“Hey, man,” Billy answered. “What the fuck is going on? That prick was shot in our house now. I mean, does El ever get a break? She’s going to go fucking bananas.”
Billy must be in public around people.
“She already did. She left Millie in the middle of the night—she just took Cooper and left.”
“What?!” Billy yelled through the phone and then said something to someone in the background. “Hold on, Patrick.”
Patrick was in limbo about Millie, he honestly didn’t know what to do. She ended things with him, but he didn’t want it to end this way, with her hating him. He wanted the break to be as amicable as possible.
“Okay, sorry. I needed to walk outside.” Billy was back on the line. “Where is she?”
“I’m not sure, she’s not answering her phone, but I think she’s at the beach at that house her parents’ friends own. I’m headed there to see.”
“Um, okay. Where’s George?” Billy asked tentatively.
“I don’t know.”
“Did they break up?”
“Millie said so. She said that El left a note to take care of us. She left one for George so she was leaving him. She was gone when Millie woke up.” Patrick shook his head; he didn’t know this would be that hard for her. He’d done everything he could.
“Holy shit, dude.”
“I know, it’s bad.” Patrick hoped he was right. “So Millie’s moving out. She just broke up with me.”
“Because you’re going to find El.” It wasn’t a question.
“She said she wasn’t going to be second to anyone, even El.” He exhaled a long breath.
“Fuck, really?”
“Yep,” Patrick admitted, grimacing at the memory of the pain in Millie’s voice.
“Well, I guess I get that.”
“Get what, Billy?” Patrick raised his voice. Patrick didn’t know what there was to get. “It’s El. I take care of her.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Billy consoled. “But chicks that you’re dating and living with don’t like it when you love another girl more.”
“What?” Patrick was stunned. He’d been doing everything he could to keep his feelings in check.
“You’re really not good at hiding your feelings for El. Everything else, yes. El, no.” Billy chuckled, as if he could read Patrick’s mind. “Find her, bring her home. It can be the three of us again. Tell her we’ll be okay.”
“I hope I know where she is.” If Patrick was a betting man, he’d put all his chips down. He could feel it, he could feel her.
“I’m sure you do. You know her as well as you know yourself.”
Patrick was getting a headache from lack of sleep and not eating. “Can you help Millie?”
“Sure, man,” Billy agreed. “Be careful, okay? El is...well, El.”
“Yeah, I know.” Patrick hit END on the phone and tried to call Millie one more time, but it went to voicemail.
“Mil, please don’t move out yet. Let me get back there and make this up to you. I’m sorry.”
They were over, but Patrick didn’t know how to end it. He didn’t know how to let Millie out without hurting her any more, and he didn’t want to hurt her. Maybe he should just let her go, the one who ended it. The stronger one.
Patrick pulled into the gravel driveway in front of the house where he knew she would go. He smiled at her car in the driveway. They were so connected, he knew her as well as he knew himself. He cut the ignition and a million thoughts rushed through his brain. All he wanted to do was get to her, make sure she was okay. He’d always put her first. Pushing all of that away, he walked into the house. The bottom level was dark and he turned a lamp on so he could see how to get to the stairs. When he saw her things discarded on the floor, he released a deep breath in relief. Her shoes, his hoodie, and a bag were strewn carelessly in the main room. She’d worn his hoodie here. There was a bottle of vodka, unopened, on the kitchen counter.
He tried to be quiet in case she was asleep and tiptoed up the stairs to where all the bedrooms were located. He pushed open the door. There she was, staring at the door, Cooper on the bed next to her. Her green eyes were vacant, she looked utterly lost and completely fucking broken. She unconsciously stroked Cooper’s head. His heart clenched and his pants got tighter. Shit.
“I thought you might be here,” Patrick said, pushing the door open all the way. He tried to push away thoughts of them, of her. “You okay?”
El slumped on the bed. “No,” she said, her voice barely audible. She shook her head and a wave fell loose from her bun. He fought the urge to pull her hair out of the bun. He’d break every single bone in his body to heal her, her body, her heart, her mind.
Walking over to the bed, he petted Cooper and then sat next to her. He put his arm over her shoulders and pulled her close to him, not saying a word. Minutes elapsed without them saying a word, and then he eased her back toward the pillow until they lay in the bed together, her head propped on his chest. Patrick worried she could hear the hammering of his heart, that she’d know that it was beating too fast, giving him away.
“So what’s the plan?” Patrick asked, not feeling anything except the press of her body against his. It curved into his perfectly. She smelled of coconut and he inhaled deeply.
“I have no fucking idea,” she answered. Her body relaxed into him and they stayed that way for hours, until he heard her breathing even out.
He eased out of the bed and went downstairs, unscrewed the cap on the bottle, and took three shots.
Chapter Nineteen
A GRAIN OF SAND
The last several days were pleasant. El was letting him be around her, comforting her, which was more than he could say for most people. Cooper was another story; he was tense and followed El around like she was hiding burgers in her pockets. If Patrick tried to sit next to her, Cooper would get in between them. They hadn’t talked about Jamie or George yet, and she was throwing up every couple of hours. There was no food in the house, so he decided to run to town and get something for them to eat for dinner. He couldn’t decide what she’d want, so he’d stopped at three different places.
When he walked in the house and put the bags on the counter, he saw her wearing his hoodie over her bathing suit and it took all of his restraint not to rip it off and devour her. He didn’t. Of course he didn’t. He’d waited for five years for this to be right and this was the right time. He just needed to convince her of that.
She sat on the counter, her legs spread, feet dangling. Cooper was walking in circles in the kitchen. He thought he may be having some sort of mental breakdown because all he could think about was tasting her, everywhere. Patrick tried to answer her questions. He thought she was talking about Millie texting her that they broke up. He turned on the music to distract himself; she smelled like coconut, wind and sweat. When music didn’t work, he turned the TV on, trying to find anything to stop him from doing what he wanted to do to her. Nothing was working, so he began checking his email. Nothing worked. Fuck.
Then she padded over to him, barefoot, vulnerable, his hoodie hitting where her thighs met her hips, her creases on display. What the fuck was wrong with him? He heard El talking about Agent Harris and having to come in for an interview, but all he was thinking about was fucking her.
“Patrick, talk to me,” she pleaded. His unzipped hoodie shifted and he saw her abdomen, still covered in scars. Her messy waves just grazed her shoulders, her eyes blazing red from all the emotions she’d expelled over the last two days.
A powerful urge took over him as she walked back to the kitchen. It was purely animalistic and he could do nothing to stop his body from sprinting after her and pinning her to the counter. He restrained her arms to her sides and held her there, facing the cabinets so he wouldn’t have to look at her when he finally told her what he’d been hiding all these years.
Her skin, salty and warm, called to him. Patrick kissed her neck and the sound she made sent shockwaves through him, a cross between
pre-orgasm breathing and a full out moan. El struggled in his arms. “Patrick?” Her voice was filled with questions she didn’t know how to ask.
“Shh,” he whispered in her ear, his lips crazing her earlobe. “I can’t look at you when I say this, El. Please let me say this.”
El finally stopped squirming and seemed to be waiting for him.
“Millie left me because she knows I’m in love with you, El,” Patrick admitted. He ran his nose behind her ear. She smelled like his paradise and home at the same time.
“Don’t,” she whispered, but it was too late.
“You know she’s right.” His lips grazed her ear; he felt her body react to his touch. “El, I’ve loved you for a long time and I’m just going to lay it out here,” he said, his voice hoarse with doubt, love, guilt, need, and pure, unadulterated lust. “If you don’t love me back, its fine. I just need to taste you once, kiss you once, make love to you once…” He believed that. He just needed it, for now. They’d talk about what it meant later. Please let her kiss him. If she kissed him back, it would be an outright assault on her.
“But you’re my best friend.” El’s voice made his heart shatter. She sounded so utterly broken; he wanted to fix her, that’s why he’d done all this, for her. “My person.”
His lips were at her ear again. “I’ll always be your person. I’ll always be your best friend. Always, El.” He sighed, taking in her scent again to soothe himself. “I’ve been patient. I’ve waited for you. I’ve loved you while you loved George. Watching you not be with me has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
She was quiet, too quiet.
“I’ll always be your person. You believe that, don’t you?” He was begging now, begging her to let him love her. He’d never begged for anything in his entire life.
A miniscule nod was all he needed to attack her body. He twisted her around and lifted her onto the counter, his mind already three steps ahead of his hands. He used his right hand to pull her hair back, forcing her to expose her neck to him, and kissed her neck, then licked up to her jaw line. Her gasping for air was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard.
His tongue had a mind of its own and he was licking her, kissing her, biting her everywhere. She hadn’t kissed him back yet, only let him kiss her. Her legs eased open and allowed him to get closer to her, but he couldn’t get close enough. A small tremble started in his bones. It was going to happen.
“No. Patrick,” she gasped, “we can’t.”
NO! Panicking, he crushed his lips against hers, silencing her protests. At first her lips seemed confused by the kiss, but the second time his lips touched hers, he stared into her eyes. He saw it; she wanted it as much as he did. He separated himself from her and pulled his hoodie down her arms to puddle behind her. “I promise I’ll always be your best friend, El. I promise.”
He crashed his mouth into hers again, hers finally moving in sync with his, their tongues tangling with each other. He released the ties on her bikini top at the same time and he immediately sought her hard nipples with his mouth. Her skin was salty from the ocean. He lifted her breast with his palm and circled his tongue around her nipple before sucking it into his mouth. Her moan was life changing to him and meant everything. This was what he’d been waiting for, her to acknowledge it. The pull he felt, she felt it too.
Patrick leaned back for a breath. Both of their chests were heaving with adrenaline and need as they stared into each other’s eyes. He pulled her bikini bottoms off and sank to his knees, tasting her everywhere. The sounds she made reacting to his mouth on her were pure ecstasy; her hands on his head, then grasping the cabinets. Patrick burned for her, his skin felt like it was screaming. She called out his name and he got to his feet, picked her up, and wrapped her legs around his waist. Although he refused to stop kissing her, he managed to walk quickly upstairs. Patrick didn’t want her to change her mind.
He put her gently down on the bed and pulled his shirt off. She looked at him as if she was seeing him for the first time. He’d always just wanted her to see him. He pulled his pants and boxers off, grabbing a condom out of his wallet. He crawled up her body, kissing every inch of it. She touched him, finally touching him everywhere, and it was everything he’d ever wanted and needed. He felt his soul smile at that first touch. He was changed. This had changed everything. It was everything he knew it would be.
He pushed into her and everything fell away, Millie, Jamie and anything else that mattered to them both ten minutes ago. He could live here, in her. There was nothing else he needed, just her. Nothing mattered except her hot tightness around him and her hands on his body. She moaned and whispered his name and it was like the first time he’d ever heard his own name.
This was exactly where they were supposed to be.
Patrick woke to the sounds of El throwing up; her stomach must be royally fucked if she’s still throwing up. He ran his hand over where she’d lain all night, wrapped around him in sleep. The bed smelled of sex and he took a deep breath. The sound of water running lured him out of the bed. He pushed the door open, leaning on the frame.
“You look like your dog just died.” He cocked his head and smiled. What they’d done last night changed everything. She’d be with him; she couldn’t fight the pull they had. “That does nothing for my ego, El.”
“What’re we doing?” El turned and looked at him. She was striking, even with all her scars. He could look at her the rest of his life.
“I’m not sure what you’re doing, but I’m doing what I always do, loving and protecting you. Now come on, let’s go back to bed.” Patrick walked closer to her, wrapping his arms around her warm body. His dick was already hard again and she smiled at him, giving him the go ahead. He picked her up and carried her back to bed, where he planned on staying for days.
They’d been enjoying their newfound sexual attraction, but he could tell El was still confused by everything. Patrick decided he needed to bring up the elephant in the room. They were on the beach watching Cooper chase birds. The waves crashing on the beach were soothing and his thoughts drifted to Jamie, but he shook them away. He couldn’t think about Jamie.
“So, I guess I really fucked everything up.” Her raspy voice shook him out of his thoughts.
“El, you’ll be okay.” He lay back in the sand, propping himself up on his elbows, and took a sip of his beer. He contemplated what she meant about fucking everything up. Cooper chased birds up and the down the beach, in and out of the waves, barking and jumping at each bird.
“I didn’t know it would be like this…” she started. “He would’ve killed me.”
“Yes, he would’ve.” Patrick nodded, then reached out and pushed her hair back from her face so that he could see her eyes.
“This was the only way,” she repeated, like she was trying to convince herself.
Patrick grabbed her hands and kissed her palms. “You know that it was.”
“I didn’t know it would be like this.” Her voice broke with an emotion that Patrick wished he could erase for her.
“We did what we needed to do to protect you.” He had to think in black in white about this because if not, he would be just a criminal, a murderer, and he couldn’t justify that to himself.
“Jesse’s still on board?”
“Oh yeah, we went to a party together in Atlanta. I was all over Twitter and Facebook, me partying with him.” Patrick thought back to the nightclub he’d been at with Jesse, taking pictures and acting like he was having a good time, all while he was thinking about killing Jamie. He was shocked he’d done it, that he was able to get in the right frame of mind to be able to kill someone he’d known all his life.
“Okay, good. I don’t want this on you. If shit goes down, I’ll take the blame.”
“El. He was forcing you to leave with him; no one will ever believe you were behind this.” Patrick raised himself up and pulled her in between his legs, facing him. “This was the only way. You know that. You’ve got to handle your s
hit, El. You can’t fall apart on me. I did this for you.” Don’t fall apart on us.
“I know.” There was an uneasy pause. “Anyone see you at the airport?”
“No. Jesse had a change of clothes for me in a car he borrowed and your dad drove me to the plane in Atlanta. The car I left at National was still there and no one was the wiser. When I finished, I flew back to Atlanta and your dad was waiting. Jesse’s plane just sat there and waited on me. It’d be awesome to be rich like that.” Patrick had never experienced money like that, his parents worked hard for everything they had growing up. Patrick had been paying for his own bills since high school. He’d never met a person with shitloads of money who was genuine and remembered his roots, but then again, he didn’t know too many rich people.
El haphazardly brushed the sand back and forth with her foot. “How did you know he’d take the bait?”
Patrick had run through a ton of different scenarios in his mind, but the one that actually worked was pretty simple. “Because I would’ve.”
“Patrick, I’ll never be able to thank you enough.”
“Sure you can, El.” He took his sunglasses off and looked into her eyes, then leaned in and nuzzled her neck. They would be together and that would be payment enough.
“How?”
She started putting her walls up again; he could see her shutting him out. “Don’t,” he said, pulling her hand in his. “Come back with me. Let him go. That’s why we did all this—so you can move on, El.”
El looked away from him to the waves crashing and Cooper diving into the surf. “I don’t know if I can,” she whispered.
Her words settled on his skin and it began to burn with indignation. No, he wouldn’t let this happen. Anger busted from his gut like he was on fire, and he exploded. “Fuck, El, if it’s George you want, go back to George! Just live your fucking life! If you don’t, all of this was for nothing. That, I won’t forgive you for.”
He didn’t mean one fucking word of that. Be with me. He jumped up and made his way to find the bottle of vodka.
Heart in Wire Page 15
