She blinked at his nearness, that shyness appearing in her eyes for a scant second before it was eclipsed by something else, and she straddled him as she had in the car, only there was nothing between them. At some point, she had removed the last bit of her clothes and Christian’s breath failed him at the intimate press of her skin upon him.
Her dark hair fell into her face and he brushed the lock away, staring up at her. “Are you sure?” She nodded, her lip caught between her teeth. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said.
“You won’t.”
His hands slid on either side of her hips, adjusting himself beneath her. He paused, uncertainty warring within him. “Tori—”
She made the decision for him and slid her body atop his, her eyes going wide as he met her downward movement with an upward thrust. She froze, an agonized gasp escaping her lips, her fingers digging into his hands resting firmly at her sides. Christian held himself perfectly still, not moving an inch until she stirred and her eyes fluttered open. Pain shadowed their depths. He eased away gently, pushing them both onto their sides facing each other. Their bodies were intimately cradled together. “Do you want me to stop?”
“No, it’s what I want,” she said. “Please.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to give myself to you while I’m still me.”
Christian raised himself up on one elbow and stared at her. “What do you mean while you’re still you?”
She traced a finger across his chest, making the muscle there leap reflexively at her light touch. “I wasn’t honest before about the blood magic. I can control it more, but I feel it changing me, too. We are becoming one and I have no control over that.” She paused, as if she had more to say, and Christian waited. “Aliya and the others say that you only want me because of Le Sang Noir.”
“Do you believe that?”
Her voice broke, her eyes shifting away. “I guess I needed to know for sure if you wanted me for me.”
“Victoria,” Christian said gently, turning her chin so that she couldn’t move her face away. “I love you. It’s not just about wanting you. How could I not? You take my breath away. But I care about you, not just about a physical connection between us. Surely, you know that by now?”
She turned her face away. “I do, but when we are apart, it’s hard to silence the voices … the ones that tell me you only want me for what I can do for you. I wanted to see if you would risk it all, even your death.” He didn’t respond and she continued. “You asked me once if I would die for you, and you’re right, I would have.”
“But now?”
“They need me, the Witch Clans. They need the Cruentus Curse. I can’t abandon them. I can’t abandon my people.”
“I would never ask you to.”
“I know you wouldn’t, but you’re a vampire royal, and you have your own people to consider. They would always come first, wouldn’t they? Your loyalty should be to them.”
“It’s not a question of loyalty. I will do what is best for everyone, but your safety will always come first. You are the only thing that matters.”
She flung herself back onto the pillows, a frustrated sigh leaving her mouth. “But what if you can’t, Christian? What if you can’t please everyone? Our people are on the brink of war, and while they haven’t asked me to declare or prove my allegiance, I suspect that it is coming.”
“No one can force you to do anything you don’t want to do,” he said gently. “Or who you want to be with.”
“I don’t want to lose them,” she said, her gaze fluttering to his. “And I don’t want to lose you either. But deep down I know I can’t have both. Love in times of war is like wearing your lover’s heart on the outside of your body. Anyone can target it and strike you down. Our enemies won’t stop at hurting you to get to me and hurting me to get to you.”
“What are you saying?”
She bit her lip. “That this has to be goodbye.”
Christian felt coldness take hold of his body as her words hammered into him like nails. “So this is why you wanted to …” He trailed off and pulled himself up to sit at the edge of the bed, rubbing a hand through his hair. He reached for his trousers. “I understand. This is the consolation prize. Thanks, but no thanks.”
“Christian, please.” She placed a hand on his arm, stalling him. “That’s not it at all. I wanted you to know that you’ll always have this part of me.”
He turned to her, his voice inflectionless despite his slowly fragmenting heart. “When we make love, it won’t be to say goodbye, Victoria. It’s a pledge between two people who love each other, who can’t bear to be apart on any level, emotional or physical. Giving my body to you is my pledge to you, and it’s not something I take lightly.” His voice shook with emotion as a savage anger tore through him at the realization that she had used him to assuage her own guilt. “You don’t get to take my love for you and twist it as you see fit. You can believe all you want that your intentions were pure, but you know deep down why you’re doing this. You know the truth. You feel guilty because you didn’t choose me. You didn’t choose us.”
Christian could see her flinching against the harsh bullets of his words, but he didn’t care. He felt nothing. She’d already made the decision for both of them. He stood and tugged on his trousers, when a huge weight shoved into him from behind and a blow smashed his head sideways. Reacting out of pure instinct, he snarled and shifted into full vampire mode. Knowing it was her, he forced himself to temper the surge of fury pouring through him, but Victoria was having none of that. Her eyes flashed violent fire as she drew her discarded dress over her head. He could feel the oxygen being sucked out of the room, rushing toward her like flame and feeding into her spiraling rage. Tiny blue frissons of static electricity hovered over her body. Christian knew she would never hurt him, but a moment of real fear licked along his senses as he watched her struggle for control.
“Twist your love for me?” she seethed. “How is offering myself to you a fucking consolation prize?”
“Isn’t it?” he countered coolly.
She flew at him, her magic lending her such brute strength that it took all of his considerable power to restrain her. “I will never forgive you for this,” she hissed, trying to shrug off his hands at her shoulders.
“Forgive me?” He stared down at her furious face, the searing heat of her blood seeping out of her skin and scorching his fingers. “For what? For not letting you use me? Or for not making it easy for you to live with the choice you’ve made?”
The magic poured out of her in waves, making the flesh of his hands peel away. He kept them there, watching her all the while through the agony until bone became visible beneath the charred skin. Her eyes flicked to them and widened in horror. “Release me,” she begged. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It’s too late for that,” he said in a dull voice, his arms falling to his sides. His burned injuries healed almost instantly. He didn’t think twice about the unnatural speed of his recovery, but she did.
“Instant healing?” she blurted out, reaching for his hand. Her eyes shifted over him and she pushed out with her mental awareness. Christian felt the press of her power and, for the first time, consciously blocked her from him. A mask fell over her features, but he could see her surprise shimmering behind it.
“You’re not the only one who is changing,” he said, pulling his shirt over his shoulders. He swallowed, not meeting her eyes. “I’ll take you home.”
“No need,” she said, hiking her chin. “Goodbye, Christian.”
He stared at the space where she’d stood long after she teleported from the room, wondering if he should have done things differently. Perhaps he should have taken what little she’d offered and been content with that. He’d known that it would eventually come to a choice, but what he didn’t know was that Victoria would have chosen them over him. Not without a fight, anyway. He felt hollow as if someone had scooped out
his insides with a trowel, leaving only the shell of his body behind. Love didn’t always conquer all—sometimes it fled in the face of fear. He didn’t blame her. War was coming, after all.
“C’est fini,” he murmured. “It is done.”
ELEVEN
Heartbreak Warfare
Victoria teleported all the way to Maine, back to Holly’s house, and huddled on her old bed. She didn’t care that she hadn’t returned to Aliya’s or that someone would notice her absence. The Witch Clans kept track of everyone’s whereabouts, including hers. What would they do? Send her to detention? Ban her from the coven? Truth was, she didn’t give a rat’s ass what any of them would think. She had already let them influence her far too much. She had let their doubts and suspicions in, let their mistrust of Christian color what she felt for him.
And because of them, she’d left him.
Victoria knew she had made a mess of things. Her deepening control over the blood magic had made her overconfident that they could finally be together, even if it were just for a short while. Christian was right. What she had offered had been a break-up consolation prize. She hadn’t intended to go there and throw herself so shamelessly at him, but she couldn’t bear to end it without letting him know how she felt underneath it all—that she was his, body and heart. Selfishly, she had always wanted him to be her first. He was meant to be her only.
She wrapped her arms around her knees, rocking back and forth. Her body was tender from the little they’d done. She had expected that it would hurt, but that brief physical pain had been well and truly eclipsed by the brutal coldness of Christian’s response. His rejection had hurt more than anything she’d thought possible. It still did, even though everything he had said was true. She had used him to relieve her own guilt, to make herself feel better about breaking up with him. She wanted the solace and comfort that being with him would bring, not caring about what the aftermath would be like.
She almost smiled through her misery. He was so old-fashioned that he called it making love. A faint blush heated her cheeks as she remembered the surprising feel of him against her. It had been everything she had imagined and more. Victoria frowned as she thought of Christian’s control. It’d been a two-way street. Though she had control over her blood, she did not have any control over his vampire impulses. He was the only one who could suppress that. And unlike all the other times when things had gotten hot and heavy between them, he had. Other than his teeth lengthening, he hadn’t gone feral. He’d been calm and in control, able to resist his hunger.
Her frowned deepened as curiosity won out over misery for a brief moment. Christian had said that he was changing, too. She wondered what that meant. At the end, when she had reached out toward him, she had felt an ancient strength about him—layers and layers of inherited power—one that had not been there before. Her blood magic had burnt the skin off his forearms and hands, and he had healed in seconds. An injury like that would have taken days to heal for any ordinary vampire, which clearly he was not.
She wondered whether Christian’s extraordinary newfound power had anything to do with Enhard’s death. Not that he would ever confide in her again. Anything between them was now gone. God, the look on his face as she told him it had to be goodbye had almost brought her to her knees. He had looked broken and utterly devastated. Yet, deep down, a part of him had known that she would be the one to break it off, because in the end, he had let her go.
Victoria stared at the girlish decor and the pink bedspread of her old room. Helpless tears sprung to her eyes as she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and wept as if her heart were breaking. Because it was. Perhaps she truly was weak. She lacked courage and conviction. She couldn’t even stand by the one who loved her, who had stuck with her through everything. Instead, she had turned tail and ran because it’d been the easy thing to do—the safest thing to do.
“Tori? Is that you?” Aunt Holly’s welcoming grin faded from her face as she took in the scene before her. “Oh, my darling, what is the matter?”
Victoria’s tears turned into a full on deluge as she fell into Holly’s arms, sobbing her heart out. “We broke up.”
“Why? What happened? What did he do?”
“He didn’t do anything. I broke up with him. It was getting to be too much—the school, the witches, the magic, all of it. Everyone is ready to kill everyone else. There are murders and each side is blaming the other. And I’m caught in the middle because you know …” She sniffed. “Because of what I am.”
Holly brushed a strand of hair out of her face. Her wrinkled face was compassionate. It was amazing that she hadn’t gone crazy months before, after a demented warlock had kidnapped her, when Victoria and Christian had divulged that creatures like vampires and witches roamed the human world. She’s taken it in stride. Of course, her best friend—Victoria’s grandmother—had been a witch, too, so it wasn’t all out of the blue. Victoria had wanted to wipe her memory of everything that had happened, but Holly wouldn’t let her. She had argued that she had seen too much throughout her life to stick her head in the sand and pretend bad things didn’t exist. And now, Victoria was deeply grateful that Holly was aware and could offer comfort.
“I thought you loved him? Christian?”
“I do, but it’s complicated. He’s part of the Council. His loyalty is to them, not to me.”
“Child, I’ve seen the way that boy looks at you, and his loyalty is and will always be to you. He loves you. And you love him. You’re letting people and politics come between the two of you—something you swore that you would never do.”
“I know.” Victoria sighed. “I didn’t expect it to be so difficult. The Witch Clans don’t trust the vampires, and they are afraid of me, too. I guess I was trying to prove that I am one of them and on their side. I wanted them to accept me. I was an outsider all my life and for once I feel like I belong somewhere … that I have a place in the world.”
“You’ve always had a place in the world,” Holly said gently. “And you will always have a place here with me.”
“I know, Aunt Holly.”
“Have you eaten?” she asked, and Victoria nodded. “Let me fix you some tea. You wash up and come downstairs. Everything will get better, I promise.”
Victoria nodded as Holly left the room. She stripped slowly and walked into the connecting bathroom, turning the shower to hot. She stared at herself in the mirror, remembering the start of her senior year so many months ago. She’d been just a girl then. Now she was so much more than that, more than she ever expected to become. Despite the changes, her reflection looked the same—dark wavy hair and pale brown skin—except for her eyes. The green seemed weighted down as if they had seen far too much in a short space of time. They looked too weary and too old for someone who had only just turned eighteen. She stepped into the shower and let the scalding hot water run down her body. She washed herself slowly from head to toe, letting her sadness and her memories rinse away with the sudsy water.
By the time she was finished, Victoria had a newfound sense of clarity. She had done what was best for both of them. Now they could be strong for the people who needed them. Grabbing a towel, she stared at the steam-clogged mirror, her eyes catching something forming in its depths. An indistinct shape loomed forward, two bright eyes shimmering for a scant second before the shape vanished. She blinked. There was nothing there but cloudy vapor.
Were you going to tell me that you’d left?
She nearly jumped out of her skin and whirled around, only to see Leto glaring at her from the doorway. Her fingers crackled with suppressed magic. “I could have killed you!” she yelled and glared back at the cat, her eyes narrowing. “How did you get here anyway? Did you come with Aliya? Did she send you?”
No one sent me. You summoned me.
Victoria frowned. “Summoned? How? I didn’t think that was possible … to summon live creatures, I mean.”
It is not, but as you can see, here I am,
Leto said. I shall add it to your increasing range of talents.
“I didn’t summon you, Leto.”
A part of you did or I would not be here. What has happened?
“I broke up with Christian,” she said tonelessly, sweeping a brush through her wet hair. “And I needed some space. This is the only place I don’t feel hunted or stared at.” She turned to eye the cat. “And where have you been? You’ve been gone for days and days.”
I have business.
“What kind of business?” she snapped. “As my familiar, any business of yours should also be mine. I need to know where you are at all times, Leto.” Something leapt to life in his eyes, a sharp green surge that made Victoria pause. It looked like anger, but then again, Leto had always been moody, even more so after what had happened with Gabriel. She softened her voice and reached for a fresh pair of jeans and a sweater. “Are you okay? You seem agitated.”
I was summoned across the Atlantic on a whim. How do you think I am?
“Grouchy, apparently.” She turned to stare at him, resenting his accusatory tone. “And as I’ve told you already, I didn’t summon you. You’re behaving as if I drew you away from something drastically important. What? Did I interrupt your fourth catnap for the day?”
He eyed her, his green eyes boring into hers in a fiery standoff. She gritted her teeth and held her ground until he looked away. His head bowed slightly and she knew that it was his way of apologizing. It is better this way, he said.
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