So that the case of Galy Gay the porter makes you aware
Life on this earth is a hazardous affair.
9
The Canteen
The sounds of an army breaking camp. A loud voice is heard from backstage.
THE VOICE: War has broken out as predicted. The Army will move to the northern frontier. The Queen calls on her troops to take their guns and elephants and board the trains, and orders those trains to head for the northern frontier. Your General therefore commands you to be seated in those trains before the moon is up. Widow Begbick sits behind her bar, smoking.
BEGBICK:
In Yehoo, the city that is always crowded and
Where no one stays, they sing
A song of the Flow of Things
Which starts with:
She sings:
Don’t try to hold on to the wave
That’s breaking against your foot: so long as
You stand in the stream fresh waves
Will always keep breaking against it.
She stands up, takes a stick and starts pushing back the canvas awnings.
I was seven years in one place, had a roof over
My head
And was not alone.
But the man who kept me fed and who was unlike anyone else
One day
Lay unrecognisable beneath a dead man’s shroud.
All the same that evening I ate my supper
And soon I let off the room in which we had
Embraced one another
And the room kept me fed
And now that it no longer feeds me
I continue to eat.
I said:
Sings:
Don’t try to hold on to the wave
That’s breaking against your foot: so long as
You stand in the stream fresh waves
Will always keep breaking against it.
She sits down at the bar again. The three enter with several other soldiers.
URIAH in the centre: My friends, war has broken out. The period of disorder is over. So no more allowances can be made for private inclinations. Galy Gay, the porter from Kilkoa, has accordingly to be transformed in double quick time into the soldier Jeraiah Jip. To this end we shall get him involved in a bit of business, as is normal in our day and age, which will mean constructing an artificial elephant. Polly, take this pole and the elephant’s head that’s hanging on that wall, while you, Jesse, take this bottle and pour it whenever Galy Gay wants to check if the elephant can make water. And I shall spread this map over the two of you. They build an artificial elephant. We’ll present him with this elephant and bring along a buyer, and then if he sells the elephant we’ll arrest him and say: How do you come to be selling a WD elephant? At that point he will surely think it better to be Jeraiah Jip, a soldier proceeding to the northern frontier, than Galy Gay, a criminal with some chance of actually being shot.
A SOLDIER: Do you people really imagine he’s going to take that thing for an elephant?
JESSE: Is it all that bad?
URIAH: He’ll take it for an elephant all right, let me tell you. He’d take this beer bottle for an elephant if somebody points at it and says: I want to buy that elephant.
SOLDIER: Then you need a buyer.
URIAH calling out: Widow Begbick! Begbick steps forward. Will you play the buyer?
BEGBICK: Yes, because my beer waggon is going to get left behind unless somebody helps me to pack it up.
URIAH: Just tell the man who’s about to come in that you want to buy this elephant, then we’ll help pack up your canteen. And you must pay cash.
BEGBICK: Right. She goes back to her place.
GALY GAY enters: Has the elephant arrived?
URIAH: Mr Gay, your bit of business is under way. It concerns the unregistered army surplus elephant Billy Humph. The deal consists in auctioning him off unobtrusively – only to private bidders of course.
GALY GAY: That is entirely clear. Who is auctioning him off?
URIAH: Someone who signs as owner.
GALY GAY: Who is to sign as owner?
URIAH: Would you care to sign as owner, Mr Gay?
GALY GAY: Have we a buyer?
URIAH: Yes.
GALY GAY: My name, of course, must not be mentioned.
URIAH: Right. Would you care to smoke a cigar?
GALY GAY suspiciously: Why?
URIAH: Just to keep you from worrying, as the elephant has a slight cold.
GALY GAY: Where is the buyer?
BEGBICK comes forward: Oh, Mr Galy Gay, I am looking for an elephant. Would you have one, by any chance?
GALY GAY: Widow Begbick, I might have one for you.
BEGBICK: But first of all take my wall down, the gunners will soon be here.
THE SOLDIERS: Yes, Widow Begbick.
The soldiers take down one wall of the canteen. The elephant is dimly visible.
JESSE to Begbick: I tell you, Widow Begbick, if you take the long view what is happening here is an historic event. For what is happening here? Personality itself is being put under the microscope, we are getting under the skin of the colourful character. Steps are being taken. Technology intervenes. At the lathe or at the conveyor belt great men and little men are the same, even in stature. Personality! Remember that the ancient Assyrians, Widow Begbick, depicted personality as a tree branching out. Like this, branching out! After which, Widow Begbick, it branches in again. How does Copernicus put it? What turns? The earth turns. The earth, in other words the human race. According to Copernicus. I.e., man is not in the centre. Take a look at him, now. Is that what is supposed to stand in the centre? It’s antediluvian. Man is nothing. Modern science has proved that everything is relative. What does that mean? Table, bench, water, shoehorn – all relative. You, Widow Begbick, me – relative. Look into my eyes, Widow Begbick, it’s an historic moment. Man is in the centre, but only relatively speaking. Both go off.
No. I
URIAH calls out: Number One: The Elephant Deal. The MG section transfers an elephant to the man whose name must not be mentioned.
GALY GAY: One more swig from the cherry brandy bottle, one more puff at the Corona Corona, then the plunge into life.
URIAH introduces the elephant to Galy Gay: Billy Humph, champion of Bengal, elephant in Her Majesty’s service.
GALY GAY sees the elephant and is alarmed: Is this the WD elephant?
A SOLDIER: He’s got a bad cold, as you can see from his scarf.
GALY GAY worried, walks round the elephant: His scarf isn’t the worst thing about him.
BEGBICK: I am the buyer. She points to the elephant. Sell me that elephant.
GALY GAY: Do you truly want to buy this elephant?
BEGBICK: It makes no difference how big or small he is; it’s just that I’ve wanted to buy an elephant ever since I was a child.
GALY GAY: Is he truly what you imagined?
BEGBICK: When I was a child I wanted an elephant as big as the Hindu Kush, but today this one will do.
GALY GAY: Well, Widow Begbick, if you truly wish to buy this elephant I am the owner.
A SOLDIER comes running from the rear: Psst … psst … Bloody Five is going round the camp checking all railway trucks.
THE SOLDIERS: The Human Typhoon!
BEGBICK: Stay here; nobody’s taking this elephant off me. Begbick and the soldiers hurry off.
URIAH to Galy Gay: Look after the elephant for a moment, will you? Hands him the rope.
GALY GAY: But what about me, Mr Uriah, where am I supposed to go?
URIAH: Just stay there. He runs off after the other soldiers. Galy Gay holds the rope by the extreme end.
GALY GAY alone: My mother used to say: No one knows anything for sure. But you know nothing whatsoever. This morning, Galy Gay, you went out to buy a small fish and now you have got a large elephant, and nobody knows what will happen tomorrow. It’s no concern of yours so long as you get your cheque.
URIAH looks in: So hel
p me, he’s not even looking at the elephant. He’s keeping as far from it as he can. Fairchild is seen passing by in the background. The Tiger of Kilkoa was just passing by.
Uriah, Begbick and the rest of the soldiers reappear.
No. II
URIAH calls out: And now for Number Two: the Elephant Auction. The man whose name must not be mentioned sells the elephant.
Galy Gay fetches a bell; Begbick puts a wooden bucket upside down in mid-stage.
A SOLDIER: Got any more doubts about that elephant, mate?
GALY GAY: As somebody is buying him I have no doubts.
URIAH: That’s it: if somebody is buying him he must be all right.
GALY GAY: I can’t say no to that. Elephant equals elephant, particularly when he is being bought. He mounts the bucket to auction off the elephant, who is standing beside him in the centre of the group.
GALY GAY: Let’s get on with the sale. I hereby invite bids for Billy Humph, the champion of Bengal. He was born, as sure as you see him standing here, in the southern Punjab. Seven Rajahs stood by his cradle. His mother was white. He is sixty-five years old. That’s no great age. Thirteen hundredweight, he weighs, and a forest that has to be cleared is to him like a blade of grass in the wind. Billy Humph, as you see him now, represents a small goldmine for his eventual possessor.
URIAH: And here comes Widow Begbick with the cheque.
BEGBICK: Does this elephant belong to you?
GALY GAY: Like my own foot.
A SOLDIER: Billy must be pretty old, to judge from his uncommonly stiff deportment.
BEGBICK: So you will have to bring the price down a little.
GALY GAY: His cost was two hundred rupees ex works, and he will be worth that until he goes to his grave.
BEGBICK examines him: Two hundred rupees with a belly sagging like that?
GALY GAY: In my view he is nevertheless the thing for a widow.
BEGBICK: Very well. But is he in good health? Billy Humph makes water. That will do. I see that he is a healthy elephant. Five hundred rupees.
GALY GAY: Five hundred rupees. Going, going, gone at five hundred rupees. Widow Begbick, you will take over this elephant from me as its previous owner, and settle by cheque.
BEGBICK: Your name?
GALY GAY: Is not to be mentioned.
BEGBICK: Kindly lend me a pencil, Mr Uriah, so that I may make out a cheque to this gentleman who wishes his name not to be mentioned.
URIAH aside to the soldiers: Arrest him when he takes the cheque.
BEGBICK: Here is your cheque, man whose name is not to be mentioned.
GALY GAY: And here, Widow Begbick, is your elephant.
A SOLDIER laying his hand on Galy Gay’s shoulder: In the name of the British Army, what are you up to?
GALY GAY: Me? Nothing. He laughs foolishly.
THE SOLDIER: What is that elephant you have got there?
GALY GAY: Which elephant do you mean?
THE SOLDIER: The one behind you, broadly speaking. No prevaricating, now.
GALY GAY: I know not the elephant.
SOLDIERS: Cor!
A SOLDIER: We can testify that this gentleman said the elephant belonged to him.
BEGBICK: He said it belonged to him like his own foot.
GALY GAY starts to go: Unfortunately I have to go as my wife is expecting me urgently. He forces his way through the group. I’ll be back to discuss the matter with you. Good night. To Billy, who is following him: You stay here, Billy, don’t be so pig-headed. That’s sugar cane growing over there.
URIAH: Halt! Cover that criminal with your service pistols, yes, a criminal, that’s what he is.
Polly, inside Billy Humph, laughs loudly. Uriah hits him.
URIAH: Shut up, Polly!
The front canvas slips, leaving Polly visible.
POLLY: Damnation!
Galy Gay, now utterly bewildered, looks at Polly. Then he looks from one to the other. The elephant runs away.
BEGBICK: What is going on? That’s no elephant, it’s just men and tarpaulin. The whole thing’s phoney. Such a phoney elephant for my genuine money!
URIAH: Widow Begbick, the criminal will forthwith be bound with cords and flung into the latrine.
The soldiers bind Galy Gay and put him into a pit so that only his head is visible. The artillery is heard rolling by.
BEGBICK: The gunners are loading up. When are you lot going to pack my canteen? You know, it is not just your man that has got to be dismantled but my canteen too.
All the soldiers begin packing up the canteen. Before they have finished Uriah chases them away. Begbick comes forward with a basket loaded with dirty tarpaulins, kneels beside a small trapdoor and washes them. Galy Gay listens to her song.
In this way I too had a name
And those who heard that name in the city said ‘It’s a good name’
But one night I drank four glasses of schnapps
And one morning I found chalked on my door
A bad word.
Then the milkman took back my milk again.
My name was finished.
Like linen that once was white and gets dirty
And can go white once more if you wash it
But hold it up to the light, and look: it’s not
The same linen.
So don’t speak your name so distinctly. What is the point?
Considering that you are always using it to name a different person.
And wherefore such loud opinions, forget them.
What were they, did you say? Never remember
Anything longer than its own duration.
She sings:
Don’t try to hold on to the wave
That’s breaking against your foot: so long as
You stand in the stream fresh waves
Will always keep breaking against it.
She goes off. Uriah and the soldiers come in from the rear.
No. III
URIAH calls out: And now comes Number Three: the Trial of the Man Whose Name is Not to be Mentioned. Form a circle round the criminal and interrogate him and do not stop until you know the naked truth.
GALY GAY: May I have permission to say something?
URIAH: You have said a lot tonight, mister. Does anyone know what the man was called who put the elephant up for auction?
A SOLDIER: He was called Galy Gay.
URIAH: Can anyone testify to that?
THE SOLDIERS: We can testify to that.
URIAH: What has the accused got to say on that point?
GALY GAY: He was someone whose name was not to be mentioned.
The soldiers grumble.
A SOLDIER: I heard him say he was Galy Gay.
URIAH: Isn’t that you?
GALY GAY slyly: Well, supposing I were Galy Gay, perhaps I might be the man you are looking for.
URIAH: Then you are not Galy Gay?
GALY GAY under his breath: No, I am not.
URIAH: And perhaps you were not even present when Billy Humph was put up for auction?
GALY GAY: No, I was not present.
URIAH: But you saw that it was someone called Galy Gay who conducted the sale?
GALY GAY: Yes, I can testify to that.
URIAH: So now you are saying that you were present after all?
GALY GAY: I can testify to that.
URIAH: Did you all hear? Do you see the moon? The moon has risen, and here he is up to his neck in this crooked elephant business. As for Billy Humph, wasn’t there something a bit wrong with him?
JESSE: There certainly was.
A SOLDIER: The man called it an elephant, but it was nothing of the sort, just made of paper.
URIAH: In other words he was selling a phoney elephant. Which of course carries the death penalty. What have you to say to that?
GALY GAY: Perhaps another elephant might not have taken him for an elephant. It is very hard to keep all this straight, your Honour.
URIAH: Indeed it is extremely complicated, but I
think you will have to be shot none the less, because your behaviour has been highly suspicious. Galy Gay is silent. Come to think of it, I have heard of a soldier by the name of Jip who even answered to that name at sundry roll calls, while trying to make people think his name was Galy Gay. Are you by any chance the Jip in question?
GALY GAY: No, certainly not.
URIAH: So you are not called Jip? Then what is your name? No answer? Then you are a man whose name is not to be mentioned. Are you by any chance the man at the elephant auction whose name was not to be mentioned? What? Again no answer? That is immensely suspicious, almost enough to get you convicted. What is more, the criminal who sold the elephant is said to have been a man with a moustache, and you have got a moustache. Come on, men, all this calls for discussion. He goes to the rear with the soldiers. Two of them stay with Galy Gay.
URIAH as he leaves: Now he doesn’t want to be Galy Gay any more.
GALY GAY after a pause: Can you two hear what they are saying?
A SOLDIER: No.
GALY GAY: Are they saying that I am this Galy Gay?
SECOND SOLDIER: They are saying it’s no longer all that certain.
GALY GAY: Better remember: one man equals no man.
SECOND SOLDIER: Anybody know who this war’s against?
FIRST SOLDIER: If they need cotton it’ll be Tibet, and if they need wool it’ll be Pamir.
JESSE arriving: Surely that’s Galy Gay sitting tied up here?
FIRST SOLDIER: Hey, you, answer him.
GALY GAY: I think you’re mistaking me for someone else, Jesse. Take a good look at me.
JESSE: Ha, aren’t you Galy Gay? Galy Gay shakes his head. Leave us for a moment; he has just been sentenced to death, so I have to speak to him.
The two soldiers go to the rear.
GALY GAY: Has it come to that? Oh, Jesse, help me, you are a great soldier.
JESSE: How did it happen?
GALY GAY: Well, Jesse, it’s like this: I don’t know. There we were, smoking and drinking, and I talked my soul away.
JESSE: I heard them say it’s someone called Galy Gay who’s supposed to be killed.
GALY GAY: Out of the question.
JESSE: Ha, aren’t you Galy Gay?
GALY GAY: Wipe the sweat from my face, Jesse.
JESSE does so: Look me straight in the eye, I’m your friend Jesse. Aren’t you Galy Gay from Kilkoa?
Brecht Collected Plays: 2: Man Equals Man; Elephant Calf; Threepenny Opera; Mahagonny; Seven Deadly Sins: Man Equals Man , Elephant Calf , Threepenny Ope (World Classics) Page 9
