by RAVENC JAMES
It was not the reading part that I didn’t like, because I found the activity quite fascinating, but it was the part where it was uncertain to me why I was doing it. They said I read to grow up, but was growing up necessary in this world? What was there waiting for me in the grown-up world anyway?
“Let’s just say I’m still getting used to this kind of life,” I said, then swallowed the berry that had stayed longer than necessary in my mouth.
His eyes were assessing me again like I said something that triggered his suspicion. Was I really different from the rest of them?
“This kind of life? Ori, you speak like you’ve had another life before this,” Venir said.
I put a couple of berries into my mouth and then chewed them.
“Look,” he added when he noticed my struggle to explain it. “Although we’re both new, I was born first and had accumulated more navi before you, so I guess it’s just normal for you to act like this.”
“When you say normal, you mean it’s normal for me to question what I believe to be the existing norm here?”
“Everybody here has questions. I do. In fact, I have many questions, and these questions excite me. They motivate me to figure out the answers. I stare at the books and think that one of those may contain the answer to my question. The only difference between you and me, for I don’t want to speak for the rest of the angels, is that you voice your questions while I keep mine to myself.”
“Why? Why do you keep your question? And I noticed a lot of them do that too. They keep it to themselves.”
Venir smiled. “Because questions are like answers, they have values. They are like personal quests that you don’t want the others to know.” He leaned closer. “I don’t share them because I don’t like the others to find the answer first before I do.”
It made sense, and I understood it. Totally. This was not some esoteric statement that was comprehensible only to a few or a type of book that required a certain amount of navi to understand. I got it. But.
I couldn’t think that way. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t hoard questions for fear that others may steal them. I couldn’t keep my questions to myself, and I could not ‘not voice’ my speculations, my doubts, everything. I needed someone to share it with. But here was the thing: I didn’t want to be different, either.
Maybe this was what the academy for, not just a place to accumulate knowledge and information, but also a place for me to learn how to adapt and conform? Maybe I could do this? Maybe I could try? Maybe this could be how I could grow into my angelic ‘maturity?’
I heaved a deep sigh.
“I think I can learn to think that way,” I said.
Venir raised his brows and then tilted his head to the side. “Let’s see.”
I stared at him while I was munching the berries. He stared back at me. And while we were in this game of staring into each other’s eyes in silence, an amused smile hovered on his lips. Thinking the best time to start behaving like a typical angel was now, I caught myself before voicing my questions. I thought I was doing fine until question after question started popping into my mind like a bag of popcorn kernels in the microwave. Popcorn kernels in the microwave? Where did I get that reference? And back to my questions, because I had a lot. Was Venir aware that this school did not have any sort of guide or supervision and that the angels did not have parents and so were forced to raise themselves—I meant ourselves? And what was that darkness all about? Was it a natural phenomenon? Was it part of Ether? Would the angels rather have a one-sided conversation with themselves than talk and use our Womb-designed vocal cords? This was torture.
“I can’t do it,” I said. “I can’t have a conversation with myself. I can’t keep all these questions in my head. I need to use my voice. I need to have somebody to talk to. I just can’t. Can’t. Like cannot. Do you understand? Can’t. Do. it. Alone.”
Venir laughed, freaking laughed like full laughter with his hand on his belly. He attracted some attention, but the angels, instead of asking, merely gave us a frown. It took a moment before Venir reverted to his old self.
“You’re amazing,” he said. Maybe he confused stupid with amazing?
“If I don’t talk, if I don’t share my confusion, all my questions bursting in my head, I’m pretty sure I’m going to explode.”
He narrowed his gaze on me and said, “Go ahead. Give me all your questions, your possible answers, and I’ll protect them.”
Was he being sarcastic, or did he mean it? Although he had shown how he was capable of pranking me, I still saw him endearingly honest.
“Is that a promise?”
“That’s a pledge that requires my forever servitude to you if I ever break it.”
“No. I’m not accepting that. You don’t need to promise anything when you’re the one helping me.”
“Ori, remember when you said that the air around us is like a universal interpreter?”
Where was he going with this? I gave a hesitant reply. “Yeah?”
“They record promises too. So, it’s done. There’s no way out of it but to move forward with it. So, now talk to me.”
My mouth, my eyes, I swore even my heart—they were open in shock. This was dumb. Really unnecessary.
“Go ahead, tell me what’s in your mind.”
“That Heaven was designed by dumb people,” I said.
Now it was Venir who had his jaw drop. His hand, holding a berry partially inside his mouth, froze. What was with the overreaction? Was he offended? Was I not allowed to say that?
“What’s Heaven?” he finally asked.
Oh, that.
Consider me completely confounded. Venir’s question completely erased any sliver of doubt I may still have about me being ‘not’ normal. How come no one here in the academy knew that this place was once called Heaven?
Fide’s words made sense.
“Heaven is the ancient name of Ether. It has never been used, nor spoken here, as far as I could remember.”
Here was the thing: I did not only know the word, but it was also one of the very first words I uttered after being born. Crap. What if I was not meant to be born here?
CHAPTER 7
Maybe it was time to end the break and go back inside? But Venir looked honestly curious like I had given him a special gift, of which an idea was hatched.
“Consider it a freebie,” I said, smirking, and then leaned closer to him. “You really haven’t heard of that word? Like never ever?”
Venir shook his head. “Not until now. So…” He grinned and whispered, “You said freebie, so then tell me about Heaven.”
“It’s the ancient name of Ether.”
Venir looked like he just discovered the secret of the universe. He was in a daze. His eyes were glistening in wonderment and his mouth gaping. “You’ve read it here in the academy?”
They said angels didn’t lie? Well, ‘they’ had not met me. Yet.
“Something like that.”
“Thank you. Thank you for this gift of knowledge. I owe you a debt, and I promise to repay you with the equally worthy knowledge.”
Venir shot a questioning look at me when I was gawking at him more than necessary.
“Where did you learn to talk like that?”
“To talk like what?” he prompted for me to elaborate further.
“Like this. You’re giving pledges because I told you some stuff that I didn’t even know had value?”
“I think you missed a must-read book in every house in the academy.”
“Are you even going to share it with me?”
He smiled like he was sympathetic to my plight. “I’m not allowed to tell you the name, but I’ll tell you its location.”
‘You are not an angel yet.’
This was the first line in the book that Venir dubbed as a must-read.
‘You are yet a fledgling. Your wings cannot take you past the walls of the academy.’
That remained to be seen. This book was written differently
. The lines appeared one by one instead of the whole passage.
‘Each book responds differently to each reader. This one is no different.
‘Explore the library and acquire all the knowledge and the answers that you can get, as it is inherent at your birth.
‘You ask the question. Then, you seek the book that can provide you the answer.
‘There is no answer if there is no question. There is no information to be sought and no quest to be undergone.
‘Since the question is important, you need to treasure it the way you treasure its answer.’
Why? This random question flashed in my mind. Then another line appeared that shook me to confusion.
‘You asked why?
‘The answer: because it is yours, it is your value, it is your identity.
‘You were born because a question is born in the Womb of Ether. And the question takes a form. And then the essence of a god breathes life to it.
‘To get the right answer, you need to ask the right question.’
Was this thing reading my mind?
‘This thing is a book. But it is not an ordinary book. Read its title.’
I quickly turned the book to the side to see the front title. And there it was, written on the cover—The Guide.
The guide, I assumed, was some kind of librarian. My heart suddenly quickened. I glanced up to make sure no one was watching me for fear of embarrassment. I needed a corner to hide so no one could see how I would make stupid expressions. With the book in my hand, I searched for a corner where I could be inconspicuous. Venir threw me a glance when I passed by his side.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“How much if I tell you the answer?”
He stared at the book in my hand and nodded. “You must have read it there. But that question is trivial. The answer is worthless.”
“What? My physical condition is worthless?”
“Not in the grand scheme of things.”
We both laughed.
“I’m looking for a corner where I can read…you know…quietly.”
He made a quick look at our surroundings and then said, “This is not quiet enough for you? Maybe you want to go back up there?” He gestured at the upper level.
“You think I can take this with me?”
“I think so, as long as you return it.”
“Thanks,” I said and flew. But when I reached the height where the yellow books began, my wings could not take me any farther like there was some demarcation line that I could not trespass. I flapped my wings and propelled myself upward. Well, at least that was my intention, for I did not move even an inch upward. I began to attract an audience. They were staring at me with amusement, looking at me as though I were stupid, which I might have been. I tried again. I’d show them how not giving up was done. I thrust my hand above me like I was pushing an invisible object, testing if a part of me could get past this seemingly imaginary ceiling. Needless to say, that it was an exercise of futility. I glanced at the angel who was within a hearing distance.
“Aren’t you going to help me?”
She turned her head to the other angels who were watching me, and together they all started laughing. A flush crept across my cheeks. I caught one angel pointing his chin at the book I was holding. An idea came to me. Why not ask the book instead? I spoke in my mind. “Book how could I get past this limit?”
‘The book cannot be taken outside of Mashsphere.’
I glanced up to the snickering angels and gave them a good flutter of my bright angelic wings, a gesture received with an expected reaction—sullen looks and sneering from the jealous fledglings.
I flew back to the Mash, grounded myself and sulked toward Venir.
“What now?” he asked when I leaned against the wall beside him.
“I just embarrassed myself over there. It turned out I couldn’t take any book from Marsh up there.”
His eyes immediately registered sympathy. He touched my cheek.
“So? What is important here is that you learn your lesson. It could have been avoided if the rule is written in the book,” he said.
A crease was formed in my forehead.
“So, you didn’t read it in the book? It says after—”
“Stop,” he interjected. “Finish the book, and you’ll see why. Now go read it all.”
Although still confused, I stalked back to the wall where I found the book and opened it to the last page I read.
“Now, book,” I said to myself. “Tell me what I need to learn in the first house.”
When no answer came, I phrased another question in my mind: “Tell me about the darkness. Why did it happen? Why did the darkness occur here in the academy?”
‘There is no darkness in Ether.’
A lie.
‘It is not a lie when the word does not exist in the book.’
I described how it happened in my mind, but the book was uncooperative. It kept saying that there was no darkness in Ether. An idea took form in my head. “Was there darkness in Heaven?”
I did not expect it to answer me. But when it did, I did not expect the answer to be this shocking.
‘Heaven no longer exists.’
CHAPTER 8
“How do I know it?” I asked mentally.
My heart was pounding in my chest while I waited for the next words to appear. My grip on the tablet tightened. I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Nothing.
“You don’t know anything about it, do you?” I asked the book in my head.
My eyes feasted on the blank page. Did the Guide take a break?
‘The Guide is non-corporeal. It does not need any break.’
I rolled my eyes. I was certain now that the book may not know about Heaven. I took a heavy sigh and then asked the book questions about what I needed to learn in this house.
The words came one after another in greater urgency. It gave me information about the four spheres in every house: Mashsphere, for ground or first level, Minsphere for the second level, Salsusphere for the third level, and Rebusphere for the fourth level. There was a long-winded discussion about the use of the garden, and then it ended with what became every fledgling’s motto:
‘Treasure your question as your question defines your purpose. Put a value in your knowledge to show respect to yourself, to your experience, and to your fellow angel. Do not share what you learn from this book. Do not share the title of this book. Happy reading, fledgling!’
I returned the book to the shelves. If I were a well and the water in it were the knowledge, reading the book made the water recede instead of filling the well up. Before going back to Min, the second level, I sought out Venir first.
We were back in the garden, eating energy-berries. Disregarding the book's warning not to share knowledge without a price, I decided to tell Venir about the author of the book Navi and what was in it, at least details that he needed. And if Ether would insist on the price, Venir’s offered friendship was more than enough compensation for it. I would be forever indebted to him.
When I told him I finished the book Navi, Venir looked incredulous.
“Are you serious? The book is hard to read. I honestly repeated reading the same sentences like five times before the next paragraph made sense. If your navi is below the level of the book, the words will look incomprehensible. That at least I noticed.”
I gave Venir the same look he gave me. If I remembered correctly, Fide said that a translator kind of energy existed in Ether, so I assumed that it was the translator making my reading much easier. I never realized that it was not so.
“Are you serious?” I said, throwing back the exact words he used. “The words came out intelligible to me. Maybe I’ve already learned the angel-tongue.”
“Angel-tongue? I thought we were already speaking angel-tongue,” he said.
“Ether is one giant translator. It translates all languages, from fledgling-tongue to angel-tongue, or vic
e versa.”
“In that case, the translator is not working for me,” he replied, looking a little disappointed.
“And I have something else to tell you.”
He stared at me, waiting for me to finish my statement. I leaned over and whispered to his ear. “I know the author of the book.”
And just as I suspected, Venir made a gasping sound. His eyes and mouth were wide. “Wow.”
I then proceeded to tell him what the rest of the book said. It took me a while to convince him that his friendship was his payment. I described how overjoyed I was when he came back and waited for me in the Garden. Otherwise, life here would be lonely. I threw a glance at the angels who were passing us, either by foot or by wings, and then returned my gaze back to Venir. Yes, Venir’s companionship was worth more than the knowledge I shared with him.
He threw a couple of kalaskig into his mouth. After that, we fell into a companionable silence. He looked deep in his thought, so I decided to leave him be and turned my attention to the berries in my hand. I mentally thanked the archangel Emerald for bringing the kalaskig into Heaven before I greedily devoured them.
Venir and I went around and explored the garden that, to our surprise, was more than how it looked on the surface. We watched the white flowers turn their petals into wings and then transform completely into white birds. To a fledgling like us, it was magical. But to the regulars, bird-turning flowers were ordinary sights in the garden, which we realized to be true when we discovered that all of the flowers, regardless of color, could turn into birds.
The gleeful ruckus we heard shifted our attention to the water fountain where most angels were gathered. A few angels used the water to transform it into different shapes. One angel made a mirror out of it.
“Hello, Orieumber and whoever your friend is.”
Venir and I both turned around to face the speaker. Venir raised his eyebrows, for he had not met Tarain before.
“Hello, this is my friend, Venir,” I said, introducing him. “And it’s privileged information,” I added.
Tarain gave a half-smile. “Oh, so you’re learning. By the way, this is Naia.”
