'It's full of the finished stuff - held in some sort of solution. A couple of gallons of it. And hell, do they prize it? They went nearly bonkers when we moved it. As though it was all they had.
'But I don't believe that. They use nearly that much for just one planet. So there's bound to be more. Or some sort of stash of the neat virus. But anyway, what the fuck! It's not their stuff I'm interested in. It's my own. And how to get it to work. And that's why I want that little bastard of a runt to extract his soddin' digit. He's wasting my time. The little bastard's wasting my time big time. And I don't soddin' like it. And… and anyway, what the fuck do you want? Our Cristalina said you had some information, something I might find useful. Well, what is it? Is it the virus? Is it something to do with the virus? Or is it something to get that little toerag to shift his friggin' arse…?'
'Alas, dear lady, I have to confess, it is not. I am unfortunately not privy to the workin's o' that there virus, nor to the mind o' that there Lagooner dude. But I do have some information, some incredulastic information. An' I'm prepared to impart it - if, o' course, we can come to some sorta arrangement…'
'Some sort of arrangement?' shrieked Bessie. 'Some sort of soddin' arrangement? You must be friggin' mad. Since when have you been in any position to suggest an arrangement? You're in the shit, you stupid reptile. Or perhaps you haven't noticed. You've got nothing to bargain with, matey. Nothing at all. So you'd just better tell me. Because if you don't… well, you'll end up as soddin' shoes!'
'Mmmmm, sure wouldn't wanna end up as any ole shoes,' confessed Boz quietly. 'No way. So I suppose I'd better tell you…'
'Yeah, you fuckin' better,' agreed Bessie. 'Now, what the hell is this all about?'
'Well, you see, my dear lady, weez jus' happen to have found oursel's the whereabouts of this here planet, this here planet by the name o' Earth. That's Earth spelled with an EA, not a U, if you knows what I mean.'
'Earth?' shrieked Bessie. 'Earth?'
'Yes, Earth,' confirmed Boz, 'spelled with an…'
'Yes, I heard what you said, you great idiot. It's just that I don't believe it. It's a load of soddin' nonsense. It's just something you've dreamt up, something you've concocted to distract me. Well, I'm sorry, but it's not going to work. There's no way I'd ever believe that sort of shit. And certainly not from the likes of you.'
'Even if I was to say that it is my firmest belief that this here Master person is doin' what he's doin' to protect this here planet - which, as we all know, was the birthplace of man. An' to make it like it was all those years ago: the only planet in the sky that has hu-man habitation. On account of there's this cult thing, you see. With all this lot an' all their cronies back home - on this Earth place. An' what they want is to be the only dudes around - jus' like you said yerself - back on this paradise world. Cos that's what it is, you see. An' that's why they've hidden it - for like all these years. An' they don't want to share it - not with nobody. An', o' course, when there ain't nobody else left, they won't have to. They'll have the whole damn place to themselves.'
Bessie's jowls seemed to drop by three inches. Boz had found the spot and it showed. Where before there was disdain and denial, there now hung a curtain of doubt. And she was trying to look through it. Renton could see it. Trying to reconcile the most improbable with the very possible. And, after all, it did accord with her own theory. And, therefore, she couldn't discount it - not out of hand.
But Boz needed to coax her some more…
'You see, Missus Bessie, the way I reckon it, this here virus thing you're messin' round with… Well, it's all very fine. But even when it works, who's gonna reap the rewards? Cos I'm afraid to say it ain't gonna be you. Unless, o' course, yous plannin' to live to three hundred or so. Cos it'll take a lill' while to get this here procreation thing fully fired up. An' then when it is, there'll be some new Trampul folk way down the line - an' they'll take the cream. An' all you'll have done is set it up for 'em… While on the other hand, jus' think about this Earth stuff…'
He was about to stoke up the coaxing…
'…Hell, you could be there tomorrow. An' the day after that you could be famous. An' Trampul… Well, they'll probably make you president. You know, president for life. Cos jus' think o' the business. Think o' what you could do with the franchise. I mean, assumin' you get an exclusive on visitor rights an' all that sort o' stuff - an' promotional rights - an' endorsements… I mean, jus' think about it. I mean, we're into platinum pension territory here. An'…'
'What's the arrangement?' interrupted Bessie. 'What do you want in exchange? And if you say just your freedom, I won't be impressed.'
'Hell, honey, neither would I. You ain't the only one here with a business. An' we ain't givin', we're sellin' - an' not on the cheap.'
'How not cheap?' asked Bessie abruptly.
'Ten billion geedees - as soon as you check out it's Earth.'
'Ten billion? You're out of your fuckin' mind!'
'Ten billion, or you're out of the game, my dear lady. An' I don't think that's such a smart move. Jus' think o' the next board meetin', the one where yous discussin' the fall in your share price - on account of your missin' out on this wonnerful find. Hell, it's the find of all time. An' you don't even have to pay for it 'til you knows what you got. Hell, ain't much of a risk in that, as far as I can see. An'…'
'And you know how to get there?' interrupted Bessie again. 'You really know where it is?'
'Yep,' responded Boz. 'Jus' like we know how to make sure we get our loot.' He chuckled. 'You see, your pretty associate director - who, at the moment, is enjoyin' the company of our own associate young lady… well, we'll give her you back when we get all our fees.'
'You what?' screeched Bessie. 'How the hell…?'
'Collateral,' interjected Boz. 'Prudent business practice. No point takin' undue risks these days. It jus' doesn't pay. An' she's all right, you know. We ain't done her no harm.'
Bessie grinned.
'Well, if you think my dear Cristalina is worth ten billion geedees, I might question your business acumen, Mr…'
'Mr Aukaukukaura,' assisted Boz.
'Yes, well, Mr Aukaukukaura, you keep her. I think I can wait. And, of course, if all this stuff is the product of let's say a fertile reptile mind, you and your silent partner - and your pretty companion - you'll all three of you find yourself recycled - but unsuccessfully. And I can assure you of that. You'll be just a pile of chopped-up dicks, a sort of disassembled detectives salad… So don't disappoint me, Mr Aukaukukaura. Or you'll regret it - although not for very long.'
And that was it. Boz's coaxing had worked like a dream.
'Yes,' thought Renton. 'He's patted that bloated ego and it's turned round and licked his hand. It's like a poodle without a brain. And now he's got it. And we've got her. And that means we've got a chance - and so too has man - and all else he's not yet destroyed…'
51.
Madeleine was a good observer. Right at the outset, she'd seen it: the way they loathed each other. Bessie and Cristalina were enemies in the same camp: Bessie, a bullying tyrant, Cristalina, a potential usurper, each with an acute hatred for the other - and each with her own agenda.
So it hadn't been exactly difficult. All it needed was a little push. And with the Earth on offer - and what the Earth could offer Cristalina - it had needed barely a nudge.
Cristalina hadn't been abducted; she'd been persuaded. She'd been chatted up by Madeleine in just the same way that Boz had chatted up Bessie. On precisely the same subject: on the subject of Earth - albeit this time with a slightly different spin…
And this meant that all Cristalina had to do at the moment was to play along with the abduction ruse, and keep out of sight. And no great problem. Keeping out of Bessie's sight suited her down to the ground. And with the prospect of Bessie's downfall at the end of it - sooner even than she'd planned herself - it couldn't have suited her more!
52.
And now it was Boz' s turn again. And
this time he was on his own with Bessie. And it wasn't in the Lollipop's bridgeroom. No, today, it was in Bessie's private cabin. Boz had asked for another meeting. There were matters that needed their attention, just the two of them. And she'd agreed straightaway…
'Well, good evenin', dear lady,' opened Boz. 'It's sure good to see you again.'
'Cut the crap,' advised Bessie. 'This is business. So let's just do it without the pleasantry stuff. It makes me feel sick.'
'Oh,' said Boz, 'we sure don't wanna do that. Hell, my dear lady, that's the last thing we wanna do. Why…'
'And cut the "dear lady" bit as well,' interrupted Bessie. 'You sound like a bleedin' creep.'
'Anythin' you say, my dear… I mean, Missus Bessie - if I may be as bold as to use such an alternative salutation. But you see, we really don't wanna see you sick, do we? We wants to see you well. An' in the bestest of health…'
'What the hell are you drivelling on about. And what's this with the "we" thing? You some sort of friggin' royalty or something?'
'Ah well, nows that you mentions it, no I ain't. An' my use there of the "we" word is on account o' how I'm already thinkin' of us as an item like. I mean, like the two of us workin' together like. I means, jus' you an' me…'
'You and me? Working together? Christ, you're friggin' mad. And I thought you had something to offer me, something more than… well, you know, more than our existing arrangement. But you haven't, have you? You're just wasting my time.'
'Oh, I don't think so. You see, I do indeed want to revisit our existin' arrangement. And replace it with somethin' a little more personal, somethin' that don't have those two dumb honkies with their nose in the trough.'
'You mean your partners?'
'You bet I mean my partners. Only they're my junior partners. An' I mean real junior. Hell, they're so junior, they're almost friggin' infants. An' expressin' myself bluntly, I don't see why they should share in my good fortune. Jeez, they wouldn't even have been here if it wasn't for me. The woman, you know, that Madeleine girl… well, she's been like the skivvy. You know, doin' this and doin' that - but jus' what she's told. And the man guy, young Renton Tenting… well, shit, he's only jus' woken up. He's about as helpful as a walkin' hindrance. An' hell, he's got such a high 'pinion o' himself, you jus' wouldn't believe it. An' don't ask me why. Cos he's a real duffer. He really is. I mean, did you hear him speak a single word when I brought him with me, when we were doing our deal? Nope, you did not. And it's cos he ain't got a clue, not a clue. An' he sure don't deserve any loot - an' nor does that Madeleine bird.'
'Well, all very revealing, Mr Aukaukukaura. But if you don't think a great deal of your partners, why did you involve them in the first place? Why didn't we just have a private conversation to start with?'
'Oh, that's easy. You see I need them to think what they think. That they're gonna share in this great pile o' loot. That they're gonna be geedee billionaires. It keeps 'em quiet an' out the way. An' I mean right out the way. Right out the way o' the real angle…'
'The real angle?'
'Yeah, the real angle. Like I'm proposin' now. Forget the ten billion geedees. That's jus' a waste o' my friggin' time. No, what I'm interested in, my dear lady… I mean, Missus Bessie… is a joint venture - an' a joint venture arrangement that gives us both what we want. An' I mean jus' us - if you knows what I mean.'
Bessie hesitated, but her interest had clearly been roused. She was nuzzling the bait. And then she whispered a question.
'And what precisely are you bringing to this joint venture? And I do mean, what precisely.'
'Well, the Earth, of course,' responded Boz. 'But on top of that, Aukaukukaura Enterprises - as a joint venture partner in its commercial like exploitation. I mean, the lot of it: the visits, the merchandise, the film rights. Hell, you know, the whole damn shootin' match.'
'And what makes you think I want that? You seem to have forgotten, Mr Aukaukukaura, that the Trampul Corporation is more than well equipped to deal with that sort of stuff itself. It is its friggin' bread and butter. Our entertainment division is pre-eminent…'
'I'm sure it is. I'm sure it is. But I doubt whether the shareholders o' your lill' ole business would take too kindly to its chief of the executives creamin' off like 37½% of all the profits that this Earth thing could make.'
'What?'
'37½. That's your 75% of the profits of Aukaukukaura Enterprises' half share. I'm only lookin' for a meagre 12… errh no… errh 13½… errh no… Oh hell, you know, a quarter of my half o' the action. The rest'll be yours - on account of how I don't expect to be doin' a great deal of anythin' for my bit - on account of how I want a whole heap o' time to go off an' jus' spend it.
'An' this way I get what I want: a great big pay packet for the rest o' my life. An' you get what you want: a whoppin' helpin' o' all that power an' all that glory - on account of the virus thing and the Earth. An' on top o' all that, so much filthy lucre, you jus' won't know where to put it.
'So that's my proposition. An' I knows you won't resist it, on account o' you bein' such a shrewd cookie an' all. You see, I knows how smart you are.'
Bessie took to one of her stares. As well as not being very clever, she was also a little slow. And something as unusual as this offer required a few seconds to sink in. And Boz could see this. So he waited. And then he was duly rewarded. He had landed her like a trout.
'OK,' she said, 'but I'll want it legal, the joint venture, that is. And then the rest of it. You know the personal bit. I'll want that sewn up as well.'
'Splendid!' pronounced Boz. 'I jus' knews you were shrewd. I jus' knews from the first time we met. Why…'
'Hey,' interrupted Bessie, 'what about your two sidekicks? Who's going to take care of them?'
'You leave that to me. Ain't no reason you should be botherin' yourself with them. They're my lill' problem - with the accent on lill'. They don't count at all.
'No, there's only one thing for you to do. An' that's jus' with me - right here now in this room.'
Suddenly Bessie looked alarmed, and her great chest began to rise like some enormous defensive wall.
'Oh, don't you worry, Missus Bessie,' reassured Boz. 'I'm only talkin' 'bout sealin' our deal - an' in the traditional reptilian way.'
'Uhh?' grunted Bessie.
'You don't know what that is?' asked a surprised sounding Boz. 'An' you bein' such an important person an' all. Hell, yous ought to do more business with us reptilians. We're full of ideas, you know. An' anyway, this here is what we do…'
At which point he pulled a bottle of red liquid from his pocket.
'…we drink to our deal with this here hooch. It's called Gecko. An' it's right real snout-curlin' stuff, I can tell you. Hell, I've known deals sealed with this here stuff where the wheeler-dealers have gone off an' plum forgot what they've sealed. So I think we better go easy, if it's OK with you. An' yous not bein' a reptilian an' all… Well, I'd hate you to get squiffy.'
Boz winked and Bessie winked back unintentionally. And already Boz had produced two small glasses from another pocket, and was now filling them. One he then passed to Bessie and the other he raised in the air. And then he announced in something like a high-pitched snarl: 'Broatislonkinslappinsloat, get that Gecko down yer throat.'
And pow! The liquid was gone. He'd swallowed it in a single gulp.
Bessie still held hers in her hand. She looked nervous and a little alarmed. Only when Boz winked at her again did she raise the glass to her lips and begin to drink.
Mind, it was more like pouring than drinking. She didn't seem to care for the taste. And she was draining the glass as one might drain a beaker of medicine - reluctantly but stoically.
But eventually it was gone. And in a few seconds more so was she. She was out like a light.
Of course, Boz wasn't. It only worked on humanoids. Even barely human humanoids like Bessie.
53.
Meanwhile Madeleine had Renton tied up in bed. However this was not Renton's t
reat for the night. It was much more important than that.
'You'd better do it now,' he said. 'It's nearly seven. So come on. Let's get it over.'
'If you're absolutely sure,' said Madeleine. 'I'd hate to do it too soon. It would be terrible if it didn't work…'
'Madeleine, I'd almost be pleased if it didn't work. But we've got to do it. And we've got to do it now. I know that, and you know it too.'
'OK,' agreed Madeleine, and she reached for the glass of red liquid. 'Can you get your head up, or shall I lift it?'
'I think lifting might be a good idea,' answered Renton. 'I'm not sure I can manage myself.'
Madeleine complied. And at the same time she pushed the glass to Renton's lips. There was a look of panic in her eyes.
Then Renton drank the liquid. Slowly and carefully he swallowed it all, and Madeleine withdrew the glass.
'See you soon,' she said quickly. 'Give it the works!'
And that was it - until he heard a voice again. But now a deep voice - and a voice he was simply delighted to hear.
'Well,' it said, 'you made it alright. But you sure look a mess!'
And as he opened his eyes, he saw that big scaly head and that big toothy grin. Boz looked as pleased as could be.
54.
At first she wasn't sure. It was the eyes. They were open now, but they looked blank. They were flat and lifeless.
This was bad. It could mean that things had gone wrong. Renton might still be in there, but now drugged - or even damaged, crippled by that damn red liquid…
Then she saw it: malevolence, a glint of pure evil. It was arriving in his eyes. There was something there now that just wasn't him. Something completely foreign to his nature. Something demonic.
Now the eyes were narrowing. Whatever was in there was beginning to use them, beginning to use them to scan its new surroundings: a new ceiling, a new doorway, a new mirror, a new person! A new female, a woman who was just sitting and staring. Because that was all that Madeleine could do. Watch with fascination as Bessie the unbeautiful roused herself, roused herself in this body she knew. It was eerie. And it was revolting.
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