He smiles when he talks about them, his eyes bright. I laugh at the funny stories and feel a real sense of connection to these people I’ve never met.
This is what my life is missing, I think. Friendships. All the girls I used to hang out with who’ve moved on to different things - I never see them any more. My world got small in the last few years, and I’ve depended on Jason so much for companionship and escape and a promise of something bigger and better in my future. It makes me sad to think that it never occurred to me that I could go out and look for something bigger and better for myself.
“I’m glad you’ve got so many things in your life that make you happy,” I say. “I can see how that makes the Commander easier to deal with.”
He looks at me with curious eyes. “What makes you happy, Charlie?”
I think of the woman on Denestra telling me I have a sad soul, the necklace that’s supposed to resonate with my happiness. How it always glows whenever he’s around.
“You do,” I say, and kiss him again.
My kiss must be distracting enough, because he doesn’t push to find out what else in my life brings me happiness.
I’m glad, because I can’t think of a single thing.
Chapter 23
Charlie
The air is cool and sweet as we step out of the Firesong on the the docking platform of Chasira’s second biggest city. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, filling my lungs with the scent of blossoms. There are six huge trees surrounding the docking platform, growing up from the ground several metres below us, the very tops of their branches swaying at my eye level, releasing the perfume of their flowers in to the air.
An official is waiting for us. The Commander has arranged our stay here for us, and the locals are well informed of who I am.
Who I’m supposed to be.
That first night Dhak and I spent together, talking about his crew and right and wrong and how it’s never black and white… It was the perfect opportunity to point out that I’m not actually a princess, to tell the truth at last. But the moment came and went and I was still too chickenshit to tell him.
It’s not even that I think he’ll be overly bothered. I’ve let the lie go on too long now, should have told him days ago, but he’ll understand my initial reasons for not telling him. He’ll only be annoyed that I didn’t trust him sooner.
Didn’t trust him even after I’ve given him my body, invited him into my bed and let him taste me. Several times. Every night, in fact, for the last three nights. And every night has been incredible. The memories have heat pooling between my thighs, and I can’t wait to see what sort of hotel we’ve got for the night. A brand new bed to explore together.
“Ma’am,” the official says, and I watch his eyes dart up and down my body. Dhak warned me about this, said that I’m very beautiful by Universal standards. Something to do with being curvy - even my kind of curvy, which is ‘not very’ - is apparently super attractive to other species, most of whom are closer to the Vetruen end of the scale: sharp and straight.
He also warned me that people would not be very respectful towards him, but I’m still unprepared for the way the official barely gives him a second glance, a slight sneer riding his features.
“We’ve reserved you rooms at the Central Hotel,” the official says. “I hope you’ll find them to your satisfaction. If you’d follow me please, my lady.”
At the hotel, Dhak insists that we are given adjoining rooms with a central door. He can’t just stay in my room - has to keep up appearances - but adjoining rooms means we can move between them without having to go out on to the corridor.
“You’re not her servant, you’re her escort,” the hotel manager says. She’s come down to serve us herself, lavishing me with attention and gifts - free drinks for the room, a voucher for the spa facilities, an invitation to dinner. But she can’t even speak to Dhak without her voice taking on a haughty tone, managing to look down her nose at him, even though she’s a good foot shorter.
“I’m her security, ma’am,” Dhak says, polite as ever. I don’t know how he’s doing it. “I need to be able to protect her.”
“You think there will be issues in my hotel?” the manager’s voice goes high, irate.
“No, ma’am,” Dhak says, still calm, cool. “But I know there definitely won’t be if we have adjoining rooms.”
“Just do what he asks,” I say, letting a little of my annoyance creep in to my voice.
Not surprisingly, they fall over themselves to do what I’m telling them to do.
“What a snooty bitch,” I say, once we’re alone in the suite I’ve been allocated. A suite with built in servants quarters that are dark and cramped. I muss the sheets on the tiny servant cot, rumple them up until they’re a long way from the pristine state they started in. “And that’s the closest you are going to get to sleeping in there.”
Dhak’s arms go round my waist and he tugs me against him. “Is that an order?” he says, nipping at my earlobe.
Something I’ve learned about Dhak in the last few nights - he loves it when I order him around in the bedroom.
“Definitely,” I say, moaning as his lips move on to my neck.
He lets out a low growl of satisfaction.
“I have another one for you,” I say, grinning.
“Yes, ma’am?” he says, hands wandering over my body.
“I order you to take me to bed, Captain,” I say. “I want your hands and mouth on my body now.”
I figure an hour or so is an acceptable amount of time for a lady of means to spend settling in to her rooms and freshening up. Plenty of time for pleasure.
Of course, when he gets done with me, my hair is a wild mess and we’re both coated with sweat, breathing hard. I investigate the bathroom situation and let out a squeak of delight when I discover an actual shower with actual running water. There’s a cleanser, too, which would be quicker, but I ignore it, slipping under the hot water with a satisfied moan.
“I have missed showers,” I say, when Dhak slips in behind me.
“Cleanser fluid is easier to store than water, and you need less of it,” Dhak says. “So no showers on space ships. No proper showers like this on space stations either.”
“I know the cleanser works, but it’s not even close to the same.”
“No,” Dhak agrees, reaching round me for the soap and lathering it in his hands. “It’s not.”
He starts with my back, soaping my shoulders, massaging the muscles there with deft fingers. I’m still all kinds of sore from our training sessions, but between the hot water, his hands and the potent relaxing effect of multiple orgasms, I feel a lot better.
He cleans my entire body, each limb, each area in turn. He pays particular attention to ensuring my breasts are clean, massaging them with both hands until my nipples are tight. He lowers his head to my right nipple once the soap is rinsed off, giving it a sharp little suck.
Then he’s cleaning the insides of my thighs and up, putting the soap to one side so he can stroke his clean fingers through my folds. I’m wet, and not just from the shower.
“Always so ready for me,” he murmurs into my ear, voice low with a need I thought we’d satiated in the bed. But if the whimper I let out as his thumb grazes over my clit is anything to go by, we aren’t even close to done yet.
He slips a finger into me, massaging me inside and out, his thumb circling my clit. I moan, circling my arms round his neck and holding on as he drives me up and up, my legs going weak beneath me. When I’m so close to the edge I’m seeing stars, he removes his fingers, lifting me into his arms and sliding me down onto his cock instead. I come hard, core convulsing with pleasure as I cry out. Then Dhak’s moving inside me, wringing every last drop of pleasure out of my body as he pistons his hips into mine. He comes with a shout, hips pumping a couple more times as he rides out his release.
We clean off quickly this time, separately, no lingering looks or touches. Otherwise, there will be no hot water
left in the hotel by the time we’re done. He dresses in his UP-LE uniform, and I try to fix my hair so it doesn’t look like I’ve just had my brains screwed out. What I wouldn’t give for a little makeup to hide the hint of flush in my cheeks. But then a different sort of excitement fizzes up inside me. We’re on another planet, about to go explore, and I can’t wait.
I dress in the nicest of the outfits I picked up on Denestra. Dhak smiles when I give him a twirl.
“Why are we picking you up new clothes again?” he says. “You look beautiful in those.”
“Am I beautiful like ‘gosh, Humans are so attractive’ or ‘wow, Charlie, you personally are looking great right now?’”
“Both,” he says, grinning at me. “Humans are beautiful, but you’re the only one that’s especially beautiful to me.”
I love the little bit of growl that gets in his voice when he says stuff like that. I never thought I’d be in to the whole possessive thing, sounds way too high maintenance for me. But because it’s Dhak, and he isn’t really like that - just gets this little hint of it in his eyes from time to time, a little bit of growl in his voice - I’m really flattered by it.
I wish I could be his for real, wish we didn’t have to keep this secret.
“How’s the head?” he asks, brushing back my hair to reveal the rapidly fading mark of the Abbarax.
Honestly, since the first time we kissed, it’s barely bothered me. I feel a little low from time to time, but it only takes imagining Dhak’s arms around me, pressing a kiss to my skin, and the feeling abates.
“Fine,” I say. “Think the toxin must be almost gone.”
Dhak doesn’t look convinced. “It can last up to a month. Be careful when you’re trying on your clothes. Don’t let them roughhouse you.”
“Can I expect much roughhousing in a clothes shop?” I say, giggling.
He chuckles, but then the amusement fades from his face and he looks at me, all serious.
“You remember everything we talked about before? While we’re outside this room, don’t be too informal with me,” he says. “I’m just your security. I’m beneath your notice.”
“I hate treating you like that,” I say.
“I know,” he presses a kiss to my neck. “And I know that’s not you, it never was. Since all the way back on Xentra when you did shaking hands with me.”
“When I shook your hand,” I correct with a giggle.
“When you shook my hand.” His hand closes round mine, gives it a small squeeze. “But that’s how the inhabitants of the core systems will expect you to behave around me. If we had nothing to hide, I’d be all for challenging them, but…” He shakes his head. “You have nothing to hide, I do. I’m sorry. I should never… veck, I can’t even convincingly say I should never have touched you. I have no right to ask you to pretend to be anything for me.”
“Hey,” I say, turning in his arms. “I kissed you, remember. I started it.”
“You did.” A brief smile, then he’s serious again. “But the fact remains that I should never have finished it.”
But only because I’m a princess. If they knew me for who I really am, would anybody even care?
“What if…” I bite my lips, ridiculously anxious about saying the words. He’s not going to be angry about it. He won’t feel deceived or betrayed. He’ll understand. “What if I wasn’t a princess?”
Dhak catches my face in his hands and presses a kiss to my forehead. For a guy who didn’t even know what a kiss was, he’s got very in to giving them.
“Be thankful that you are,” he says. “The Protectorate get many things right, but their policies about returning abductees to their planets are a bit heavy handed. If you’d just been a regular person, you’d have been put back in cryostasis-”
“After H’Varak had his way with me,” I say, shuddering.
Dhak’s expression is grim. “Probably. He knows he would get away with it.”
“Are other Vetruens in charge of putting people back on the actual planet? Would they have covered for him if I did talk?”
“That’s a distinct possibility, yes, but either way, it wouldn’t have mattered.” He strokes his fingers across my cheeks. “They would have wiped your memory.”
“What?” I say, my stomach disappearing somewhere beneath my feet.
“Standard UP Protocols,” Dhak says. “I know, it sounds barbaric. And in many ways it is. It’s one of those ‘lesser of two evils’ situations. The Protectorate don’t want to repeat the mistakes that were made with the Prenetashi people. Their planet and population was plundered by other species. The abuse they suffered is what triggered their rebellion and the Prenetash War. It would be so easy for that sort of thing to happen again - a young, vulnerable species preyed on by another older, more technologically advanced one. So now the Protectorate guards any new planets discovered with intelligent life on them until they’re ready to join the wider Universe. It’s supposed to stop abductions, but sometimes the bad guys slip through the cracks. When that happens, and the abductee is recovered, they can’t go back to their planet talking about everything they’ve seen while out in the Universe. It could change the natural course of things. So the Protectorate wipes their memory of everything that happened to them after the abduction. It’s the only way to keep everybody safe. Or, at least, that’s how the Protectorate see it.”
“But, it’s been a month,” I say. “They’d really just drop me back where I got picked up with a month long hole in my memory? That’s…”
“Awful, I know,” Dhak says. “I hate the idea of it, too, but I fought in the war. And if wiping memories is what it takes to prevent another war happening… Like I said, lesser of two evils.”
“Couldn’t they give the abducted person a choice? Like, go home with no memories, or stay out here in space? That’s what I’d want in that situation. A choice.”
He gives me a sad sort of smile, brushing my bottom lip with his thumb.
“Just be glad you’re not in that situation,” he says. “It isn’t going to happen to you.”
Except it totally is.
Fuck.
Chapter 24
Charlie
It’s easy to keep the ‘correct’ distance from Dhak after that, to not look at him. If I look at him, he’ll notice straight away that something’s not right. I need a bit of time and space to get my head on straight. To process the bombshell he’s just dropped on me.
They’re going to erase my memory. Take away everything that’s happened to me in the last week and a half. There are a few things I wouldn’t mind forgetting, but I’ve grown so much as a person in that time, and really, I wouldn’t have grown without the bad things. Without the Abbarax squeezing all my bad memories to the surface, I’d never have remembered that little scene with my father. Never would have seen the similarities between him and Jason.
And Dhak. They’re going to make me forget Dhak. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about him. And I knew, I knew going in that it would have to be our little secret. It was always going to hurt saying goodbye to him. Now I don’t even get to keep the memories.
No. I can’t. They can’t. It’s horrible. Cruel. It’s not like I can tell anyone about all of this anyway - they’d think I was crazy. My family and friends don’t even believe I can hold down a job in a supermarket, they won’t believe that I survived being abducted. Twice.
Or, I could just not go home. Surely if I said I didn’t want to go home, explained the reasons why, they’d be understanding. I’ve fallen in love with my chauffeur, but it’s cool because I’m not a princess, so he didn’t break any rules or anything. Can I just stay with him? Home’s shit anyway.
I’ve been considering this already - different ways in which I get to stay by Dhak’s side. It has to be a viable option - who does it hurt, after all? And bonus, Commander H’Varak will be revealed to be incompetent. Dhak was only following his orders. H’Varak’s the one who didn’t do his proper research. If there’s an
y egg on anyone’s face, it’s going to be his.
I imagine several different scenarios as we walk through the city streets. Ones where the person responsible for wiping my memory is moved to tears by my story and petitions for me to stay. Ones where Commander H’Varak is taken away in handcuffs for being an imbecile. I can’t be blamed, anyone would have done what I did in my position. I’ll make sure they throw away the key by telling them that he would have done something awful to me, and they won’t tell me to ‘stop going round making accusations like that’.
No, they’ll just believe me.
And then I get back in the Starlight with Dhak and we can ride all the way back to Xentra, where he’s been promoted to Commander.
I’m smiling by the time we arrive at the shop, mood lifted. I can’t discuss my plan with Dhak here, it will have to wait til we get back to the hotel, but I can surprise him with my genius idea, and then we can celebrate in each other’s arms and everything will be perfect.
“You can’t come in,” the shopkeeper says to Dhak, looking at him with such intense disgust, my good mood evaporates immediately.
“He’s my security,” I say to the shopkeeper - a pink skinned Vetruen with pale lilac eyes that would have been beautiful if they hadn’t been so hard.
“Oh, my,” the shopkeeper says, and I wait for her apology, but she just turns a sympathetic look on me. “I’m so sorry the Protectorate didn’t provide you with more suitable protection, my lady. How awful of them. I suppose there isn’t a lot of choice out in a place like Xentra. But don’t worry, we already prepared for your arrival with security measures. We hired a Dravosic bodyguard especially for the occasion.”
I glance at Dhak in time to see a muscle in his cheek tick. He’s very not happy, but I don’t think anyone who hasn’t just spent nearly a fortnight in close company with him would know. He nods at me, telling me to go ahead. I don’t really want to without him, but even without touching me, the Vetruen woman manages to usher me inside.
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