by Fuyumi Ono
"And your good parents--well, that is a lie as well. Not good parents at all, always looking over their shoulders, afraid of what people might be saying behind their backs. You think that liars who flock together never betray each other? Oh, you will betray your parents. And your parents will certainly betray you. It is the way of all flesh. We tell each other our lies and the betrayed betrays the betrayer."
"You son of a bitch."
The monkey shrieked hilariously. "Oh, what a fine tongue you have on you. Yes, yes, I am a son of a bitch, but an honest son of a bitch. I never lie. I alone will never betray you. It is most unfortunate that I must be the one to teach you this lesson."
"Shut the hell up!"
"No, no, you can't go home. You'd be better off dead. But if you haven't the courage to die, you had better find yourself a better way to live."
The monkey eyed Youko's raised sword. "Another truth I shall tell you. You have no allies. Nothing but enemies. Even Keiki is your enemy. Your stomach is empty? You wish a better life for yourself? He won't help you. Instead, why not use that thing to shake a few people down?"
"Be quiet!"
"Hither and thither, everywhere you look, nothing but dirty little moneygrubbers. Extort yourself a little cash. That is the way to a better life."
Youko swung the sword in the direction of the ear-piercing screeches, but there was nothing there. Only the loud laughter fading away into the dark night.
She tore at the ground, her hands bent into crooked tongs. She felt tears spilling down between her fingers.
4-7
Youko wandered the backroads. She lost track of how many days had passed since leaving Takkyuu, or for that matter, how long it had been since she left home. She had no idea where she was or where she was going and by this point she didn't much care.
When the night came she drew the sword and stood her ground. When the enemy came they fought. When the morning came she found a place to make her bed and slept. And so her life went on.
Gripping the jewel and using the sword as a cane became natural to her. If there were no enemies about, she sat down. When they attacked at longer intervals, she dragged herself along. If there were no people around, instead of talking she moaned and groaned constantly.
Her hunger became attached to her thoughts. It became part of her consciousness. When starvation threatened, she flayed the dead body of a youma. It had a strange smell and she could not even hold the meat in her mouth. Occasionally she brought down a wild animal. She tried to eat it but her body could no longer handle solid food.
She struggled through countless nights to meet the dawn.
Leaving the road to forge deeper into the mountains, she tripped over a tree root and tumbled down a long slope. Casting care aside, she slept where she fell. She did not even bother to scout out her surroundings first.
She slept without dreams. When she awoke, she found she could not stand, no matter how hard she tried. She was in a shaded hollow within a sparse copse of trees. The sun was already setting and night was falling. If she stayed here like this, if she could not get up and move, she would become a youma's next meal. Even against impossible odds, Jouyuu could hold off one or two attacks. Beyond that, her body would become a useless tool.
Youko dug her fingers into the earth. No matter what, she had to get back to the road.
If she couldn't get back to the road and find somebody to help her, she would die here. She raised her head and searched for the jewel. But even gripping the jewel with all her might, she could not drive the sword into the ground to leverage herself up.
"No one's coming to help," an unexpected voice said.
Youko turned her head. This was the first time she had heard him during the daytime.
"You might as well make yourself comfortable right here, no?"
All Youko could focus on was the monkey's fur, shimmering like blown powder. All she could think was, why was he showing up now?
"Even if you do manage to crawl back to the road, you'll probably only end up getting arrested. Though if you asked for help, they might give it. They might be the type who would put you out of your misery, just like that."
That was undoubtedly what would happen, she thought as well.
She wouldn't ask anybody for help. Now when her need was the most pressing was when she should expect help the least. Even if she got back to the road, there would be no help forthcoming. If somebody were to pass along the way, they would look the other way. This filthy vagrant would provoke nothing more than a grimace.
On the other hand, maybe she'd only get mugged. But a thief would figure out pretty quick she didn't have anything worth stealing and take the sword. Perhaps he would be kind enough to finish her off there and then. That was the kind of a place this world was.
Then all at once a new thought occurred to her. The monkey fed off her hopelessness and despair. Like some kind of emotional vampire, he exposed all the anxieties and insecurities hidden in her heart and used them to crush her spirits.
Youko giggled. It felt good unraveling this small puzzle. She rolled over, gathered strength into arms and pushed herself into a sitting position.
"Now, wouldn't it be easier if you threw in the towel?"
"Oh, shut up."
"Why not take it easy?"
"Shut it."
Youko drove the sword into the ground. Her strained knee almost gave out. She screamed, grabbed hold of the hilt of the sword, caught herself. She almost stood but lost her balance. Her body was too heavy to move like this. It'd be better to crawl along the ground, like an animal newly born.
"You want to live that badly, do you? And what will living get you?"
"Home."
"Oh, why torment yourself so? No matter how much you hold on to life now, you can't go back."
"I'm going home."
"You cannot go home. There is no way to cross the Kyokai. Here, in this country, you will be betrayed and you will die."
"You're lying."
She would trust only the sword. Youko gripped the hilt and focused on the strength in her hands. Depend on no one, trust no one. Only the sword would protect her.
And then … ?
Keiki had brought her here and he never said anything about not going home. Finding Keiki was probably the only way. Right now, that was all she could hope for.
"Didn't I tell you that Keiki was your enemy?"
I'm not going to think about it.
"Do you really think he will help you?"
Either way.
Whether friend or foe, finding Keiki and finding out for herself would be preferable to wandering around like this without a clue. When she met him, she would ask him why he brought her here, ask him how she could get back. She'd get the whole story out of him.
"Supposing you do go home, then what? Eh? You think then you'll live happily ever after?"
"Be quiet."
She knew what he was saying. She couldn't forget the nightmares she'd had about this place. She couldn't pretend that nothing had happened and go back to the way things were before. There were no guarantees about her appearance, either. And if not, then the Youko Nakajima that used to be was gone forever.
"What a miserable creature, what an everlasting fool you are, little girl."
The monkey's bright, loud laughter ringing in her ears, Youko roused herself once more. She didn't really understand why she was doing it. She was miserable, she was a fool. Nonetheless, if this was enough to make her give up, then she should have given up a long time ago.
Youko considered the current state of her body. She was covered with wounds, caked with blood and mud, her clothing reduced to reeking rags. But she didn't give a damn about her appearance, if that's what it took. Throwing away her life was no longer such a simple proposition. If she was indeed better off dead, then she should have died on the roof of the school when the kochou first attacked her.
It wasn't because she didn't want to die. It probably wasn't because she wanted t
hat badly to live. It simply was because she did not want to give up.
She was going home. Without a doubt, she would return to the place she so deeply longed for. As for what awaited her there, she'd cross that bridge then. Because going home meant staying alive, she would protect herself. She wasn't about to die in a place like this.
Youko clung to the sword and pulled herself to her feet. She thrust the sword again into the rising slope and began climbing the brush-covered hill. No hill she had ever known had been so excruciating, covering so short a distance so slowly. Numerous times her feet slipped out from under her. She urged on her battered self, focused on the objective above her. She at last reached the end of the gauntlet, grasping the shoulder of the road with her outstretched hands.
She dug in her fingers and crawled up to the surface of the road. With a groan she pulled her body onto the mountain road and fell prostrate on level ground. At the same time she heard a faint sound. The sound came from the far side of the road. A bitter smile came unbidded to her lips.
Oh, perfect.
Youko hated this world with all her heart. Approaching the road was a sound like the wail of a crying baby.
4-8
The pack of dog beasts came at her in a rush, the same ones that had attacked her before on the mountain road. Swinging the heavy sword, she dispatched most of them and was soon drenched with blood.
A dog beast leapt at her. She decapitated it. Suddenly she found herself down on one knee, a deep bite wound in her left calf. She felt no pain, as if the limb were numbed, though from the ankle down the pain was intense. She glanced at her blood-soaked leg then surveyed the road for any lingering foes. One dog remained.
This dog beast was bigger than all the rest she had felled. The difference in its physical strength was obvious as well. She had delivered two solid blows to it already and it hardly looked winded.
The beast crouched low against the ground. She sized up their positions and corrected the grip on the sword. The weapon had almost become an extension of her own body, yet it was so heavy she could barely keep the tip on target. She felt a dizziness verging on vertigo. Her consciousness began to cloud over.
She swung the sword at the shadow that bounded toward her. The blade did not so much cut as it slapped against it. Taking everything Jouyuu had to give she could not deliver a second blow.
The slap from the sword was enough to send the black beast sprawling. An instant later it was back on its feet, flinging itself towards her. She aimed at its snout and could do nothing more than thrust the sword forward.
The tip of the blade ripped through the beast's face. At the same time its claws tore into her shoulders. The shock of collision jarred the sword loose from her grasp. She managed to grab hold and with a shout turned on the fallen beast and swung down with all her strength.
Her energy exhausted, she stumbled forward, collapsed. Somehow the sword had pierced the beast's neck. The sword was staked into the ground through a patch of black fur. Dark blood spotted the earth around the end of the blade.
Youko could not move from where she had fallen, but, then, neither could her foe. The two of them lay not more than a yard apart. They each raised their heads and guardedly examined the other's predicament.
Youko's sword was pinned to the earth. Her opponent exhaled foamy blood.
They exchanged brief glances. Youko moved first. She grasped the hilt of the sword with enfeebled hands, and, with the buried end supporting her weight, pulled herself to her feet.
A moment later her opponent roused itself and almost immediately collapsed.
Somehow she managed to pull the blade out of the ground. It was an anchor on her arm. She closed the distance between them, sank to her knees, and with both hands brought the sword down.
Her foe lifted its head and howled, gushing foamy blood. Its paws clawed weakly at the ground. It could not right itself. Holding the sword up with both arms, she aimed for the beast's neck, letting the weight of the sword by itself do the damage. The blade, shiny with blood and fat, sank into the fur. The beast's claws sprang out, its limbs convulsed.
It spewed more frothy blood, almost seemed to mutter something to itself.
With every ounce of strength she had left, she raised the heavy sword and let it fall. This time the beast did not even twitch.
The sword had embedded itself halfway through the creature's neck. Youko let go of the hilt, rolled over on her back. Clouds hung low against the dome of the sky.
After lying there for a while staring up at the sky, she gulped air and screamed. There was a burning pain in her side. Every breath tore at her throat. She could feel nothing in her extremities, as if her arms and feet had been amputated.
She was grasping the jewel but could not even move her fingertips. Suppressing a sense of dizziness that verged on seasickness she watched the clouds roll by. A part of the sky was stained a faint madder red.
She was suddenly overcome by the urge to vomit. She turned her head to the side and threw up. The corrosive-smelling bile ran down her cheek. She took a breath but couldn't breathe. She gagged and choked, instinctively turned over and coughed violently.
I'm still alive. Somehow she was alive. As the hacking coughs wracked her body, this was the thought that turned over and over in her mind. When she at last brought her breathing under control, she heard a faint sound, the sound of footsteps.
Oh God! Were her enemies still around? She lifted her head. Her vision spun, blackness closed in. Her head dropped back to the earth.
She couldn't get up. But within those brief moments, the image that swam into her reeling gaze embedded itself in her mind.
The color of gold.
Keiki!
Still flat on her back she cried out, "Keiki!"
Of course it would be you, Keiki. You sent these youma.
"Why? Just tell me why!"
The footsteps were very close now. Youko raised her head. She caught sight first of a brilliantly colored kimono. Then the golden hair.
"Why … ?"
There was no reply to any of her questions.
Craning her head backwards, she realized it was not Keiki's face. "Oh," she said. Not Keiki. A woman. The woman peered down at her. Youko stared into her eyes. She said, "Who are you?"
She was a woman with golden hair, maybe ten years older than Youko. On her slender shoulders perched a brightly-colored parrot. The woman's extraordinarily beautiful face was suffused with sadness. Staring up at her, it struck Youko that she was on the verge of weeping.
"Who are you?" Youko asked in a hoarse voice.
The woman looked at her and said nothing. Tears gathered in the woman's crystal clear eyes.
"What … . "
The woman blinked slowly. Tears fell softly down her cheeks. She averted her eyes. Youko was too taken aback to speak. The woman turned her attention to the beast lying next to Youko. She gazed at it with a sorrowful expression, then slowly stepped forward. She knelt down next to the corpse.
Youko could do nothing but watch. No words came, she couldn't move her body. She had been trying all along to rouse herself but she couldn't move a finger.
The woman gently reached out and stroked the beast. The tips of her fingers touched a patch of red and she jerked back her hand as if she had touched something searing hot.
"Who are you?"
The woman didn't answer. She reached out again, grasped the hilt of the sword--the blade was still embedded in the beast's neck--pulled it free and set it on the ground. She eased the beast's head into her lap.
"Did you send them after me?"
The woman didn't speak. She cradled the beast in her lap, petted its coat. Her luxurious kimono was soon stained with clotted blood.
"And all the youma who've attacked me up to now? What do you have against me?"
Hugging the beast's head, the woman shook her head. Youko raised her eyebrows. The parrot perched on the woman's shoulder flapped its wings.
"KILL HER."
The shrill voice no doubt belonged to the parrot. Startled, Youko looked at it. The woman opened her eyes and glanced at the parrot as well.
"PUT AN END TO THIS."
The woman spoke for the first time. "I cannot."
"KILL HER. FINISH HER OFF."
The woman shook her head emphatically. "Please! That is the one thing I cannot do!"
"I AM GIVING YOU AN ORDER. KILL HER."
"I cannot!"
The parrot beat its wings and soared into the sky. It circled once and glided back to the earth. "THEN TAKE THE SWORD."
"The sword is hers. It would be pointless to take it." There were echoes of pity and supplication in the woman's voice.
"THEN CUT OFF HER ARM." The parrot spoke in a loud, shrill voice. It flapped its wings vigorously. "I SHALL ASK THIS MUCH OF YOU. CUT OFF HER ARM SO SHE CANNOT WIELD THE SWORD."
"I cannot. First of all, I cannot use that sword."
"THEN USE THIS ONE."
The parrot opened its beak wide. Something glittered deep in its mouth behind its round tongue. Youko stared disbelievingly as the parrot coughed up the tip of a glossy black rod. Before her startled eyes, inch by inch, the bird continued to disgorge the full length of a Japanese-style sword in a black scabbard.
"TAKE IT."
The woman's face was white with despair. "Please, I beg of you."
The parrot once more flapped its wings. "DO IT!"
As if struck physically, the woman covered her face with her hands. Youko pawed at the earth. She had to get up and get out of here. Yet the best she could do was rake the ground with her fingers.
The woman turned towards Youko, her face wet with tears.
"Stop." Youko's voice was so hoarse she could barely hear herself speak.
The woman reached down and seized the sword the parrot had disgorged. Her hands were soiled with the blood of the dog beast.
"Don't do this … what kind of person are you?"
What kind of thing was that parrot? What kind of creatures were those beasts? Why was this happening to her?
