by Seven Steps
It took Cassie a moment to register what was going on.
Was the woman talking to her?
She shook her head.
She can’t be talking to me.
Cassie looked in the mirror, searching for someone else who the woman could be talking to. No one else appeared. There was just her, and this woman sticking halfway out of the stall, staring at her.
“Miss, are you listening? There’s no more toilet paper.”
Cassie stared daggers at the woman.
“I don’t work here.”
The woman looked confused.
“What?”
“I. Don’t. Work. Here,” Cassie enunciated.
Fury rose in her chest. I’m wearing a ball gown and this old bat thinks I work here because I’m a few shades darker than her? Is she serious!
Tapping down the urge to smack some sense into the woman, she blinked back her anger, yanked a paper towel out of the holder, dried her hands, and walked out of the bathroom.
Her chest grew tight with the tension, and she blew out a breath to ease it.
No, I definitely do not belong here.
She marched to the green room, determined to find Noah and leave as soon as possible.
A large, grey-haired man blocked her way.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, you can’t go in there.”
“But I’m with Noah LaRock.”
The man smirked, his green eyes shining.
“You can’t go in there.”
She leaned to her left her eyes searching the room for Noah.
“Ma’am, I’m going to ask you to leave.”
“No, I can’t leave. I’m with Noah LaRock.”
“Sure you are. Ma’am, this is your last warning.”
Her mind went numb. First the women in the bathroom, then this big goon in front of her. She’d had enough.
She dove to the side, screaming into the green room.
“Noah!”
The bodyguard grabbed her, just as she spotted Noah, angry and red-faced with a glass in his hand in the other room. She was slammed against the wall, pinned there with one meaty hand.
The guard’s wrist went to his chapped lips.
“We have a security breech at the green room,” he said.
The rough wallpaper scratched her back as Cassie struggled against the security guard’s grip.
She heard Noah roar, “Get off of her!”
The security guard’s face collapsed in on one side as Noah’s fist flew into it.
Cassie was released. She shuffled left.
Noah and the guard scuffled on the floor.
Another man appeared. He pulled Noah’s arms behind his back, and pulled him onto his feet.
The first security guard lunged at Noah, knocking both The Rock King and the second security guard backward.
A third guard arrived, screamed for them to break it up.
“Get off of me!” Noah bellowed.
Blood dripped down his chin and he wiped it away with his thumb. The crowd parted for him, and he grabbed her hand, stomping toward the exit.
He didn’t stop walking until they reached the limo.
Chapter 38
Silent.
The ride from the Civic Center back to Noah’s house was silent. He was distracted and angry as he marched inside the house, disappeared up the stairs.
She wanted to go to him, to comfort him, but she was fighting her own battles.
The woman in the bathroom, the reality TV girls, the woman who did her nails. Prejudice was everywhere. Being on tour with Noah, she was somewhat protected. The backstage crew was a diverse group of people. But out in the real world things were different. People saw her as one thing, a black woman. Although she inherited her Irish mother’s quick temper, she possessed some of her father’s coloring. Although she wasn’t as dark as he was, a little melanin seemed to be enough for people to immediately judge her.
I thought I left that all behind in Greenwich, she thought. Turns out, prejudice isn’t relegated to a zip code.
She wondered if perhaps Noah and she had gotten too serious too fast. Now, the world knew what they were. Would his music suffer for it? Would his fans abandon him because he was dating someone like her? When she was suddenly off the scene, what would they think? Would they think she was just some fly by night girl he’d taken a fancy to and then dropped? Would they think that she was just some fetish, some experiment that he had to try, just once, before running back to girls whose skin matched his own?
Her thoughts overwhelmed her through the night, only pausing when they climbed into the limo that would take them to the airport.
Although Noah climbed in and sat beside her, he didn’t look at her. His brown eyes stared out of the window, angry heat pouring off him in waves.
She wondered if he might explode.
They arrived at the airport and boarded the private plane that would take them back to Paris.
They sat next to each other around the table, though he still didn’t speak. His eyes were far away.
She cleared her throat.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
He didn’t reply.
“Was it the fight?”
Still nothing.
“I’m sorry that you had to do that. I was trying to meet you in the green room and they wouldn’t let me in. They thought I was trespassing. And the woman in the bathroom thought I worked there. Imagine. I was in a dress, heels, with my hair done and makeup on, she thought that I was a bathroom attendant. And the lady who did my nails, and those stupid, stupid girls…” She smiled sadly, shook her head. “I guess I can’t get away from it, no matter where I go or how I’m dressed. I’ll always be the help or the whore or the gold digger when I’m with you, huh?”
His eyes turned to her then.
“That’s not true,” he whispered.
“Yes, it is. I’ve been here one day and it seems like everywhere I go, I’m not welcome in the club. That’s the way out here, I guess.” She sighed. “I don’t look like any of your other girlfriends, do I?”
“What does it matter?”
“You know what I’m asking you.”
He frowned. “If you’re asking if I ever dated a half black girl, then the answer is no. Is that a problem?”
She shook her head. “No. Just wondering.”
“Why are you bringing this up now?” he demanded.
“Just talking out loud, I guess.” She bit her nail.
“What’s going on in that twisted mind of yours?” he asked. “What are you thinking?”
“Noah, I’m leaving on Sunday.”
He speared his hand through his hair and growled.
“You think I don’t’ know that?” he asked, his eyes turning dark. “You think that I don’t know that you are leaving me on Sunday?”
“I’m just reminding you.”
“Well, thank you for the reminder. I appreciate it. It hadn’t occurred to me that you were leaving me.”
Her voice was soft. “Noah, I’m not leaving you. I’m going back to school. I’m following my dream.”
“And what about me, huh? What about my dreams?”
“You’re already living your dream.”
He growled again, his eyes turned pleadingly to the sky. “You, you, you, you, you, you, you. You are my dream. You. And you’re going away. What am I supposed to do, huh? What am I supposed to do when you leave?”
She took in a tight breath.
“I don’t know.”
He laughed shortly. “I did everything I could, hoping that you would want to stay. I gave you every piece of me, hoping that you would want to stay when this was all over. When I was broke, playing my guitar outside of a box, I wanted you there.” He threw up his hands. “Whatever, Cassie. Go, leave. Everyone else has.”
She didn’t reply, and he didn’t offer her anything else.
They sat in silence the rest of the flight.
Halfway through, she retreated to the bedroo
m, crying softly into her pillow.
***
Noah didn’t look at her as they exited the plane. The ride back to the hotel was silent.
All silence.
The only sound was the slamming of his hotel door behind him as he marched away from her.
She wondered if he was trashing his room again.
She looked at her phone, hoping that her mother would call. She needed someone, someone to tell her that she was making the right decision. Someone to say that she should follow her dreams and finish school, make something of herself. Someone to say that Noah LaRock should be left firmly in the past. She had to move on, and now was a good a time as any.
Her heart squeezed in her chest as she unlocked the hotel door and threw herself onto the bed. The tears came without ceasing.
Chapter 39
France
Lunch arrived without her ordering it. The slim man pushed a cart of soup, sandwiches, and potato chips into her room. She wondered if this was Noah’s doing. The thought of him made the tears threaten again.
Pull yourself together, she thought, taking a determined bite of her sandwich. You are doing the right thing. You are following your dream. Be happy.
But there was no happiness for her today. A grim cloud floated above her, staying there through her lunch, and as she got ready for the concert that night.
My last Noah LaRock concert.
Although she’d seen the show dozens of times before, this time felt different. She would always remember this night. Noah LaRock would go down in history books as the greatest rock star of their generation, she was sure of that. When she got old, she could say that she’d seen him in Paris over a too hot summer. She could say that she knew how he kissed, what his fingertips felt like on her belly. She bit the inside of her cheek. She’d miss that touch.
She quickly finished her makeup, smoothed down her green, lacey, strapless dress, and slipped into her green sandals.
It was their last night together.
They’d be spending it with thirty thousand people.
***
He was as amazing this time as he was at every concert.
With sky high vocals that swung to the heavens, he played the crowd to their feet, bringing their screams to the brink of desperation. Though many of the fans didn’t speak English, they sang every word to every song that sprung from the stage, rising and falling like a sea with his word.
She couldn’t help thinking that he looked totally unaffected by their parting. He shredded the stage, running, jumping, and rocking out like only he could do. Finally, after two hours, the concert came to the final song, “War.”
“I know you guys want me to do War.”
“War!” The crowd screamed. “War! War! War!”
“But I have something special for you tonight. You see, someone I love is going away.”
Cassie froze.
“And I want to sing what I’ve come to think of as our song to her. I want you guys to help me wish her well on her journey. Are you with me, Paris?”
They screamed, continued screaming as a grand piano was brought out, and the French Gospel Choir dressed in white flooded the stage.
Noah pushed his hair out of his eyes, sat down at the grand piano, and cracked his knuckles.
The stage lights turned soft white, bathing the stage in holy light.
A second of silence passed.
His voice was smooth as he sang out the lyrics and the choir answered.
And then he started to play.
From the black and white keys came their song, Queen’s “Somebody To Love.”
She felt each word on her heart. Sang to him as he sung to her, didn’t bother to wipe the tears from her eyes.
The Lord had sent her somebody to love, but she couldn’t stay. She was leaving in the morning.
Midway through the song he rose from the piano, moved to a cherry red guitar, the same one he’d taught her to play her first chords on. His fingers danced over the strings, whining a guitar solo that lifted her soul, before he finished out the last verse on the microphone. He looked right at her, their eyes meeting, his gaze loving. It was their own private prayer to the Lord. Their private plea to each other’s hearts.
She wanted to run on stage, to throw her arms around him, to tell him she’d never leave his side.
But the song ended. The prayer was done.
He thanked the crowd, jogged off stage.
She joined the flow to the parking lot.
In the morning she would be on a plane back to Connecticut.
She hoped she was making the right choice.
Chapter 40
She threw the last of her clothes in her suitcase, not bothering to send anything to the laundry. The zipper was cool on her fingers as she zipped it tight, and placed it by the door.
This was it. Tonight would be the last time she would be in a fancy hotel like this.
She wished Noah was here, at least to say goodbye. They’d spent too much time burrowing into each other’s hearts over the last few days. It was hard to imagine that she would never wake up to him again.
I can’t stay, she thought. It had become her mantra. I can’t stay.
A knock.
She closed her eyes, let out a breath.
Another knock.
“Cas? I can hear you thinking in there,” he said.
Noah.
Not bothering to smooth her hair, she raced to the door, snatched it open, and threw herself into his arms.
“You came!”
She felt him exhale a breath as he wrapped his arms around her.
“I wouldn’t miss our last night together,” he whispered. “Not for the world.”
He kissed her ear when she let him go. In one hand he held a bottle of wine, in the other a white canvas bag.
“And I brought gifts.”
He kicked the door shut, followed her to the bed.
“Oh, I hope they’re expensive,” she teased.
The bed sagged under his weight. He reached into the canvas bag and pulled out a bag of green grapes, dripping with water.
“The very best grapes, wine, cheese, and croissants.” He smiled. He reached into the bag again, pulled out a disc. “Something special.”
She plucked the disc from his hand, one eyebrow raised quizzically. “Aida?”
“Straight from Broadway.”
“You got a bootleg?”
“A sanctioned copy.”
She grinned.
He reached into the bag again and pulled out a notebook and pen, handed it to her.
“What’s this?” she asked.
“Paper.”
“For what?”
“Write to me.”
“You want me to write you letters?”
“Yes.”
“Let me guess. One for every day that we’re apart.”
Cheesy, she thought. Cheesy and perfect.
“Maybe.” He shrugged. “I’ll even read them, on one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“That you promise to read mine.”
She pulled the notebook to her chest. “You’ll write me letters?”
“Only when I miss you,” he said, picking up the bag and putting it next to the bed.
“Noah.”
“Don’t Noah me. We’re going to spend tonight watching movies and eating ourselves sick and making out. No arguments.”
She smiled, nodded. “Okay. No arguments from me.”
He picked one grape from the bag, held it out to her.
She put out her hand.
He shook his head no.
She rolled her eyes and opened her mouth, allowing him to place the grape gently on her tongue. His eyes obsessed themselves with her lips, the way her mouth moved as she chewed.
She swallowed the last of the grape, her heart fluttering when he moved in to kiss her.
“I’ll miss your lips,” he whispered before capturing them with his own. The kiss, though brief
, clung to her soul.
He pulled out another grape, and she opened her mouth without asking. She chewed it thoughtfully, swallowed.
“I’ll miss your laugh.” He kissed her again, lingering this time. He pulled away, plucking another grape from the stem, feeding it to her. She chewed quickly, anxious for his words, his kiss.
“I’ll miss the face you make when you think too hard.”
He kissed her again, his lips drawing all of her strength from her.
“I’ll miss catching my fingers in your hair.”
His kiss devoured the smile that formed on her lips.
“I’ll miss how you rub your stomach when you’re nervous.”
He kissed along her jaw, clung to her lips again.
“I’ll miss everything about you, Cas. And I know you’re going to follow your dreams, but I want you to know how much I’ll miss you when you’re not here. There’s no other woman for me. I love only you.” He kissed her again. “Only you.”
She kissed him back with all of the love she had in her heart as the tears dripped down her face, wetting his cheeks.
“I love you too, Noah. With everything I am, I love you.”
That was when she knew. She couldn’t leave. Her heart wouldn’t allow it.
“Noah, I want to stay with you.”
He shook his head, put his forehead to hers.
“You can’t. You have a dream, and I’d never forgive myself if I ruined it for you. We have tonight.” He smiled, his eyes watering.
“Then I want to…” She paused. “I want to—”
“Don’t say it,” he whispered. “If you say it, I won’t have the strength to say no.”
“Then don’t say no.”
His brows knit together, his mouth tight.
“Cas…” He shook his head. “You deserve more than one night. You deserve forever. Promise me that you’ll wait for that. Promise me that you’ll wait for your forever.”
Disappointment etched in her face, her eyes dropping. She knew he was right.
Why did he always have to be so right? she thought.
They lay down then, ignoring the movie that played in the background.
