by Tricia Jones
“I let him know I still had some things that belong to you. He told me you were staying at a friend’s house.”
“I needed time to sort my head out.”
He tipped his chin forward. “And have you?”
“I’m getting there.”
“These things take time. Why don’t you sit down?”
Since she wasn’t sure she could keep still if she sat, Mia stayed where she was. “What will happen to Colcannon?”
“He’ll disappear to his country estate if he’s got any sense. Wait until the heat dies down. People’s memories can be short-lived. Likely he’ll write a book or get rich with a tabloid exclusive.” Obviously tuned to her indrawn breath, his jaw went tight. “He won’t be involving you or your family. That’s part of the deal.”
“What deal?”
“On my keeping his distant past out of the story. Given time, constituents can often forgive financial indiscretions, sexual dalliances, but forcing his emotionally unstable wife to give up her child? That pushes most people’s moral compass. In exchange for him keeping his mouth shut, I’ll do the same. But if he does throw dirt, I’ll make known how some of those misappropriated funds were spent.”
“How?” She immediately shook her head knowing he wouldn’t reveal the details to her. “Sorry. Forget I asked.”
“Gambling,” he said, surprising her. “Illegal. Small potatoes in the scheme of things, but enough to cause more waves.”
“Won’t you be implicated if this comes out and the authorities knew you were aware of it?”
“Deniability. I don’t have cast iron proof.” He gave a feral grin. “But he doesn’t know that.”
She knew that with some digging, Saul would be able to gather that proof. “Why would you not pull out all the stops? The story was enough to make Colcannon resign, but there’s so much more that you could have exposed. A story like that would have been your passport back to what you really want to do.”
“I’ve already had the offer. Doc’s about to clear me for duty, so it’s all systems go.”
Her heart turned to ice. “You’re going back to the Middle East?”
Leaning forward, he placed his cup on the coffee table. “Haven’t decided.”
“It’s what you want, isn’t it?”
“Thought so.” He leaned back and looked at her. “Been asked to stay and cover the fallout from Colcannon’s resignation. Maybe not such a bad idea. Figure if I stay at the helm, I can control things. Make sure what needs to stay hidden remains that way.”
She barely dared to ask. “How long will that take?”
“No idea.”
She tapped her fingertips together again. “It’s probably a good thing to take a few more weeks, for your hip to heal completely I mean. How has it been?”
“Okay.” He popped his ankle across the opposite knee. “How’s the research going?”
Mia hesitated, wondering if she should take up his offer and sit, but she felt too wired, so shifted from one foot to the other. “It’s fine. I’ve been offered that place on the children’s consultative committee. It’s a great opportunity and a chance to really do some good as regards to future policy changes within education.”
“They chose the best person for the job. You’ll do great.”
“Thanks.”
Dear God, how much longer were they going to skip around the real issues they needed to discuss? Had she got it totally wrong? Was there so little there on Saul’s part that he’d given up on her? Washed his hands of her? Well, bugger that. She wasn’t going to stand here and let the best thing that had happened to her in…ever, slip away without a fight.
“Dammit, Saul. I’ve got you to thank for my place on that consultative committee, just as it’s thanks to you my family hasn’t been dragged through the mud. And yet you—all you get is more of the same as regards to your career. You get stuck here for heaven knows how much longer when what you really want is to get back into the danger zone. It’s my fault you’re still here, my fault you’re not on some plane right now off to God knows where ready to be shot at again. Why don’t you yell at me or something? It’s my fault all this went belly-up for you, isn’t it? If it wasn’t for our relationship, you might have been inclined to report everything.”
“I saw no reason to report everything. There’s a question of professional integrity at stake. Besides, Colcannon resigned. Job done.”
She was past believing it was that simple for him. “And yet you’re in a position where you have to stay and control things, to continue to protect me and my family.”
He folded his arms. “I had a job to do here. The way I see it that job has some loose ends and they’re mine to tie. I don’t walk away until I’m good and ready.”
Her face burned with a mix of anxiety, frustration and panic, but she folded her arms, mirroring him. “Neither do I.”
His gaze travelled down her body then up to meet her eyes again. “Meaning?”
“Meaning I made some pretty stupid decisions the last time we were together and I want to…retract them.” Her heart was about to jump out of her chest. “Bloody hell. I need some water.”
Turning, she hurried to the kitchen, unsure whether she would drink the water or throw it over her burning cheeks. She grabbed a glass from the drainer and filled it. She’d managed to gulp down a mouthful when she looked over and saw Saul standing in the doorway.
“What decisions?”
She took another swig, then held the glass to her cheek. “You know what.”
“Uh-uh. I need it good and spelled out. Remember?”
She wanted to smile, remembering the day they’d met and she’d asked him if he couldn’t take a hint. “Okay.” Purposefully, she placed the glass on the drainer. “I told you I didn’t want to see you again. That we were finished.”
He folded his arms and leaned against the doorjamb. “Yeah. I vaguely recall that conversation.”
When he remained silent, Mia knew he wanted to make her work for it. She couldn’t blame him for that. “So, those things I said—I want to retract them.”
He pursed his lips. “And where would that leave us?”
“Hopefully picking up where we left off.”
The way he shook his head sent her stomach into free-fall. “I’m not sure we can do that. We have different ideas about what it means to care for a person.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“While I’m sorry I hurt you by holding things back, I stand by my decision to do that. I had no idea what we were dealing with and I wasn’t putting you in harm’s way until I had a handle on it.” He pushed away from the doorway and came to stand in front of her. “I want to tell you I’d do things differently if we were ever in a similar position, but if it means protecting you, saving you from getting hurt, I couldn’t make that promise.”
She wanted badly to reach out for his hand, but his grim expression made her heart ache. “I understand that, but I need you to understand how much it hurt to be treated as if I wasn’t capable of handling things that affected me so fundamentally. When Dad told me about my mother, I felt this overwhelming sense of rejection. Having you and my dad in cohorts to keep the truth from me felt like another rejection. Oh, I know it wasn’t anything like that,” she said as Saul opened his mouth to protest, “but I felt the same sense of powerlessness. Like I was this naïve woman who could be manipulated to suit the demands of the people who thought they knew what was best for her.”
“I never meant for you to feel that way. All I wanted was for you to be safe.”
“I’m working through all my feelings about my past and finding a way to embrace them, live with them. It’s not always easy to do, at least not where my mother is concerned.”
“You know, if I was suddenly hit with the crap you’ve had to deal with, I’m not sure I’d find it easy either. And I can see why you’d feel the way you did. I’m just sorry I added to your load.” He stepped forward until he was mere inches away from her, and reached
for her hand. “I’d like to make up for that.”
The ice in her chest began to melt against the strange glow that slowly burned there. “There’s nothing to make up for.” She swallowed. “Perhaps if we can’t pick up where we left off, we could start all over again?”
He reached for her other hand. “You could maybe help me curb my overzealous protective instincts, and I could help you realize just how much you’re loved, and how your past, your father’s determination to keep you from knowing the truth, has shaped you into the woman you are. Strong, determined...” he smiled down at her, “bloody-minded.”
Her heart blossomed with hope and she curled her fingers around his. “It took me a while to understand that sometimes you protect people not because you think they can’t handle the truth, but because you know they can. That, despite that knowledge you want to keep them from being hurt. I’m beginning to see that being protected isn’t an insult, it’s a gift.”
“You kill me, Professor.”
His hands landed on her hips, drawing her closer. In answer, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’d rather kiss you.”
He grinned. “That can be arranged.”
His soft, tender kiss warmed every remaining cold spot in her body. She sank into it, drawing his head closer. His mouth coaxed, gently demanded, and she opened willingly to his possession, giving back with equal fervor. When they broke away, Saul kissed along her jaw, his breath teasing her ear. “I can’t do much else but want you.”
Sliding her hands into his hair, along his wide shoulders, down his arms, Mia gasped as he bit gently down on her neck. “I want you, too. Even when I didn’t want you, I wanted you. Does that make sense?”
“Clear as day.”
She gave a soft laugh. “I really like having you around. Despite you shake up my ordered world and make me want to skip classes and play hooky.”
“Never a dull moment.” He released her neck and touched his lips to hers again. “What do you say, Professor? Want to buckle up and hang in there for the ride? See where it takes us?”
She stroked along the back of his neck, loving the feel of him against her. “I’m game if you are.”
“Then why don’t we start by shaking things up?”
Drawing back, she narrowed her eyes at him. “I think I’ve had about as much shaking up as I can handle lately.”
His grin flashed. “What about if I tell you that I think I’m in love with you? Can you handle that?”
Everything soft inside her seemed to sparkle with joy. “I could learn to live with it. Can you handle if I tell you the same? That I think I’m in love with you, too?”
“Yeah.” His hands tightened around her waist. “Can live with it.”
His mouth clamped down on hers, this time the kiss left her breathless and a little dizzy. By the time they came up for air, her knees felt decidedly weak. “I’m a little light-headed. Every time you kiss me I lose the feeling in my legs.”
“Looks like we need more practice.” He took her hand and led her from the room. “Wouldn’t want you collapsing on me every time we lock lips. Which is going to be a pretty regular occurrence, just so you know.”
She laughed as they headed for the bedroom. “Practice makes perfect.”
“Damn right.” He held her tightly as they fell back against the mattress. “I may even give you homework, the nature of which will require my presence. So, seeing as I’m planning on hanging around, I’m arranging for my own apartment. Think you can handle that?”
“I’ll give it some thought.” She pulled him down for a lingering kiss. “I think I’ll like having you around.”
“Count on it. Who knows, your old man might even get around to calling me Saul sometime soon.”
Mia laughed, the shadow around her heart pierced by light as Saul grinned back. “We can live in hope.”
Saul drew her into another lingering kiss, and Mia knew that hope was what awaited her. Hope of a future ripe with possibility, a future with no more shadows, no more secrets.
Only light.
Other Tricia Jones titles
available from The Wild Rose Press, Inc.
A TEMPORARY ARRANGEMENT
ALL THE WAY
BULL AT THE GATE
NO STRINGS NEIGHBOR
Thank you for purchasing
this publication of The Wild Rose Press, Inc.
