by Renee Ryan
CJ chuckled again. “Time for all the four-year-olds in this house to go to bed.”
Neither four-year-old argued, proving the emotions of the previous evening had caught up with them in the form of exhaustion.
“Will you come say prayers with us?” Sarah asked Molly.
“I wouldn’t miss it.” Tucking the twins into bed was one of her favorite parts of the day.
She and CJ helped the children change into their nightgowns. Molly pulled down the covers for Anna, while CJ, carefully gentle, did the same for Sarah.
Once settled, the girls adopted identical poses, their hands clasped together and their eyes squeezed shut.
Sarah said her bedtime prayers first. “Dear God, thank You for Furry Bear and my sister and Unca Corny and—”
“—Miss Molly,” Anna interjected, oh so helpfully.
Opening her eyes, Sarah glared at her sister. “I was getting to Miss Molly.”
“You were taking too long. Now it’s my turn. Dear God—”
“I’m not finished,” her twin complained.
Anna sighed heavily. “Well then, hurry up.”
Bracing her hands on her forehead, Sarah added her thanks for Cookie and the other ranch hands, each one by name. She concentrated on the horses next.
“Thank You also for Betsy,” the milk cow, “and all the cattle dogs, especially Roscoe—he’s my favorite. And... I think that’s everyone. Oh, wait.” She took a quick breath. “Now that she’s living with You, please tell Mama we miss her and that we know she’s watching us from Heaven.”
Molly flicked a gaze at CJ.
Eyes hooded, he moved to stand beside her.
“Are you through yet?” Anna asked with a little hum of impatience.
“Almost.”
Another sigh leaked out of Anna.
“Wherever Pa is...” Sarah paused “...can You please keep him safe and let him know Anna and me miss him very, very much?”
Eyes locked with hers, CJ reached out and took Molly’s hand. They shared a poignant smile.
“Amen. There,” the little girl said. “Now I’m finished.”
“Finally!” Barely taking a breath, Anna hurled herself into her prayers. “Dear God, thank You for everybody my sister said. Can You also let Pa know that Unca Corny and Miss Molly are taking real good care of us? It’s almost like we have a real mama and papa, so tell him not to fret if he can’t come home.”
CJ squeezed Molly’s hand. She squeezed back.
“Amen.”
Releasing hands at the same moment, Molly and CJ moved apart and took turns kissing the girls good-night. CJ snuffed out the lantern, casting the room in the purple light of dusk.
They left the room and moved silently through the house. Outside, Molly noticed Sadie was already saddled and tethered to the porch rail. CJ must have prearranged to have one of the ranch hands fetch the horse. The man’s thoughtfulness tugged at her heart.
She opened her mouth to thank him, but the words stalled in her throat at the sight he made in the darkening sky. He looked weary. And sad. So sad. And maybe a little uncomfortable.
Molly had a good idea what he was thinking. She decided to address the matter head-on. “I wouldn’t take Anna’s prayers to heart. She sees me as her mother and you as her father because those are the roles we’re playing in her life right now.”
“Although I’ll admit her words took me by surprise, that’s not what troubles me most.”
“No?”
He lifted a shoulder, dropped it. “It’s what she said about her father. Just last night she was in a state of panic over his absence, then tonight she tells God it’s okay if Ned doesn’t come home? I don’t get it.”
“Her sporadic emotions are a result of grieving for her father. The longer your brother stays away the less she’ll miss him.”
“Will she forget him completely?”
“Not completely. Even if she can’t remember his face there will always be a place in her heart for him. Sarah’s, too.”
“What sort of man will they remember?”
Not knowing the answer, Molly simply shook her head sadly. For several heartbeats she and CJ stared out at the horizon, both lost in their own thoughts. A fat, round moon was already rising in the gray-tinted sky. Crickets snapped, bugs buzzed, a dog howled in the distance.
After a moment, Molly turned to look at CJ. His brown eyes were dark with private thoughts, worries and concerns.
“Have you considered your next step?”
He nodded. “I have to assume Ned won’t return.” His words were so final, and all the more heartbreaking because of that. “Parenting isn’t one of my strengths, as evidenced by the events of last night.”
“You’re doing exceptionally well. Far better than you realize.”
He continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “The twins should have permanence in their lives and a stable home. For their sake, I need to marry. The sooner the better.”
A breath whooshed out of Molly’s lungs and a dozen thoughts fluttered in her mind. She’d known her days with CJ and the twins were limited. She’d thought she would have more time with them.
Not about you. “You’ll make a wonderful husband.”
Cocking his head, he studied her with a puzzled expression, as if she’d spoken to him in a foreign language. “I’m not so sure about that.”
“Of course you will. Why would you say such a thing?”
“I’m a Thorn, Molly.”
It was her turn to stare at him in confusion. His words slowly sank in and all she could think was... Oh, CJ. This fascinating, wonderful man thought he wasn’t meant for marriage because of something as intangible as his family name.
He was wrong. So very wrong. CJ had much to offer a woman.
Molly only wished that woman could be her. But she knew how little she had to bring to a marriage. It was that knowledge that kept her blinking at him in silence, her heart beating wildly.
For better or worse, she could never be CJ’s wife.
Chapter Seven
CJ waited for Molly to say something, anything. He watched her calmly, barely moving, wondering why she could no longer meet his eyes. Was it because he’d brought up the subject of marriage? Or did her uneasiness have something to do with his reminder of the sordid Thorn legacy?
Lifting her head at last, she opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again. Scowled. “You can’t possibly think that your last name would prevent a woman from wanting to marry you.”
Molly didn’t know about his disastrous relationship with Lillian Worthington. Surely that explained the outrage in her voice. Her defense of him made CJ want to smile. But this conversation was far too serious for that. A lifetime of practice kept his thoughts hidden behind a bland expression.
Still, CJ felt a little less isolated, as if he had found an ally. Was this what it would be like to have a wife? A woman who would stand by him, always?
He thought of Lillian and the cruel words she’d flung at him the day he’d proposed. Marry you? Why ever would I do such a thing?
Her response had thoroughly confused him. She’d allowed him to court her for two months. Why wouldn’t he assume she would consider marrying him?
When he’d voiced his bewilderment, she’d derided him. Her next words were burned in his mind forever. You’re a Thorn. The son of a drunk. And as my parents recently pointed out, you’ll never be worthy of a woman like me.
Not only had her rejection shocked CJ, but her tone had been so matter-of-fact, so cold and unfeeling.
If Lillian had hoped to break him, she’d failed. Her lack of kindness—and tact—had spurred him to prove her wrong, by turning the Triple-T into a success. Her rejection had been the final push he’d needed to buckle down and work
hard to erase where he came from, who he came from.
CJ stood at the edge of another turning point in his life. How this conversation went would determine his next step. He needed to be sure of Molly before he ventured into the unknown.
“Around these parts my family name isn’t the most respectable.” He held her gaze. “With Ned’s disappearance, the Thorn name has once again become the source of disgrace.”
Now that CJ had explained the heart of the matter in frank terms, he expected Molly to mumble a hasty farewell, mount her horse and ride away.
She stayed rooted to the spot, her wide blue eyes lacking any sign of judgment or condemnation. The sky awash in the vibrant colors of dusk was a fitting backdrop for her beauty. He felt a burst of tenderness in his chest. It was a sensation that left him nearly as confused as Lillian’s rejection had all those years ago.
In a single, fluid motion, eyes glittering with emotion, Molly moved a step in his direction. She stood at a polite distance, but he could smell the scent of wildflowers and woman.
“Oh, CJ.” She moved a fraction closer. “I realize there’s considerable gossip going around town about Ned. But I refuse to believe anyone in our God-fearing community would hold his behavior against you.”
Molly’s words signified just how innocent she was at the deepest core of her being. She would never understand the ugliness that resided in some people’s hearts. She was just that good.
“I dare you to name one person who thinks you’re less of a man because your father and brother turned to alcohol when life got too tough for them.”
“Constance Hickey.”
“Oh, well...” A tiny line pleated the small space between Molly’s eyebrows. “Name one person who matters.”
He could provide several. Lillian and her parents weren’t the only people in town who considered him unworthy because of his family connections.
“If there are some in this community who judge you for your father’s and now your brother’s behavior, well, then—” Molly squared her shoulders and lifted her chin to a haughty angle “—they don’t deserve to know you.”
CJ felt the corner of his mouth kick up. Molly was really quite lovely when she scowled, especially when the scowl was on his behalf.
A part of him wanted her to retain her illusions, but he needed her to know just what the good people of Little Horn thought of him and his family. “My father was lazy when he was sober, mean as a snake when he was drunk. He let the Triple-T fall into disrepair and failed to teach his own sons how to complete even the most basic tasks.”
“That didn’t stop Penelope from falling in love with Ned and marrying him.”
Again, CJ hated to disabuse this fine woman of her innocence, but there could be a day when the Thorn reputation rubbed off on the twins. If Molly was to continue being in their lives, she needed to be fully aware of what she was getting herself into.
“Yes, Penelope took a chance on Ned. And, as I’ve stated before, look how that ended. Her daughters are without a father and a mother and, Molly, they carry the family name.”
His speech earned him another fierce scowl.
“Well, you...you’re...” Impatience showed on her face, glowed in her eyes. “The Triple-T is a success now. Despite what you seem to think, you’re highly respected in the ranching community. I predict that will go a long way toward restoring your family’s good name. Your actions will just as surely reflect on the twins as your brother’s. You will be the one to break the cycle.”
It’s what he wanted most.
The twins were still so young and needed more than he could give them. They needed a woman’s touch. They needed a mother, preferably one from a decent family, who would provide them with stability and love and, if he was grasping for the dream, respectability.
Was she standing right in front of him?
Molly’s indignation on his behalf taught CJ to hope.
“You should be proud of all you’ve accomplished,” she said, continuing in his defense. “I know I’m proud of you.”
The look in Molly’s eyes could almost be interpreted as admiration. An admiration CJ wasn’t sure he deserved. “Don’t romanticize what I’ve done with the Triple-T. I had help from local ranchers and especially from Edmund McKay.”
He would never be able to repay his friend.
“Others may have given you advice and assistance through the years, but you did the work.”
“Considering the events of the past two weeks, I can’t help thinking I focused too much on the ranch, to the point of ignoring my own brother at his hour of need.”
“Ned is a grown man. He made his choices.”
“While I stood by and did nothing. No.” CJ lifted a hand to keep Molly from interrupting. “Don’t defend me in this. I should have tried harder to get through to Ned. I sensed he was heading down the same path as our father. I should have—”
“You couldn’t have known how far he would spiral out of control.”
“I failed my brother.” CJ’s tone brooked no argument. “I won’t fail the girls.”
He would say the words over and over until they became true.
“Of course you won’t.”
This wasn’t the first time Molly had shown confidence in his ability to raise Anna and Sarah. He was determined to provide them with a stable home. But...
“I’m not foolish enough to think I can raise the girls on my own.” The events of the previous evening had been yet another reminder of how far out of his element he really was. “I need help.”
“You have help. You have me.”
“I can’t rely on you indefinitely.”
“I’ve no plans of leaving you.” There were no words to express how grateful he was for that.
She’s already a part of your lives. Might as well make it official.
CJ couldn’t ask Molly to sacrifice her future for his convenience. Yet there was no time to court someone else. In truth, he didn’t want to court someone else. He liked Molly and thought they would suit.
“I know you’re feeling overwhelmed, CJ. Anyone would, given the situation. There’s no cause for you to rush into such an important decision as marriage because you had a couple rough nights.” Her smile was wide and sincere. “You’ll find your way.”
“The girls and I can’t continue relying on you forever. Things have to change.” He closed the tiny distance between them, reached for her hand. “It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to the girls.”
“I...how do you mean?”
“Sarah and Anna are attached to you. The longer you stay, on a temporary basis, the harder it will be for someone else to step in if you chose to leave.”
“I’m not going to leave.” She tugged on her hand.
He tightened his grip ever so gently. “You could.”
Releasing a heavy sigh, she nodded slowly. “You’re right. The girls need a permanent mother, not a temporary nanny.”
She sighed again. This time the sound was almost wistful, as if she wanted to be that mother. Or was he reading too much into her reaction?
Molly had made it clear she still loved her husband, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t grow to care for CJ. He would work hard to make their marriage a success. He would seek advice from others. He would grow and learn and do whatever it took to build a safe, happy home for Molly and the twins.
Perhaps, even for himself.
His course was set. He knew what he had to do.
“Molly Carson Langley.” He pressed her hand against his heart. “Will you marry me?”
* * *
One. Two.
Three.
Blinking rapidly to keep tears from forming, Molly counted off each heartbeat as it pounded in her ears. Five, six, seven. CJ had just asked her to marry him
. It was the most wonderful, terrible, awful moment of her life.
She couldn’t seem to find her voice.
Why couldn’t she find her voice?
Hand captured gently beneath his, she flexed her fingers and felt the imprint of a button against her palm.
Rendered speechless, she blinked up at him. One second turned to two. Two became three. And then Molly lost count.
CJ asked me to marry him.
It wasn’t shock that sent despair rushing through her, it was hope. A marriage proposal from CJ was the fruition of so many secret hopes and dreams. The answer to wordless prayers.
No. Molly couldn’t accept his offer. Not because she didn’t want to marry him, but because she cared for him far too much to saddle him with a barren wife.
“I realize I’m asking a lot of you.” He continued gripping her hand. “You must see the logic behind my request.”
“The logic?” The logic?
“We are already acting like a family.”
That was certainly true. She’d actually mentioned that herself barely ten minutes ago.
“You already have a routine in place. The twins are comfortable with you and you seem to care for them.”
“I love them as if they were my own.” Molly needed him to know that. If nothing else, CJ must understand that watching the twins was a labor of love. “I’d do anything for them.”
“As would I.”
Silent understanding passed between them.
“Molly, you’re good with Anna and Sarah. I can’t think of another woman who would mother them better than you.”
She couldn’t stop her traitorous heart from filling with happiness. But then came a sensation of genuine distress. CJ’s marriage proposal, while kindly worded, was all about his nieces. There’d been no mention of love. Not a word concerning the personal nature of the union between a man and woman.
“Nothing would have to change in our daily lives.”
“N-nothing?”
His well-cut lips curved as he pulled her hand away from his heart and gave it a gentle squeeze before letting go. “I’d like to have more children, eventually.”
