by Cassie Cross
I’d teased Hayley about sleeping in Hunter’s jacket when they were separated, but I get it now. It’s not like the two of us were together for long, but after a year of wanting him, and a week of finally thinking I had him, it’s harder to let go than it should be.
He has two strikes now, and I’m tired of waiting.
So, I work.
I get so involved in my planning that Marin and Hayley have to forcibly remove my Pantone palette from my hands and drag me out to a bar to get me out of the house.
I was annoyed at first, but we’re in a hole-in-the-wall full of cute guys who give us flirty smiles and leave us be. The bartender in particular seems interested in me, but a one-night stand just doesn’t appeal to me right now.
“Give him your number,” Marin says before taking a sip of her beer. She nudges my shoulder. “He’s cute, and you could use a distraction.”
“Got an early morning meeting,” I say as an excuse, because I just don’t want to get into it right now.
“I’m so proud of you,” Hayley says. “Both of you. Things are really taking off lately, huh?”
I’d lucked into an interview with TheBash.com, the foremost party planning site on the web (or so it claims in big bold letters across the header). I guess I can’t really argue considering my feature on small, intimate weddings tripled our website traffic and resulted in seven new appointments on the books.
Marin nods. “Totally. We got a popular girl on our hands here,” she says with pride.
“A popular business,” I correct. “I wouldn’t have gotten that interview if it weren’t for one of your friends.”
Hayley leans in and puts her hand on mine. “Alexa, I love you. Take some credit when people are trying to give it to you.”
The tips of my ears heat, and I nod. “Okay,” I say, mustering all the self-assurance I’ve got. “It’s going really well. Things took off after my interview.”
Hayley smiles. “There’s my girl. I’ll buy you a drink as a reward.”
“Mmmm, free drinks. I should accept praise more often. Thank you for this positive reinforcement.”
Hayley and Marin laugh.
“Anytime,” Hayley says.
Marin sets down her drink. “If things keep going this well, we’ll be able to lease an office space in the next quarter or two.”
“Ah, I’m so excited!” Hayley lets out this high-pitched squeal along with an excited little clap. “I’ve been namedropping you every time I show someone my wedding pictures.”
“Any little bit helps,” Marin says.
I reach the end of my drink and nudge Hayley on the shoulder. “I’m gonna tell the cute bartender to put the next one on your tab.” I stand up and catch sight of Jesse standing at the bar.
He’s with a friend, and my heart just jumps right up into my throat. Stupid thing.
I duck down, making myself as small as possible, hoping he won’t see me. I’m gingerly turning around to go the other way, as if that somehow makes me invisible.
Hayley notices, because of course she does. “What are you doing?”
I lean in and talk as calmly and quietly as I can. “Jesse is over there at the bar.”
They both turn.
“Well, don’t look!”
“Sorry,” Hayley says.
“Want me to go over there and beat his ass?” Marin asks, like she could actually take him. Bless her.
I smile, I can’t help it. “No. I want you to provide some cover for an escape route.”
Hayley makes a disagreeable noise. “You’re not leaving. Don’t you want to go over there and talk to him?”
“And say what?” I ask, annoyed. “Thanks for ditching me a second time, it was so much better than the first. How many times am I supposed to go back for more?”
Being married has made Hayley an incurable romantic. “You aren’t done with each other, I know it. Go over there and talk to him.”
Marin pipes in. “Maybe getting some closure would help?” She’s been around me the most lately, and she knows that my work is cover for my broken heart. I know she only wants to help me, but I don’t want to be helped right now.
“I got my closure when he stopped returning my calls. I got it loud and clear.”
She waves her hands in defeat. “Okay.”
As if the world is out to torture me, Jesse turns and locks eyes with me. He looks shocked for a second, but he doesn’t look away.
“Oh god,” I say, turning back to the girls. “He sees me. Can we please just go anywhere else?”
“He’s looking at you like you hung the moon,” Hayley says with a sigh.
I give her an annoyed look. “This is not the time to get all newlywed romantic,” I tell her.
He turns and says something to his friend, who looks our way. Now that Jesse’s attention is elsewhere for the moment, I’m going to get the hell out of here.
“Get the tab please,” I tell them as I slide my purse off the back of my chair. “I’ll pay you back later.”
I maneuver through a gap between two tables and down the stairwell we walked up to get in here. I practically run to the nearest corner, hoping to get a cab that will take me as far away from this bar as humanly possible.
“Alexa, wait!”
“Please,” Jesse says, jogging over to where I’m standing. “Please give me a chance to explain.”
I’m not feeling too generous right now. “I gave you, oh, ten chances to explain? You know, all those calls of mine you avoided? When you never called me back?”
He at least has the good sense to look embarrassed.
“Please?” he asks almost desperately.
I don’t say anything, but I don’t leave, either.
That’s going to have to be good enough for him right now.
“Thank you,” he says, sounding relieved. “I’m sorry for taking off the way I did, for blowing you off the way I did. It wasn’t fair, and it didn’t have anything to do with you.”
It’s not that I don’t appreciate the apology, it’s just…”You’ve pretty much told me we don’t have a future together twice now, and we’ve only technically been together for a week. I know when to take a hint, Jesse. You really don’t have to explain yourself.”
“I want us to have a future,” he says, taking a step closer to me. “You are my future.”
I let out this bitter laugh that sounds like I’m about to start crying. It’s exactly the thing I want to hear, but I don’t trust him to back up the sentiment with his actions. I expect the opposite, actually.
“You have a really strange way of showing it,” I say.
“After that night,” he begins, “all I could see was me holding you with someone else’s blood on my hands. It felt…abhorrent. I held onto that image and I convinced myself that because of what I do, I’m not good for you. But the truth is…it’s an excuse.”
My curiosity piqued, I ask, “An excuse for what?”
“I’m scared. I don’t have a history of long relationships. They’ve always made me want to run, so that’s what I did.”
If that’s supposed to make me feel better, it doesn’t. “Clearly I did, too.”
“No,” he says softly, stepping closer. He’s so close, he could lean down a couple of inches and kiss me if he wanted to. Even after everything, I want him to. “You’re the first one who’s ever made me want to stay. And I know I fucked it up.”
“Yeah, twice now,” I say, taking a step back. “I never asked you for forever, I never asked you for anything more than to spend time with me. All I wanted was for you to try, to stick around and see what this is.”
“I want to do that,” he implores. “I’ve wanted that for over a year, since I let you walk away the first time. I kicked myself for a year after, and then I made the same goddamn mistake. You didn’t ask me for forever, but I want to give it to you. That’s what I think we could be, and I think that’s worth being scared over.”
He really believes what he’s tellin
g me, that much is clear. I want to believe him, too, so I’m left with a choice. Close up shop and not give him a shot at a third strike. Or I could guard my heart but let him prove that he’s worth it.
My head tells me one thing, but…my heart.
“If you’re serious, you have to stop running.”
He lets out a long sigh of relief. “I can do that.”
I take a deep breath, and leap. “Okay. Prove it.”
20
Jesse
In the first couple of weeks that follow the promise I made to Alexa, things between us are stilted and distant. She’s scared to let me back in, and I understand that—I’ve earned that. I do my best to show her that I meant what I promised, and I treat gaining back her trust like it’s my second job.
Slowly Alexa warms up to me again. At first, she gives me a happy smile and a hug when I see her, but leaves it at that. I move back into boyfriend territory inch by inch, doing whatever it is I have to do to make her trust me with her heart again.
Time isn’t always kind to us once I start work as the new team lead on the movie contract Hunter put me on. Filming schedules are long, and my hours aren’t anywhere near normal. Alexa and I try our best to make things work.
We talk on the phone as often as we can, and sometimes we meet for dinner during my breaks. We text all the time, and when her messages slow to a trickle, I know she’s getting too lost in her work. That’s when I call up and have something healthy delivered to her apartment, so she doesn’t eat cheese straws and M&Ms for days on end. I leave Post-Its on her front door, so she’ll find them when she wakes up while I’m sleeping off the long night shift.
Alexa starts turning up on set during my breaks. We have coffee sometimes, or a little picnic she put together and brought over, full of my favorite things. I spend a lot of my downtime with her. Sometimes we go out for a nice dinner, sometimes we spend a quiet night in, and sometimes I find myself knee-deep in party favors she’s frantically putting together for her next gig.
I do whatever I can to support her and let her know I’m thinking about her, and our relationship grows into the kind of thing I wish it could’ve been from the start.
On the last shooting day of the film, Alexa asks me to stop by when I’m done. I lead a debriefing meeting with my guys before I let them go, and it takes every single ounce of concentration I have in me to focus on my job instead of where I’m headed when I’m finished here.
I get to Alexa’s place in record time. She must be as anxious to see me as I am to see her, because she opens the door about two seconds after I knock.
The place smells delicious, almost like she’s making… “Is that lasagna?”
“Mmm-hmm,” she hums as she pushes herself up on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me close. I don’t even have a chance to think before she kisses me. It’s long and slow and everything I’ve been missing this past month since we got back together. I slide my hands along the small of her back, pressing her against me.
I’ve missed this.
She lets go too soon, and I pout about it a little, making her smile. “What was that for?”
“Because I notice you,” she replies, fiddling with my tie. “I see that you’re trying, and you’re making me a priority, and I appreciate it.”
It’s nice to know that she recognizes my effort, but I want to tell her what my actions are showing her. “I won’t ever stop trying.”
She grins, then gives me another kiss. “I made you lasagna. It’s your favorite, right?”
I can’t believe she remembers that. It was a random fact I threw out there when we first met over a year ago. Just because I can now, I reach down and slide my hands down the backs of her thighs, then lift her up. She lets out a surprised squeak before she wraps her legs around my waist and kisses me again.
We get lost in each other. I put her down on the counter, wanting to use my hands to rip her clothes clean off. It’s been too long since I’ve been inside of her, and I don’t want to waste another second. She leans back, her shirt hanging off her shoulder, the buttons dangling by their threads from where I’d pulled them open. I kiss and lick my way down her neck, across the tops of her breasts, and…
Her phone starts ringing.
It distracts me long enough that I look over to where it’s vibrating across the counter. Alexa turns my head back in her direction.
“Leave it,” she says, working the buttons on my shirt.
The buzzing stops for a few seconds, then starts up again. Alexa lets out an aggravated sigh and grabs her phone.
“Ugh, it’s my mom.”
Well, that’s a mood killer for sure.
“I have to take this,” she explains. “If I don’t answer, she’ll think I wound up in a ditch somewhere, and the cops will be here before we know it.”
Cops are an ever bigger mood killer. “By all means,” I say, reluctantly taking a step back.
She takes a deep breath and answers the phone.
“Hello? Hi, Mom. Yes, I got your message. I meant to call you back the other day, but things have been really busy.”
I start moving away to give her some privacy, but Alexa reaches out for my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Stay,” she whispers.
I nod and lean back against the counter.
“Yes, busy at work,” she says, looking at me in a way that makes me think she’s debating about telling her mom about us. “No, I’m not on a project.”
Alexa fidgets, and I know she’s uncomfortable lying to her mother, who still doesn’t know that she quit her job and started her own business.
“I know I have to put myself out there to get ahead.”
She looks at me, eyes wide and scared, because I know that she knows it’s time to tell the truth. I take her hand in mine, letting her know I’m here for support whether she decides to confess right now or not.
I bring her hand up and plant a kiss on the back of it, skimming my thumb along her knuckles.
That seems to give her whatever it is she needed, because her spine straightens, and she squares her shoulders.
“Listen…Mom.” She hops off the counter and pulls me over with her to the couch. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Thirty minutes later, Alexa sinks back into the pillows on her couch and tosses her phone on the coffee table.
“That was exhausting,” she says.
I pull her legs across my lap and start massaging her feet. She lets out a low moan that makes my pants a little tighter. It’s been so long that I ache for her, but now’s not the time.
“Moral support and foot massages? How’d I ever get so lucky?”
I smile, digging my thumb into her arch. “What’d your mom say?” I’d gotten the gist of the conversation, which was strained at times but seemed to resolve itself by the end.
“She’s disappointed I didn’t tell her before now. She’s nervous for me. She thinks I made a mistake.”
I have to tamp down the anger that flares up at that last comment. Knowing how hard Alexa works, how much care she puts into making her clients happy…
Still, her mother’s doubt brings out a fire in Alexa that makes me fall in love with her even more than I already have.
“Naturally, I have to prove her wrong ten times over.”
I grin. “Naturally.”
She sits up, gets on her knees, and swings her right leg over my lap so she’s straddling me. She’d pulled her shirt closed while she spoke to her mother, but the buttons are still wrecked, so it’s easy for me to slide my hand up her stomach, feel the goosebumps form on her warm, soft skin.
Alexa runs her fingers through my hair, and I lean in and run my nose along the underside of her left breast, making her shiver. I nip at the skin there and she gasps.
“I feel good now that she knows.”
I nod, knowing she must be relieved. “Want to feel better?” I ask, playfully tugging her nipple between my teeth.
“Yeah,” she s
ighs. “But I made you dinner and it’s going to get cold.”
The lasagna smells amazing, but Alexa’s pull is too strong. “We can heat it up later.”
She smiles. “It’s been too long. I’ve missed you.”
She reaches for the hem of my shirt and pulls it up over my head. I lean forward to help her out. She runs her fingers down my chest, admiring my abs. “Definitely missed these.”
I laugh, hissing as her fingernails scrape across my nipples, making my erection strain painfully against my pants. “Missed you so much,” I say, planting sloppy kisses against her neck as she rocks against me. “So I’m not going to last long if you keep doing that.”
I’m teasing her. Kind of. We’ve only been at this for a minute and I’m already turned up to eleven.
Alexa makes quick work of my fly, and I palm her ass while she’s at it, loving the fact that she’s wearing my favorite skirt. It shows off her legs and it’s perfect for easy access, which I’m taking full advantage of right now.
“You don’t have to last long,” she teases. “We have all night. And tomorrow.”
It feels like the right moment to add, “And however long you want me after that.”
She leans in and gives me a soft, sweet kiss. “I’ll always want you.”
“I’ll always want you.”
“Good,” she replies, teasing her way out of the moment as she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a string of what has to be about ten condoms. “Because I came prepared.”
I tug one off the end, then push my pants down just enough. “Presumptuous.”
“I knew I was getting lucky tonight,” she says, running her nails just below my belly button. “You can’t resist me.”
“It’s true.” I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear as she rises up on her knees, then guides me inside.
I sigh at her warm wetness, can’t believe I came so close to losing this forever.
She feels like home.
Alexa leans back, planting her hands on my thighs as she rides me. It’s a beautiful sight, and I want to see more of it, so I slide her shirt off and toss it on the floor. I let my hands roam, exploring all her curves, touching her the way I know she likes.
