by Vaughn, Eve
Jackie sneered at her. “I wish I’d never taken you in. Your own mama didn’t want you. Bet you’re not with that white boy anymore either, cause you’re unlovable. You always were. That’s why men always walk all over you before they dump you. Terrell only wanted to get back with you for the money.”
Sadie knew Jackie was just saying that to get a rise out of her and her temper was hanging on by a very thin piece of thread. “Eat shit.”
Slamming the door behind her before Jackie could say anything else; Sadie grabbed a still partially catatonic Lily’s hand and guided her to the car. Sadie stopped in her tracks upon seeing Terrell still in the driveway, leaning against his car. She ignored him, as she opened the passenger door and guided Lily inside the car.
Sadie would have walked to the driver’s side and kept going, but he jogged over to her and placed his hand on her shoulder, halting her progress.
“If you don’t take your hand off my shoulder, you’re going to be pulling back a nub,” Sadie threatened through clenched teeth.
“Damn, baby girl, when did you get so cold?”
Sadie turned around to glare. “Around the time I realized you were an asshole. Terrell, what the hell do you want?”
“I thought—”
“Thought what? That when I saw you. I’d magically fall into your arms? Is that what you expected after what you did to me? Go home to your wife, Terrell. I’d say you two deserve each other, but personally, I think she could probably do better. Do me a favor and go play in rush hour traffic.”
“I never meant to hurt you. I really didn’t. It’s just…”
“Just what? Terrell?”
He scratched the back of his head looking slightly embarrassed. “Well, the child support payments were killing a brotha. I figured if I married her, I wouldn’t have to hand over a chunk of my paycheck every week. You have no idea what it’s like to work hard for your money only to have to give it away. She didn’t deserve that money, especially when all she was doing was getting her hair and nails done with it.”
Sadie had already come to the realization that Terrell was a piece of shit, but to hear him admit this was even beyond her comprehension. “So what you’re saying is that you didn’t want to give Keisha money to support the daughter you two created together. I thought you loved Malia.”
“I do, but shit, how much is too much? All you gotta do is feed and clothe them. Keisha acted like Malia needed this and that.”
“Kids aren’t toys, Terrell, it takes money to raise them.”
“But I know for a fact that Keisha was using some of that money to pay her bills. It wasn’t going to my daughter as it should have been.”
“Bills that would keep a roof over your daughter’s head and clothes on her back, I’m sure. Terrell, just go away, talking to you is really starting to nauseate me. The best thing you ever could have done was marry Keisha, although I feel sorry for her now. You used to talk so horribly about her as if she was the bad guy and that should have warned me about the type of man you really are. That you’d tear down the mother of your child like that? Tacky. Just plain tacky. I bet you were talking negatively about me to her, making me out to be some crazy stalker who you wanted nothing to do with.” The look in his dark eyes said it all. Sadie couldn’t believe she was with this jackass for so long, that she’d fell for his bullshit, bought all his lies. “And now you’re claiming you’re only with her because now you don’t have to pay child support?”
“We-well I me-mean. I-it wasn’t like that,” he stammered.
There was no doubt in Sadie’s mind that it was exactly like that. “How long have you known that I was supposedly going to come into some money if in fact, Jackie was telling the truth?”
He turned his head away, not meeting her gaze.
“I bet it was around the time you started calling me again and wanting to see me, wasn’t it? Did you think maybe you could get back with me and get a free ride, is that it?”
“Fuck this shit. I was only trying to help.” He threw his hands in the air, turned and stalked toward his car, but Sadie wasn’t through with him yet.
“You were in cahoots with my mother to get whatever you could out of me, weren’t you? I wouldn’t be surprised if you really did screw her, although I’d get a tetanus shot if I were you.”
He whirled back around. “Okay, fine! I did know about the money. I thought maybe that was the answer to our problems and we could be together again.”
“And if I was stupid enough to take you back, you’d not only be spending this supposed money, you’d be cheating behind my back. Don’t try to fool me into thinking you loved me because the only person you love is yourself. And now you’re mad because I see right through you. You and Jackie had some kind of scheme to get me to come back to DC so you both could use me. Funny thing is. I’ve never heard anything about this so-called money. Knowing Jackie, she was probably playing you for whatever sadistic reasons she had.”
“Oh, there’s money. I saw the letters from the lawyer’s office myself. They’ve been coming to this house and she’s been keeping them from you. It’s a lawyer right here in D.C. Hayes, Stubbs and Fields is the name of the firm. Sean Hayes is the name of the attorney if I recall. Call him if you want.”
“Well, if it’s true, I guess I should thank you for telling me. And in return I have something for you, Terrell, something I probably should have given you a long time ago.” She inched closer and put her good hand on his shoulder and tilted her head up as if to kiss him.
Terrell dipped his head. “You do still love me, don’t you baby girl?”
“What do you think?” she whispered before bringing her knee in contact with his groin as hard as she could and quickly backed away.
Terrell fell to his knees holding his crotch. “God Damn Motherfucking Shit! You fucking crazy ass bitch.”
Sadie smirked. “No need to thank me, Terrell. You had it coming.” It was the second and hopefully last time she ever got physical with anyone but Sadie figured breaking her nonviolence rule that time would be forgiven. She walked to the car and got in. Damn, she had to pee.
Sadie drove to the closest gas station to relieve herself as Lily sat in the car not speaking, just staring out the window. Once she came out of the gas station with a bagful of beef jerky and a large bag of peanut M&M’s thanks to the sudden cravings she was starting to have, she got back into the car to find her sister in tears.
She placed her bag of goodies at her feet and reached across the seat and wrapped her good arm around her sister. “It’s okay sweetie. It will be okay. I’m here for you.”
The sound of Sadie’s soothing assurance must have set Lily off because she cried even louder and harder, her entire body shaking. Sadie rocked her back and forth, as she stroked her hair.
“I’m the big sister here. I’m the one who should be taking care of you, not the other way around.”
“Stop that. We’re sisters. We look out for each other. These last several weeks have made me realize a strength within me I didn’t know I had. We’re all vulnerable at one point, but sometimes we have to let down our defenses a little to let others in. You’ve always been a bit cold and standoffish to everyone except me, Daisy, Rose, and Thorn and I never really understood why. I never knew why you were so ultra-protective of us all. I sometimes thought you were taking the big sister thing too far. But you had a reason didn’t you?”
Lily wiped away a stray tear. “I didn’t want what happened to me to happen to you guys. But I failed all of you. She ended up hurting them too, hurting you, I mean not in the way it happened to me but…”
“You don’t have to say anymore.”
Lily pulled away from Sadie with a sniff. “Yes, I do. I think you deserve to know. Daisy knows only because…well, I swore her to secrecy.”
“Tell me.”
Sadie patiently waited for her sister to get herself together. It seemed as if several minutes passed before Lily was ready to talk.
“I was sexually assaulted. You know Jackie always had some man around after Daddy died. It was almost like she couldn’t be alone, ya know? I’d make sure you girls were all in bed because I didn’t want you all to be around the drinking, smoking, and cursing. One night, everyone was sleeping, Jackie’s friend, Barry….I’ll never forget him… he came upstairs when I was coming out the bathroom. I was just getting out of the shower and I had on my robe, with nothing underneath. I was going to the bedroom, and he stopped me. At first, the talk was innocent, about how I was doing in school and stupid stuff like that. Even though his questions seemed innocent at first, I still felt a little uncomfortable. I could feel his eyes all over my body and I couldn’t wait to get away from him. I remember going to my room and just being uneasy after that exchange. Then he started coming around all the time. I didn’t understand why he made me so uneasy, but I made a point to stay out of his way. One day you guys were in the basement playing, he came over, and he sent Jackie to the store to get something. He cornered me in the kitchen, pinned my body against the counter with his, my back to his front. Then he ground his erection against my rear and he cupped my breasts and squeezed them really hard. He told me if I told my mother she wouldn’t believe me. At that time, I still believed that maybe there was a chance Jackie would do right by me as her daughter. When I told her she slapped me so hard, she split my lip. She yelled and called me a liar. She said I was a slut and I probably led Barry on. She must have told Barry, because the next time he managed to get me alone, he taunted me and said he told me so. He grabbed me by the neck and squeezed my windpipe. I thought I would die. I wished I died as he held me in this chokehold and touched me all over. He even….” Silent tears ran down Lily’s face as she paused.
Sadie’s heart broke with each work Lily spoke. It hurt her to know her sister had gone through this. She took Lily’s hand in hers. “You don’t have to say anymore.”
“I need to get this out. I only told Daisy about what she saw, I’ve never really…put all this in words.”
It was no wonder her sister seemed to be wound so tight at times. Sadie didn’t know how her life would have been shaped had she experienced anything so horrific. “Take your time sweetie.”
Jackie had a party one night. She made us clean the house and get it ready for her guests and I was in charge of feeding everyone and getting you girls into bed. I didn’t want you girls to be disturbed by the rowdiness so, I stole some brandy from the liquor cabinet and put a little of it in your hot chocolates, so you’d all sleep through the night and not wake up. I know that sounds crazy, but sometimes I felt I had to take extreme measures to protect the three of you. I made sure you were all asleep and I locked the bedroom doors so no one would get in. Daisy and I shared a room as you remember. I distinctly remember locking the door before I went to bed, I’m almost positive I did, but when I woke up there were two men in the room, and both of them were on either side of my bed, touching me and laughing about it. One of them was Barry. I didn’t know who the other guy was. I tried to scream but Barry covered my mouth and told me, I’d been coming on to him for weeks. I could tell they were both drunk by the smell of their breaths. They told me if I said a word, maybe my sister would be more cooperative. So I was quiet as they touched me and put their hands and mouths where it had no business being on a thirteen-year-old. They made me touch them. And kiss them, and Barry got on top of me….It was disgusting. He was about to penetrate me when Daisy woke up screaming. I don’t know if it was the noise from downstairs or the movement in our bedroom. It could have been that I didn’t put enough brandy in her cocoa or maybe she just felt my distress. I don’t know which it was, but I think it kind of scared them. She’s small, but you know how fierce she can be. She was out of the bed, and grabbed the first thing she could get her hands on and started swinging. That’s when I started screaming. It must have gotten the attention of Jackie’s company because she came into the room asking us what the hell was going on. She took one look at our state of undress and gave me such a look. I knew I’d never forget it. She didn’t even say anything to Barry and his friend. She just said, ‘go back to bed girls’ and then to Barry, to come back downstairs and spend some time with the adults. The next day she called me into her bedroom and screamed at me, calling me all kinds of names, I don’t want to repeat. When I tried to defend myself, she spat in my face and told me to get out of her sight. You would think that being molested and nearly raped would be the most devastating thing a girl could ever experience. But it wasn’t. Knowing that the person who’s supposed to look out for you thinks you’re a piece of shit and wished that you were never born, is far worse.” Lily burst into another round of tears.
* * *
“I thought I’d order takeout tonight since I’m really not up to cooking, is that okay with you, honey?”
“That’s fine, Daddy.” Carys fingered the bandages on her wrists, in an absent gesture, almost as if she didn’t know they were there. Rhys flinched at the action because they were a painful reminder of how close he’d come to losing her.
Though this was only her second day back home, they’d talked a lot since she’d been admitted to the hospital. He’d visited her every day and each time, he assured her of his love for her and how important she was in his life.
He’d taken time off at work letting his TA’s take over his classes while he dealt with his daughter. It was good to reconnect with her again. He never realized how far they had drifted apart since she’d become a teenager. Carys had her first therapy session that afternoon and the two of them would go to the next session together, alternating the schedule by having Carys go by herself. That way she could share with the psychologist what she didn’t feel comfortable saying around Rhys. And every other session they’d go together so they could both get whatever they needed to say to each other off their chests.
Rhys eyed his daughter who still looked a little pale and worn out, but at least she didn’t seem as fragile as she had been in the hospital bed.
“That’s fine with me, Daddy. Can we get the combination fried rice?”
“Sure, princess.”
“Dad?”
“Yes?”
“There’s a white elephant in the room.”
“Oh?”
“Sadie.”
He stiffened at that name. “We don’t have to talk about it Carys.”
“Maybe not, but you just seem so sad, and I don’t think it’s all about me is it? You miss her don’t you?”
He’d promised that he’d always be honest with her so he nodded. “Yes. I do, very much.”
“I’m really sorry for what I did.”
“I know.”
“You’re not telling me something.”
Rhys sighed. She’d have to find out sooner or later but he wasn’t sure if Carys was ready to hear this. “We’ll talk about it another time.”
“Dad, please. I’m not going to fall apart like I did before. Just tell me. Something’s going on that you’re not saying. Please tell me.”
He closed his eyes briefly and let out another deep breath. “Sadie is pregnant. It’s my baby.”
Carys stiffened. “You’re going to be a father?”
“I’m already a father. Yours, but yes, I’m having another child.”
“But this will be your biological child.”
Rhys took her hands in his. “Sweetheart, we’re not going to go over this again, are we? I love you. And even though I will love this baby Sadie is having I won’t love it any more than I love you and vice versa. Love isn’t something that’s rationed and split. Love grows to encompass everyone in its circle. That’s how it works. And I hope you can learn to love your new sibling as well.”
“If we’re being honest with each other, I really don’t know what to think but, I will try very hard to be a good big sister. But what if Sadie doesn’t want me around? I really hurt her.”
“We’ll take one step at a time, okay? Don’t ever forget that I love you, swe
etie.” He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “Now, about that takeout.”
* * *
Are you ready for this, Sadie?” Lily looked over to her sister as they stood on the porch of an old Tudor style home.
“Yeah. Just a little nervous. Who wouldn’t be in this situation?”
The night that Lily had told Sadie her secret they’d checked in to a hotel to plot their next move. They decided to stick around to get some information from this lawyer Terrell had told Sadie about. Unfortunately, the number they’d found for him on the internet was a business number to the law firm that said it was closed until Tuesday. Sadie and Lily decided to take the extra days off to stick around and personally go to the law firm.
Their first visit resulted in them leaving a card for Mr. Hayes to contact them because he was out of the office. Thankfully he’d called that evening and told them to come in first thing in the morning. Upon that meeting, Sadie learned that on her thirtieth birthday she would begin to receive an annuity that totaled a million dollars. Floored she asked for more details, but they were directed to see a Joyce Brown and was given her address. He promised he’d call to make sure she was aware they were coming.
Two days later here they were. Sadie was a bundle of nerves. Could this Joyce woman hold the key to their past or be her mother?
“Here goes nothing.” Sadie leaned over and rang the doorbell.
Only a few seconds passed when a tall, older man opened the door. “Are you Chrysanthemum and Lily Flowers? Of course, you are. You two look just like, Mama Brown. Come on in.”
Sadie was remained rooted to the spot. “Who are you?”
“I’m your Uncle Clinton. Don’t be shy girls, come in.” They followed the man inside.
“Is that them Clinton?” A woman called out.
“It’s them.”
A woman walked toward them and stepped out of the shadows. Sadie gasped. Seeing this woman was like looking at an older version of herself. Before she could stop the words from coming, she asked, “Are you, my mother?”
