by Jordan Ford
#37:
Secret Handshakes and New Beginnings
Julienne
By the time Tia examines me, the baby is already crowning.
My bottom half is fully exposed. I don’t care. I’m too desperate for modesty.
The last half hour of labor is an agonizing effort. I don’t even know how I find the strength to push the baby out of me. When I hear its little cry, something inside my chest cracks wide open.
“Welcome to the world, darling girl.” Tia coos while wrapping her in a clean towel.
A girl. My daughter.
Before I can think better of it, I hold out my arms, taking the tiny bundle like it’s second nature. “Hey, baby,” I whisper.
The next sounds out of me are a mixture of laughter and tears.
There are so many emotions zipping inside me, I couldn’t identify them if I tried. I’m overwhelmed with this protective kind of love that I’ve never experienced before.
“My baby,” I whisper, the love inside me drowning at the thought that she’s not really. She’ll become Keith and Cassidy’s very soon.
But I can’t think about that right now.
She makes a cute little squeak as Kade gently runs his finger across her forehead. He’s been shocked into silence, and all I want to do is start blubbering.
I hate how much of a crybaby I am.
Brushing the tears off my cheek, I blink to clear my vision as Tia leans over me. “She’s going to be wanting to nurse after I’ve checked her over.”
My eyes round as I turn to look at the woman. “I don’t know how to do that.”
She smiles. “I’ll help you. It’s gonna be okay.” Her eyes dart to Kade. “Why don’t you go and tell your friends the good news?”
He bobs his head and kind of stumbles out of the room.
Tia takes the sweet girl off me and checks her over. I watch anxiously, hoping she won’t look up and announce that my baby only has seconds to live.
But my fears are short-lived. Tia’s soon handing the baby back while explaining how to breastfeed and what I have to do. Whether it’s a miracle or it’s always this easy, I’m not sure, but the baby takes to it immediately. Her little sounds while she nurses are adorable.
“It feels weird and beautiful at the same time.”
“The way God intended.” Tia winks, running her hand over my arm.
“This is so overwhelming.” I admit, brushing the black fuzz on my baby’s head. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“You’ll figure it out.” She nods, already starting to clean up the room.
My heart sinks into my acidic stomach as the truth catches up to me. The words tremble out of my mouth, small and miserable. “I’m supposed to be giving her up for adoption.”
Tia goes still, her brown gaze studying my face. “So there’s a family expecting her?”
“They don’t know yet.” I shake my head at Tia’s incredulous expression. “It’s complicated.”
“Life often is,” she murmurs. “When are you due to take her away?”
“I…” My lips wobble as tears blind me. “The plan was to call as soon as the baby was declared healthy.”
Tia’s hand is soft on my shoulder. “Well, she is a little premature, so I wouldn’t be comfortable with her leaving for at least a week or two. I want to keep an eye on her breathing and make sure she’s feeding and developing properly.”
I pull in a ragged breath. “That’s long enough to fall in love with her.”
“Sweetie, I think you already are in love with her.”
Tears trail down my cheeks. I let them fall while Tia keeps going in this tender, motherly voice.
“You know, love is supposed to be a sacrifice. True love, anyway. If you think this family that you’ve lined up can do a better job than you, then you’re doing the right thing.”
I sniff and try to nod. “Yeah, I know. I’m just a clueless teenager, right? She’ll be better off with adults.”
Tia cocks her head with a thoughtful frown. “I don’t know about that. You’re eighteen, right?”
I nod.
“If you were living in a different country, you’d possibly be married with more than one kid already.”
I look down at my baby’s beautiful face and brush the back of my knuckle over her cheek. “Are you saying I can do this?”
Tia lets out a heavy sigh. “I shouldn’t be. Your plan is a sensible one. You just look so in love right now. I can’t imagine anyone else being able to love that child as much as you do.” She winces like she feels guilty for saying it. “I shouldn’t try to sway you. Being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You sacrifice daily for the sake of your children. You have to be selfless. Do you think you’ve got that in you? Do you think the rest of the people in this cabin do?”
All I can do is gape at her, unsure what I’m supposed to say.
She glances away from me and gets busy with more cleaning up. “I’m planning on coming up each day, at least for the first little while. I still think you should get the baby checked out, but I get the sense that’s not something you’re comfortable with.”
I look away from her probing gaze and swallow.
“There is a local doctor in town. He’s supposed to be retired but ended up setting up a small practice when his wife passed away. Would you be open to seeing him?”
“I don’t know,” I croak. “I mean, if the baby needs it. I…” Biting my lip, I blink at my stinging tears, finding this whole scenario ridiculous and overwhelming.
I should be in a hospital right now with an army of nurses and qualified doctors at the ready.
“It’s just… I need her to be safe. We can’t be found right now.”
Tia’s forehead wrinkles into a frown.
Oh no. I’ve said too much.
“Look.” Tia sighs and rubs my arm. “I don’t know your story or why a group of young people are living up here like this, but as long as it doesn’t endanger anyone I love, and as long as the baby is being cared for properly, then I don’t have a problem with it.”
Her unspoken message is clear and I nod. “We’re not here to hurt anybody.”
“It’s not you I’m worried about. It’s whoever you’re hiding from.”
I clear my throat, trying to think of a good argument. But nothing comes easily.
“Legacy’s one of the most isolated places I’ve ever known.” Kade’s voice is deep, coming to my rescue. He stands in the doorway, his strong arms folded over his chest. He’s pale with tiredness but his gaze is unyielding. “I don’t think you need to worry.”
I look up at him, my open heart amplifying what I already feel. I love him so much. He is the knight I always wanted.
“Okay, then.” Tia subtly drapes a clean towel over my shoulder and the baby. “Well, as long as the baby is healthy, then I don’t see the need to inform anybody other than my husband.”
“Please don’t.” Caitlin pops into view behind Kade’s shoulder. “You know how protective Dad is. Please, just… Can’t we keep this our secret?”
Tia’s forehead wrinkles. “Caitlin. Don’t ask that of me.”
“Please! Right now he thinks Ryan is this hermit guy trying to make a life for himself up here. He’s barely okay with that, but he lets it slide because Ryan’s harmless.”
I glance at Riley. His eyes dart to the floor every time Caitlin uses his false name.
Caitlin clasps her hands together and gives her stepmother a pleading look. “Please, Tia. What’s he going to say when he finds out there’s a cabin full of teenagers and a baby up here?”
“Well, the baby won’t be here for long.” Trey’s voice is deep and commanding.
Kade and Riley share a quick look I don’t understand and without realizing, I hold my precious girl a little tighter.
Peeking under the towel, I notice she’s fallen asleep, her soft lips relaxing against my skin.
Tia comes over to help me. She murmurs instructions as I arr
ange the tiny bundle on my shoulder—burping, feeding, sleeping noises…even the color of newborn poop.
I wrinkle my nose. “Wow, you know so much.”
“I have four-year-old twin daughters.” She shrugs. “The memories are still pretty fresh.”
I grin. “Thank you for your help.”
“It’s not a problem.” She rubs the baby’s back, gently checking her sleeping little face. “I still think you should get Doctor Newhart to check her out, but that’s your call, I suppose.”
“Can we trust him?”
She shrugs. “I can’t guarantee anything. But I do know he’s not a gossip.”
“People in this town tend to stick to themselves,” Caitlin murmurs, her nose wrinkling.
“We still don’t need the publicity,” Kade mutters. “Are you sure you can’t just check her out? Make sure she’s good.”
Tia gives a reluctant nod. “From what I can tell, the baby’s breathing okay. She’s tiny but healthy. She’ll need feeding regularly and will probably take longer to settle because she’s slightly premature. She’s within the safe zone though, but please keep a really close eye on her.”
She then goes on to explain everything we should look for, reiterating throughout that she’s not a pediatrician, but most of these things are common sense. As she’s talking, she takes the baby off me and starts gently cleaning her up.
By the time she’s done, everyone is crowded around the bed listening, watching, nodding.
My lips twitch as I catch the intensity on the boys’ faces. It’s like if they don’t hear every little word the baby will somehow get broken.
Riley’s eyes dart to the sleepy bundle on the end of the bed, a tender smile brushing over his lips when she squirms in her sleep and makes a gurgling noise. The sound attracts Trey’s gaze, which softens too. He nudges Kade with his elbow and they share a quick look that melts my heart.
Ana’s got tears in her eyes. She sniffs while she’s listening, swiping her face, unable to take her eyes off my baby girl as she holds out a fresh diaper.
Tia takes it, expertly showing us how to put the diaper on. It looks so big and bulky on my little girl.
As soon as the baby is clean and wrapped, Tia passes her back. I nestle her against my chest, completely enamored.
“Right, it’s time to let you two get some sleep.” Tia surveys the room, tugs down her shirt, then turns to Riley. “Where’s all the baby gear kept? I want to check out your supplies before I leave. And do you have a crib of some kind?”
“Um.” Caitlin clears her throat and looks to the floor. “Well, because it’s only temporary I just got them the essentials.”
My heart twists in my chest when Tia glances back to catch my eye.
“I understand,” she murmurs quietly. “But for the safety of the baby, she needs to stay put for at least a week.”
“We got her an infant carseat. Can she sleep in that?”
Tia shakes her head. “She should be on a soft, flat surface. Have you got a deep drawer or something similar we can use? As long as it’s clean, we can pad it out with blankets and create a bed.”
“I’ve got something.” Riley nods and goes to lead her out of the room.
“Tia.” Caitlin steps in her way. “You can’t leave until you promise not to tell Dad.”
A muscle in Tia’s jaw works while she takes in a slow breath and has a silent standoff with her stepdaughter.
“Please,” Caitlin mouths.
Closing her eyes, Tia huffs, then nods. “Fine, but you have to come up with a plausible excuse for why I’m going out each day, and if your dad finds out, I’m blaming you entirely.”
“Fine.” Caitlin nods, pulling her shoulders back and sticking out her hand.
Tia rolls her eyes and agrees with a handshake. “Now, show me what we can use as a crib.” Her boots make a sharp tapping sound as she leaves the room.
I look between the three who remain. Trey squeezes the back of his neck and winces when he catches Ana staring at him.
“It’s all right. We’ll have to trust her.” Pulling Ana into a hug, he kisses her hair and then guides her out of the room.
I nestle back against the pillows, sharing a tired smile with Kade.
“I’m so glad that’s over.” He brushes his lips across my forehead.
“But it’s not, is it? Somehow I can’t help feeling like the hard stuff’s only just beginning.”
#38:
Little Pink Feet
Kade
I cradle the baby in my arms. We’re sitting in the chair together on the porch. She’s asleep while I gently stroke her feet. Her toes are so tiny, her skin so soft.
I shouldn’t really be mystified by the thick emotion in my chest.
I’m falling in love. Not the kind of love I feel for Jules, but a whole new sphere that’s foreign and frightening and…fulfilling.
The longer we keep her, the worse it gets. But no one seems to be able to make that call to Keith and Cassidy. Trey’s the only one brave enough to broach it and when he did, Riley shot him down, reminding him that it’s still too dangerous. My pencil sketch was pasted on a Reno news channel two weeks ago. Nevada police are looking for me, apparently. Thankfully I haven’t been named as one of the Eton runaways, but Riley’s certain it’s only a matter of time.
“Run that sketch through the right recognition software and you’ll be pinged for sure.”
We’re not sure if Keith and Cassidy have been questioned but it’s highly likely. We can’t contact them now, which is why, three weeks later, we still have this beautiful baby with us.
She makes a cute little sound in her sleep, expanding my heart by another quarter inch.
The afternoon air has a slight chill to it but not enough to take me inside. Jules is taking a nap. Disrupted nights are draining her big time, but after three weeks, we’re slowly getting the hang of it.
Tia’s only stopped by twice this week, which is proof we must be doing something right, and Pretty Baby is doing okay. Tia was most worried about her lungs being strong enough, but every time she pulls out her stethoscope to listen to Pretty Baby’s chest, she seems pleasantly surprised.
“She’s doing so great.” That’s what she said last time as she packed away her stuff and then slowly scanned our room to make sure all our baby supplies were still sufficient and orderly. “You’re…you’re doing really well.”
She was obviously waiting for us to tell her what our plans are, but how can we when we’re still not even sure ourselves.
That fleeting thought I had when Jules was in labor keeps growing in my head. I haven’t voiced it yet. No one has, but I’m wondering if we’re all quietly thinking the same thing—we should keep the baby.
It’ll be hard, sure.
Some days may be impossibly hard.
When Jules cries because she’s so exhausted she can barely see straight…I never know what to say.
When Pretty Baby wakes me in the night and all I want to do is sleep…getting out of bed has never been harder.
When her poo somehow breaches the diaper’s defensive walls and runs down her legs…that’s just plain foul.
And the couple of times she’s burped up sick all over me, and Trey’s laughed so hard his face has gone bright red… I’ve had better moments.
But baby diapers are getting easier and faster to change.
And I’m figuring out a few tricks to keep my clothes free of spit-up.
Jules is getting less emotional as her hormones settle. Tia assures us both that’s all it is, and that Jules is a wonderful mother. Her body will adjust to the tiredness and interrupted sleeping.
It’s like Caitlin’s stepmom wants us to keep the baby too!
The others pitch in when they can so that Jules can sneak off for a nap.
If anyone can get a burp out of the kid, it’s Riley. He paces around the house with her after a daytime feed until she lets a few rip, then happily drops off to sleep on his shoulder. He look
s so content and peaceful as he walks around the room. It’s about the only time he does.
It’s almost enough to make me jealous.
But then I can’t be.
Because I get the afternoon nap shift where I can sit out here on the porch, holding this precious bundle, staring down at her delicate features and being awed into silence.
The slider shifts open and I glance to my right as Trey takes a seat beside me. He pops a can of Dr. Pepper on the table between us, then opens his own. The cracking noise makes the baby flinch, but she relaxes back into sleep straight away.
“I thought she’d cry more.” Trey licks the sweet soda off his lips. “I thought that’s all babies did. Cry and poop.”
“Well, maybe we just got lucky with the perfect child.” I grin, unable to take my eyes off her sweet little face. I brush my fingers over the soft down on her head. It’s dark like Jules’s, along with her slightly slanted eyes…the same shape as Julienne’s. She going to be gorgeous when she grows up.
“Look at you.” Trey snickers, gently nudging the leg of my chair. “That gooey smile. Why don’t you just admit that you want to keep her?”
I sigh, glancing at him and then back to Sleeping Beauty. “In my head, giving her away is the right thing to do. It makes sense, you know?”
“Yeah.” Trey leans his elbows on his knees and stares out at the mountain. “But the longer she’s here, the more I hate the idea of her being separated from her mom…her family.” He grimaces. “But it’s a risk, man. It’s huge. We don’t know what the hell we’re doing. What our futures hold. It’s irresponsible to keep her.”
“I know it.” I lick my bottom lip. “But…she feels like ours, man. I can’t even explain it. It’s not like she’s my daughter.”
Trey snickers and smiles at the baby. “Yeah, well, she may not have your blood running through her veins, but if we keep her, you’re the one she’s gonna call Daddy.”
My throat swells as I gaze at my best friend.
“You sure you’re up for it?” The question comes out in a husky whisper. He studies me carefully, stripping away any bravado I might be trying to show.
