by Deja Black
Though he hadn’t found the release he needed, he no longer felt the adrenaline that rushed through him when he drove home.
Hungry now, he picked up a towel from the lounger and wiped off. Satisfied, he grabbed his large robe, one of several, and ventured back into the kitchen.
His mother had chosen well, of course. Maya knew what Cole enjoyed and prepared succulent, delicious meals that would please his palate but were also healthy like the ones Ansu fed him as a child. Cole took care of his body, exercised. It was important to him physically and mentally.
He reached to pick up the bottle of pills on the counter. He hated the way they made him feel, dizzy and lethargic, but since he took them at night to avoid dreams, he dealt with the side effects.
Why, Sunil? Why do you take this?
My name is not Sunil, and get out of my fucking head. He felt it then, the shift, and immediately the absence.
He should be grateful, satisfied the presence was no longer there.
But he only felt empty.
Chapter Four
The previous night was the worst he’d ever slept in years. His soul was a vast pit of emptiness. The presence that had been with him for the last twenty-six years was gone, and he didn’t know what to do without it.
The phone rang, and Cole leaned over to pick it up.
“Lo.” His voice was gruff, and he tried once to clear the cragginess while he waited for a response.
“Hey, we’re going to the Y today. Let’s play there.” Basketball with Josef and the guys. That was what he needed, what would get his mind off of a man big enough to hold him, keep him safe in his arms, whose hands he imagined all over his body, claiming him.
Yeah, he needed to get out.
“Be there around six,” he said. The phone went click, and Cole swung his legs over the side. Shaking off the grogginess from a lack of sleep, he stood and went to the shower.
A shower later, bagel in hand along with a cup of juice in the cup holder, he was barreling down the highway, pulling onto Hampton Street at the downtown Y.
The new hardwood floors in the gym were so glossy a person could see himself. He didn’t need to. He knew what he looked like—about 5’8 with closely cropped hair, a muscular build from lots of time spent on the water or in a gym. His father liked boating, so he’d grown up with one foot planted in the ocean, the other on land.
Pulling off his jacket, he laid it over a bench and looked for the guys. Tariq and Bennett, Sam and Play, and finally Josef—he depended on them all—had been his friends since college. They were a part of his normal, a normal Cole worked hard to create in his life, a normal he wasn’t ready to give up. Work during the week, swim or bike during the afternoon, play ball on the weekend, and visit his mom on Sundays. That was how it always worked, and that was how he liked it. Normal.
But something was off today. Usually at night, there were wide hands sliding along his waist, lips at his neck as he slept. In a medically induced state, he barely felt them or heard the hot whispers of need, of hunger. But last night, after he screamed for Raksha to go away, they did. He awoke without touch, without the release he often received beneath his covers.
And it was throwing off his game. It had to be. When had so many of his jump shots failed before? He could blame it on age, he supposed. After all, he was thirty-two. That was old, right? Funny how the perspective on age changed the closer a person arrived to the number he considered old only years before.
After another failed attempt at a cross over, he called time.
“Fuck is wrong with your game, bro?” Sam said. His bushy eyebrows drew together as he stared at Cole, passing him a bottle of water they kept on the side.
“Don’t know.” He knew. Had known the moment he was alone in his mind. But he didn’t say anything about that, couldn’t. These guys were his best friends, but even they didn’t know about the nearly six months he’d spent back and forth between the hospital and home. He’d realized long ago that the best thing to do was to pretend it never happened.
He pretended he didn’t wake up somewhere else, somewhere dark and cold with stone floors.
He pretended there weren’t moans and the sounds of someone’s breaths in the dark.
He pretended, after so many times of avoiding the creature, he didn’t feel the flames run up his arm, spin around his body and drive deep within his soul when it grasped his fingers tightly. No, he hadn’t woken up with a scream he quickly smothered into a pillow.
And later, the dreams changed. No longer was the creature he dreamed of covered in white hair that glistened in the poorly lit room. No, it became a person, human with dark brown skin, tall and broad. Powerful.
When he recognized need in himself, when those hands gave him release, he had become a man.
But last night and early in the morning, there’d been nothing.
“You know something, man. Usually, you’re like some kind of Michael Jordan flying down the court. Today? You’re that father on Family Guy.”
“Peter?”
“Yeah, him. You shoot. You don’t score. Fix that shit, or we’re losing, and I don’t feel like washing Tariq and Benett’s truck this week. Have you seen that monster today? Mud caked on those wheels like grits on a spoon.” Sam slapped his leg and they were off. Sam was short, his slim frame showcasing one of the most gorgeous bubble butts he’d ever seen. But he could play.
Indian with the most non-traditional Indian parents Cole had ever seen, the guy who strode back to the court was confident and extraordinary. Sam was also great in bed, with lips that sucked cock like a Hoover vacuum. He and Cole had tried to be something once, but it hadn’t felt right. No one ever felt right. Sam’s lover, Play, was pleased. That was for sure.
Shaking it off, Cole went back to the court. But it wasn’t long before Josef bailed. He had a surgery scheduled for two in the afternoon, and since they were playing three on three, that meant the game was over.
“I’ll play,” called a voice from the other end of the court.
Cole’s dick was instantly rock-hard.
Chapter Five
Raksha strode across the court as if he owned it, majestic, regal and everything Cole wanted. Too shocked to say anything, Cole just watched the man in blue athletic shorts and an extraction shirt, the muscles of his form pronounced, his body wide and impressive.
Cole knew how impressive it could be. He didn’t want Raksha here, on the court, where everyone could see him lose his shit. He wanted Raksha at home in his bed all over him.
“I’ll play,” Raksha repeated when he stood before them, his stunning blue gaze for Cole alone.
“You can play?” Somehow Cole didn’t think this was possible. In fact, this whole moment was surreal. The man in his dreams was here in the YMCA ready to play a game of basketball.
“For you, I will do anything.” The words only for him held promises Cole felt helpless against. Cole’s body heated, and he was certain the outline of his cock stretching against the fabric was significantly visible. He wouldn’t look, though. Better to pretend it wasn’t, that this wasn’t happening.
“Okay,” Tariq said slowly as he neared the two of them. Tariq wasn’t a small guy by any means. His height, the barrel chest and chiseled frame, was intimidating enough, but when a person realized how wickedly smart the man was, he was formidable. “So, Cole. Your friend here going to play, or what?”
“Yeah, make a decision or forfeit,” Bennett said, smiling. “We don’t care who washes the truck as long as one of you does.” Tariq and Bennett were a study in contrasts. Where Tariq’s skin was a burnished brown, Bennett’s was golden. The blond hair that hung wet from sweat over his shoulders made Tariq’s smooth dome much more noticeable. Bennett slid into Tariq’s arms, his cheeks warming when his lover grasped his ass possessively. As much as Bennett could, he wrapped his own slim arms around Tariq’s waist.
“Or, you could just stand their eye fucking him. Either way, I win,” Play said. His dark eye
s were on Sam, who was looking at Cole and Raksha.
“Silence, minion,” Sam said playfully. “Cole, introduce your man and get his ass on the court. Let’s go.”
“Uhm. Everyone, this is Raksha.” He turned back to the guys. “This is Tariq, Bennett, Sam, Play, and you just missed Josef.”
“It’s nice to meet all of you.” Raksha’s words rained shivers down Cole’s flesh, his heart pulsing strongly in his own ears with his need. “I have often wanted to meet Sunil’s friends. You must forgive me. I have known Cole as Sunil for a long time.”
“Sunil? Hm, a long time, you say? Funny, I don’t think we’ve ever heard of you.” There were traces of suspicion in Tariq’s voice, subsequently alarming Cole.
“I’ve known him since I was a kid.” The doubt on Tariq’s face made Cole speak faster. “So, yeah. Let’s play, okay?” They’d find out soon enough how well Raksha could play. The fact that the man was even here was unbelievable.
It was an intense game, the way Tariq and Raksha challenged each other. For every shot Tariq made, Raksha made two. He was a warrior on the court, demanding respect from all around. He found moments, though, to touch and tease, to grasp Cole possessively, and Cole ached with hunger.
In the end, the game that would have seen Cole, Sam and Josef as losers ended with them as winners, with Raksha having taken Josef’s place.
Dripping with sweat, they toweled off and fell to the bench.
“Wow, your man can play, Cole,” Sam said, his hands sliding over Play’s skin. Play was all lanky muscle and tendon, but he came alert with Sam’s touch. “I need to get my guy home and show him who’s boss. The bags, minion.” Play’s easy smile slipped across his face. Pulling a lock behind his ear, he stood.
“At your service,” Laughing softly, he picked up the bags. “Catch you later.” He strode away, Sam’s hand at his back.
“Dinner, at your place.” They’d won. It was nice. So they would eat at Play’s restaurant, a popular spot that served unique fare. It was hard to get in, since it was always packed, but Cole couldn’t wait. And the fact that his car would be washed instead this week or next? Yes, that was nice.
“Yeah, Thursday! Bring your friend.” His friend. Raksha. Shit. He turned to look at the man beside him, who smiled, his blue eyes only for Cole.
“Yeah. Where’d you learn to play like that, Raksha?” Tariq’s question was casual, but Cole heard the barely veiled interest.
“Around. I needed to learn, so I did.” Vague, something that would only serve as bait to Tariq.
“Hm. You don’t sound like you’re from here, and Cole has lived here all of his life as far as I know. So, where are-”
“Baby, I’m really tired. Can you twenty-one question Cole’s man Thursday? I have animals to take care of early in the morning and could use that massage you promised me.” Done. Wherever Tariq’s steely mind was traveling, it veered the moment Bennett spoke.
“Of course, love. Cole, Raksha. We’ll see you Thursday.” As he grabbed their bags, Tariq captured Bennett’s hand in his. Bending low, he kissed him sweetly, and they walked away.
They were alone. Cole didn’t know what to say. He felt like he knew the man sitting beside him, like they’d known each other forever. But he didn’t.
“How can you be here?” he asked.
“I will be anywhere you are, Sunil. I found freedom years ago, and the first person my heart pleaded for was you.”
Cole shook his head. “I can’t. I don’t understand.” Cole picked up his bag and stood.
“Wait, please. Don’t leave.”
Cole turned to face Raksha. His heart leaped at the sight of him, his soul ached to be closer to him, but this was too much, too surreal. “This is crazy. You were in my head, have been in my mind since I was six years old. Then, yesterday, you’re standing outside of my car. And how I’m not losing my fucking mind, I don’t even know. In fact, I’m surprised I haven’t already called my therapist.”
Raksha stood quickly, his speed surprising Cole who fell back. “There is nothing wrong with your mind, Sunil, other than your need to keep me out. I am here. Let me explain. Let me in. I am so cold without you.” Raksha stepped closer, moving into Cole’s space.
“Hey, take that out of here,” someone shouted.
Seething, Cole screamed back. “Fuck you.” Turning to Raksha, he said, “And fuck you, too.” Shaking his head, he stormed away.
Chapter Six
Cole heard the footsteps pounding away behind him. He didn’t stop, though. He pushed open the heavy gym door, strode out into the hallway, turned the corner at the entrance, said a good-bye to the check in person, and was out the door.
Usually he took a shower, but today he wasn’t doing it. He was getting as far away from the man behind him, the creature that wasn’t always the immense and dominating basketball star that his friends so readily accepted. The thought of those blue eyes, the white hair, and how he towered over him the first day he’d ever seen him made him shiver.
Cole walked faster.
“Sunil!” The steps were closer, but Cole didn’t stop. He paused at the sidewalk, looked at the light, turned back toward Raksha who was closing in on him, and stepped out into traffic, dodging car after car until he made it to his own vehicle.
He pulled open the door and threw his gym bag in.
“Sunil, wait!”
Nope, not waiting. Driving away. Now. Cole turned the ignition, looked over his shoulder for cars and pulled out. He glanced over to see Raksha standing with his hands on his hips, a half smile on his face.
Shaking his head, he turned back to the road.
By the time he’d made it home, his brain had settled just a little, but not by much.
There were no other cars in the drive, as Maya didn’t work during the weekend, his strict request. He valued his alone time, and right now, he was more than grateful for it.
It was nice to see the flowers still blooming. The landscaper had chosen ones that would survive early spring freezing temperatures, crocuses and snowdrops. He loved the way they brought color to the outside of his home as he hurried to open the door, eager to get into the warm air.
He was surprised when a hand grasped his shoulder and spun him around.
Raksha.
“How did you,” he stuttered before he was pulled into the circle of wide muscular arms and kissed.
His soul sighed, opening up to the man before him. Dropping the bag he held, keys, too, Cole reached up and wrapped his arms around Raksha’s neck.
He had waited his whole life for this, for the way Raksha’s mouth moved over him, his tongue tasting him, possessing him. But it wasn’t new. No, it was like coming home.
When Raksha lifted his head, his face glowed, his gaze warmly tracing over Cole. “I have waited so long to be able to touch you again, my love. My soul was broken.”
“I don’t know what to say. I feel like I know you, have known you forever.”
“Sunil,” Raksha said. “I’m cold. Will you let me in?”
Cole nodded slowly. Raksha bent to pick up his keys from the steps where Cole had dropped them and handed them over. His hand covered Cole’s as he passed them to him.
Cole turned to the door, opened it, and together he and Raksha stepped in.
Only, it wasn’t his house he saw. He looked around him.
“Where?” It was beautiful. A waterfall to his left and to his right, a home, one he recognized from a time long ago. A home he remembered running inside, eager to see his love, to be near him. Outside of the temple grounds, but close enough where Raksha could be summoned if he were needed. Sunil had needed him then.
He remembered.
He remembered wanting to show him something he’d found. A tiger. Cole had found a baby tiger and wanted Raksha to help him, to heal it so it could be returned to its mother.
The danger crawled along his flesh before he’d made the first step, the iciness of fear cutting through his eagerness to help the
creature he held close to his chest.
There were voices saying words he couldn’t understand.
“Sunil, run!” Raksha cried out, his tone terrified for him, in pain. Sunil had stopped, put the tiger on the ground and moved to go in, to help his lover.
The light was bright as he’d opened the door, blinding him. There had been weapons, knives that whistled in the air as he was attacked, ripped apart. His lovely Raksha was held down, one man at his throat, others holding his arms and legs.
Sunil was dying as Raksha was wrapped tightly with rope, again and again, binding him. There was no doubt the strands had to be enchanted, because nothing so simple could hold a yeti.
“Sunil,” he’d shouted. But Sunil’s vision was dimming, the world going black before his eyes.
There was a shimmer, a wave of glimmering light, and Sunil was inside his home, the home where he knew himself as Cole. He turned to the man before him.
“Raksha,” he whispered, the name holding more meaning now, and along with it, fear.
Those bluer than blue eyes filled.
“Sunil, my love.”
Chapter Seven
“How can this be? I don’t understand.” Cole lay against Raksha, who held him tightly, as if he would never let him go. It was the first time Cole remembered feeling safe, the warmth of those arms bringing a calm that settled his soul.
He turned to look at his love, a face he hadn’t seen in centuries. But earlier that day it had glowed with sweat as Raksha took them to basketball victory. He was beautiful.
“Why am I here? Why am I even alive?” Cole’s blood rushed with adrenaline as he remembered the arcs of pain and the blood. So much blood.
