by K. Anne
Whatever was happening around me certainly wasn’t normal. Nothing in my life had been normal since my mother’s attack.
My eyes widened. My mother.
The brothers had mentioned her. Obviously, she had something to do with all of this. Since Cain and Asher had refused to tell me what was going on, maybe it was time I finally paid my mother a visit. I closed my eyes. That was something I’d promised myself I would never do. After all the pain and heartache she had caused me, I had sworn that I’d never lay eyes on her.
My hands clenched into fists. “I guess it’s time to see each other again, Mom,” I whispered, “whether I want to or not.”
My mother had answers, answers that I knew I’d never find elsewhere. If I wanted the truth, I would have to face my fears and see her.
My life officially sucked.
“I want to visit Mom.” That was the first thing I said to Uncle Jack the next morning.
Maybe I should have waited for him to finish taking a sip of his coffee because it took a good five minutes for him to stop choking long enough to speak.
“You what?” he sputtered.
His look of disbelief would have been comical at any other time but not now.
“I want to see Mom. I’m ready.” That was possibly the biggest lie I had ever told, but it didn’t matter.
“I…I don’t understand. I asked you earlier this week to go visit her, and you refused.” He paused. “Actually, if I remember right, you stormed out of here at the mere mention of visiting her.”
“I know, but I’ve had time to think. I want to go—today.”
Uncle Jack stared at me from across the room, obviously trying to figure out whether or not I’d lost my mind. I shifted my weight from foot to foot, uncomfortable with his gaze.
After what felt like an eternity, he finally nodded. “All right. Let me make a call and see if we can go today.”
“Thank you,” I said before turning and hurrying out of the kitchen.
It was too late to back out now.
“You’re sure about this?” Uncle Jack asked for the fourth time as we headed south on the interstate.
“If you ask me that one more time, I’m going to fling myself out of this car while you’re going”—I glanced at the speedometer—“seventy-five miles an hour. And by the way, you’re speeding.”
He grinned. “Sorry. I just can’t get over the fact that you agreed to this. No, actually, I can’t get over the fact that you suggested it.”
“I need to know why she did what she did to me. That’s all.”
“Why now?”
I shrugged. “Guess it just felt right.”
We stayed silent as Uncle Jack took the exit leading to the hospital. I stared out my window as we traveled along the narrow two-lane road, lost in thoughts of that night.
“Mom, are you home?” I called out as I closed the door behind me.
When she didn’t answer, I dropped my bag next to the back door and walked down the narrow hallway of our trailer. The layout was simple, and we’d lived here almost all my life. I could find my way through our home in complete darkness.
I passed my bedroom and the spare room before stopping in the living room. Only a chest-high bar area separated the living room from the kitchen. I saw the top of my mother’s head. I sighed. If she was sitting at the kitchen table without answering me, she was probably way past drunk and quickly headed into wasted.
I squared my shoulders in preparation for the fight we would have when I tried to drag her to bed. Resigned to my fate, I moved through the living room, stopping only a few feet from where the kitchen tile began.
“Mom, are you okay?” I asked.
She was facing away from me, but her shoulders tensed, letting me know that she was at least conscious.
Without a word, she stood and walked over to one of the kitchen drawers. As soon as she moved out of the way, my stomach sank. The kitchen table was littered with beer bottles. I knew they were all new since I’d cleaned the house before heading to the football game.
“Mom?” I asked again.
Her silence was starting to bother me. Usually, when she drank, she cried or screamed or threw things. She was eerily calm, and that was somehow worse to me. It was unknown.
My mother pulled something out of the drawer before turning to me. My blood turned to ice when I noticed her eyes. There was absolutely no emotion in them at all. Even worse, they seemed milky, as if she had suddenly developed cataracts while I was at the game.
“Oh my God,” I whispered as I fought not to take a step back. “What’s wrong with you?”
She smiled, and it chilled me to the bone.
“Ella.” My name was nothing more than a hiss on her lips. She stepped closer, the smile never leaving her face.
“I should’ve known,” she said. “I always felt something when you were around me.”
She lunged at me, and I screamed as I was knocked off my feet by the force of her impact. I rolled away from her just as she raised her hand. I could finally see what she’d grabbed from the drawer—a knife. I scrambled to my feet as she tried to stab me. I ran around the kitchen table so that it was between us.
“What are you doing?” I shouted.
She stood and turned to me. I was breathing heavily from fear, but she was as calm as she had been when I walked in.
“It’s time. The Gods have spoken, and I cannot deny them.” She stepped closer.
Only the small space of our table separated us.
“What are you talking about?” I yelled. “Have you lost your damn mind?”
“I’ve never seen things so clearly in my life.” She moved around the table, trying to get closer.
I tripped in my hurry to get away from her. She chuckled as I grabbed the table to steady myself, knocking her beer bottles over.
Without thinking, I picked up one of the bottles by the neck and held it up. “You’re drunk. Or you’ve gone insane! Stop this. I don’t want to hurt you, Mom, but you’re scaring me.”
“They said you have to die tonight. I will not fail them.”
“Fail who?” I cried. “You’re not making any sense!”
She suddenly darted around the table, surprising me. Her body collided with mine again, and I fell backward. Blinding pain lanced through my skull as my head connected with the cabinets behind me. I fought to stay conscious and fight her off as she tried to pin me to the floor. Her weight pressed down on my ribs, making me feel like I was suffocating.
Terrified, I did the only thing I could do. I swung the beer bottle forward and hit her on the side of the head. She faltered, and I hit her again. Tears streamed down my cheeks as she slowly rolled off of me.
“You’re supposed to die,” she whispered.
I slammed the bottle against her head one more time, and her body went slack as she passed out.
I stared over at her in disbelief. “Oh my God.” I rolled to my knees and hovered over her. “Mom? Mom! Can you hear me?”
I shook her, but her eyes refused to open.
“Help me! Someone, please help me!” I screamed.
Blackness started to take over my vision. The pain in my head intensified, and I slumped over her body.
“Someone help us, please,” I whispered before I lost consciousness.
“Ella?”
I pulled myself out of my memories at the sound of Uncle Jack’s voice.
“Yeah?” I turned to look at him.
“We’re here.”
“Oh.” I looked out the windshield.
In front of me was a solid-looking wall. A set of black iron gates opened, and Uncle Jack drove through. I studied the wall as we passed. It was a bright white, almost cheerful-looking if it wasn’t for the black iron on top. It was meant to look decorative, but I knew from the way it was formed into spikes that it was also meant to keep people out—or in. The wall itself was at least half a foot thick.
As we passed through, I noticed a security house just i
nside the gate. Obviously, they took security seriously here.
My uncle didn’t pay any attention to the wall or the security as we drove down a two-lane road. Up ahead was a building—the hospital. It was made of the same light-colored stone as the wall and was several stories high.
Uncle Jack turned into a parking lot. I kept my eyes on the hospital as he searched for a place to park. All I could think about was that my mother was in there. This was the closest I’d been to her since that night. The fact that I was finally going to see her hit me like a lead ball to the stomach. The car suddenly felt too small, as if all the air had been sucked out of it.
As soon as Uncle Jack parked, I threw my door open and practically crawled out of the car. I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried to keep myself from losing what little control I had.
“Ella, are you okay?” Uncle Jack crouched down next to me and started rubbing my back. “We don’t have to do this.”
I shook my head as I slowly stood. “No. We’re here. I’m not going to turn back now.”
He warily watched me as we walked across the parking lot together. When we reached the front doors, they soundlessly slid open. I focused on breathing as I followed him into the building.
The moment I stepped inside, I instantly hated the hospital. The entire décor was based in light colors—white tile floor, cream-colored walls, and white marble counters in the reception area. Several floor-to-ceiling windows were placed across the front of the building. It made the entire area seem calm and open. To me, that made this whole place a lie.
The entire hospital was dedicated to the mentally ill. I’d done my research when my mother was first committed. Several of the patients were criminals who had pled insane. Instead of being sent to prison, they’d managed to snag a one-way ticket here, just like my mother. No, there was nothing happy about this place at all.
Uncle Jack ignored the reception area and walked straight to the elevators. I glanced at the woman behind the desk, who was carefully watching us.
“Uh, Uncle Jack? Do we need to check in?” I asked.
He looked over at the woman. The moment she recognized him, she smiled.
“Hey, Jack. Are you here to see Diane again?” she called.
He waved as he continued to walk. “Yep. I’ll see you later, okay?”
He didn’t wait for her to respond. He stopped in front of the elevators and pushed the Up button. The doors instantly slid open.
“Come here often?” I asked, half-joking, as we stepped into the elevator.
He pressed the button for the third floor. “Yeah, once or twice a month at least, more if I have time.”
“Oh,” I said, completely surprised. I knew he’d been here once or twice to see my mother, but I hadn’t realized just how often he came here.
“I can’t stand to leave her here for long without visiting. I don’t want her to think that we’ve forgotten about her.”
Guilt churned in my stomach as the elevator rose, but I ignored it. I had nothing to feel guilty for. My mother was the one who had hurt me. She’d given me absolutely no reason to come here to see how she was.
The doors smoothly slid open, and Uncle Jack stepped out. I followed him as he walked down a hallway to a nurses’ station. A pretty redhead looked up from a computer as we approached. She smiled as soon as she saw my uncle.
“Hey, Jack. I’ll let Dr. Gralin know you’re here,” she said.
“Thanks, Lynn,” he said before turning to a reception area.
I stayed close as he walked to the nearest chair and sat. I settled in next to him, constantly looking around. Just like the main floor, everything here was bright. The floor-to-ceiling windows were also identical. The sunlight filtered through them, giving the room a cheerful feel.
Less than five minutes later, a doctor appeared. From my sitting position, he looked like a giant. He had to be at least six foot five, maybe taller. His arms were thick with muscles. Obviously, if any of his patients tried something on him, they wouldn’t succeed.
While his appearance was a bit terrifying, the smile on his face was warm. His chocolate-colored eyes were soft, kind even. I instantly liked him.
“Dr. Gralin, it’s good to see you again.” Uncle Jack stood and shook his hand.
“And you as well,” he said in a deep voice. He glanced over at me. “And you must be Ella.”
I stood slowly and took his outstretched hand. “How did you guess?”
“You look just like your mother.”
I frowned at that.
“Follow me, please. We can discuss Diane before you see her.” Dr. Gralin turned and headed down a hallway.
Uncle Jack and I followed closely behind him. We stopped at the last door before a set of large doors that appeared to be heavy. They blocked the hallway, and I noticed a keypad mounted to the wall. Obviously, the patient rooms were back there. My mother and others like her were safely locked away behind those doors, away from anyone they wanted to hurt.
Dr. Gralin opened his door and held it for us to pass. Once we were inside, he followed and motioned for us to sit down. Uncle Jack was completely at ease, but I was another story. Each step I took felt robotic, and my movements were jerky.
The doctor sat down in his chair. “I was surprised but glad when Jack called me to ask if you could visit your mother, Ella.”
“You weren’t the only one,” Uncle Jack muttered under his breath, earning a smile from the doctor.
“I’m sure you have a lot of questions about your mother. Ask away.” Dr. Gralin leaned back in his chair.
I fiddled with a thread on my jacket. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to ask, Dr. Gralin. Um, what is she like now?”
The doctor studied me for a moment. “Call me James. And as for your mother…” He paused. “Well, she’s made quite the improvement over the last six months. When she arrived, she went through detox, so she’s been alcohol-free for her entire stay. That was a huge improvement right from the start. Once she was coherent, we assessed her and started her treatments. She’s worked with us almost every step of the way. When you walk into that room, the mother you remember won’t be there. Diane’s entire demeanor has changed. She’s healthy. She’s even happy.”
“What do you mean when you say she’s worked with you almost every step of the way?” I asked.
“I’ve treated your mother since she arrived. I’ve had private sessions with her along with the group sessions she attends three times a week. We’ve discussed everything, except for you. She refuses to speak your name or tell me about what really happened that night. When I talked with your uncle last, I suggested that you come to see her. I’m hoping that her interaction with you will allow her to fully open up and take that last step to recovery.”
“If she refuses to talk about me, then how do you know that she won’t go after me like before?” I demanded.
He sighed. “We don’t. But we will have two staff members inside the room with you at all times. If she does try to attack you, they will immobilize her. You don’t have to be afraid, Ella.”
“That’s reassuring,” I grunted.
“Ella,” Uncle Jack said, his voice sharp.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
“It’s okay. I understand that you’re nervous, and you have every right to be, but we’ll be with you through all of this. I truly believe that your presence is needed for her to continue on the right path. She has faced many of her demons, and dealing with what she did to you will keep her on the right track.”
I took a deep breath. “Fine. Can I see her now?”
He nodded. “Yes, we already have her in an isolated visiting room. She knows you’re coming, and she’s waiting.”
I stood. “Then, let’s go. We wouldn’t want to keep Mommy waiting.”
Dr. Gralin frowned, but he didn’t comment on my crappy attitude. Instead, he stood and walked to the door. Uncle Jack shot me a glare before following him. I had no doubt that he’d give me a stern lecture when
we made it back to the car.
I followed them out of Dr. Gralin’s office and to the locked double doors. The doctor entered a code, and they slowly swung open. Another nurses’ station was just inside the doors. Two male nurses sat behind desks. As soon as they saw Dr. Gralin, they stood and silently followed us down a hallway. We stopped outside a door. Next to it was a large glass window made of one-way glass.
One of the nurses unlocked the door and stepped inside. Uncle Jack gave me an encouraging smile, and I followed the nurse inside. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the second nurse fall in line behind me.
The room was small with only one table and two chairs. There were two overhead fluorescent lights but no windows. My mother was sitting at the table with her back facing me.
I stopped, the night in our trailer flashing through my mind. When I’d come home, she’d been sitting the exact same way. Déjà vu was not something I wanted to experience right now.
One of the nurses walked to the far wall and turned around so that he was facing my mother. The other stood next to the door, directly behind her.
I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with air, as I slowly crossed the room. I walked around the table without looking at her. When I reached the chair across from her, I sat down. It took less than five seconds, but to me, it felt like an eternity.
Finally, I looked up. My blue eyes instantly met her identical pair. Her eyes were normal again, not the emotionless milky ones I remembered from that night. She’d gained weight, something that she had desperately needed. Her face was no longer sunken in. Her dark brown hair was longer and much better cared for than I was used to. She looked healthy. She looked sane. It took everything in me not to turn away from her.
“Ella.” Her voice was soft.
“Mom.” I kept my tone indifferent.