by Robin Roseau
I gave her hand two quick squeezes. I was fine with Careen, as long as she didn't think she could boss me around. I thought I was going to get enough of that.
"Careen," said Vorine, "You understand that if you give me the sort of trouble it sounds like you gave Maya, you won't enjoy the consequences."
"I won't," she said.
"All right," Omie said after a minute. "It's late, and sunrise comes early."
Decisions
Omie cuddled me all night. I hadn't shared a bed with anyone in a long time, and the ground was firm, but I slept better than I would have expected. I woke a few times with her arms around me, shifting position a little each time I woke. Then I woke again, and it was light enough to see. I opened my eyes and saw the back of Careen's head. I heard her and Vorine murmuring quietly to each other. I shifted a little, and from behind me, I heard Omie say, "Thank you, Beria."
She still had her arms around me. I rolled over to look at her, our noses inches apart.
"For what?" I asked.
"I haven't slept that well since Vorine became a warrior," she replied.
From behind me, I heard Vorine say, "I haven't, either. Thank you, Careen."
"I didn't do anything," Careen replied.
"You were here," Vorine explained. "You let me hold you. Thank you."
"Do you understand?" Omie asked me quietly.
I nodded.
"I have to. Um."
"Right," Omie said. "So do I. Get dressed and I'll show you."
It was awkward getting dressed in the tent, and I was a little self conscious about it besides. I turned my back on all of them and pulled my clothes on as quickly as I could. The air was chilly, so I was glad to have my cloak with me. Omie showed me how to take care of my morning needs, and then she took me in search of breakfast.
"In the future," she said, "once you know what you were doing, you would bring breakfast to me. This morning we'll do things together."
We ate, a simple meal of biscuits and eggs, but there was plenty of food for everyone, and Omie encouraged me to eat as much as I needed, but don't over fill. Afterwards, she showed me how to clean the dishes. Then I turned to her.
"Now what, Omie?"
"Well," she said, "have you decided?" She looked at me hopefully.
"Do I have to decide today?" I thought about it. "You're leaving today, aren't you?"
"We have other villages to visit," she said. "It's a big decision to make on short notice, but we have so many villages to visit."
"What if-" I thought about it. "What if I hate the fighting part, like Maya does? She didn't have a choice, but I do, don't I?"
"Yes," Omie said. "You have a choice. Beria, if you think you're going to turn me down, I would rather you told me."
"So you have time to find someone else?"
She nodded.
"You could stay here," she said, "and think about it. I think we're coming back this way. You could go with us then, if you want to go."
"But you're going to try to find someone else, aren't you?"
"Yes. Beria, I don't want to pressure you. I really want you to come with us. I need you. But if you aren't going to come, then I need to find someone who will."
"If I don't decide now, then if I decide to go later, what happens?"
"If I don't find someone else at one of the other villages, then I'd be happy to have you. I'd rather you said 'yes', but I understand your caution."
"What if you find someone?"
"There are other warriors who need companions."
"Like Nori?" I must have grimaced, as she saw my expression.
"Nori is a good woman," Omie said, "and a good warrior. She would treat you very well."
"You know how I feel about her. Besides, she's old," I said. "Compared to me, you're kind of old, too, but you're younger than my sister." I paused. "You live in the same village as my sister, don't you?"
"Yes."
"I don't want to go to another village. If I have to go to another village, I won't go," I said firmly. "That means you or Vorine, and she already picked Careen."
"There are other warriors from Queen's Town who need companions."
"They're all old though," I said. "You're like a big sister. Even if you're shorter than I am."
Her lips curled at that.
"What if I stayed here with you for a few days?" Omie offered. "Do you think you could decide? We could get to know each other a little more."
"Would we stay here?" I said, pointing. "In the tent?"
"I would," she said. "I don't think your mother would let me stay there, do you?"
I laughed. "No, probably not."
"Let's go talk to Queen Malora and see if she'll let me stay," Omie said. She took my hand, but I moved her arm around my shoulders. She glanced at me and smiled. "I think you've decided."
"I think I'm not sure," I said. "Maybe."
Maya and Queen Malora were at their tent. Maya was supervising the packing. Omie walked straight to the queen.
"Good morning, Omie," Queen Malora said. "Good morning, Beria."
"Good morning, Queen Malora," I said. "Am I supposed to bow or something?"
She smiled. "No. Did you sleep well, Beria?"
"I did," I said. "And Omie even let me sleep in." I grinned at her.
"Queen Malora," Omie said, "Beria is considering becoming an Amazon."
"Only considering?" the queen asked, studying me.
"Strongly considering?" I said, making it a question.
"I see."
"It is a big decision," Omie explained. Omie explained our conversation. "And so, I was wondering if I could stay here for a few days."
"You could come with us," Queen Malora suggested to me.
"I-" I paused. "If I'm leaving, I want to spend a little more time with my family, too."
"Understandable," the queen said. "I wish we could stay longer. Maya would like to spend more time with them as well." She turned to Omie. "Will you help Maya with the pavilion? I would like to speak to Beria alone."
"Of course, Queen Malora," Omie said. She stepped past the queen, and a moment later there was an arm around my shoulder as Queen Malora led me away, taking me for a walk around the campsite.
"Beria," she said, "Your sister sings your praises."
"I don't know what that means."
"Maya says you are a very responsible girl."
"She does?"
"She is very, very proud of you."
"She is?" I puffed up.
"She is. Do you understand what you're asking Omie to do?"
"She offered," I said. "If I say 'no', then she might give up her chance at a companion."
"Until a few weeks ago, Omie could turn to her sister for comfort, but then Vorine became a warrior, as well, and warriors cannot comfort each other in that way. So now Omie's comfort comes largely from your sister. If you keep Omie here, and then say 'no' to her, you are placing a very large burden on your sister."
"It's a burden to be a companion?"
"It's a burden to be a companion to as many warriors as Maya is taking care of," the queen explained. "It is a big job to take care of one warrior, but Maya takes care of me, Nori, Omie, and several other warriors."
"She makes their beds and does the other things Omie explained to me?"
"No, but she comforts their souls. You've seen how much Omie wants to touch you."
"Oh." I thought about it. "And Maya sleeps with you, doesn't she?"
"Yes, and I don't share at night. So Omie sleeps alone, now that she can't sleep with her sister."
"You're trying to make me pick this morning," I said.
"I am making sure you understand the situation and trusting you to be responsible, Beria."
"If I didn't think I was going to say 'yes', I would tell you," I said. "But if you make me decide now, I'm going to say 'no'."
She didn't say anything for a minute before asking, "Is your mother going to try to talk you out of it?"
I smiled at that. "I'm thirteen. Do you think my mother makes my decisions when I don't have to let her?"
Malora laughed at that. "A very mature moment of self-reflection," she said. "You understand you would be trading one mother for several, all of which are capable of making you do exactly what we want?"
"Omie explained that," I said. I looked away. "I don't know what to do."
"I don't always know what to do, either. This is a big decision, and you're used to other people making your big decisions for you. Will you be any more ready to decide in a few days?"
"If I think Omie isn't lying to me."
I glanced at Queen Malora. Her mouth drew tight, and her voice was cold. "Do you think she's lying?"
I stopped and turned to her. "She could show me the good parts and leave out the bad parts," I said. "And I wouldn't know the difference."
"I suppose she could," the queen said. "What do you think the bad parts might be?"
"I might be really bad at the training," I said, "although I bet I'm better than Maya."
She smiled. "I think I'll leave that comment alone."
"I don't want to go if I'm going to be bad at it," I said.
"Not every companion is destined to become a warrior. I will fight tooth and nail to prevent Maya from becoming a warrior."
"But that's the expectation, isn't it? That we all become warriors. That we train to become warriors? Maya hasn't said anything, but I bet she's embarrassed that no one thinks she's good enough."
Queen Malora frowned. "I would rather you didn't phrase it that way to her."
"But that's how she feels, isn't it?"
"Yes," Queen Malora agreed. "That's what Maya feels. I don't agree with her. She's an amazing companion."
"So how do I know if Omie is showing me what it's really like?" I asked.
The queen frowned. "You know, I've never thought about that. It's an excellent question. I don't believe she can show you everything in a few days. And you need to understand something, Beria. Most companions hate the first few weeks of training."
"Why?"
"Because we're not easy on them," she explained. "Maya agreed to be my companion, but after her first day of training, she was very angry with me and told me in no uncertain terms she would be looking for the first opportunity to run away."
"She could run right now if she wanted to," I pointed out.
"She could. She hates training, but she isn't running away. Does that tell you something?"
"So if I'm going to hate the first few weeks," I pointed out, "you're worried that I'll tell Omie 'no'."
"For now, Omie will go easier on you than that," she replied. "She'll try to drive you as hard as it would seem to you after those first few weeks. Is she being honest with you if she does that? When we get home, and she starts driving you harder, are you going to feel like she lied? Training is never easy, but the first few weeks are the worst because you're not used to driving yourself that hard."
"Is it hard for you?"
"Yes. I work as hard as everyone else. I have to."
"Do you like being an Amazon, Queen Malora?"
"I wish it wasn't necessary, but it is. I am glad I am doing it. I have never regretted it."
"That's not the same thing, is it?"
"Life has challenges. Every life has aspects people don't like."
"Like storms and repairing fishing nets."
"Yes, I imagine," she replied. "What's bad about repairing fishing nets?"
"Two words," I replied. "Bor-ing."
She laughed. "That's one word."
"Not when you're thirteen," I replied with a grin.
We studied each other for a minute.
"Queen Malora," I said, "I want to go, but I need to be sure."
"All right," she said. She turned us around, and we arrived in time to see Maya and Omie lifting the pavilion, all folded up into a bundle, into a waiting wagon. "Omie," the queen said, "We're traveling south and will be back this way in a few days. If Beria comes to a decision before that time, you could ride to join us. Maya can tell you the cities we're visiting. Otherwise, we'll collect you on our way back."
Maya walked over. "Let me talk to her for a minute." She pulled me away. "What are you main concerns?"
"That I'm horrible at the fighting, or that Omie isn't as nice as she seems."
"She is, every bit as nice as she seems," Maya said. "But she'll be strict, too. Anything else?"
I looked around and found Nori talking to an Amazon I didn't know. I stared at her, and Maya recognized my expression.
"You've given me that look more than once, Beria," she said. She followed my gaze. "Oh. Beria, Nori and I got off to a very bad start, and it didn't get better after we left here. But she and I have become very good friends. She has apologized, and she saved my life."
I turned to Maya. "She hasn't apologized to me. She hasn't apologized to Mama or anyone else here. The last year has sucked, and it's entirely her fault."
"I don't think that's entirely fair, honey," she said. "What part is her fault?"
"She took you from us. I needed you."
"Oh honey," she said. Maya pulled me into a hug. "I missed you, too."
"She hurt you."
"She did," Maya agreed. "But I have forgiven her. So you don't get to hold that against her."
"Mrs. Winehouse is horrible!" I complained. "I didn't always like having you as a teacher, but all of us hate Mrs. Winehouse."
"I miss all of you," Maya said, "and I miss teaching. But it's not Nori's fault they didn't find a teacher you like. I think you can blame the town council for that."
"They wouldn't have had to find someone if Nori hadn't taken you."
"No, they wouldn't." She paused. "Honey, Nori feels very badly for that day. She and Queen Malora have admitted they handled that poorly, and they have both apologized."
"Not to me."
She continued to hold me and didn't say anything for a moment. "Are you going to make Omie pay for Nori's mistake? If you let her stay with you, she'll miss her chance at a companion somewhere else, and she needs one, worse than anyone else here with us."
"Maya, in spite of how I feel about Nori, I'm three fifth's sure I'm going to say yes. Do you think that's a mistake?"
She frowned. "No, I don't think it's a mistake. But you need to be four fifths sure. So I'm going to point something out."
"Okay."
"I'm a poor warrior, and I will remain a poor warrior."
I nodded.
"You could be good. Much better than me."
"I could be better than you at something?" I asked.
"Don't be so shocked," she said. "Yes, you could be much better. And do you know what that means?"
I shook my head.
"It might take a year or two, maybe longer, but you could end up beating up your big sister."
"I could sit on you the way you used to sit on me!"
"Yes."
I began to grin. "Okay, that makes me five sixths sure."
She returned my grin. "I thought it might." Then she paused. "Honey, this is an important decision, but it's also important to Omie."
"I need to be sure, Maya."
"All right. Come with me."
She led me back to Malora and Omie. They were both standing side-by-side watching us. As we drew closer, Maya said, "Omie, I need to talk to Queen Malora for a moment. Don't go too far."
Omie nodded. Maya gave me a little push to her and said, "Go with Omie for a minute."
"Yes, Maya," I said. I let Omie collect me. She looked around and spotted her sister, pulling me to her.
"Going to miss me, Sis?" Omie asked.
The two talked for a few minutes. I looked around. The Amazons were almost all packed, their things on their horses or in one of the two wagons they were pulling with them. Then I saw Maya with Queen Malora, and Nori was with them. Maya had an arm around each of them. They were walking straight for us. I stared at them.
"Omie," Maya said a
s they drew close. "May we borrow your companion?"
Omie glanced over at them then at me. "She's not my companion yet," she said. "But of course." But she looked back and forth, then pulled me closer. She hugged me for a moment, and it felt like she was trying to tell me something. Then she gave me a little turn towards Maya, and I walked over to them, stopping a short distance away. I tried not to look at Nori, although I'm sure she noticed the looks I gave her.
"Beria," Maya said. "I know you met Nori, but it wasn't under the best circumstances. I thought we could start over. Beria, this is Nori. She has become one of my closest friends. In spite of how poorly we got started, you can see things are different now. Nori, this is my little sister, Beria. She is thinking of becoming companion to Omie, but she has certain reservations. Omie and I are trying to address them."
"Hello, Beria," Nori said. She offered a smile, but it was tentative. "I understand I am one of your reservations. I understand you feel I owe you an apology."
I glared at Maya. "You didn't have to tell her."
"Actually," Maya said, "I think I did. Beria, I don't often ask favors of you. I am going to do so now. Will you please talk to Nori for five minutes?"
"Do I have to?"
"No, actually, you don't. But if you don't, we'll tell Omie you have decided you don't want to go. I'll handle it for you. You won't have to look into her face and see the disappointment."
"Are you here as the senior companion or my sister?"
"Your sister."
"Then you suck."
Malora chuckled and I turned to her. "Do you think that's funny?"
She sobered. "I think it's funny that you checked whether you were going to get into trouble for speaking your mind. Your sister doesn't check."
They gave me a chance to think about it. "I suppose that part is kind of funny," I admitted. "I never talk back to her at school."
"And not that often at home, either," Maya said. "Beria, Omie needs a good companion, and I think you could be fabulous, but if you can't get along with Nori, you're going to be miserable. I won't allow that. Please, will you go talk to her?"
I didn't want to. And I really didn't want to be alone with her. I eyed her uncertainly.
"She won't hurt you," Maya said. "I promise."
