by Lyla Oweds
At first it seemed like he was talking to Finn, with the way his gaze never wavered from the man. But it was Bryce who responded. “I tried. He’s hard to contain.”
“It doesn’t matter. We’re leaving anyway.” Finn moved aside, probably so he wouldn’t be trapped within the cubical when Julian reached us. Julian didn’t say a word, but his eyes followed the blond man as he basically slumped behind Bryce.
This was so uncomfortable.
I rushed forward, meeting Julian halfway, interrupting the inevitable blood-fest. Why it seemed the right thing to do, I wasn’t sure. But I didn’t like the look on Julian’s face.
Something about it caused my breath to hitch in apprehension. At the moment, he was far from the serene man I’d come to know.
He stopped in front of me, close but not touching. Still looking at Finn.
This wasn’t good. I had to distract him. Without thinking, I grasped his hands. Hopefully touch would help. “Hello.”
I could still see them out of the corner of my vision, so I didn’t miss Bryce and Brayden’s shocked stares. But once Julian’s eyes met mine, nothing else mattered.
At first, his gaze was icy on mine. The look impersonal and heart-stopping. But as I watched, soft blue cut through the darkness. A moment later, the tense atmosphere became a distant memory as Julian’s mouth curled into a smile. “Hello, dearest.”
“Hi,” I greeted again, smiling as relief made me lightheaded. “You’re early.”
“I’m not.” He released one of my hands and touched the pin in my hair. He didn’t seem surprised, but rather, looking for confirmation. Yet when he spoke, he didn’t mention my hair at all. “I’m actually late. But it makes sense that you’ve lost track of time.”
I had? I hadn’t finished my research yet. “I was trying to look something up.”
Amusement flickered across his expression. “Oh, I don’t doubt it.”
“Do you think they realize we’re still here?” Bryce’s sarcastic tone cut though the moment. “Should we remind them?”
“No, I want to watch.” Brayden sounded amused. “This almost makes him seem human. Do you think Anthony knows?”
“Probably,” was Bryce’s dry reply.
“Well,” Finn snapped, “I don’t want to watch. They can keep that business to themselves.”
At the sound of his voice, Julian’s attention returned to Finn, and he frowned. A slight trace of shadow colored his expression. “Don’t worry. You wouldn’t have been invited anyway.”
Brayden gasped, Bryce’s eyebrow rose, and Finn’s mouth closed.
“All right, we’ve dallied long enough. We have an errand to run.” Julian refocused on me. “Are you ready to leave?”
I glanced at the large pile of books on my desk and bit my lip. It was rude to leave them. But at the same time, I didn’t like the way that Julian was looking at Finn again. The tension was making me fear for Finn’s life.
“I’ll return them,” Brayden said, seemingly reading my mind. “Unless you’d like me to check them out for you?”
Bryce and Finn hadn’t said a word, and Julian glanced at Brayden in confusion. But Brayden brushed off their looks. “It’s not a bother.”
“Are you a student here too?” I asked, not having paid attention earlier, in case it was mentioned.
“Yes.” Brayden winked. “I’m a senior information science major. So, the librarians know me pretty well. It’ll be nothing to bring them to Professor Hamway’s house tonight.”
I was going to have an actual librarian on my team? This was excellent news. “You can help me do research?”
“Don’t say yes, Brayden.” Finn stepped out from behind Bryce. “There’s something you need to understand about the way she does research—”
“This is between me and Brayden,” I cut him off before Julian could intervene. Was Finn completely stupid? For some reason I was trying to protect him, and he was screwing it up.
I wasn’t even sure why I cared. But I was beginning to suspect that Julian’s method of retribution was more terrible than anyone else’s. And also, I suspected Damen wouldn’t like it if Julian killed his brother. Damen might have been angry, but he’d been after answers. Not blood.
The last thing I wanted was for Julian and Damen to get into a fight over stupid Finn.
“One second…” I released Julian’s hand and brushed past the other men. Gathering my bag and notebooks, I glanced at the pile again, and back to Brayden. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“Not at all.” Brayden waved his hand, unconcerned. “Go ahead. I’ll manage.”
“Okay.” I returned to Julian and wasn’t surprised when he took my backpack and swung it over his shoulder. His other hand held on to mine as he steered me from the group.
“Bye…” I pointedly didn’t look at Finn or Bryce, but felt it’d be rude to not acknowledge Brayden at least.
Brayden waved, smiling again. I wasn’t sure why he seemed happy. The atmosphere was suffocating. “Bye now. Bryce and I will see you later.”
Chapter Sixteen
Bianca
Boundaries
We were almost to Miles’s Jeep before I tugged on Julian’s hand. Even though we were in the middle of a parking lot, he stopped at once, giving me his full attention.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his demeanor of the same kindness I’d been used to. “He didn’t say anything to hurt you, or do anything?”
“No,” I responded, knowing he was referring to Finn. “I’m more concerned about you.”
Julian blinked, taken aback, before he responded. “Me? Why would you be worried about—”
“You hate Finn,” I said, pointing out the obvious.
Julian didn’t even hesitate to respond. “Don’t we all?”
It was true. I wanted nothing more than to see Finn on the ground, squirming in agony. Preferably as I pressed into his thigh with my Valentino Garavani pumps. I’d never had occasion to wear them before, so it would be perfect. But I digressed…
Julian’s hatred was a bit extreme, even for me.
“Are you sure nothing else is bothering you?” I tried to read his face for any hint of his thoughts, but he seemed as mellow as ever. “You don’t need to hate Finn for me. I don’t want to make you sad.”
His mouth twitched. “I’m not sad, darling. Finn is only one of many things on my mind. Although he is one of the more annoying ones.”
Maybe I could help. “What else are you worried about?” Perhaps his answer might explain why he’d seemed so distant at the library.
“Don’t worry.” He opened the passenger door and helped me into the vehicle. There was a thoughtful expression on his face, and as he moved to driver’s door, I began to muster up my courage.
I was going to have to press this issue. I needed to help someone.
He closed the door. But before I could say a word, Julian sighed. Our eyes met. “Actually, no. I’m going to ask. Are you scared of Titus still? Do you think he’ll hurt you?”
My chest lurched as his question cut like an accusation. The hem of my skirt felt rough under my fingers, and the serious blue of his eyes was the only color in the world.
This was why I’d been avoiding my phone. I didn’t want to have this conversation. Not with any of them. “N-n-no.”
“Oh.” Julian glanced away, his mouth dipping slightly. He paused, considering, before he continued. Without his gaze holding mine, keeping my thoughts at bay, my mind began to race.
“Do you not like him, or any of us in particular?” His voice sounded so far away. “Have we been overstepping?”
My heartbeat echoed in my ears. This wasn’t what I wanted. This was wrong.
It hadn’t been long at all, but with them I’d felt normal. Almost. And I wasn’t sure if it was because I’d been getting used to them, or if it had to do with my medication. But it didn’t matter.
Our connection wasn’t normal. This was strange for me. What we shared wasn’t ‘fr
iendship’ at all. But no matter how strongly I wanted to give in, I couldn’t.
It would be too damaging.
All I’d wanted was to remain in that safe place between friendship and something else. It was a contradiction, and I was selfish.
I craved their attention, thrived on it. But the thought of anything more than forehead kisses and sweet hugs made me cringe.
This was why I’d told Damen what I had. I couldn’t say yes to them, but I couldn’t say no either. It wasn’t fair to ask for a commitment.
I was so childish.
“I told Damen…” My voice cracked. I wasn’t even sure why I was bringing this up, it felt like tattling. But Julian, he looked so defeated. I couldn’t not tell the truth. “I told him. When he told me you couldn’t have girlfriends. He wanted to flirt with me. So I warned him I couldn’t be a one-night stand or friends-with-benefits. That’s why I said I didn’t care what you did, so long as I don’t know.”
“Wait.” Julian’s finger hooked under my chin and he lifted my face toward his. His sad expression was gone, and was replaced with confused concern. “What do you think we’re talking about? What Damen’s discussion with you meant? Do you not like it when we’re physically affectionate?”
“I didn’t mind that. I like the touching and kisses. But now you’re all doing it, and I’m so confused. What’s more? It’s one thing to flirt with me, but this is different. Titus wanted something else, and I didn’t expect him to… He usually only picks me up. He’s never done that before.” I couldn’t answer his questions. My mind was racing. I didn’t know how to explain.
“Bianca…” Julian’s gaze flickered over my face. “What do you think he wanted?”
“I don’t know!” I tried to hide my shaking hands, steady my voice, but it was difficult. Especially with the full weight of his attention on me. “I told Damen I didn’t want that kind of relationship. It would ruin everything!” My voice hitched pathetically. This was it. They weren’t going to want to be friends anymore. “I can’t—”
“Hold on a moment.” Julian touched my face, wiping my eyes. “Bianca, breathe.” His voice was soothing, urging me to follow his instruction. “It’ll be okay, but first calm down so you can talk.”
It took a while, and he continued to murmur words of comfort, before my breathing evened out once again.
“Now then,” he said, wiping my face with his handkerchief. “Don’t be afraid to answer honestly. I need to know the truth. Whatever you say won’t make me think less of you. Now, what do you think you are to us? What do you think is happening?”
I didn’t understand. Wasn’t it so obvious?
“We’re best friends, since you can’t date.” I sniffled. “But it’s special, since you’re starved for female affection. So you have flirting rights. It makes sense to use me that way. I don’t mind. But now it’s moving beyond flirting, and I don’t understand.”
Julian blinked, his expression carefully guarded. “You’re right about one thing. Damen did say we were friends.” He nodded. “I recall the conversation. But you’ve misunderstood his intention. You think we want you around so we can flirt with you?”
At my nod, he sighed. “Bianca, how would you interpret this situation if we were allowed to date?”
My heart raced again, and Julian—noticing my expression—quickly interjected. “We’re not allowed to date. I’m saying, theoretically, if the rule didn’t exist or there was a loophole, how would you interpret our actions then?”
“I’d say you were all hitting on me.” I pressed my hand to my slowing heart. “But since you can’t date, that’s not it. Which leaves only two options. Either you’re looking for sex, or what I thought we’ve already arranged.”
“Which was that we’d all be best friends and continue to flirt with you?” Julian sounded unsure.
“I told Damen I didn’t want a physical relationship.” I felt so ashamed. “There has only been one person I ever considered doing that with, and he ruined those chances on his own. Besides that, we’ve just met, and there’s four of you…”
“Finn…” Julian was pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’ve thought about being in a romantic relationship with Finn?”
I looked away. “He was the only person I trusted. And we knew each other for so long… I never considered anyone else. The idea of being in a relationship scares me.”
Julian’s eyes were still closed, the lines on his face hard to decipher. But eventually, his shoulders relaxed and his eyes opened. Now he looked almost… sad. “I’m going to be blunt, just so we are on the same page. We are all interested in you in that way. If we could date openly, I’d have already have asked you to be my girlfriend.”
No. My breathing picked up.
“But—and I can speak for all of us—I value getting to know you over establishing labels.” He reached over, uncurling my hands so that my fingernails no longer cut into my palm. “I want to be with you, Bianca. In any way you allow it. And no one, not one of us, would force you to do anything you didn’t want. For what it’s worth, you are my best friend. My soul recognized it from the moment I saw you, even if my mind didn’t remember.”
I couldn’t tear my eyes from his, couldn’t speak. But it was unnecessary, because he was still talking.
“To be with you, I’d suffer another thousand millennia.” He rubbed his thumb under my eye. “If you choose to keep things formal between us in this lifetime, I won’t complain.”
Here was this reincarnation talk again. “What do you want—”
His finger pressed over my lips, “What do you need from me?”
“What?” I blinked at him, reaching up and holding on to his finger.
“Labels aren’t important. That’s what Damen was getting at. He wants our relationship, whatever it may be, to progress according to our feelings. He doesn’t want to think about labels, expectations, or rules. So, considering that, what makes you comfortable? Do you want me to stop touching you, holding your hand, kissing your head—”
“No!” Truth be told, I didn’t. The thought of doing these things with anyone other than the guys made me feel gross. But with them, it was familiar. “I don’t want you to stop. I feel comfortable with you.”
Julian frowned. “But you said you felt uncomfortable with Titus…”
“No.” I watched the dashboard. “It was because I didn’t know…” I wasn’t sure how to phrase this. “I liked what he did, but I didn’t know what else…”
“You were afraid he wanted something that you couldn’t give?” Julian responded, realization in his voice. “And it made you wonder about the rest of us, despite your conversation with Damen?”
At my nod, Julian sighed before once more nudging my face toward his. When he spoke, his tone was deadly serious. “Listen to me, darling. If you want us to touch you, hold your hand, hug you, or not even be near you at all, that’s what will happen. We have all the time in the world. We’ve been without a complete group for so long now that we’re just happy that you’re here. Nothing else matters.”
I couldn’t believe what he was saying. “But what if I wanted to be a monk?”
A strange expression passed over him, and he blinked slowly. “You mean, you never want to—”
“No.” I shook my head. “Never. I’m not interested. So, what if I never want to be with anyone, ever? That’s why I told Damen to… fornicate.”
Julian pressed his hand to his face. “You told him that?”
My chest tightened. Why did Julian sound upset? His reaction made it seem like I’d made a huge mistake. “Do you think he will?”
What if Damen was out there right now—
“No…” Julian lowered his hand slightly, watching me over his fingers. “Damen is oblivious sometimes, and frivolous. It’s so damn annoying. But once he makes up his mind, he’s relentless. He won’t go fornicate now, even with your permission.”
Why did I feel relief at Julian’s reassurance?
“And why would you tell him that if it made you unhappy?” Julian asked, grabbing my hand once again.
“Because I can’t expect you to put up with this.” I gestured toward myself. “And I don’t want to make any of you uncomfortable because you are accommodating me.”
“Why don’t you let us worry about ourselves?” Julian responded. “Just know that you have full control. If it makes you feel better, why not come up with a word?”
“A word?” I repeated, not certain how this would help.
“Right.” Julian nodded. “You said you like what we’ve done so far. That’s not what bothers you. You’re concerned that lines might be crossed. And you’re scared to speak up about it.”
I nodded.
“Or, maybe some days you just don’t want to be bothered,” Julian explained. “So, pick a word. Say it, and whoever you’re with will stop what they are doing and back off.”
This was the most brilliant idea. Julian was a genius.
He nodded. “Now the word should be something you wouldn’t normally use—”
“Pineapple.” I sat up eagerly. This was excellent. I was feeling more confident already.
Julian shot me an incredulous look. “Pineapple?”
“Yes, it’s perfect.” I loved that word. Pineapples always made me feel happy—they were a bright, happy yellow, and a delicious fruit.
“You’re a botany major,” Julian said cautiously. “That word might actually come up a lot in conversation. Don’t you think you should pick something not plant related—”
“I’m good.” I grinned at him. “You’re so smart. I never would have thought about this.”
“I’ll let the others know. But, darling, it’s not a…” Julian’s expression was uncertain. “Bianca, what kind of shifter novels did you read?”
The unexpected question caught me off-guard, and I covered my warm face with my hands. “Why?”
He was silent, and when I peeked at him, he was studying me with a baffled expression. “Never mind,” he said slowly. “I can find out later anyway.”
