"There we are. You look beautiful when you smile." Axel breathed.
I felt the small smile drop and I uncomfortably stated back to him, "You mean the face I'm wearing now looks beautiful."
Axel looked puzzled, "What do you mean the face you wear now? This is your face."
"I don't know what my real face looks like. Not anymore. I have forgotten it long ago. This face is someone else's." I calmly replied, as though it didn't bother me. But it did, my sense of self, of me, is gone. I have hundreds of faces stored in my memory but my own is lost to me, has been lost to me for years.
And yet Tawney's dying remarks rang through my head...
Volorn cleared his throat capturing my attention. "The face you're wearing now is your own."
I tilted my head, confused. "No it isn't, it can't be. I can't wear a face I do not know."
Volorn focused on me before stating, "I am the most powerful Shielder in the kingdom..."
He looked at me to see if I was understanding what he was telling me, but I had no clue what that had to do with me.
"When I caught you and I touched your arm, I used my powers and your face changed. Because you couldn't have used your powers when I was touching you with my Shielding and your face didn't stay the same..."
I froze, shocked. "Then the face that I shifted to.... must have been mine."
He nodded.
The truth rang through me along with Tawney's words, "Your true face, you found it. You look just like your father...."
"Do you have a mirror?" My voice shook.
"I have one. Need it to keep my hair neat." Axel joked before reached into his pocket and passed me over a small oval mirror.
My hand shook as I lifted it towards my face and I tried not to gasp.
My eyes were a pale turquoise blue, fringed with dark long eyelashes. My hair a soft wave of amber that framed my oval face. My lips were full, soft peach in colour and my skin was ivory with a light dusting of freckles.
But even as I saw these features I looked for similarities to Tawney and found his nose. A small slope with a buttoned end. And a softly arched eyebrow that always looked inquisitive, just like Tawney's. It wasn't a face of high beauty or face men sung about but it was mine and I had to hold in my tears when seeing it. At seeing the family resemblance.
I committed every part of my face to my memory, knowing I could now shift back to my face whenever I wanted.
"Thank you, General," I whispered to Volorn.
He frowned, puzzled. "For what?"
"For my face. For showing me my face." I replied to him, still gazing at my face in reverence as a silent tear escaped and slid down my face.
Then suddenly the face crumpled and streaks of tears fell like a fountain.
I felt a body come closer to me, an arm slipped around my shoulder in comfort. I leaned into the warm body just as Axel murmured to me, "You can't get over grief in an instant Fawn. Take your time. When you're ready to sleep. Just sleep. We will protect you."
I gave him a soft nod, accepting his offer before giving him back the mirror and staring into the fire. I heard the Volorn rusting behind me before I was quietly called and directed to a bedroll.
As I laid down and tried to settle, the soft sound of Axel humming reached my ears and I gradually felt myself relax. My mind started to shut down for the night and my breaths slowed. In my hands I clutched the pendant Tawney had given me, feeling the warmth of the stone and thinking of him until all that surrounded me was the blackness of sleep.
Chapter 8
When I gradually started to come back to my senses the next day, the men quietly discussing what had occurred the night before. I was caught off guard by another rumbling voice I didn't recognize.
"A Mimic?" the voice murmured.
"Yes. The first one we know of in generations." Volorn replied.
"It will come as an advantage for us on the battlefield," the rough voice thoughtfully remarked.
Silence surrounded them as they thought that over, thought of the possibilities and the ways they could use me. Like a weapon.
My body went rigid with anger and my fists clenched. A small pain in my hand reminded me of the pendant still clutched in my palms. I clutched the warm stone to me, its presence soothing me.
"If we can convince her that it's where she needs to be." Axel softly replied, concern shining through his words.
I heard a deep sigh before Volorn supplied, "I understand her reservations."
I tried not to feel affected by the remark, tried not to feel a hint of gratitude towards the man who held me captive in his army.
"Well it's not like anyone wants to be a part of this war," the male retorted.
"But we need people like her. So our own children and the next generation of children will not need to know what we have been through," Volorn softly countered.
"So there will be no orphans like her on the streets anymore," Axel compassionately added.
Another silence filled the camp and I struggled not to move as the breath caught in my throat. I felt ashamed that I hadn't thought of it like that, that I was so focused on not wanting to be a part of the war that I forgot about what I could do to help it. To stop families from being torn apart.
"The only way we can get her fully on board is if she trusts us." Axel cautiously voiced.
"We've already promised to find her grandfather's killer. I think that will motivate her enough." Volorn replied.
The reminder of Tawney's death woke me up like a punch to the gut. For a moment there...I had forgotten. Forgotten his crumpled form, forgotten his final breaths, forgotten that the light in my life was now gone. My mind turned to grasp anything other than despair and soon my I found myself thinking of the other murderer, the one who got away. Ideas of revenge, of justice, flooded my thoughts until I could think of no more.
"Shh. I think she's waking now."
I slowly rolled onto my back and sat up, blinking the sleep out of my eyes as I looked at the men. Axel and Volorn studied me with an intense and knowing gazes that spoke of understanding, of sympathy. I gritted my teeth and tore my eyes from them, taking in the newcomer, not wanting to break down already.
He was older than Volorn and Axel, in his mid-thirties. He wasn't an overly tall man, but what he lacked in height he more than made up for in muscle. The bulk of him made him look massive, intimidating if it wasn't for a carefree smile that crinkled his crow's feet lines around his deep blue sapphire eyes. His head was completely bald, adding weight to his menacing look however his wheat blond beard was neatly kept, which told me a lot about the man.
He reached out a beefy hand for me to shake, "We haven't introduced ourselves. My name is Tholan, I'm another member of the Crimson Guard."
I studied him, trying to recall why he looked familiar and shook his hand, "I'm Fawn."
"Nice to meet you Fawn. I wish it were under different circumstances." His voice a gentle hum that was at odds with his overwhelming presence.
The memory formed in my mind, "You were in that woman's house when you and Axel were searching for me. After I ran from the Wildecrest's."
He gave me a faint nod and a wink, confirming the memory. Where had he been? Why was he only met up with us now?
"Good morning," Axel cheerfully remarked, dragging my attention to him before I could muse any further.
I nodded, "Mornin'"
Axel's mouth slowly stretched into a grin before he chuckled beside me, "I can hear you have your street twang when you wake up."
I scowled and punched him in the shoulder, "Shut up."
He mockingly sprawled on the ground, letting out pitiful yelps of, "Mercy! Mercy!"
I let out a strained smile before my mind screamed at me. How could you smile at a time like this? Tawney is dead! Murdered! And here you are, smiling like a fool.
The brutal twist of my thoughts pulled the smile from my face and dragged me into my dark thoughts. The pendant in my hand seemed to warm further, trying to encourage me to lift m
y spirits.
I tried to fight the darkness away, to concentrate on what needed to be done next. On finding Tawney's killer.
"What's next?" I asked out loud, bringing the conversation back to business.
"Next we go to the capital. Then we will train you." Volorn replied, making eye contact as his hands crossed over each other and he leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees.
"You will be taught how to fight with weapons, hand to hand combat. Magic." Thorlan interrupted. "If you want to survive, you need to be taught by the best. The Crimson Guard will teach you, all of us."
"And once you're trained, you will help us defeat Etha in your own way. A way we will discuss when you've finished training." Volorn remarked.
His reminder that I was now a soldier in this war hit hard. It was a stark reminder that even though they would help me find Tawney's killer, they expect more in return. This wasn't just my revenge, this was the defense of the country. However, I was not convinced that I would be an asset to the war. What good could a Mimic really do?
I turned to Volorn, "Do you really need me in this war? You have so many other Ceruleans under your rule. Mimicry isn't really that strong a power. What good would I do?"
Volorn studied me silently before Axel replied, "Any Cerulean power will help give us an advantage. A way for you to use your power to help in the war will be found. Besides, what do you know of your power?"
I looked to Axel, confused by his remark, "What do you mean?"
Axel smiled at me, a gentle expression molding his features, "You have never studied your powers. Not like we have since we were ten. There are many things that I couldn't have imagined trying if I wasn't told in my training I was capable of doing."
I leaned towards him, intrigued, "Do you have any examples?"
He smirked and leaned further into me, so close our faces were inches apart, "I wouldn't like to spoil the surprise. However, have you ever thought about shifting into a form that wasn't a female? Perhaps not even human?"
His response shocked me because the short answer was no. I had never contemplated changing into a male form (except the one time, which turned out to be a mistake), or any other form other than female. It was an instinct to choose a female. My thoughts ran through all the possibilities he had just opened up for me with such a small remark, and I had to stop the rush of excitement from flowing through me.
But from the way Axel's eyes lit from within and the small smile that stretched across his face, he knew of the fire he had just sparked within me. The curiosity, the wonder, and the excitement.
Someone cleared their throat and I turned to Volorn coming to a stand, "It is time we leave. We need to make it to the capital as fast as possible."
______________________________________________________________________________
The next two days were much of the same, wake up, see to our needs, sort out the horses, ride until dawn and set up camp again. The men alternated between being on watch but nothing disturbed us. Throughout the days I started to relax more in Axel and Thorlan's presence, Axel's light flirting and Thorlan's casual banter helped make the day go faster. The buzz of conversation helped me try to keep my mind off what I was forced to leave behind. Even the constant warmth of Tawney's pendant help soothe my turmoil but it was always there, a persistent niggling in my thoughts.
"How far away are we now?" I shortly asked Thorlan, who was on the horse across from me.
"Why are you bored of me already?" Axel quickly replied, which made me elbow him in the stomach.
Thorlan smirked but replied, "I imagine we will set up camp one more time and arrive tomorrow."
"Oh."
The conversation died and the only sound was of the horses clopping steps and heavy breathing.
The silence started to get to me and it seemed to all hit me at once.
I was alone in this world. I now had no one. The feeling of desolation enclosed me and the urge to flee, to run away clawed at my throat until I had to lock my limbs from moving.
Axel seemed to sense my shift in mood, "Hey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
I continued to gaze forward, looking at Volorn's back as I tried to fight my way out of the void. I studied his leather armor he had dressed in, the array of weapons that clinked against his horse's side with even step. Each clang vibrated through me like a chant, calling of war, battle, death.
"Well, something clearly is..."
The sound of the horse's hooves seemed to clop, sold-ier, sold-ier, sold-ier....
All of a sudden anger swarmed me and I spun to face Axel, spitting words that flew into my mind, "Why do we have to fight, just because we have powers? Because we are so-called 'special'? How special can we be when we are put to the slaughter! What do we gain?" My voice rising as fury and despair rose within me.
"Ah." Axel took in my rage, assessing me.
"I have been a victim of this war. My parents were killed. My home was taken. I was left without food. It was only the kindness of one man that helped me survive. And now he has been taken too. Why should I sacrifice the last remnants of my life, my soul for a cause that made me lose everything?"
"Because every life is special." Volorn interrupted.
I spun to face him on the horse ahead of ours and he slowed down until he was beside me.
"Then if every life is special, surely mine is. Why will you not allow me to live mine without turning me into a soldier." I seethed, raging at the man who showed compassion but had held me prisoner.
"Because you can save the next Fawn Orphan on the street." He passionately replied, making my retort stumble from my lips.
"You ask why having powers makes you vital in this war? Because not everyone is given the tools they need to defend themselves, especially against our enemy. Even people without gifts have been recruited as soldiers, but those without gifts like ours can't last long in this battle. There are other powers out there that you couldn't even imagine and they have no defense against them. Nothing, except us. So everyone with a gift is recruited to help save our land, our people and our families. Because why should they die because they don't have our powers. Their life is special too. Every life is special."
His words felt like a kick in the gut and a flush rose in my cheeks.
"It's not fair, no. But I would rather use my gifts to save the lives of the defenseless than hide away and pretend that I would not make a difference in this war." He bitterly replied.
I let his words settle over me, not yet willing to let go of my anger but sensing the truth in his words.
"I'm not saying you shouldn't feel anger." I looked him in the eye at that remark, seeing his own rage burning inside them. "You should. We did not start this war against Etha and it seems after all these years they will not stop this war against us. But be angry at the right people. And have courage, we will win and with our help, we will teach you how to survive. We will win this war. We will rebuild, prosper and be able to live again. Not just survive. But live."
"I couldn't have said it better myself," Thorlan murmured.
But I continued to stare at Volorn, taking in his words and absorbing them.
"I see why people follow you, General." I begrudgingly replied.
Axel snorted behind me, "Well it's not for his pretty face."
Volorn smirked, the first time I saw him smile this whole journey. "No, that's why you're in the Crimson Guard Axel."
Thorlan belted out a bellowing laugh and even Axel chuckled behind me. The atmosphere broke but my mood didn't lighten as I mused over Volorn's words. I never wanted to be a part of this war, but then no one did. Maybe it was time for me to use my powers for something good. But even as I thought those words, it felt like I was admitting defeat.
Chapter 9
I woke to Axel nudging my arm, his face so close to mine that I felt the puff of his breath upon my face, "Fawn, time to get up. We are leaving."
I blinked at him, unblurring his features until I
could make out his long midnight hair that fell in a careless wave over his ocean eyes, his strong jaw and a soft smile. Uncomfortable with how his face caused my breath to stutter, I leaned up on my elbows, taking in my surroundings. The morning sun was higher in the sky then I expected, casting a ray of light upon the morning dew that clung to the shrubbery surrounding us. My sight caught the empty spaces where the men had set up camp last night and I looked to see Volorn and Thorlan had already packed up the camp. Instead of seeing their sleeping forms as I expected I found them readying the horses, murmuring between themselves with plans of action for the rest of the day.
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