“Jesus Christ, Jake! Can’t you keep your dick and your business separate?”
“I said don’t be mad.”
“Well, I am fucking mad. I can’t always clean up your messes, bro. Time to come to terms with that.” I sat down in the lounge chair and leaned my head back, closing my eyes in hopes of keeping a pounding headache at bay.
“Yeah, I know. Just this time, Lane, and then I’m gonna get my act together. I would have the cash, but I just signed the lease on a second building and put a down payment on equipment. I’m opening a second location. I know the gym business, you know that. And I need to clear my credit to make the second place happen. I’m desperate.”
I decided not to get into it anymore. “How much do you need?”
“Twenty-five K.”
“You’re a little fuck, you know that? Twenty-five K in smoothies? Courtney’s pussy better have been worth it.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“You know what? You’re a fuck or Courtney’s pussy was worth it?” I let out a snort. “Just fucking stop with the fucking yeahs and all the agreeing and get your shit together, Jake.”
“Okay,” he said, his voice muffled.
“Where is this vendor? I want to have a chat and see the contract before I bail you out.”
“They’re sort of local.”
“How local?”
“Youngstown, Ohio.”
“Shit. You know how I feel about that place, Jake.”
“I know. Please?”
“Fine. I’m scheduled to leave Spain in two days. I’ll have my assistant change my flights and head straight to you. Make all the arrangements on your end, Jake. I’m not waiting when I get there. I have a life and a business.”
And no one to rush home to.
Not waiting for one of his lame okays or yeahs, I disconnected the call and sent an e-mail to my assistant to change my travel.
Then I sent a text that made my heart pound and my pulse race, a few typed words that I had dared myself not to send.
ME: Hey! You’re probably at work since it’s morning where you are. I’m in Spain, but traveling back to PA tomorrow night. Can I come visit in a few days? I miss you and I’d like to see you.
I didn’t hear back, but told myself she was busy at work, her phone tucked securely in her locker.
AJ
Spring had finally fucking come. With it the ground thawed and my shopping center project started to pick up speed. Which was good because my demons were eating at my gut. I was being consumed alive, and I needed to keep myself busy.
Bess was back. She’d been back for a month, but I knew better than to push her to see me. I’d already made that mistake once or twice.
Throwing my truck in gear, my eighth cigarette of the morning hanging out of my mouth, its smoke coiling around me like my emotions were doing in my belly, I headed to the morning meeting. I couldn’t beg, but I had to see her. Just lay my eyeballs on her.
I knew she was going regularly to the early one. Fucking Shirley. God-fucking-dammit. I’d known that lady for a long time. She thought she could save every fucking soul. I’d had enough coffees at her diner counter to know, and now she had her claws in Bess.
I knew because she had told me as much.
It had been late one afternoon and I’d been fucking freezing from standing out on a site. I’d just smashed my cigarette out in the canister in front of the diner and made my way to the bar as I held my last breath of nicotine in, letting it out as I took a seat.
Who the fuck are all these people who say we can’t smoke inside buildings? Controlling assholes, that’s who.
“Hey, AJ, what can I do for you?” Shirley had asked me.
“Coffee, black,” I’d said.
“Please. Thanks, Shirl,” she’d said, mocking me.
“Don’t get all high-and-mighty with me, Shirley. I know you took my girl, turning her against me. God fucking knows what you’re filling her head with.”
She’d slammed the coffee mug in front of me and leaned her elbows down on the counter as she gave me that glare that mommas everywhere do so well. “Don’t you dare speak to me that way, Andrew Jon. Not now. Not ever. Maybe I used to be a pushover once, but no more,” she said as she pointed her finger at my face.
I lowered my head. I had a conscience—whether I let it show or not lately.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
“You better be, boy. You had no business getting involved with that young lady other than helping her as a sponsor. What the hell is wrong with you? I should’ve stopped your sorry ass.”
“I know, but she’s my Bess. Anyone who meets her once knows she’s fucking special. And I could give her a good life. I get where she’s been.” I took a slug of my coffee, allowing it to burn its way down my throat, making its way to my acid-filled stomach.
Shirley shook her head, giving me a pitying look. “AJ, honey, she needs to find her own way. You can’t solve that for her, no one can. Not me or that man from out of town. This I know, doll.”
“What man, Shirl? What the hell are you talking about?”
I grabbed my forehead.
This is why she went to Florida. I had to stop this. Whatever this cat-and-mouse game was.
“You know what, Shirley? Never mind. You should mind your own fucking business when it comes to Bess too.”
I threw some money on the counter and hightailed it out of there.
That night I went ballistic when I got home, tossing shit around my house—a lamp, my side table, and a fucking framed picture of my parents—before I sat up the rest of the night smoking out on my porch. I couldn’t have given two fucks if it was freezing.
Early the next day, I blew off morning roll call with my crews to catch a glimpse of the little tramp.
Guiding my truck into a spot in the church parking lot, I saw her car and flung myself out of the cab. My heavy boots ate up the asphalt and I was in the church before I could take stock of what I was doing. When I threw open the door, reality came crashing down on me as heads turned and all eyes in the room focused on me.
Shit. I was using a meeting, doing the ultimate sacrilegious act, all to manipulate Bess. I could be hindering her sobriety, and even I knew that wasn’t what I intended or wanted.
Without saying a word, I turned around and walked back to my truck.
A cold wind whipped all around me, its mood about as angry as my own. It wasn’t quite spring, but winter wasn’t totally over. The air was damp and moist, a chill running through it. It hit my face and tears burned at my eyes.
From the wind. Yeah, right.
“AJ! Wait!” she called out from behind me and there she was, running toward me.
I froze in place, my feet glued to the asphalt as my throat clogged with emotion, something I wasn’t used to and didn’t like one damn bit. I’d tamped down my feelings for years before learning to live without them.
“Bess,” I said as she approached.
She didn’t hesitate; she came right in for a hug. A friendly bear hug.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi.”
I held her close, unable to let her go. Eventually she pulled back, and I noticed she didn’t have her jacket on.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s go sit in my truck where it’s warm.” I cocked my head toward it.
When we climbed into the cab, I turned on the engine and cranked up the heat.
Bess wrapped her arms around herself and lifted her shoulders to her ears as she tried to get warm. “Listen, AJ, I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you. I’m sorry for everything. I’ve had a lot on my mind, but what I did was wrong. I love you, but not like that. I need you in my life, and I hate to think I ruined that. But I feel like I did.” She stared straight out the windshield with her admission.
“Babe, you know I care for you a whole fuck of a lot, but I’m not ready to accept that you’re not hiding your true feelings for me. You’re scared of how good we can fucking be, and running. Like y
our mom ran from you.”
I shifted in my seat to face her and reached out to smooth back her windblown hair, taking in her innocent eyes and natural beauty. I wouldn’t use a meeting, but I would use her past.
She tucked her chin in her chest and stared at her Nikes as she said, “I met someone else. I know it’s not gonna work with him, but he made me feel something huge for the first time since I was little. Since before my mom left and everything got messed up.”
Hearing these words roll off her tongue was like a punch to the gut in a bad bar fight.
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t honest,” she said softly. “It just felt so strange and unique and everything in between, I wanted to keep it to myself.” She shot me a sideways glance, a small line appearing between her brows as she added, “Plus you and I had crossed so many boundaries, and I was so ashamed of the way I acted. You didn’t deserve to be taken advantage of like that. You’re right, I did run, but for good reason. From you. From him. From everyone.”
My mind whirled as I listened, struggling to find an argument that would make her stay.
“Listen to me,” I said, trying to keep the desperation I was feeling out of my voice. “You didn’t deserve for me to start any of this, but some things happen for a reason. Like us. I pushed my way in because I had to. There was something driving us to be together, but I should have seen you weren’t ready. I left myself wide open for whatever you did. My heart was on my sleeve, and now I need to tuck it back in. For a while, anyway. Because I’m waiting for you, Bess.”
She wiped her face. A tear had made its way down her cheek, making me want to pull her in and kiss her. But that wasn’t where we were. She wanted to be friends. Friends who’d fucked a few times.
She reached for the handle and popped the door open. “I’m sorry. I have to go,” she blurted before she ran back to her meeting.
And I fell off the wagon. All because of some sweet piece of cunt.
Lane
Heading to Pittsburgh turned into a major cluster fuck. Instead of renting a car, I had Jake pick me up at the airport. Good thing he was driving when he dropped the bad news; otherwise, I would have strangled him.
“We’re not meeting with the smoothie company until Monday,” he said offhandedly. “That’s the best they could do.”
“Fuck,” I roared before slamming my hand into the dashboard. My carefully constructed facade was beginning to crack, little fissures slowly making their way into my polished finish.
I’d finally heard back from Bess and made a plan. She’d texted that she would “love” to see me, and I figured I’d be able to head up Friday night or Saturday morning at the very latest before going home first thing Monday morning.
“I have a life, Jake,” I said after composing myself.
“I know. I did the best I could, but we could have fun over the weekend. Hang out?”
“No thanks, I don’t do pity invites. Besides, I’m going to see someone up in the country, and now I’ll have to come back here on Sunday night so we can hit that hellhole known as Youngstown on Monday.”
“Oh, who?”
“You don’t know her.”
He glanced over at me, finally taking the hint. “Well, at least we could chill tonight.”
“Sure,” I said through clenched teeth. The only thing worse than my brother sleeping with five women at the same time was Jake sleeping with no one.
We ended up in a dark sports bar with TVs everywhere and Iron City on tap. It was a shithole, but a good one. Seated in a booth in the back, we ordered a plate of wings, and I pulled out my phone. After e-mailing my assistant—again—instructing her on my latest change of plans, I texted Bess.
ME: I’m here. Back in the USA. Just got to Pittsburgh and turns out I’m free all day tomorrow. What’s your work schedule?
My beer arrived as my phone dinged.
BESS: I’m off tomorrow and Saturday. I have to work on Sunday, though.
ME: OK. Can I come out in the morning?
BESS: Sure. About what time? I’ve been going to a morning meeting.
ME: Let’s say 10?
BESS: Great. I’ll text you my address for your GPS. I’ll give you the main road. It works better when you put that in.
ME: See you then.
I might have seemed calm in my texts, but I was anything but relaxed. I was especially unnerved now that I needed to extend my trip at least until Tuesday, delaying my time to get in and out of Youngstown.
That place was my worst nightmare.
Downshifting my rental Jeep into third, I slowed my speed on the curvy road leading to Bess’s place despite wanting to floor it. I’d been up half the night. My old nightmares had returned, and after tossing and turning for hours, I finally called a cab at the crack of dawn to take me to rent a car.
I left without saying good-bye to Jake, but I did grab some of his casual clothes. He could at least let me have those after all I’d done for him over the years, and was about to do next week.
The farther I drove from him and what Monday would bring, the calmer I felt. But every time I thought about the weekend coming to an end and what lay ahead, I started to panic again. It was a vicious cycle of up-down-up-down throughout the whole ninety-minute drive to rural Pennsylvania.
Fields rolled out for miles from the road. Cows grazed in the grass and horses roamed, making me feel small in my pursuits. I was a man pursuing a woman. The wrong woman for me, for so many reasons. Yet I couldn’t stop myself.
Her long silence following my initial text showed me she felt the same hesitation, but when she used the word “loved” in reference to seeing me, there wasn’t much that could stop me.
Finally I made it to the address on the main road, where Bess instructed I should make the first left immediately beyond it. As I turned onto her small road, a winding country path lined with trees, her small house came into view. Tucked back against the woods, small branches framing it, the house beckoned with its gray wraparound porch.
I parked the Jeep behind another small SUV, which I assumed belonged to Bess, and bolted to the stairs. The door flung open and a huge dog came running out, barking, tail wagging, tongue hanging out.
“Hey,” Bess said from the doorway.
“Hey. Some guard dog you have here,” I replied, unable to move because her dog was jumping at my feet, panting and begging for my attention.
“Brooks Bailey, leave it!” she shouted, and he didn’t hesitate. The dog turned away and bounded down the hill, heeding everything Bess said like every other hot-blooded male.
Alone now, we met halfway on the steps to her porch. She blinked and said, “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“Me either.” I pulled her in for a hug and an inhale. She still smelled familiar, but instead of salty ocean air cloaking her this time, it was pine and evergreen.
She pulled back and said, “Welcome to spring in a place that has four seasons. Enjoy the damp and muddy conditions we have to face before we get glorious sunshine.”
I didn’t have a chance to answer because Brooks was back on the porch, now circling both of us with a ball in his mouth.
“Should I throw it?” I asked.
“Only if you plan to spend the rest of your weekend doing that,” Bess said with a laugh. “Come on in.”
We headed through the door into a combined sitting area and kitchen. Loyal and lucky to belong to the brown-haired beauty, Brooks followed right behind Bess, never leaving her side now that I was in their domain. The crackle of the fireplace and the smell of something baking greeted us as we walked inside.
“So, this is my place. Not quite as big as yours and no swimming pool, but we do have zucchini bread baked with chocolate chips.”
“It smells amazing,” I said with an appreciative sniff.
Bess walked toward the oven and waved her hand around while saying, “Make yourself at home.”
I couldn’t move. My feet were like two boulders in the ground when she grabbed oven
mitts and bent over to take the bread out. Her ass was just as perfect as a few years ago when I first saw her in the downward dog position. I was transported to that day, and a tidal wave of guilt flooded my stomach at what I was doing.
Lying or deceiving or whatever this was, it was wrong. It had become an evil pattern, one that dug its claws deep within me, and I couldn’t wrestle my way out. Instead, I kept pushing forward, trudging through life with guilt’s stranglehold in place over my heart.
As the bread cooled on the counter, Bess made her way over to me. Studying my expression, she said, “You okay?”
“Absolutely. I just didn’t sleep well last night.” I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her closer.
“Oh,” she said into my chest.
I kissed the top of her head and wanted so much more.
She looked up at me, her eyes uncertain. “I was gonna suggest a little hike, but if you just want to chill, that’s cool.”
Placing my index finger under her chin, I tilted her face up toward mine, then I bent and placed my mouth over hers. There was no way to describe what I did next other than I devoured her lips and tongue. I couldn’t bring myself to stop.
Finally, I broke away and said, “A hike sounds perfect.”
Bess
Lane was in my house. Rather than his usual expensive suit, he was wearing worn-in jeans and a dark blue thermal shirt, standing in the middle of the sitting area with his mouth covering mine.
In Pennsylvania. In my little house.
I was freaking out—baking and suggesting a hike—when all I really wanted to do was lead him back to my bedroom. Although I had vowed that one weekend with Lane was enough when I returned home, then he texted me. And I’d relented, because once would never be enough when it came to him.
My life was still complicated. AJ and I were not in a better place, but our swords had been drawn. He knew where I stood and wouldn’t accept that, but I was holding to it.
The Crossroads Duet Page 13
