by Barbara Goss
“What you need to do, if you ever want more between you and me, is to resolve the issues. The only way that I can see to do that is for you to see her again. Find out what is still going on in your heart—and hers.
“Of course, if last night was just a sympathy kiss, then we can forget all of this and just continue being good friends,” she said, folding her hands on her lap as if to say she was finished with her speech.
Ned didn’t know what to say because he didn’t have the answer himself. What had he felt when he’d kissed Maria? He’d been affected by it, naturally. She was a beautiful woman and had felt so good in his arms—than again, so had Ellen. He’d taken a bit more physical privileges with Ellen then he’d ever have dared with Maria, but only because Ellen had been the aggressor in their relationship. She was a sensual little temptress that made it hard to forget or resist. Maria, on the other hand, was sweet, moral, down-to-earth, and totally unapproachable, both physically and romantically.
“Maria,” he began, “I owe it to you to be honest. I don’t know what my feelings are for either of you. You are two totally different women, and I’m attracted to both of you, but in different ways.
“The kiss we shared wasn’t out of sympathy—the hug and pats on the back were, though. The kiss was something I hadn’t planned. I just looked down at your lips, and then wham! It just happened. I’m not sorry I kissed you; it was wonderful. It left me wanting more, but my timing was the worst—right after what you went through with Balcomb. All I can do is apologize—for the timing, but not for the kiss. I’m not sorry I kissed you. It’s something I’ll always remember.”
“Friends don’t kiss like that. You and I can never be anything more than that as long as your heart belongs to another.” She searched his face. “So I suppose it’s back to being just friends again?”
Her blue eyes were a deeper shade than ever before, and the expression on her face told Ned she wished things were different, too. He hated to wipe the look of hope from her face.
“I wish we could be more than friends, but I understand why we can’t be. You’re absolutely right.” He rubbed his hands together nervously. “I have no intention of leading you along. I’m totally confused, is all. One minute I tell myself that Ellen doesn’t deserve my love for the shabby way she treated me, yet I can’t say I don’t still love her. I also feel the desire to be more than friends with you, but I can’t explain how or why. If I really loved Ellen, how could I possibly even be tempted to want more than friendship with you?”
Maria stood. “Ned, you need to sort things out. Go to England and find your answer. I’ll be here waiting when you come back,” she said.
Ned stood, also, so he could search her face. She’d meant it. His heart throbbed in his chest the way it had whenever he thought of Ellen. How could he be in love with two women at the same time?
“You promise?” he asked.
She crossed her heart with her fingers. “Honest.”
After he’d escorted Maria home and bedded down his horse, he finally took his bath. He lay in the warm water and gave his situation some deep thought. Sure, he wanted more from Maria than friendship, because she was in Hays, and Ellen was in England. What if Ellen were here, in town? Would he feel the same way about Maria, then? The last thing he would ever do is to play with Maria’s emotions. He could tell she was vulnerable, and he’d thought the kiss had meant something to her, too, but had scared her into making the trip to speak with him and sort things. He made a decision right then and as soon as he got out of the tub and dressed, he sought his uncle out. He found him relaxing on the sofa with a book.
“Boss, can you do without me for a few months?”
“With winter coming I suppose I could if it was for a good reason,” he answered, putting the book down.
“I’m going to England to find out what’s in my heart. I’m confused, and before I can begin a new relationship, I need to find out what my feelings are for Ellen and what hers are for me.”
“Vera seems to have the notion that you and Maria were growing closer,” Hugh said.
“She’s right. I have feelings for Maria, and it’s not fair to lead her on until I find out what my heart is telling me.”
“I’ll manage through the winter, if I need help I can always hire Ham or Wade,” Hugh said. “I think it’s a good decision, Ned. I’ll help you all I can.”
“Thank you. You’ve always been there for me. I hope you find happiness, too.
“How are things going with you and Vera?”
“We’re also moving slowly toward something more than friendship. It’s amusing. We started out doing this for the two of you, and now we’re ending up in a relationship ourselves,” Hugh said with a chuckle.
“That’s what you two deserve for trying to do a good deed for the ones you love.”
The next day, he wired Ellen of his imminent arrival and sent for his tickets.
Chapter Six
Ned felt relieved to finally step off the ship, The Snow Queen. The voyage had been rough, but there hadn’t been any storms. The quarters had been cramped, the food bland, and the bed uncomfortable. He supposed if he’d had the money for first class, he’d have enjoyed it more, but this trip was straining his bank account as it was. Thankfully, the steamship had not experienced bad weather or serious illness. Second class was better than the poor souls in what they called steerage, on the lowest deck. His uncle had urged him to pay extra for second class, and he was thankful he’d listened, although he hated to part with the extra money.
He gazed around the crowded waterfront. He’d been told the Radcliffes would send a carriage for him, but there weren’t any familiar faces in the crowd, and no one seemed to be looking for him. He walked closer to the long line of carriages. How would he know which one belonged to the Radcliffes?
All he could do was to clutch his suitcase as he walked along the line of carriages, hoping someone was awaiting a lone man fitting his description.
The first thing he noticed was that people were giving him strange looks. He looked a few times to be sure his pants were still buttoned. Then it dawned on him that it was his clothing that made him stand out from everyone else. He was wearing his black pants, a flannel shirt, boots, a leather overcoat, and a wide-brimmed hat, but the men around him were mostly wearing business suits with bow ties and tall hats.
He saw no one else in a leather coat. On the farm, he and Hugh wore leather as it held up better when working with the animals, and it was easily cleansed from any animal odors.
The more people stared at him, the more he began to feel out of place. He continued walking along the line of carriages until a woman suddenly jumped from one of them and ran toward him.
Ellen! His heart pounded.
She flew into his arms and hugged him. “Oh, Ned! It’s so good to see you. I’ve missed you so!” She grabbed his hand and led him to the Radcliffes’ chauffeured vehicle. Ellen pulled him into the carriage and smiled up at him. “I was so excited to hear you were coming. I’ve so many people for you to meet.”
Already, Ned felt uneasy.
Ellen chatted animatedly all the way to the Radcliffe residence, an impressive-looking mansion, situated on a street with elegant homes on each side. The carriage stopped in front of the last house on the street, a three-story, brick home with a three-pillared entrance. He felt uncomfortable knowing he’d be a guest in a home where the hostess wouldn’t hide the fact that she disliked him. He knew Mrs. Radcliffe wanted her daughters to marry titled, rich men, and she wasn’t going to like him visiting one bit. The only buffer to the situation was her father, Robert, who was a down-to-earth and friendly man.
Ellen led him through the front door where a butler took his coat and Ellen’s cape.
“Is my father in the study, Morton?” Ellen asked.
“Yes, Miss. He’s been there all morning,” Morton replied sounding bored.
“Bring us a tea tray, Morton,” she ordered brusquely, as she dragged Ne
d down a long hall and into what he guessed was the study.
As he was being pulled down the hall, Ned smiled at the servant to whom Ellen had spoken to so rudely. Is this how people treated their staff in England?
Robert Radcliffe was sitting behind a desk and looked up as they came in. When he saw Ned he stood, a broad smile on his face.
“Good to see you, Ned. How was your voyage? I hope better than ours was.”
“It wasn’t bad at all,” Ned said. “But I was glad to walk on land again.”
“Have a seat,” he said. “There are a few things you need to know.”
Robert left his desk to sit in an armchair near the sofa where Ned and Ellen had sat.
Morton entered and set a tea tray down on a table near them, and exited. Ellen poured tea and handed the cups to them.
“I’m so glad to see you, Ned. How are Evie and Travis?” Robert asked.
“They are still making eyes at each other and holding hands constantly. I do believe they’re still on their honeymoon,” Ned told him.
“Good to hear! I like Travis. And I like you, too, Ned,” he said. He reached over and patted his shoulder. “My wife, however, is not pleased about your visit. As you know, she cares more about money, bloodlines, and titles rather than judging a person by his own merits or how he treats people. I’m relieved Evie managed to escape the marriage my wife had planned for her, but you might as well know, she plans the same for Ellen. She wants her to marry rich and titled. I just want to warn you to ignore any slights she may give you, and know why she gives them. Don’t take them personally.”
“Thank you, sir. I sort of figured that would be the case.” Ned couldn’t wait to see and talk to Ellen alone. He wanted to kiss her and hold her in his arms. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed her until he’d seen her today. Her bright brown eyes, wide with delight at seeing him, had melted his heart. Already, Hays and Maria were long forgotten.
They drank their tea while discussing about trivial matters, and when they were finished, Robert stood.
“You two are excused now. I’m sure Ellen has the day already planned for you. If you need anything, I’m usually in here,” Robert said. He shook Ned’s hand. “I wouldn’t oppose you as a son-in-law, just so you know.” He winked.
Once out in the hall, Ned thought about grabbing Ellen and kissing her, but a maid showed up. “Shall I show the young man to his room, Miss Ellen?”
“Of course, Gretchen, he’s a guest, isn’t he?” she snapped. Then she grabbed his hand. “I’ll come along.”
He was shown to a beautifully furnished bedroom at the end of a long hall. He set his suitcase on the floor.
“Everything you need should be in here, sir, but if not, there’s a bell cord by the bed. Feel free to use it to ask for anything.” The maid then turned and left them.
Ellen moved into the room and closed the door behind her. “Finally,” she said. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. Her hands began to roam inside of his shirt, pushing him back at the same time, or was that him backing away from her aggression? Either way, the back of his knees hit the mattress of the bed and he fell over backward. Ellen, still clinging to his neck, fell halfway on top of him and continued to kiss him passionately.
She’d always been aggressive, but never to this degree. Ned was actually scared. What if her mother or father walked in? What if she seduced him to a point where he could no longer control himself? He didn’t ever want to make love to a woman outside of marriage. He knew fornication was wrong—he’d been a Christian all his life and knew that Satan would tempt him at his weakest point. Right now, Ellen was his weakest point.
What was it the Bible had taught him to do when dealing with temptation? To remove himself from it before being pulled into it. He sat up slowly and she slid from on top of him. “I don’t think you should be in here with me,” he said.
“I just wanted to show you how much I’ve missed you,” she said, pouting. “I hope you didn’t think I was going to compromise you.” She laughed.
Ned didn’t think it was funny. He stood up and said, “I’ll unpack.”
“Oh, do that later. I have plans for us today,” she said, standing beside him. “We’re going for a ride through Hyde Park—you’ve heard of it, haven’t you? Anyone worth knowing is there in the afternoon. I want everyone to see my handsome cowboy.”
“Everyone?” he asked.
“Friends of mine. I have so many friends and I missed them all while I was in Kansas. It’s so good to be back.”
“So you’d never consider leaving here, even if you fell in love with your cowboy?” he asked.
She moved to the door. “You’ll love it here once you get used to the different lifestyle. Come on, we’ll grab a quick lunch and then head for the park.”
This time they rode in an open carriage, driven by a chauffeur, named Harold.
“Why take an open carriage?” Ned asked her. “What if it rains?”
“I have umbrellas under the seat. “The whole purpose of riding through the park is to be seen. How will people see us if we're in a closed carriage?” she asked.
Ned didn’t understand, but he kept silent and watched as carriage after carriage passed them and they exchanged waves. The fact that Ellen seemed proud to show him off made him feel good. She seemed so different in England than she had in Kansas.
“Just wait until the ball tonight when I’ll introduce you to my friends. They’ll all be green with envy,” Ellen said.
“Ball? What ball? I didn’t bring any formal clothes, Ellen.”
“Your Sunday suit will do,” she said. “I’d prefer it if you looked Western. I told everyone I’d roped myself in a cowboy while in Kansas, and they didn’t believe me.” She grinned. “We’ll show them tonight.”
After being showcased by Ellen through the park for over an hour, she instructed the chauffeur to head home.
“What time is the ball?” he asked.
“It starts at eight, but I’d like to make a grand entrance around ten,” she said.
“I suppose your mother will be going along?”
“Of course. Here, in England, a single woman can’t go anywhere without a chaperone, except for the park in an open carriage.”
He hadn’t had to face her mother yet and he wasn’t looking forward to it.
His first encounter with the formidable Mrs. Radcliffe was at dinner. Ellen had instructed him to put his suit on for dinner and then they’d slowly make their way to the ball afterward.
Ned’s stomach growled. He was used to eating supper before six and it was already eight and so far, no sign of dinner.
After dressing, he made his way to the study. He felt comfortable around Robert.
“How was your ride in the park?” Robert asked.
“Ridiculous.”
Robert laughed. “It’s very different here.”
“Do you ever miss Kansas and the ranch?” Ned asked.
“Yes, my heart is still there. I’m hoping to visit Evie and Travis sometime after Christmas. Maybe we can sail back together,” he said.
“What do you miss most?” Ned wondered how he could possibly be happy, always being pulled about by a nagging, shrew of a wife.
“I miss being busy and having a real purpose in life.” Robert shook his head, sadly. “All I do here is sit at this desk paying bills and reading. I often enjoy taking a long walk in the evenings, though,” he said. “Maybe you could join me some time when Ellen isn’t pulling you about.”
His choice of words jolted Ned. They were almost the same words he’d used when thinking about how unhappy Robert must be with his nagging wife. Was this what was in store for him should he marry Ellen?
“Ah,” Robert said, rising. “The dinner bell. I’m starving.”
Robert led Ned into the dining room. Ned’s mouth hung open at the sight of the table. He’d never seen a fancier setup with real silver, crystal glasses, and a centerpiece. Candles had been l
it on both sides of the table.
“Emma,” Robert said as they approached the table, “you remember Ned Benedict.”
Mrs. Radcliffe barely looked at him saying simply, “I do.”
Robert pulled out a chair for Ned and then took his place at the head of the table across from his wife.
Ellen came running into the room all dressed in pink and took the chair opposite him. She smiled at him. “I stopped by your room to walk you to dinner but you’d gone down already.”
There was no prayer before eating, but Ned had noticed Robert silently bowed his head, so Ned did the same.
The maid came in carrying a tray of soup, the first course. A bowl was set in front of each person, and when the maid set Emma’s bowl down, the soup sloshed a bit, dripping onto the plate beneath it.
“You useless girl!” Emma yelled. “Watch what you’re doing or you’ll end up mucking out the stables.”
Ned could hardly believe his ears.
Robert said nothing, but the way he kept his head down over his soup made Ned think he was embarrassed by his wife but didn’t want her tongue pointed at him. No wonder the man seemed so unhappy.
The next course was a salad for each of them, and then out came a stuffed fish of some kind. Ned thought it delicious, and he’d hoped for something that would stick to his ribs; the soup and salad just teased his appetite.
The dessert was a fruit cup in white sauce. He heard Ellen give it a French name but he’d forgotten it already. Regardless, it was very good.
After dinner, Robert escaped to his study after wishing them a good time. Ellen then decided it was time to leave for the ball. She seemed excited, and he was nervous. Ellen didn’t know how much he feared walking into a room where he knew no one, but Maria did. That was the first time he’d thought about Maria since he’d gotten off the ship. She would have understood how he felt, especially since there was no escaping the ball.
