by Robin Roseau
Maya nodded agreement, taking my hands and looking into my eyes.
"I'd rather you stayed," she said. "But it is your choice. Honey, an entire night is eight hours. You haven't spent more than two without a companion."
"It gets better," Malora said. "But the first voice is the worst."
I nodded.
"I want to move on," I said. "I-" I paused. "I realized something, Queen Malora."
"Beria," she said, "when we are alone like this, I want you to call me Malora. All right?"
I smiled weakly and nodded.
"I realized for the first time in my life, I'm my own person. I'm not Mama's daughter. I'm not Maya's little sister. I'm not Omie's companion. I'm Beria, Amazon warrior. And I think I need to get used to that idea. And then I think I need more responsibilities. I don't know what to do with myself."
"You'll be very busy when you get your companion," Malora said. "But I want you to start studying what Balorie and Ralla do. And Nori and I have been talking. We're going to start pushing you harder during training. We're going to ask you to become comfortable with a greater variety of weapons."
I nodded. "Yes, Queen Malora."
"What did I just say a few minutes ago?"
"But you were giving me direction, and for that, you are my queen," I said. "For this other stuff," and I gestured to the bed, "you are my sister-in-law."
"And your friend," she said.
I smiled. "Yes."
"I am not giving you official duties yet," she said, "beyond that of any warrior. So unofficially, learn from Balorie and Ralla. They are both expecting you, whenever you're ready."
I nodded.
"I'm going to work on my hut," I said. "Maya, may I stop by for hugs?"
"Of course, honey, and right before you go to bed, stop by for a while and we'll make sure that horrible voice is hiding from me."
"Then you two will have at least a few hours of privacy." I grinned. "I bet you can figure out how to use it."
"Hush, you," Maya said. She pulled me into her arms for a few moments, then kissed my cheek. "If you want help, you know where to find us."
I collected my things from their hut, moving them next door. I lit the fire in the stove; someone had already laid one, and it was waiting for me. There was a box of dry wood and a fire kit. Everything I needed. I lit the lamp, and then I began puttering around.
My bearskin was on my bed. I stared at it. Omie and I had spent years making love under that bear skin. I gathered it to me and held it, rocking slowly, then collected myself.
"Enough of a pity party," I said. I wasn't sure I convinced myself, but I tried.
I looked at the furniture. It was laid out to look like my hut with Omie. But this was my hut now, and I didn't want it to look the same. I tugged the furniture around, rearranging everything. There were only so many combinations, but when I was done, it looked different, and that's what I needed.
Meena, the companion who had taught Maya how to make fishing flies, kept a display of her flies on the wall of her hut. I hadn't done that with Omie; Omie didn't care to fish, although she was always happy to eat what I would catch for her. I found a scrap of material, little more than a rag, but big enough to hang my flies. I wondered how to hang it. I left the hut, bracing the cold, and went to our storage room, gathering nails and a hammer. Back in my hut, I used them to hang the piece of material, and then I arranged the flies from it.
I stepped back. It seemed insufficient, a small scrap of material hanging from the wall. But I didn't have anything else.
I thought about Maya's hut. She kept her fiddle in a case on the wall, and she had various keepsakes she had obtained here and there. Some of them had been gifts from other Amazons; others she collected when she traveled to the villages every spring. I didn't have any of that, but I decided I wanted memories of Gallen's Cove.
And I wanted memories of Omie.
I wasn't sure what to do about that, but I was going to think about it.
I puttered for a while, but the voice began to waken. I went in search of my sister. She wasn't in her hut, but I found her in our dining hall, going over the duty roster with Balorie. I stopped and stared, then said, "May I join you?"
"Of course," Maya said.
She was seated across the table from Balorie, so I sat down next to her, and she immediately put her hand on my neck. It was automatic; she just seemed to do it. I clasped her hand in place, and she looked over at me and smiled.
"Okay?" she asked, and I nodded. I looked across the table to Balorie. "Queen Malora told me to start learning from you, but I don't want to interrupt."
"This is a good time," she said. "I know you understand about setting up a duty roster. This isn't really any different, but some of the concerns are different."
I nodded understanding.
"We have four slots. The first is for the patrol leader. That is nearly always I, Ralla, Nori, or Ping."
"Not Queen Malora?"
"No. I rotate Queen Malora through the other teams so she can see how we each are doing as leaders. So for instance, the next time she is scheduled to go, I am the leader."
She pointed to the chart. I saw her name, Malora's, Karena's, and my name. I was listed as the fourth warrior, and I stared at it for a while.
"The next time she goes out is here, and Nori is leading. I don't do that very often." Gaylie was listed as well, and me.
"Here she is with Ping. And then with Ralla down here."
"I understand."
"When I extend this schedule, she might be with Ping again next, or she might not, but I try to shake it up as much as I can."
"I also saw every trip where I am going, Maya is listed as well as one other companion."
"Yes," she said. "I prefer scheduling two companions on each trip, although we've had trips with none and sometimes we have three. I can't recall four, and I really, really do not like a patrol without any companions at all. You wouldn't have been alone like that, but Lidi got sick, so I had to swap names around."
"I understand," I said.
"I also do not send out two young companions on the same trip," she said. "And I try to avoid sending a new warrior with her old warrior. It tends to be hard on them. And when we have a new warrior-"
"Like me."
"Yes. I make sure we have solid companions along."
"Like my sister."
She smiled. "Yes. I love when your sister comes. Malora hates it, and it makes demon encounters a little more difficult, but Maya is very soothing, and she manages the entire camp for us. She is practically the leader herself."
"I'm not," she said.
"You lead the camp," Balorie stated. "And if we have to dress out an animal, she's always willing to do it, even in the worst weather when she's going to have a cold bath afterwards."
"She'll do anything for another skin," I observed.
"So that's pretty much it," Balorie said. "In the past, we've had personality conflicts, and I try to avoid them on patrol. Also, I make sure I shake up the patrols. There are villages where it's a pure rotation. Team 1, team 2, team 3, then back to team 1. Malora absolutely forbids that here, and I agree with her. We are one big team, not three small teams."
"This way is better," I said, tapping the sheet. "We get to know each other better. If you do it the other way, then you only see the people on the other teams three days in twelve when you're back here. It's hard to build friendships that way."
"Exactly," Balorie said. "You still might only see a particular person three of these twelve days, but then you might see her for the next twelve days straight if you go out on the same patrol."
"Is it easier now that we have fourteen warriors?"
"Yes, but remember that fourteen warriors for us is like ten or eleven for anyone else. Ralla, Nori and Malora all take fewer than their average patrols because they have so many other duties. Serra, Jasmine and Rora will never patrol, and now we're short two companions as well."
"I'm sorry,"
I said.
"No, no, that was not criticism, Beria. You are doing exactly what an Amazon does."
"You never sat down with me to show me the patrol roster when I was doing the companion duty roster. I just pulled it down from the board. Why were you and Maya talking?"
"She and I always have," Maya said. "It's usually only a few minutes. But I usually know if there are disputes between companions, for instance, or if a companion is uncomfortable around a particular warrior."
"Does that happen? I've never seen it."
"Yes, although not in some time," Maya replied. "I'm pretty good at getting rid of problems."
I laughed.
"We go over it every three weeks or so," Balorie said, "if there aren't changes sooner than that."
"May I help you prepare the next one?"
Balorie smiled. "No. I'll help you. You're doing it."
"Me? Queen Malora told me to learn; she didn't say I was acquiring new duties."
"What better way to learn than to do. And on the patrols you ride with me, you'll be learning how to lead them."
"Do you do this with every new warrior?"
"No," she said. "You're the first since Ping, and she only started leading patrols four years ago."
"I'm not ready to lead patrols!"
"No, but you will be. Also, you will be taking the next several voices, if you can."
"More voices? I can't handle the one I have."
"Five is the sweet spot," Balorie said. "They fight with each other, and five seems to be the optimal point where they fight, but not so much it becomes a cacophony. We're going to get you at least two more if we can, then let the others settle in as they may. I've been taking them to spare the other warriors, but Malora dressed me down for it."
"And I quietly asked her how she got so many," Maya said. "She told me to shut up."
"I bet that got her far."
"I'd made my point. I didn't need to belabor it."
"You and Bea both need more voices. You'll notice you aren't scheduled with her on this schedule."
I hadn't, but now when I searched, I saw she was right.
"I'd really load you down with patrol duty," Balorie said, "But frankly, Maya is the only companion that can handle her own warrior plus the needs of a new warrior while on patrol. Jasmine could, but she doesn't patrol. Bea could, too."
"Neela? Aura?"
"They're fine around here, but they stress out on patrol. Aura is calmer, but she's anxious to become a warrior."
"So much to manage."
"This is the easy part. To lead the patrols, you need to make snap decisions how to settle your forces. For one demon, that's usually easy, but as soon as you have two, it becomes complicated. And if Maya is there, then you have to manage Malora, too."
"You have to manage the queen?"
"She is looking for every opportunity to send Maya home, but Malora has two many voices, and I don't like her without her companion. She doesn't sleep."
"So much," I said.
"It's not so bad," Balorie said. "I handle it okay." She grinned at me. "Did you have more questions?"
"I didn't realize I was going to have these. I came looking for Maya."
"Did you need to talk to me?"
"Sometime, but I just needed this." I clasped her hand. "Thank you."
"You're always welcome," she said. "Better now?"
I nodded.
"Dinner is soon," she said. "Sit with me then."
"Count on it. I'm going to work on my hut some more. Thank you again, Balorie."
I got up but instead of heading to my hut, I went first to the storage room, bringing a lamp in and poking around for a while. I was just looking for inspiration of things to brighten the hut up. I didn't find anything, but then I opened a drawer of dried rosemary, and it smelled absolutely wonderful. I took some out and gave it a deep sniff, then put it back and went in search of Serra.
"You're not on kitchen duty!" she said the moment I stepped in. But she crossed the room, drying her hands, and set a hand on my neck.
"I'm okay," I said.
"I didn't used to do this," she said. "But I've been watching Maya. I'm trying to make it automatic like she does."
I nodded. "Thank you."
"Were you hoping to raid the kitchen early?"
"No. I'm trying to decorate my hut. I was wondering if I could have some of the rosemary from the storage room. It smells good. But if you needed it, I wanted you to know where it was."
"As long as you don't take it all. If I run low, I'll come see you. And warn Maya you have it so she doesn't freak out. If you really like it, I can show you where I harvest it, next summer."
"Oh that would be nice," I said. "Thank you. Why don't you make the companions do it?"
"I used to, but then a couple over-harvested and destroyed one of my favorite patches of thyme. It takes so little time to harvest, I'd rather just do it myself."
"Well, I hope you'll show me. Thank you, Serra."
She caressed my cheek and sent me on my way. I collected the rosemary then trudged to my hut.
* * * *
"So," I asked Maya over dinner, "where are you going for spring recruitment?"
"My rotation is off because of the trip for Bea and Clara," she replied. "I was scheduled to go to the central coast."
Which meant Gallen's Cove.
"Now I haven't decided. Why?"
"I want to go with, and if we can go home, I'd love to."
"Honey, I might have a companion for you sooner than that."
"Really?" I thought about it. "I still want to go, if Queen Malora will allow it. And I'm going to need to snare a lot of rabbit skins. I want to go shopping."
"Ah ha," Maya said. "For what?"
"Decorations and furnishings for my hut. I want reminders of home. And a mirror."
"You may have to ride some extra patrols before and after," Malora said. "And if you have a companion, you will need to see to her training during the trip."
"I may go?"
"If you still wish to, and Balorie isn't impoverished of warriors for patrol, yes, you may go."
"We'll make do," Balorie said.
"The available slots go first to the warriors in need of companions," Malora said.
"So a definite maybe?" and she nodded.
"You're due for a trip home, Beria," Malora said. "If not this spring, then we'll find a chance this summer. To be honest, I could use a couple of weeks beside the ocean."
Several heads turned her way. I had never heard her say anything like that before.
"What?" she asked. "I don't get vacation?"
"You've never taken one," Nori said, "not the entire time I've known you. Have you ever gone home to see your family?"
"Not a good subject," she said quietly. "Maya's family is mine now."
"Oh honey," Maya said, laying her head on Malora's shoulder.
"That means you, too, Beria," Malora said. "You know, the more I think about it, the more I think two weeks in Gallen's Cove sounds about perfect. When's the best time to be there?"
"Any time in the summer," Maya said. "The fishing is better the rest of the year, but it's warm enough to swim, and the ocean is calm enough for sailing."
"Then whether Beria has her trip with us this spring," Malora declared, "we're taking a trip this summer."
"I'd love that," Maya said.
* * * *
I sat bolt upright, a scream on the edge of my throat.
"Oh, can you feel your heart pounding, Amazon?" the demon asked me. "It is positively bursting from your chest." The voice went on and on. I scrambled from my bed and barely pulled on boots before running out of the hut.
Malora woke when I entered. I think she heard me whimpering. Their lamp was offering a faint glow, and I realized they had left it partially lit for me. Malora lifted the covers for me, and there was a Beria-sized space beside my sister. I kicked off my shoes and wrapped myself around her, trembling.
"Oh hone
y," she said into my ear. "I've got you. I've got you."
"You can't hide from me forever, Amazon," the demon said before it faded away.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Shh," Maya said. "We left room for you."
Malora fussed with the covers, making sure I was properly covered, and then she climbed from the bed and poked at the stove for a moment.
"Did you bank your stove properly, Beria?" she asked.
"Before bed," I said.
"Sometimes the demons cause tricks when we sleep. I'm just going to go check."
She didn't bother dressing, just slipped out the door. She was back a few moments later. "Everything is fine." She warmed at the stove for a moment then slipped back under the covers.
Slowly I calmed down. Maya kissed my nose and smiled to me. "Better?"
"I'll go," I said.
"No. Stay."
"It's only a little after midnight, Beria," Malora said. "If you go, you'll be back twice more before morning."
"I-" I thought about it. "I should make a bed in here, shouldn't I?"
"Yes," she said, "although you could start out in your hut then come here when you need to. But you are welcome in our bed, or in a bed next to ours, as long as you need."
"Thank you, Malora."
"Of course," she said. "You would do the same for any of your sisters, after all."
"I don't know if I would have, before. I didn't know it was like this."
"You would have. It may have taken Maya explaining more to you, but you would have, and in the future, you probably will be doing this for someone else."
I lay back in the bed, Maya holding me, Malora holding Maya.
"Maya," I said, "the day I took the voice, the demon told me things."
"The demons lie," Malora said. "Don't believe a thing they tell you."
"It told me Father wasn't my real father," I said.
"Ridiculous," Maya said. "You don't remember her, but you look just like Grandma Softpeace."
"The demon said a man raped mother and made you watch."
"Lies, honey."
"It said he raped you, too."
"Oh honey," Maya said. "Lies. It never happened. I have never lied to you, and you know it. It never happened."
"Why would it tell such a poor lie?"
