little tablet device. After promising she wouldn’t let technology become a babysitter, maybe she was learning it could be a good distraction tool for a few minutes. ‘Okay, Abbie. I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching. I...don’t actually know how to say this...’ Emma laughed nervously. ‘I want to do something for you. Nursing a husband through cancer is bad enough, but losing baby after baby was killing you. And I love that you want a new job and everything instead of a baby and that you’re trying to be brave, but I also know that that’s something you’ve always dreamt about since we were little. You’d be a fabulous mum. You of all people deserve to have a baby—yours and Michael’s. So...’ Emma slipped her hand over Abbie’s. ‘I want to have it for you.’
‘You...what?’ Joy swam across Abbie’s chest, swiftly followed by panic and anxiety and...well, guilt and shame that she couldn’t do this herself. But, immense gratitude. And hope. Yes, hope fluttering in her chest—it was strange to feel something like this after so long. ‘You want to have a baby for me? What? How?’
‘I want to be the surrogate, the oven. I’ll cook your baby.’ Emma’s eyes narrowed and she looked a little panicked now too. ‘Is that a really bad idea? It’s okay. I just thought—’
Her baby. Michael’s baby. Carried to term. Their baby. A precious tiny gift. ‘But there’s so much... I don’t know... It’s a surprise. It’s a miracle.’
‘A good one?’
‘Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Thank you. I can’t even... I just don’t know what to say. Wow. How? I don’t know...’
‘Ways and means. Let me do this for you, please. I’ve seen the way you look at Rosie and it breaks my heart that you have so much love to give. You’ve been with me every step of the way through the good and the bad and...’ Emma smiled softly over at her daughter and Abbie knew she was referring to Rosie’s dad ‘...and the very ugly. You’ve been my rock and now I want to be yours. Please say yes.’
Abbie’s heart felt as if it would explode. But there were so many questions running through her head too. How would she feel with her baby inside someone else? What would they tell other people? Rosie? Would she understand? Would their families?
What if you change your mind?
Surrogates did. And battles started. Friendships broke. She shoved that away. That would never happen. Their friendship was tight, and, oh, what a gift. A baby. ‘Yes! Yes. If that’s what you want. Yes. I’d love it. Oh, my God! Imagine! Thank you. Thank you so much. I love you to bits.’
‘Yeah, you’ll do too. Oh, and happy Christmas.’ More tears glistened in Emma’s eyes. Commitment shone through, and love, as she hugged her again for the zillionth time in twenty-odd years. ‘Excellent. Right then, let’s get cooking.’
Copyright © 2017 by Louisa George
ISBN-13: 9781488020919
Her Knight Under the Mistletoe
Copyright © 2017 by Annie O’Neil
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