“Egg salad, fresh made this morning.”
Ruth felt a rush of relief. Their conversation a few days ago was a thing of the past.
“Loralee and her sister will be here in a little while,” Jenny said. “Just in case.”
Ruth gave her a hug. Jenny always came to events, and usually rustled up a few friends. That was the tough thing about signings, there was no guarantee how many people would show up. She could advertise, run a radio ad, and put a sign out on the sidewalk with balloons. But sometimes a beautiful day meant people would rather be outside doing something else. And a rainy day might keep them from venturing out altogether, especially with the downtown parking situation. There were always excuses, but she hated when an author left disappointed.
Some authors, though, were seasoned and knew the drill, sending out their own newsletters and posting their events on websites and other online venues, which helped to bring in their fans. Others arrived with a haughty attitude and then left in a huff, although they’d made no effort whatsoever to reach out to anyone. They simply thought “if I show, they will come.” They had no clue, Ruth realized, that these days, writing a book was only half the job. Smart authors spent an equal amount of time promoting themselves.
Ruth knew there wasn’t much Lucy could do. She wasn’t from the area, which meant bringing friends and family wasn’t an option. And she was unknown, so luring fans wasn’t going to happen. But they’d already sold some of her books. Ruth had also targeted the local book clubs, sending each an e-mail, and her fingers were crossed that a few would show up. She hoped so, for Lucy’s sake. Everything in her life, it seemed, was riding on this book.
It struck her in that moment that Lucy’s passion for her book, putting everything in her life behind it, wasn’t so different from her own for her store. She’d done the very same thing after her own world had fallen apart, hadn’t she? With no guarantees.
But it was just that way in the book world. No one did it for the money. You risked everything because you loved books.
AN HOUR BEFORE THE EVENT, Ruth looked out the window and saw Lucy across the street, pacing back and forth.
“I’ll be back in a little bit,” she said to Megan, grabbing her purse.
Lucy was startled to see her. “Oh, Ruth, I didn’t want to be too early. Again.”
They both laughed.
“Don’t be silly, it’s fine,” she said.
“I’m so nervous, I could throw up. I’m so afraid I’m going to stumble or freeze while I read.”
Wasn’t it the number one fear, even before dying—speaking in public? “You don’t have to read if you don’t feel up to it. You can just say a few words, or even just sign books.”
“I want to. I’ll just take it one moment at a time.”
“Why don’t we go for a little walk,” Ruth suggested. “We have plenty of time.”
Lucy looked pretty in white capris and a peach sweater set. Her short, dirty blonde hair was tucked behind her ears, and her green eyes looked luminous with just a bit of make-up, the dark circles and lines of fatigue beginning to fade.
They walked down Main Street in silence for a few moments, then Lucy stopped as they crossed the small bridge and looked down.
“Is this a river?”
“That’s the Waywayanda Creek.”
“It’s lovely. In fact, the whole Village of Warwick is just so charming.”
Ruth smiled. “Yes, it is, but don’t let this creek fool you. It flooded a few years back and caused some devastation.” Which she was still paying for.
Lucy looked up at her then. “I can’t believe I’ve been here a week already.”
“Well, you look rested. So tell me, how are things going at the lake?”
“It’s so beautiful, and peaceful. I’ve really enjoyed it, although I did have a run-in with a few spiders. Oh, and I’m going to pick up some new shades while I’m here in town, because a few times they just snapped up and scared the daylights out of me.”
“No, no, don’t be silly—”
“If I’d stayed in a hotel, Ruth, it would have cost me a fortune. It’s the least I can do.”
“It’s just sitting there empty anyway.”
“It’s such a lovely spot. Why don’t you use it?”
“Oh, you know how it is, just too busy, really.”
They turned and began walking again. A moment later they were in front of Elaine’s.
“How about a cup of tea?”
“Sure,” Lucy said.
They went inside and although Elaine wasn’t in sight, Hannah came right over.
“Hey, Ruth, how about a table by the window?”
“How’d you guess?”
“So I hear your next big revitalization meeting is coming up,” Hannah said, as she led them to the front of the restaurant.
“Yes, later in the week.”
“Odd it’s at night, don’t you think?” Hannah went on without looking at her.
Ruth caught herself before the word What? escaped her lips. She hesitated a moment, then said in what she hoped sounded like a natural voice, “Well, it’s hard to get everyone to leave their stores during working hours.”
“Oh, right,” Hannah nodded, as Ruth and Lucy sat.
“We’ll just have tea, Hannah. And by the way, this is Lucinda Barrett, she’s doing a signing at the store in a little while.”
“Wow, an author. I’ll try to stop in when I’m done here. I love readings.”
Ruth watched Hannah walk back to the kitchen, her insides vibrating with anger at the lie she’d just uttered. She wanted to smack Eddie.
“Is she a friend?”
Ruth turned to Lucy, who was looking at her curiously. “Yes, she is. But listen, let’s catch up on you. I understand you’ve met my son, Colin?”
“Yes, he was kind enough to help me when I had car trouble.”
“Colin’s a good man, very self-sufficient. But still, it’s nice to have someone nearby.”
Lucy hesitated. “Would you mind if I asked what happened to him?”
Ruth closed her eyes and sighed.
“I’m sorry, Ruth, I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No, it’s not like it happened yesterday. It’s been over two years, but there’s still the odd moment when…I somehow forget. Then I’ll look at him, in that chair for the rest of his life, so handsome, so young, it just breaks my heart all over again.”
Lucy reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “I can only imagine.”
“Do you remember I mentioned the creek flooding while we were standing on the bridge? That’s really when it all started. Colin was home on leave. He had one more tour left and then he and Gloryanne were going to get married. She and I were in the city shopping for a wedding dress when the flash flood came. They got sandbags and everything they could get their hands on to keep the water back, but eventually it just roared up the street and through the doors and into the store.”
She and Gloryanne had gotten home that night to find the mud and debris halfway up the bookshelves, she went on, everything coated with brown sludge. Colin, Harry, Megan, Kris, and so many others had come to help. Ironically it was just the bookstore and another shop that were hit hard. But Jeff, her landlord, didn’t have flood insurance on the building. She had a tenant’s policy, which didn’t cover floods, either.
“I thought I was going to lose the store. A week later we were nearly done cleaning up, and Colin was deployed back to Iraq. A few days later his tank was hit with an IED, you know those roadside bombs the insurgents hide in garbage cans or book bags, anywhere, really. Suddenly the flood, the store, every problem…it all paled.”
“Oh, Ruth, how awful.”
“Colin went into the Army just a few years out of high school. He’d been a bit of a wild child. Alex and Jenny both went to college, but he couldn’t quite figure out where he belonged. He started going out to bars every night with other young guys.” She looked out the window a moment. “I alway
s wondered if Bill had lived…well, if it would have been different. I blamed myself for working so much when he was younger, after I bought the store.”
“I’m sure that wasn’t the case, Ruth.”
“A moment later his tank would have passed and he would have been spared. Everything about his life would be different right now.”
“I’m so sorry. I have to say, though, your son seems to be a survivor.”
Ruth couldn’t help smiling. “It took a while. Colin was always so strong and independent, but in the beginning, in the rehab, I was afraid. I knew he didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. I worried about what was going through his mind. And then he asked me not to come anymore.” She sighed. “I didn’t want to agree, of course, but I could tell how hard it was for him when I was there. I wanted to make things better, that’s what a mother does. But I agreed.”
“He didn’t want you to see his pain. I understand that. It’s hard for a child when your parent is hurting, and there’s nothing you can do.”
“He did the same thing to his fiancée, Gloryanne, pushed her away. Those were awful days. After about four months, though, he finally called and asked me to come. I was a wreck, not knowing really what to expect. But he was all right. He was still Colin. He had a mentor and began to play wheelchair basketball and made friends with other paralyzed veterans and things started to change for the better. Except for Gloryanne.”
“Is she the red-haired woman I’ve seen with him?”
Ruth nodded. “They’ve known each other since high school, and have had this on-again off-again relationship. When he enlisted all those years ago, she refused to have anything to do with him for a long time. Then he’d come home on leave and they’d see each other and it would be good for awhile. They were so young, and she just didn’t want the Army life. After about five years, she married someone else, but it didn’t last long. The next thing I know, they’re back again. But she refused to get married until he was out of the service at the end of 2001. But then of course 9/11 happened, and he reenlisted. She was crushed.”
Ruth took a sip of her tea and thought for a moment. “I think she still loves him. I just don’t think she can commit to the kind of life she’d have with him now. Ironic, isn’t it, now that he’s finally out of the Army? But I don’t want Colin to be alone for the rest of his life.”
Just then Hannah appeared.
“Is everything okay? Would you like a refill?”
Ruth glanced at her watch. “We’d better get going, your signing is in ten minutes.”
As they walked back, she asked Lucy about her book efforts.
“Well, I got that great write up from The Midwest Book Review.”
“Yes, that was wonderful, you must be thrilled.”
“But there’s been no word from anyone. And I just read in The New York Times there are now officially more self-published books than real published books.”
“But Lucy, it hasn’t been long. This is going to take some time. Your book might be next on many of their ‘to-be-read’ piles. I mean, you saw the stacks of books at my house.”
“I feel like a lunatic,” Lucy said with a laugh. “One minute I’m like I’m going to do this! I’m not giving up! And the next it seems indulgent and silly, and I think I should really pack it in and get back to the real world. Tell me honestly, do you think I’m nuts for doing this?”
“No, I don’t. You’re on a roller coaster ride, but I honestly don’t think you have just another self-published book. Yours is a standout.”
Lucy gave her such a grateful look.
“Keep plugging away. And I’m going to give your book to one of my publisher’s sales reps. If he likes it, maybe he’ll pass it to an editor.”
“You know, Ruth, sometimes I can’t believe a chance encounter brought me to you. I don’t really have any friends anymore. After Ben died, it just…it was awkward for people, they didn’t know what to say, and we kind of withdrew. Then we moved. We didn’t make an effort to socialize in St. Augustine. I had Kate and Tia, a writing buddy, but I didn’t talk about personal things with them. Anyway, it’s nice to have a friend again. Someone I can really talk to.”
Ruth had to smile at that. When she thought about it, she didn’t really have a best friend. Oh, there was Hannah, but that was different. And of course Harry and Kris and Megan, but that was mostly about work. “Truth be told, books have really been my best friends all these years, so this is nice for me, too.”
Although their circumstances were so different, in a way they were kindred spirits. She looked at Lucy for a long moment.
“Why don’t you stay a while longer at the cabin?”
“Oh, Ruth, I couldn’t…”
“We can give this a real fighting chance.” Because more than anything she wanted to see Lucy succeed. She saw so much of herself in the brief glances filled with pain, or longing. The simple need to grasp onto something to survive. And Jenny was right about having someone nearby.
“You’d also be doing me a favor, by keeping an eye on Colin while you’re there. We all get nervous about him swimming, you know?”
Lucy hesitated, then smiled. “I’d do anything for you, Ruth. Thank you.”
As they crossed the bridge again Lucy stopped suddenly. “Oh my God, Ruth, I’m so self-consumed I almost forgot. What happened when you went to see your friend at the prison?”
Ruth stopped, too, and stared down at the water rushing by. She tried to make her voice sound normal, but even she could hear the tremble of emotion. “Actually, he told me that he’s getting out on parole soon.”
“Oh, Ruth, wow.”
“I’m supposed to go back again later this afternoon, so that he can explain why he’s there. I wasn’t ready for that last week.”
“Are you nervous?”
“I was,” she said, “but not anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not going.”
“But I thought—”
“Jenny found out about my visit, and obviously a little bit more. She left school in the middle of teaching to tell me that there was absolutely no way I should have anything to do with this man. I had to admit to her I didn’t know what he’d done, which she thought was insane.”
“What did he do, Ruth?”
She took a deep breath, hating to even say it out loud. “He was convicted of kidnapping. And terroristic threats.”
They each said nothing for a long moment.
“Well…maybe there’s a chance he’s innocent. It does happen.”
“I know. And I can’t picture the Thomas I know doing something so awful. Taking someone, a child perhaps, holding them against their will. Terrorizing a person,” she told Lucy, shaking her head, because it was all so unbelievable. “But he pled guilty.”
Which meant he was guilty, she could hear Jenny saying again, along with the fact that she was being a complete and total fool.
15
WHEN LUCY WALKED INTO THE BOOK LOVER WITH RUTH, there were nearly twenty-five people sipping wine and munching appetizers in a space in the front of the store that had been cleared of bookshelves. Her legs turned to liquid. She was terrified, and thrilled.
Most were women, from twenties to probably seventies, but there were several men, as well. She recognized Ruth’s daughter Jenny from the pictures in her house. Colin sat quietly to the side, a book in his lap, reading.
A moment later, Ruth was leading her to the table where stacks of her book were lined up, and they turned to face the crowd. The room fell silent. Lucy wondered if anyone could hear her heart thudding wildly in her chest. Ruth reached for her hand, gave it a quick squeeze.
“Most of you know how many books come across that door, and how many I read in the course of a month. When I picked up A Quiet Wanting, I had no idea what it was about, or who Lucinda Barrett was. But within just a few pages I was riveted and could not put the book down. When I finished, I invited Lucy for a signing, and I was delighted when she acce
pted. I would like to introduce to you one of my favorite new authors, who I hope will soon become a favorite of yours. Lucinda Barrett.”
All eyes turned to her. Lucy felt her stomach pitch, as if she’d plummeted twenty floors in an elevator. A dozen things suddenly ran through her mind, and she was afraid somehow she’d blurt them out—that her life was in chaos, and she was a fraud, an imposter, with a book that was rejected over and over again. And yet here she was, trying to make it known.
Someone coughed, another person cleared her throat. She caught Ruth’s eye, and Ruth smiled and nodded with encouragement. Lucy took a step forward and began to speak.
“Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wanted to be a writer. I did everything I could, hoping to achieve that dream, until I was an adult. Most of you probably know how it is when you hit a certain age. You need to settle down, get a real job, and soon you’re so busy those childhood dreams begin to fade away until they’re simply gone. But…” she hesitated, wondering if this was too personal, but needing them to understand, “…a few years back, I rediscovered that dream to be a writer, and A Quiet Wanting was born. At the same time, I felt as if a part of me was reborn as well.” She swallowed, pushing down a sudden lump of emotion swelling in her throat. “I’m so honored to be here. And I cannot tell you how touched I am by Ruth’s support, and everyone else here at The Book Lover. I don’t think a writer could ask for a better start than this.”
She opened A Quiet Wanting and began to read, slowly, as she’d rehearsed, praying a cough or tickle wouldn’t break the flow.
“She embraced her sadness like a secret lover she met once each evening on her solitary drive home…”
When she finished the prologue, just three pages, she looked up and she saw something magical—the looks on their faces. And then they began to clap.
Ruth came forward. “Lucy will be right here to sign books, or answer any questions.”
The next hour was a blur as she signed books, chatted with people, and was amazed when a woman showed her passages highlighted in her copy, which she’d already read. Several others brought copies they’d gotten earlier in the week and one invited her to join their book club meeting next month. She hesitated, then realized she could say yes, thanks to Ruth’s generous offer. This bought her much-needed time, because she really wasn’t ready to face her mother yet, nor go back to Florida. In that moment, something seemed to lift within her.
Book Lover, The Page 14
