He shook his head, amusement quirking his lips up as he continued to watch me with that funny mix of familiarity and curiosity. Like he knew me well and didn’t know me at all, which was pretty much exactly how I’d been feeling all day long.
“I’ve got the night off,” he said.
“Oh.” I took a deep breath. “Good.”
He studied me for a moment. “What about you, though? Don’t you have friends or something who are wondering where you’ve been all day?”
I shook my head, hating the blush that I could feel creeping into my cheeks. I’d avoided this all day but now I forced myself to blurt out the truth. “I’m here on my own.”
His brows hitched up ever so slightly but that was the only sign of his surprise.
Now that was different. The Deacon I’d known when I was young would have exploded with questions and teasing jokes about me being on my own. Instead, he turned back to the ocean. “Got it.”
He got it? Really? Because I didn’t.
“So I guess I’m stuck with you then.” He said it so mildly before taking another sip of his soda that I choked on my laugh.
“Looks that way.”
He gave me a lopsided grin and a sidelong look out of the corner of his eye. “I could think of worse fates.”
“Gee, thanks.” I was all sarcasm, but underneath that I was overflowing with gratitude—that he didn’t ask why I was alone, that he didn’t push me for an explanation, that he was so very cool about it. I mean, I wasn’t sure what I would have done if a friend from my past just showed up in my town and expected me to hang out with him.
“You don’t have to entertain me,” I said. But he was already standing, and I stood up too, following along at his side.
“I know.”
“I’m sure you have a life,” I said.
He shrugged. “I’ve got no plans tonight.”
“Oh.” I glanced up at him. “Okay. Great. It’s a date.”
For the first time all day the silence between us felt tense. Awkward, even. Why had I used the d-word? Way to go, Eleanor. Way to make things weird.
Things only got weirder. “Where are we headed?”
“You’re heading back to your hotel room to change,” he informed me. “I’ll swing home to grab a sweatshirt and I’ll pick you up in an hour. Sound good?”
“Um…”
He was already heading down the stairs that led to the beach. I’d told him earlier where I was staying, so it wasn’t a surprise when he headed in that direction. Still, I questioned it. “Where are you going? Your home is that way.” I nodded toward the south end of town.
“I know where my house is,” he said, his voice filled with laughter.
“You don’t have to walk me home,” I said. He glanced back at me with a cryptic little grin. I wished I hadn’t said anything because now I’d made it even weirder. First I called it a date and now I’d accused him of walking me home like this wasn’t just a date, but a date in the fifties.
I scrambled to catch up to him, feeling more flustered than I ought. I should never have used the word date, it was messing with my head. “Well, do you have a car? How are you going to get home, it’s too far to walk from my—”
“I have my bike.”
I stopped walking for one second but he kept moving.
“You do?” The level of excitement in my voice was only moderately embarrassing. “Does it still have that decal I gave you? You know, the one with the logo for—”
“Not my bicycle,” he said as he turned around to face me. His brow was wrinkled up and he was giving me a look that said I was nuts. “My motorcycle.”
I think my jaw fell open because my reaction made him grin. “You ride a motorcycle?”
Yup, he was definitely laughing at me now.
“Aren’t they dangerous?” I couldn’t seem to stop myself. At some unknown point in time, I had ceased being a teenager and had turned into my mother.
I was a few steps behind him but I watched him shake his head and caught a glimpse of his smile as he slowed his pace so I could catch up.
“I hope you wear a helmet,” I said when I reached his side, because I just couldn’t stop.
“I do wear a helmet,” he said, amusement making his lips twitch up in a way that went so far beyond sexy, it really ought to be illegal.
“Well, okay then,” I mumbled. I’d sort of forgotten what I’d gotten so worked up about, that’s how distracted I was. He pointed toward a beach ramp that was only about a block from the motel.
“I parked it just over there. I’ll drop you off, drive home, and be back in an hour to pick you up for our date.”
His eyes were filled with mischievous laughter as he said the d-word and I just knew he was laughing at me—or rather, my stupidly flustered state after I’d inserted my foot into my mouth.
I ignored his teasing. The less time we dwelled on the d-word, the better. He turned to face forward again and we trudged along until we reached the steps leading up to the street of my motel.
We headed toward it in silence, but the closer we got the more I became aware of the fact that he was about to leave me. Not for long, perhaps, but I didn’t want to say goodbye. Not even for an hour.
“Hey, if you just give me one second to change, I’ll come with you,” I said. “I’d love to see your mom.”
His silence went beyond awkward and into bizarre. It was then that I realized maybe I was being rude, inviting myself over to his house and all. It wasn’t something I’d normally do, but being around Deacon again was messing with me. The line between how I should act and how I used to act around him was one big blur. Maybe I’d crossed the line from familiar to imposing. I tried to backpedal. “Or not. I can always stop by and visit her another day if—”
“My mom died two years ago.”
I stopped walking and he took another few steps before he stopped to face me. I drew in a deep breath at the unreadable blank mask that faced me. He didn’t look sad or hurt, he looked…apathetic. Bored, even.
Was it possible I’d heard wrong? “What did you say?”
He cleared his throat and his gaze flickered away before darting back to meet my stare once more. That’s when I realized…I hadn’t misheard.
“Breast cancer,” he said. “They caught it too late. She died four months after the diagnosis.”
“Oh no, I’m so sorry.” The words came out on one long rush of air. I felt like I’d taken a fall and had the wind knocked out of me as I thought of his mom—I could picture her smiling face like I’d seen her yesterday.
But I hadn’t. It had been three years. And she’d been gone for two.
His gaze moved over my shoulder again as he stared at something in the distance. “Should we keep moving?”
I blinked rapidly to fight back the tears as memories of his mother washed over me. But the tears weren’t for me, or even her. They were for this guy. My friend.
I moved, all right, but I didn’t keep walking toward the motel. I rushed straight into his arms without giving it a second thought. I was so quick that I knocked him off balance as I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my head against his chest. He stumbled back a step before catching us both, and after a long moment of hugging a stiff statue, he let out a long breath and his whole body relaxed.
When his arms wrapped around me to hug me back, I had to bite the inside of my lip to keep from crying. “I’m so sorry,” I said again.
His answer was to tighten his grip on me and for a second it was hard to breathe because he was holding me so tightly.
But then his arms eased and I knew that was my cue to take a step back. But…I couldn’t. I mean, physically I guess I could. But I didn’t want to. He was warm and solid beneath my cheek, and his scent was like everything else about him these days—familiar in all the best ways and also…not. All I knew was, right now in this embrace I felt safer and more grounded than I had in months.
“Hey,” he said quietly, his hand co
ming up and skimming over my hair with a gentle caress. “It’s okay.”
No, it wasn’t okay, but I knew what he meant. The moment was over. He didn’t want me pitying him and, if I was reading him right, he didn’t want to dwell on his mother’s death at all. Not that I could blame him.
So, even though I was filled with questions—the biggest being why didn’t you tell me?—I pulled back from his arms and let him lead the way toward the hotel.
“You’re staying at the Sunshine Inn, right?” he asked, his casual tone just a little too forced to be convincing. Not to mention, we’d been over this already. He knew very well where I was staying. But I went along with it because that was what he needed.
“Yup.”
“I can’t believe your parents didn’t spring for something a little nicer.” He gave me a smirk I remembered well. It was the one that called me out for being a spoiled brat. “I can’t believe they let their precious baby girl stay at a dingy motel.”
I wrinkled my nose at the ‘precious baby girl’ comment. Not because he was being rude, but because he’d just accurately quoted my father. They might not have taken a great deal of interest in my life, but they had a tendency to talk about me in terms that were embarrassing, to say the least. Particularly my dad. “They don’t know I’m here.”
He looked down at me but I couldn’t read his expression. We walked in silence for a while and I was so lost in thought about his mom that I don’t know if it was awkward silence or comfortable. All I knew was we were almost at the motel when he spoke again. “Do your friends know you’re here?”
I cleared my throat. “My best friend Blake knows.” I shrugged. “She’s pissed.”
“Why?”
“Um, because I sort of took off?” My voice went up at the end making it sound like a question.
He stared at me for so long that I started to fidget, making a production out of fishing in my pockets for my room key. I stopped in front of my door and he stood beside me. For a second I toyed with the idea of asking him to come inside, but in the end I chickened out.
Some things might not have changed between us, but being alone in a hotel room together? That was a surefire way to shine a spotlight on the many ways everything had changed.
“How long are you staying?” he asked.
“Just until Monday. Blake’s family has a place at Virginia Beach and if I don’t show, Blake will send the cavalry.” I’d meant it as a joke but as soon as I’d spoken a question popped up that I couldn’t ignore. When exactly had I started thinking about not showing up at Blake’s house?
Some time today, I supposed. At some point when I’d been having more fun than I’d had in years I found myself wondering what would happen if I stayed.
I wouldn’t. But the temptation was there.
“Got it.” He gave a little nod and that unreadable expression was back.
This was the second time he’d said he ‘got it’ and for the second time I wanted to tackle him and shake him until he explained it all to me.
I mean, if he understood what was going on here, maybe he could clue me in.
Chapter Five
Deacon
I made quick work of showering and changing, partly because I didn’t want to run into Jason and answer his questions about where I’d been all day. But mainly I was in a rush because I was dying to see Ellie again. Funny how I managed to survive three years without her, but now after one day of hanging out, I couldn’t go more than thirty minutes without jonesing for more time with her. More smiles, more laughter.
More hugs.
I couldn’t deny it, that hug had been…brutal. I could practically feel her empathy wrapping around me, her kindness and warmth making my heart hurt.
But then there was an entirely different kind of warmth. The heat from her body, the way her smaller frame fit so perfectly against mine, the way her hair smelled like salt water and sunshine. The way holding her in my arms felt like coming home.
I’d thought it before when I’d seen her sitting there in our meeting spot, and it struck me anew as I’d held her. I’d missed this girl, and not just because I could be myself around her in a way I couldn’t around anyone else.
I missed her because she felt like home.
I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror by the doorway on my way out and stopped to stare. Ellie wasn’t my home. She might’ve been a blast from the past, a reminder of days gone by, but that was it. Come Monday she’d be back to her normal life and once again I’d be left in the dust.
I didn’t know what she’d been up to these past few years, but I knew her life hadn’t been anything like mine. She’d probably never gotten in over her head with a bunch of thugs and found herself on probation, she’d definitely never lost six months of her life to drugs, and there was no way she’d spent her days ditching school and her nights out on the town.
That first year after my mom died…well, I’d be the first to admit that I’d gone off the rails. I pulled it together eventually, and managed to scrape together the grades to graduate. But those years were a part of who I was, and if Ellie had seen me then…if she knew who I was now…
She wouldn’t look at me like she had today—the way she’d always looked at me back then. With love. Affection. The kind of tenderness that made me feel warm from the inside out.
I shook my head. Nope. The girl had been out of my league then, and she still was now. Some things might have changed, but not that.
That thought helped me get my head on straight by the time I got back to her hotel to pick her up. That thought had me bracing myself for the night to come. I could hang with an old friend without getting involved. I mean, it was one night. And I wasn’t that naïve kid anymore, the one who’d never even kissed a girl and who thought a stupid crush was the same thing as true love. I was a man now, a high school grad as of a few weeks ago, and on my way to joining the working classes.
I was paying my own way at home, and I had a better grasp of what the real world looked like than some spoiled princess who’d grown up with everything handed to her.
By the time I reached her motel, I was hardened against the sappy emotions she’d stirred up. I wasn’t Deacon, anymore. I was Deek—bouncer, apprentice mechanic, and reformed bad boy. There was no way I’d go and make the same mistakes I’d made when I was a kid. I’d never let myself go and fall for a girl who would never give me the time of day. A girl who deserved so much more.
But then she opened the door. All the air rushed out of my lungs at the sight before me. She’d showered too and her long blonde locks were still damp as they hung loose around her shoulders. She had on a thin tank top that fitted her to a tee, and short shorts that made my mouth go dry.
She shifted in front of me, biting her lip as she nodded behind her. “I have a sweatshirt to bring along, but I didn’t pack any jeans or anything…” She was eyeing me as she spoke, taking in my black T-shirt and jeans, along with the hoodie that I’d thrown over it all.
“You should be fine with a sweatshirt.” Oh man, that had come out all husky and weird. I cleared my throat and tried again. “There’s a bonfire at the beach tonight and some of my friends are going. I figured we could grab a slice at Marty’s and then head down there.”
As I spoke I felt something I’d never felt before. Hesitation. Nerves. Like, maybe the chill night I’d had planned for us would be a disappointment.
But she flashed a big smile. “I’ve missed Marty’s.”
It was technically The Pizzeria, but we’d been calling it Marty’s ever since we’d met the owner himself and he told us we could. Funny all the things I’d forgotten that just seemed to come back naturally now that she was here. In a weird sort of way, her presence seemed to transform this town.
She’d always done that, I guess. In the too-short period of time she was here every summer, life was different. My family might not have gone on vacations but I still experienced them, because when Ellie was in Sterling Beach, I got to b
e a tourist too and do all the things that she did.
Well, most of them. I wasn’t invited to the fancy parties her parents dragged her to. Just like she’d never hung out with my friends.
The thought had me shuffling my feet, backing away from the quiet confines of her motel room. “We don’t have to do the bonfire,” I said. “It probably won’t be much fun for you since you won’t know anyone.”
She smiled up at me as she closed the door behind her with a click. “If they’re your friends I’m sure I’ll love them.”
I opened my mouth but shut it again because all the words went south at the sight of that smile. Heck, that innocent little grin even did away with the snarky part of me that wanted to point out that they might not be so in love with her. I mean, she was an outsider. Worse, a tourist. It was understood that the tourist flings were kept separate from our world. You could hook up with a girl who was here looking for fun, but bringing her along to hang with your crew? That wasn’t cool.
It wasn’t a written rule, but it was a rule all the same.
But now she was chattering away about how she’d never been to a bonfire and how she’d always wanted to go, and despite my misgivings, and the bitter part of me that resented how easily she’d just fallen back into my life—almost like the last three years had never happened—all that was overwhelmed by the much bigger part of me that was completely incapable of raining on her parade.
She singlehandedly kept the conversation going until we reached The Pizzeria, and once inside she stopped and inhaled deeply. “Mmm,” she moaned softly. “It still smells exactly the same. It’s like nothing has changed around here.”
That finally pulled me out of my good guy funk as irritation flared up inside me. “Of course it’s changed. You might’ve been gone, but the world didn’t come to a stop just because you left.”
She blinked up at me in surprise and I realized how harsh that sounded. The inner battle had flipped, apparently. The bigger part of me now felt small and petty and…hurt.
Okay, fine, I guess I still had some hurt feelings when it came to this girl, and they wouldn’t just allow themselves to be pushed to the side.
Beach Town Bad Boy: A Briarwood High Novella Page 4
