by Fuyumi Ono
"I see."
"So, frankly, I really don't know anything about her. I don't have anything bad to say about her, either."
"Did you dislike her?"
"She wasn't particularly unlikeable, but she wasn't all that likeable, either. I got the feeling that, no matter what, she would always try to say the appropriate thing, you know? She wasn't interesting enough to actually dislike."
"You don't say."
It was another girl who came right out and said she didn't like her. "Youko, she was a little two-faced brown-noser."
"Two-faced?"
"Yeah. Like, you know, sometimes you badmouth somebody? If she was there, she'd nod and say, like, yeah, me too. But when somebody else was badmouthing us, she'd do the same thing. Always kissing up to whoever she was with. That's why I couldn't stand her. There's no way a person like her has real friends. She was fine to complain to, though. She'd go along with whatever you said. That's about it."
"Huh."
"That's why I think she just ran away from home. She was probably messing with some gangbangers behind everybody's back. It wouldn't surprise me if it all started with a lot of big talk about how dumb we all were and deciding to jerk us around. I could never figure out what was going on with her, anyway."
"Perhaps she got caught up in something she couldn't handle."
"Yeah, you know, like she got into a fight with the homies she was hanging with. Not that I would know anything about it."
It was yet another girl who said she flat-out hated her. "To be honest, I don't mind her being gone one bit."
"You said your classmates teased you a lot?"
"Yeah."
"And Ms. Nakajima went along with it?"
"Yeah. She always went along when they froze me out. But she was the one who always played innocent afterwards."
"How's that?"
"They were always giving me crap, you know? Youko never joined in like she really meant it. She always pretended that she was above it all. Fact was, she was a coward."
"I see."
"Like she was a better person than anybody else, like she felt sorry for me. But she wouldn't do anything to stop it. That's what pissed me off the most."
"Understandable."
"Whether she ran away or got kidnapped or whatever, I couldn't care less. As far as I'm concerned, I was the victim and she was one of the perpetrators. I'm not going to sit here and act all sorry for her. I don't want to be a hypocrite like her. I suppose that gives me a motive, huh? But I'm glad she's gone. That's the truth."
She's not that kind of person, her mother insisted. Her mother sat there with a distressed look on her face. "She was a good girl. She wasn't the kind of girl who would run away from home or get mixed up with such unsavory types."
"Apparently she wasn't completely happy at home."
Her mother looked surprised. "Youko? Nothing of the sort."
"Her classmates had much to say on the subject. 'Her parents are really strict,' things like that."
"We did discipline her at times, but nothing more than what any parent would do. No, that has nothing to do with it. She had nothing to be dissatisfied with at home, not in the least."
"You're saying you knew of no reason for her to run away from home?"
"None at all. She would never do anything like that."
"Are you familiar with this boy who came to see her at school?"
"No. She's not the kind of girl who would associate with such people."
"Well, then, what do you think accounts for her disappearance?"
"Somebody kidnapped her on her way home from school."
"Unfortunately, there is no evidence for that. Youko left the principal's office together with the boy. After that we believe they went somewhere else. It doesn't mean she wasn't taken against her will. But several of the teachers said that they appeared to be on intimate terms."
Her mother hung her head.
"You say that your daughter didn't have a boyfriend. Perhaps she was involved in some other type of relationship. A shared acquaintance, for example. Anything we could use to begin a search with … . "
"Did they really say Youko wasn't happy with the way things were at home?"
"So it seems."
Her mother buried her face in her hands. "I never sensed that there was anything she was unhappy about. She's not the kind of girl who would run away from home, or would make bad friends behind our backs. She's not the kind of girl who would get involved in things like that."
"Teenagers don't usually reveal their true selves to their parents."
"Hearing about what goes on in other people's homes, it does make me wonder what kind of a person Youko really is. When I think about it now, perhaps I should have looked harder at anything that struck me as unusual."
"Indeed, children don't always turn out in ways that are convenient for their parents. My own kid is quite the little brat."
"Yes, I guess that must be it. She always showed us her good side. We dealt with her on the basis of outward appearances and ended up being deceived. Children will use their trust against you."
No, Mom, it's not true … .
Youko wanted to weep, but no tears would come. It's not true, she wanted to scream but her mouth only formed the shape of the words. As with the silent click of a switch, the vision disappeared.
The ground around her was covered with puddles, her head half buried in the mud. She did not have the strength left to stand up. No one could have possibly imagined that she would have ended up here, in this condition. Knowing nothing, that's how they could come to such convenient conclusions.
Cast into this world, starving, covered with wounds, not even able to rise, and despite everything, her desire to go home had made it all possible to bear. But in truth, what she had seen were the only human relationships of any merit at all that she could claim in her home country.
What did I think I was going home to?
No one was waiting for her. She had nothing there and no one who understood her. Being deceived, being betrayed, being here or being there, it made no difference at all.
Yes, I get it now.
And still, she wanted to go home. She found it strangely funny. She wanted to roar with laughter but the cold rain had left her face too numb. She wanted to cry as well but she had no tears left in her.
Whatever.
Whatever happened, it was all good. Because very soon it would all go away.
Part V
5-1
Rain fell like slender threads scattered by the wind. She couldn't move, couldn't cry, could only lie there listlessly with her cheek in a puddle.
Suddenly she heard the swishing sound of something pushing through the undergrowth. She knew she should hide but could do little more than lift her head.
A villager or a beast or a youma. No matter what, the results wouldn't change. Whether she was arrested or attacked, or if she simply continued to lie there, her struggles would come to the same end.
She looked up through the mist in the direction of the sound. It was neither a villager nor one of her pursuers. It wasn't a person at all, but a rather strange creature.
It resembled a rat. The way it stood up on its two hind legs and quivered its whiskers, there was a very definite rat-ness about it. Odder still, standing erect, this rat was as tall as a human child. It didn't look like a run-of-the-mill beast or youma. Youko lay there and stared vacantly at this quite curious rat.
The rat was sheltering itself from the rain with a large leaf it wore over its head like a bamboo hat. Silver rain drummed against translucent green. The pearl-colored raindrops were quite beautiful.
The rat stared back at Youko with a slightly stunned expression. It didn't seem to be getting ready to attack her. It was a bit plumper than a rat. Its fur was a color somewhere between a light brown and gray. Youko felt an urge to pet it. Raindrops decorated its fluffy coat like diamonds. The fur extended all the way down its tail, so though it looked like a rat, i
t probably wasn't the same species.
The rat twitched its whiskers several times, then toddled closer to Youko on its two hind legs. Leaning its gray-brown body over her, it touched her shoulder with a small forefoot.
"Are you all right?"
Youko blinked several times. She heard the sound of a child's voice. It was definitely coming from the rat. With a curious expression the rat politely bowed its head next to hers. "What's the matter? Can't you move?"
Youko looked up into the rat's eyes and just managed to shake her head, no. Perhaps because it wasn't a person she let her guard down a bit.
"Well." The rat reached out with its small, childlike forefoot. "Try your best. My house isn't far from here."
Ah-- Youko sighed. Whether a sigh of relief for being rescued, or of disappointment for being rescued, she couldn't be entirely sure.
"Okay?" the rat said.
She tried to grab its hand but could only move the tips of her fingers. The rat reached down and clasped Youko's cold hand in its small, warm forefoot.
Leaning on an arm stronger than she would have imagined, they made their way to a small house. That was the last thing she remembered.
Many times she had the sense of opening her eyes and taking in her surroundings, but she couldn't grasp what she was looking at or recall what she had seen. Her consciousness alternated between periods of deep sleep and light sleep. When at last she awoke for good, she found herself within a humble abode, lying on a bed.
She stared blankly up at the ceiling, a moment later quickly sat up. She jumped out of bed and collapsed on the floor. Her legs were of no use to her at all.
There was no one else in the small room. Her vision still spinning, she desperately searched around the bed on her hands and knees. There wasn't much in the way of furniture, except for a stand next to the bed fashioned from a few planks of wood. Neatly arranged on the makeshift table were the sword, shrouded in a bolt of cloth, and the blue jewel, threaded through with a new cord.
With a profound sense of relief she managed to stand up. She placed the jewel around her neck and with the sword returned to the bed. She slipped the sword under the quilt. Finally she could relax.
At this point Youko realized that she was wearing a nightdress. Her many wounds had been treated. There was something damp under her shoulder. It was a wet, folded cloth. She had not noticed it when she jumped out of bed. She placed it back on her forehead. It felt good. She drew up the thick quilts, grasped the jewel, closed her eyes, and breathed a deep sigh of relief. Her life having been saved, she could begin to believe that no matter how worthless her existence still had value.
"Are you awake?"
She sat up again in a hurry. Looking back at the source of the voice, she saw the big gray-haired rat standing there. The door was open and it was coming into the room. In one hand it held a tray, in the other a pail.
Her sense of wariness reared up inside her. It lived like a person, talked like a person. Just because it looked like an animal didn't mean she could trust it.
Paying no attention to the wary looks Youko was giving it, the rat nonchalantly set the tray on the table, and the pail at the foot of the bed.
"How's your fever?"
It reached out with its small forefoot. Youko immediately shrank away. The rat twitched its whiskers and then picked up the damp cloth that had fallen onto the quilt. It must have noticed that Youko had the sword clasped tightly to her chest but said nothing. It placed the cloth in the bucket, looked at Youko's face.
"How are you feeling? Want something to eat?"
Youko shook her head. The rat gave its whiskers a twitch, took a cup from the table. "It's medicine. Will you take it?"
Youko again shook her head. She couldn't take any chances, couldn't expose herself to any possible threats. The rat thought about it for a moment, raised the cup to its mouth and, as she watched, drank a bit. "See, ordinary medicine. A bit bitter, but that's the only way to get it down."
With that, it again offered it to her. Youko refused to take it. Confounded, the rat scratched the fur around its ear. "Well, then. What can I offer you? If you won't drink or eat anything, you won't get your strength back. How about some tea? Goat milk? Rice pudding?"
Youko refused to answer. The rat sighed to itself, as if trying to figure out what to do next. "You've been asleep for three days. If it was in me to do something like that, I would have had all the time in the world, don't you see."
The rat gestured with the tip of its nose at where Youko had the sword clasped to her chest. "You're even hiding that sword from me. Can you not trust me even that much?"
Youko looked into its small black eyes. Slowly she took out the cloth-shrouded sword and laid it across her lap.
"Now we're getting somewhere," the rat said in a pleased voice. It reached out again. This time Youko did not shrink away. With its tiny fingers it briefly touched her forehead. "You've still got a bit of a fever but it's gone down a good bit. Now, you settle down and rest. Is there anything I can get you?"
Youko said uncertainly, "Water … . "
The rat's ear's flicked back and forth. "Water. Great. So you can speak! I'll bring some water straightaway. If you need to get up, keep yourself wrapped up in that quilt."
Not waiting for Youko to nod in reply, the rat darted out of the room. Its tail, covered in short fur, swayed back and forth as if to help keep its balance.
A few minutes later the rat returned carrying a pitcher, cup and small bowl. The almost hot water was delicious. She drained the cup over and over. Then she peered at the bowl, caught the scent of alcohol.
"What have you got there?"
"Peaches pickled in wine and simmered with sugar. Want to try one?"
Youko nodded. Then she turned to the rat and said, "Thank you."
The rat's whiskers quivered. The fur on its cheeks stood out, its eyes narrowed and it smiled, or so that was how its expression struck her.
"My name's Rakushun. And you are?"
The question stumped her at first. She simply answered, "Youko."
"Youko. And how is it spelled?"
"You as in youki (cheerful), and ko as in kodomo (child)."
"Ko as in 'child'?" Rakushun tilted his head to the side. "Huh," he said. "That's a curious name. Where are you from?"
As it would be awkward to not answer now, Youko stalled as she wracked her brains. "Kei."
"The Kingdom of Kei? Where in Kei?"
Not knowing anything more of Kei, she promptly answered, "Hairou."
"Where is that?" Rakushun looked at her with an only slightly bewildered look, and then scratched at his ears. "Well, that's neither here nor there. Let's take your medicine and get you back to bed."
Youko nodded. She asked, "How do you spell Rakushun?"
The rat laughed. "It's Raku as in kuraku (sorrow and joy), and shun as in shunbin (quick-witted)."
5-2
Youko spent the rest of the day in the room sleeping. She'd come to the conclusion that Rakushun was the sole occupant of the house.
"It's got a tail. That can't be good, eh?" It was the middle of the night. The blue monkey's head sat at the foot of the bed. "One way or another he's bound to betray you, don't you suppose?"
Though there were two beds in the room, Rakushun didn't sleep there. She didn't think the house had another bedroom so she wasn't sure where he bedded down for the night.
"Isn't it about time you skedaddled out of here? If you don't, he's bound to steal your life away. No?"
Youko didn't answer. If she continued to lie there and listen, the blue monkey would just repeat itself over and over. These were her anxieties. The monkey appeared in order to reveal them to her. He fed her fears and then gobbled them down. She was sure that was the way it worked.
Youko turned on her side. The blue monkey smoothly slipped over the covers until its small head rested next to her pillow. He peered at her. "You've got to strike first, before something bad happens. Don't and you'll never
survive. Isn't that right, little girl?"
Youko rolled over and stared at the ceiling. "It doesn't mean that I trust him."
"Eh?"
"The way things are now, me not being able to move and all, I can't do anything about it. If I leave before being able to effectively use the sword, I'll just become some youma's next meal."
Not to mention that the wound to her right hand was severe. Even after a day of pressing the jewel against her hand, she hardly had sufficient strength in her hand to grip the sword.
"He's going to figure out soon enough that you're a kaikyaku, no? You really think you should be taking it easy like this? Ah, the governor's men could be arriving any second."
"In that case, I'd let my sword do the talking. If four or five of them came at me, I'd get away with my head intact. But before that happens, I'll take advantage of the situation."
There's no one here I can call an ally.
But she really needed help now. Until she could properly wield the sword again. Until a bit more of her strength returned. Until then, she needed a safe bed, food and medicine. She didn't know if Rakushun was on her side or not, but at least he was providing what she desperately needed. Until she knew for certain otherwise, she would take advantage of the situation as things stood.
"He could be poisoning the food, no? How can you be sure that that medicine is really medicine?"
"I'm taking precautions."
"And I'm telling you that you'll be outsmarted."
The blue monkey was venting her doubts and fears. As she answered them one by one it resembled an exercise in self-examination.
"If he really had in mind to do something to me, he could have done what he wanted when I was unconscious. Even now, even if he wasn't poisoning the food, he would have had any number of chances to kill me."
"Perhaps he is waiting for something? Waiting for reinforcements, no?"
"In that case, I'll save what energy I've got till then."
