“Nothing has made sense for the past week. If I’m being completely honest, the past two years.” I turned to look at him. “It shouldn’t take a near-death experience for you to be back in my life. And I don’t even know if this is back. You’re cold. You’re distant. Unless I need you. And then you want to be in my bed. I can’t handle it. I can’t handle this. Whatever it is.”
He tried to talk, but I held up my hand. I wasn’t finished.
“I may never have another chance to say this, so I’m going to say it before I lose my courage.” My throat tightened. “You were supposed to be it. You were supposed to be the man I spent my life with. I trusted you. I believed you. And you walked away.” I blinked. “That kind of blind trust doesn’t suddenly reappear. I felt so broken I didn’t believe in any man. I don’t know that I will.” I took a deep breath. “I know you’re worried about me. I believe you. But I don’t want my hired bodyguard back. I don’t want surprise kisses in the woods. I don’t you to comfort me after a bad dream. I don’t want you to break my heart again. That’s what I need to say.”
“I’m sorry. I am sorry for what I did.”
“And you want my forgiveness?” I asked.
“Yes. I want you to forgive me. But I want more than that.” His voice was deep and slow.
“Ok. I’m listening. What do you want?”
“It’s simple. It’s always been simple.” He paused in front of the couch and I felt the energy around him. There was nothing cold or distant. He radiated heat. “You, J. I want you.”
I shook my head. “It’s not that simple.”
He knelt in front of me. “You’re right. I get wrapped up in the target. I spend more time on your safety than you. I always did. I’m doing it again, against every warning in my head. I have to fight the instinct to protect you and just give in and love you.” He tugged at the quilt, letting it fall away, exposing my breasts to the cool air. He sighed. “I do love you. I love you enough to abandon my company. Enough to hide you from the world. Enough to spend every dime I have to make sure you’re alive and happy.”
My pulse quickened. His thumb ran over my nipple, making it perk. My eyes landed on his.
“Not like this,” I whispered.
“Then like what? How do I tell you I’ve been lost since…” His words trailed off. “Since I made the worst mistake of my life.”
“Sex isn’t the answer. It’s too easy this way. We’re too good at this. Sex makes it seem like everything is ok.”
And it was. Our bodies knew each other. Wanted each other. He didn’t even have to touch me to spread fire under my skin.
His mouth lowered to my nipple. Kissing it before sucking it between his teeth.
My head reeled back. “Ashe,” I whimpered. I pressed his head to my chest, wanting more pressure. Wanting to feel the life surge through me.
His teeth clamped against the tight bud and I bucked. The last of the quilt fell to the floor.
“This…this is what I’m talking about,” I whimpered, knowing I was already lost to him.
His hand trailed along my waist before sliding my legs apart. I gasped as his fingers slipped between my wet folds. I opened, eager to feel him. He flicked my clit and my hips rocked. It wasn’t enough. I rocked again, panting until his fingers sank inside me.
Shit. It shouldn’t feel this good. But it did. It always did when Asher worshipped my body.
His fingers pumped in and out. He climbed on top of me as we fell backward on the couch. His mouth covered my neck and shoulder, kissing me wildly. Licking, sucking.
I worked his pajama pants over his hips, pushing them down his legs until he could kick them off his ankles. They landed on the floor. His made a trail of kisses, lower each time until he was circling my navel.
I gasped as my knees were pressed wide and his head dove to my heated center.
“Oh God,” I moaned. His tongue was wild and expressive lapping at my juices.
I tugged at his dark hair, urging him to go deeper. Suck harder. Drink faster.
As his tongue plunged inside me I found the fire I had missed. My body was alive in his arms. I was like captured lightning when he commanded me this way.
I felt his growls vibrate against my thighs and through my entrance.
My core tightened, tingling faster and tighter as he coaxed the orgasm from my body.
“Come baby,” he growled. “Let me feel you.” I heard the anguish in his voice.
I didn’t have a defense when it came to this man. He could love me. He could leave me. And I’d still be his. My body would still come for him time after time.
The last resistance I had snapped as he thrust his tongue from my clit to my pussy and I felt the waterfall of sensation wash over me.
“Oh shit,” I moaned.
I grabbed his head, grinding my hips into the roughness of his face. Burning my thighs with the friction. Releasing my body from the built-up ache that seven days of Asher had created. It poured through me, lifting me through the sky. Until I had nowhere to go but land in his arms.
He kissed my knee, stilling me with a lusty gaze. “I missed you. So much.”
He tucked his arms under me and scooped me up from the couch. “Where are we going?” I asked.
“My bed,” he answered.
He kicked the door to his room open and lowered me on the bed. He climbed toward me and I thought my heart would explode.
I’d loved him. I’d mourned him. I’d cried too much. Missed him too much. And now the pain had vanished. He was here, loving me again.
He folded his arms around me, kissing me roughly. I tasted my scent on his tongue.
“I swear I’ll never leave again,” he promised. “I’m a different man, J. We have a lot to catch up on. I have a lot I want to tell you.”
I nodded. We could talk tomorrow. We could talk next week. I didn’t care as long as he was inside me.
“Will you tell me after you fuck me? Please?”
I reached between us, fisting his wide cock in my hand. He groaned as my palm slid over the silky skin. I traced the throbbing vein with my thumb.
“You drive me crazy, Journey. I want to fuck you. And never stop.”
I whimpered, wanting that too. “You better not stop.”
He nudged his cock against my entrance. My breath caught as he made a circle, coating the thick head in my juices. His fingers threaded through mine as he pushed my hands over my head.
His cock inched inside me and we both groaned. The pressure and pleasure were intense. I had to adjust to his size again. I stretched and quivered around him, knowing what was about to come.
“Never again,” he whispered, clasping my hands. He slammed into me and I screamed his name as he drove deep inside me.
I looked into his eyes. His gorgeous face hovered over me. His chiseled jaw set in a determined line as he thrust into me, making us whole again.
“Asher, I—” My head turned to the side as his body overwhelmed mine with pleasure.
“What? You want more? You need more?” he asked with a husky voice.
“Yes, please,” I begged.
He scooped me up, rolling me on my stomach. I grew wetter just thinking about how it felt when he took me from behind. He shifted me onto my knees.
I pressed my palms into his expensive sheets as my ass rose in the air. I hissed as his cock sank inside me. Each time he gripped my waist harder and tighter.
My breasts bounced, grazing the bed with each thrust. It felt so good. So incredible to be in his bed again. To be consumed and loved by his body.
Asher skimmed my hip, following my hipbone, grazing my clit with his fingers.
“Ohh.” I jerked upright.
He chuckled. “Feel good?”
I moaned when his fingers flicked against the tender bud of flesh. Each touch jolted me closer to my next orgasm. I was going to come faster this time. What choice did I have? Asher filled me so fully. I clenched around his cock, trying to climb my way to climax
faster. He pushed inside me, slamming his balls against me.
I cried out with pleasure. With pain. With love.
He strummed between my legs until I was panting and begging.
“You’re mine, J.”
“God, yes,” I called over my shoulder.
He rocked forward, kicking my hands out from under me so that he pinned his chest to my back.
“Asher,” I whimpered.
He was deeper this way. We were closer. There was no air between us. Only our bodies melting each other.
“Fuck.”
He came as violently as I did. Our bodies fluttered as we came together. Cresting and crashing. Rising and falling.
He kissed my neck and back, pumping in and out.
One.
Two.
Three.
His release spilled inside me and I sucked in desperate breaths, searching for air.
He let the full weight of his giant body relax as he rolled to the side, tucking me against him in the process.
He smoothed the hair from my neck, planting one kiss after another. His thumb rubbed my breasts, circling over my nipples.
“It felt so fucking good being inside you…” His words trailed off. “I’m addicted to your body. I always have been,” he admitted.
I bit my lip. I was in some strange place where euphoria was mixed with sadness. And in the pit of my stomach, there was fear. Fear that I had just opened my heart to him again. Yet, my body was his. There was no doubt this was where I belonged. I might as well have Asher Westbrook tattooed all over me. Inked in my skin to prove how permanently he had taken hold of me.
I twisted to face him. His features were dark in the shadows.
“We’re doing things differently this time,” I stated.
He brushed his lips over my mouth. “I don’t know how, but I swear I will.”
“We start by going back to Malibu tomorrow.”
He opened his mouth and I pressed my thumb to his firm lips. His head tilted to the side.
“I’ll listen to you. But you have to listen to me too.”
He sighed. “And you expect me to willingly take you somewhere I don’t think is safe?”
“It’s awards season. You can’t ask me to withdraw from the world. It’s not a reasonable request. And you know it.” He sucked on my finger and I moaned. “And Tristan is awake. I need to visit him in the hospital. It’s the right thing to do.”
He grabbed my ass, digging his fingers into the softest part of my bottom. “Those are convincing points. Do you have any others?”
My pulse escalated and I had to fight for the reasons to leave Big Bear.
We had just found each other again. Couldn’t we hide up here and have earth-shattering sex day after day?
“I’ll compromise,” I breathed.
“This is a first.”
“You can send your team or whoever to the beach house ahead of us. Twenty-four hours and then we leave Big Bear.”
He hiked my leg to his hip and I gasped when I felt how hard his cock already was. He pressed it between my swollen folds and I moaned, wanting him again. Needing his body.
“Deal.” He took my mouth with a sudden kiss.
I pushed against him. “Did you just agree?”
He nodded, yanking me on top of him. “I did. See? I’m a changed man.”
I straddled him, looking down in his eyes. The last bit of fear that I had clung to vanished. I decided I was going to live in the place of euphoria.
Thirteen
Asher
Journey smiled at me from across the kitchen island. She had made coffee and a batch of muffins.
“Are you always on that thing now?” she asked, motioning to my tablet.
“It’s the best way to stay connected to Westbrook Securities,” I explained.
She crossed her legs, showing the edge of her bottom. She was wearing one of my T-shirts.
“It’s still hard to wrap my head around the company.” She pulled off the top of a blueberry muffin. “After you invented the Connect Tech it took off?”
“There’s no doubt it changed my life.” I took a sip of coffee. My eyes hadn’t moved from the soft skin along her thigh. “But what do you want to know?”
“Ok. Yeah. I’d like to ask you some questions, Mr. Billionaire Westbrook,” she teased.
I laughed. “You can’t call me that.”
“Ok, just Mr. Billionaire then.”
I shot her a warning stare. “What do you want to know?”
“Do you like it?” she asked.
I laid the tablet next to the basket of muffins. “Sure.”
“That’s not very convincing. Does it make you happy, running a company?”
I inhaled. “I haven’t thought about it like that. It gives me something. I don’t know that I’d call it happiness. Security, I guess.” I winked. “No pun intended.”
Her laughter was light. “At least you still have a sense of humor.”
“I try.”
“Tell me something about it. What’s your favorite part?” She held the coffee between her palms.
“Other than the money? Hmm.” I pressed my lips together.
“I’m serious, Asher. How did you go from a security contractor to owning a billion-dollar company? That’s a huge change. There has to be something meaningful in it for you. Something that drives you.”
That was the purist in Journey. She thought everything had to have a sense of purpose. All intentions were meant for a positive outcome. She didn’t accept that sometimes people did things because they were stupid. Or because they were dark and hopeless. And sometimes people did things because they had nothing else to do. Boredom. I wondered if the shooting had changed her perspective on the human spirit.
I rubbed the back of my neck. “I still protect people.” My eyes flashed to hers. “Just not on a one-on-one basis. That’s something I feel good about. I employ thousands of people. I’d like to think they enjoy their jobs. And I make a shit-ton of money. I found a way to use a skill I had to invent a device that makes people safer. Families can sleep better. I don’t say it, but yeah, I’m fucking proud of Westbrook Securities.”
“Well you should say it.” She grinned. “What you’ve done is incredible.”
I walked toward her. I brushed the hair from her shoulder. “You know what I hate about it?”
She searched my eyes. “No. What?”
“That I did it without you.” My palm flattened against her thigh, pushing the T-shirt up her hip.
“We’re not going back though.” She shook her head. “Only forward.”
I nodded. “I’m never doing any of it without you again.”
“I like how that sounds. I don’t know that I totally believe it. Yet,” she added.
“We have a lot to put back together, don’t we?”
She nodded. “Starting with figuring out how to merge your busy billionaire life with mine?”
“Actually.” I cringed. There was never going to be a good way to tell her about Avajean, but I knew it was time. I couldn’t let the days go by without explaining the truth.
“Actually what?” I heard the alarm in her question.
“There’s something I want to talk to you about. It’s why I walked out.”
Her eyes misted over. “Ashe, I don’t know if I can… We’re happy right now. We can go over it later. Maybe get a couples’ therapist or something.” She let out a nervous laugh.
“It’s not something I can put off. I promised you the truth. I promised you I was a changed man and I think you need to know why.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“I know. It’s scary as hell, but there’s no other way to say this, J. I’m a dad. I have a daughter. Avajean and she’s four-years old.”
“Holy shit,” she whispered. “You can’t be serious. Really?”
“I’m serious. I found out the paternity results the day I left. I didn’t want to bring that kind of scandal to your name.�
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She blinked. “She’s the reason you walked out?”
I threaded my fingers through hers, relieved she hadn’t withdrawn. “You had just landed that first big movie. I didn’t know if your career could take it. I didn’t want to involve Dante. It wasn’t a pretty story, or a happy story.”
“But her mother? Are you two…” She looked away.
I tipped her chin toward me. “No. God, no. I haven’t even seen her. Or talked to her since I picked up Avajean. Her parents are the ones who reached out to me. I didn’t believe them at first. So I had paternity tests performed at more than one lab—just to make sure. I didn’t know how to tell you what I’d done. I didn’t know how to be a dad. I didn’t want to drag a kid, practically baby through the Hollywood paparazzi. There was no happy ending at that time. The only thing I could do was take Avajean and start over.”
“And start Westbrook Securities?”
My jaw flinched. “Yeah. I kind of threw all my energy into it. I wanted to give her a legacy. Make sure no matter what happened to me my daughter had something. Her grandparents are too damn old, and her mom has never come back. She depends on me for a future. For everything.”
“Oh my God, Ashe. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe any of it.” Her palm reached for my cheek. “You’ve been a single parent? Doing all this on your own?”
“It doesn’t mean I’ve done it well. I hired a nanny. She spends the most time with Avajean.”
“Where are they now?” she asked. “Does she know you’re in Big Bear?”
I nodded. “They’re in Valencia, visiting her grandparents. With everything going on with your recovery I didn’t want to make things worse.”
“You think meeting your daughter would make it worse?”
I hung my head. “No. I’m not sure. Until last night, I thought I had lost you forever, babe. I couldn’t put Avajean in that situation either.”
She exhaled. “I see. You were protecting both of us.”
“In my own way. Yes.”
“I want to meet her.” She smiled. “Is that something you want?”
“More than you could imagine. My two girls?” I laughed loudly. “Shit. It would be incredible.”
Pretending She’s Mine Page 6
