by T Gephart
“I need to go to the bathroom,” I mumbled, griping the back of my seat as the plane pitched forward. The pressure on my bladder was unbearable, which only increased my resolve to get into a bathroom. It wasn’t that far, I could make it. All it would take is a few steps down the aisle of the plane, easy.
“We’re in take-off, you can’t get out of your seat.” He grabbed my arm to stop me from moving out of my chair. His brow knitted in confusion, wondering why his wife had suddenly decided now was a perfect time for a walk around a plane still ascending at what felt like a steep angle.
“Alex, I love you but I’ve been in enough take offs and landings to know this plane is on a steady course and we are fine. I need to go. Now.” I pushed past him and tried to stand up in the aisle.
“Lexi.” He tried to reason with me one last time as I attempted to move forward, the inertia threatening to send me colliding down the centre of the plane.
“Ma’am, please sit down. There is no moving around the cabin during take-off, even for our first class passengers.” The flight attendant called from the safety of her jump seat, annoyed that I’d had the audacity to disobey the rules.
“Lexi?” Matt looked up as I grabbed onto the leather headrest of his seat. “What are you doing? Get back in your seat.”
I ignored him, unable to expend any energy to speak as I forced my feet forward.
“Lexi?” Troy called from across the aisle, his expression of concern mirrored by James who also stared at me bewildered. “Lexi are you OK?”
“I’m desperate to pee,” I mumbled my feeble explanation, knowing I sounded ridiculous. I frowned as my need to get to a bathroom overrode my desire to not be an arsehole, safety regulations be damned.
So while the plane was engaged in a steady climb, I clawed my way down the narrow walkway a few steps at a time, holding onto the headrests of the other seats and fielding concerned looks from the band members. Step by step, I fought gravity as I made the short journey to the bathroom.
I finally reached the last row of seats before my salvation. Dan, whose seatback I used to steady myself, looked up at me through his Xanax induced haze. “Are you supposed to be tilted like that?”
I ignored him as the bright bathroom sign came into view, shining like a beacon of hope. I had no choice, but to momentarily release my grasp on the seats that were steadying me and take the last few inches unaided. My feet gave way as I fell against the door of the airplane bathroom. My hands collided heavily with a spectacular crash against the metal door in order to break my fall. I pried open the door and tumbled into the tiny cubicle, relieved I had made the journey safely and without an embarrassing accident.
I managed to unbutton my jeans just in time as my fingers fumbled awkwardly with the seemingly simple task. The joy of instant relief flowed as I slowly relaxed. I hadn’t been this close to peeing myself in I didn’t know how long, and I wasn’t about to experience adult incontinence for the first time in public, on a plane—take off or no take off. I sat quietly as the weird sensation of relief flooded my body. The echo of the jet noise disturbed my newly found utopia as I pondered whether my blatant disregard for safety regulations would see me be put in restraints for the remainder of journey. If it did, it would have totally been worth it.
The plane leveled out as we’d reached cruising altitude and I heard the tell-tale ding of the fasten seat belt sign being removed.
“Lexi, open the door,” Alex fumed as he beat on the cubicle door. “What were you thinking?”
I cleaned myself up and buttoned up my jeans. I knew I was in trouble. I could see the headlines now, ‘Lexi Stone banned from Delta flight, detained by Air Marshalls’. The whole time we’d been worried about Dan and his penchant for drawing a commotion, when it was me who would end up being the liability.
I washed my hands and splashed water over my face, knowing the two extra minutes was not going to make it any worse than it already was, and needing to delay the inevitable as I slowly opened the door.
Alex was fuming as he stood on the other side of the door with a very angry looking flight attendant.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hold it. I was desperate to go.” I lamented, knowing how lame the excuse sounded. Lame or not, it was the only excuse I had and more importantly it was the truth.
“She’s OK, thanks for your concern. We’re sorry for any inconvenience.” Alex turned to the flight attendant and offered his apologies on my behalf. His charm engaged despite his concern for me.
“Well as long as you are aware that you just can’t go moving around the plane. Those safety regulations are there not only for yourselves, but also for the safety of your fellow passengers. I’m willing to overlook this indiscretion if you promise we can expect no further incidents for the rest of the flight.” The flight attendant’s tone was cold and condescending. I hadn’t performed my desperation-induced bathroom crawl for sport, lady. I just didn’t want to be sitting in a puddle of urine till we landed, is that OK with you?
“You’ll have no more incidents from us, I can assure you.” Alex gave her his usual rehearsed smile, her anger and irritation at me thawing as she stared into his beautiful blue eyes. It was uncanny, how quickly he was able to disarm the situation by simply smiling. That smile was one hell of a secret weapon.
She nodded and strode off to commence the refreshments service, no doubt disappointed she couldn’t stare at him a little while longer. Annoyed at me or not, his allure was always magnetic.
He pulled me into an alcove just behind the bathrooms, affording us a moderate amount of privacy. Well as much privacy as you were going to get when hurtling across the sky at thirty or so thousand feet.
“You couldn’t hold it? Lexi, what are you, five?” He asked impatiently as he inspected me to make sure I hadn’t hit anything on my epic backward climb down the aisle of the plane. And not that I would recommend it or even attempt it again, but even he would have to admit, it was pretty epic.
“No, I’m not five.” I huffed, ironically behaving like a five-year-old as I placed my hands on my hips. “I’m pregnant.”
Well, so much for my well executed, planned speech sharing our wonderful news of impending parenthood. Perhaps I should have just held up a banner that read Surprise! I’m knocked up.
“You’re what?” His eyes widened as the words he had heard slowly started to make sense in his head.
“Pregnant,” I annunciated slowly before pointing to my belly. “We’re having a baby.”
He grabbed me and pulled me forward into his arms, almost sending me flying with the sudden movement. He anchored his hands firmly around me, ensuring that I didn’t fall.
“Are you sure?” His eyes searched mine for confirmation. He placed his hand flat on my stomach. It was hard to believe there was a little human growing inside there.
“Yes, I’m sure. I did the pee test, then I did the blood test and we did an ultrasound as well to try and get my due date, seeing as your brain surgeon of a wife doesn’t know when we conceived. I’m definitely pregnant, eight weeks to be exact.” I recounted my condensed version of prenatal discovery. I omitted the part about us being fertility gods, because I thought it would be kind of assumed.
“You did all that without me? Lexi why didn’t you tell me? When did this happen?” He brought his hand to my face and gently thumbed my lip, his other arm tightly around my body.
“I didn’t want to tell you on the phone and what could you have done? Packed up and come running back?” I reasoned. It’s not like I had wanted to keep this from him, but I had to work with the circumstances I was dealt. The tour had just started and he had literally just left. It made no sense to call him back. Why would I? So he could hold my hand while some strange woman in a white coat stuck, poked and prodded me, and not in a way I enjoyed? There would be plenty of time for that in the future.
“That’s exactly what I would have done. Lexi this is our child. There is nothing that is more important than the two of you.
Not the band, not the tour.” He held me tighter as he lightly trailed his fingers down my chin. “I’m going to be a dad?”
“Yes, you’re going to be a dad.” I could never have imagined the happiness that those words would bring. He was positively beaming. Perhaps the whole pregnancy glow bypassed me completely, choosing to iridescently illuminate him instead.
“Are you OK? Is that why you’ve been so sick? Do we need to get you a Doctor?” His happiness turned to concern as he clutched me closer.
“Alex, we have another eight or so months of this. Pace yourself with the crazy. We are both perfectly healthy.” I lightly brushed off his concern knowing that while I had been unwell, my symptoms were normal and to be expected.
“But you are so thin, that can’t be right. Should you even be flying?” He asked desperately. My confident and self-assured husband’s face plunged into confusion. It was endearing how concerned he was and, while unnecessary, how much he cared still overwhelmed me.
“Alex I love you baby, but we are fine. I have been battling some really bad morning sickness so I haven’t been able to eat but it’s normal and of course I am OK to fly.” I unwrapped his arms from around my body and took his hands in mine, kissing his knuckles. “We are both fine.”
“I love you Lexi.” He swallowed as he got down on his knees resting his mouth against my stomach. “I love you and our baby so much.”
“Dude, I’m all for going down on your girl but you need to aim lower. Seriously, I feel bad for her if that’s the way you’ve been doing it.” Dan’s voice shattered our tender exchange. As usual, he had misread the situation and put his own unique Dan spin on what he had walked in on. He stood idly with his hands in his pockets, unable to disguise his wicked grin.
My body gently shook as the laughter travelled through my body. I didn’t even have it in me to be upset. Of all the things Dan could assume, it would be that Alex and I would be dumb enough to engage in oral sex in the open space of an airplane. I hoped it didn’t give him fuel for thought in an attempt to one up us, thank god there were no groupies on the plane.
“Dan do you honestly think I’m going to just go down on Lexi right here in the galley way?” Alex smirked as he stood. He too was clearly unable to be annoyed at Dan’s completely incredible summation.
“Why the hell not? I would.” Dan scoffed as he leaned up against the wall, still unsure as to what he’d actually caught us doing.
“Is everyone OK?” Matt rounded the corner and our informal gathering by the first-class bathrooms expanded.
“Hey,” James added as he also joined the party. “What was with the inflight entertainment?”
“I’m fine,” I assured everyone, knowing that my little performance was going to require some sort of explanation.
“Lexi,” Hannah exclaimed excitedly as she bounded through the sea of bodies that had accumulated. “Are you insane? You could have hurt the baby.” Noah was clutched closely to her chest as she grabbed me and encased me in a concerned hug. “You crazy, crazy girl.”
“Baby?” James looked feverishly between Hannah and me, obviously not missing the highly relevant word despite its understated placing in the sentence.
“Oh my god.” Hannah pulled away from me. Her hand flew to her mouth as horror over took her. “Shit Lexi, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s OK Han,” I smiled, not the slightest bit upset that she had unwittingly divulged my secret. We were going be travelling closely together for the next few months. It’s not like I would have been able hide the morning sickness, fatigue and frequent bathroom trips, especially if they were mid-air, and while men were notoriously unobservant, my erratic behaviour would have eventually raised eyebrows.
“Alex and I are going to have a baby,” I announced just as Jason and Troy moseyed over to see what the commotion was about.
Alex threaded his arms around me. “Lexi’s pregnant,” he added in case my explanation hadn’t been clear enough.
“Fucking amazing.” James grabbed Alex by the shoulder. His huge smile broadened as he wrapped his arm around my back to include me in the emotional three-way hug. “I am so fucking happy for you guys.”
“Thanks James,” I giggled, my eyes spontaneously starting to water. Damn it, I hadn’t managed to control the emotion swings yet.
Alex and I fielded hugs and well wishes from Matt, Troy and Jason, who all seemed genuinely happy for us. Hannah was ecstatic she no longer had to keep it under wraps and could openly be excited about Noah having a playmate in the near future.
“Seriously assholes?” Dan stared at us in disbelief. I couldn’t gauge whether he was happy for us or annoyed.
“Yes Dan, seriously.” I wiped away my tears as I nestled closer to Alex’s chest.
“I couldn’t be fucking happier. Fucking A.” Dan clapped Alex across the shoulder. “Actually I can’t believe it took you this long to knock her up. Was thinking maybe all your little fishies stopped to look in the mirror on the way.”
“Eww Dan,” Hannah laughed as she cradled Noah in her arms.
“Thanks loser.” Alex winked. “But, my little fishies work just fine.”
“Can we stop talking about this in the hallway and maybe move back to our seats?” I was not sure I ever wanted to discuss the virility of Alex’s fishies anywhere, least of all with Dan.
“I think that’s an excellent idea. Lexi’s already on her last warning with the flight crew. It would probably look bad if our publicist got jacked up and hauled off when we landed.” Alex kissed my neck, his hand still gently pressed across my belly—it didn’t look like he would be moving it soon and I was OK with that.
“No one is getting jacked up,” I assured them. “Now move back to your seats. There is nothing more to see here.” I gently shoved Alex forward, encouraging the others to follow suit.
“So bossy.” Alex chuckled as he shuffled his way with the others back to our seats.
“Well get used to it. I fully expect these hormones to make me a raving psycho before this baby is born, and there is no way I’m leaving this tour, so you are just going to have to deal with it.” I followed closely behind him, unashamedly staring at his perfect arse. The journey back to our luxurious leather seats seemed infinitely closer now that I didn’t have the pressing urge to pee or the steep gradient of take-off to deal with.
“Is it wrong to tell you that I’m so hard right now?” Alex bit his lip as he sunk into his seat, allowing me to take mine before adding, “and I can think of nothing sexier than making love to my beautiful, pregnant and bossy wife.”
“Is it wrong to tell you that apparently when my next trimester kicks in I’m going to turn into an even bigger sex fiend than I am already? Expect your next few months to consist of playing guitar and having sex with me exclusively.” I leaned over our shared armrest and nibbled on his ear.
“Fuck,” he groaned through his gritted teeth. “I plan on getting you pregnant a lot.” His gaze locked on mine as his voice turned serious. “I love you Lexi, you are my forever.”
I swallowed hard as a single tear escaped from the corner of my eye. “And you are mine.”
As the others slowly found their way back to their seats, their animated chatter carried through the cabin. Dan grumbled that no one would give him alcohol. Jason and Troy bandied around insults and threatened to substitute Dan’s lube for crazy glue. James and Hannah lovingly played with Noah who babbled quietly in their arms and Matt worked intently on his laptop. Then there was Alex who squeezed my hand and wouldn’t let go. His fingers gently pressed against my knuckles as he brought them to his mouth, his lips brushing against the back of my hand. The flight attendant strode past, giving me a heated stare on her way to the jump seat as the fasten seatbelt sign clicked back on, indicating we were on final approach into Kansas City.
I stared out of the airplane window as the city came into view. The world looked so small from here, so inconsequential and it finally all made sense. I had made peace with my past. I h
ad let go of the demons that had tormented me, that had threated to tear me apart. All the evilness that had consumed me, all the hatred, all the self-loathing, and all the doubt could never infect what I had now. I was loved, unconditionally loved. Not just by Alex, but by myself. I had been through hell, but I’d come out the other side, stronger and happier than I’d ever been but most importantly, in the end, I was whole.
Epilogue
“MOTHERFUCKING HELL,” I collapsed onto the bed, puffing and covered in sweat. It felt like my insides were being torn out. This was the most intense pain imaginable and I needed it to stop.
“Lexi, June says you need to breathe through the contractions. Stop holding your breath.” Taylah rubbed my back as the tail end of another contraction slowly eased out of my body. I couldn’t believe I’d only been doing this for ten hours – it had felt like five fucking days.
“Where the fuck is Alex? I’m not having this baby without him,” I snapped, the gamut of emotions swung wildly as I tried to regulate my breathing. This was so much harder than it looked and it looked impossible. How do women ever go back for another baby after they have been through it once? Knowingly putting themselves through this again and again… It was the epitome of insanity.
“Lexi, he is in the air and on his way. You have got to calm down. He will get here the minute he lands.” Taylah handed me a cup of crushed ice chips. “You need to stay hydrated, suck on these.”
I had pushed the boundaries as far as I could on the tour but as I had entered my final trimester and my due date loomed, there had been no choice but for me to fly back to New York. The thought of leaving Alex on the road and returning to an empty house was heartbreaking, but it was for the greater good, that of our child. I had received state-of-the-art prenatal care throughout the cities and countries we had visited, but we both knew that I needed to go home and prepare to welcome our son or daughter into the world. We had made provisions for a plane to be on standby, but I had hoped Alex would be home before the birth, my due date tentatively projected for the week after the tour wrapped. I had found a wonderful obstetrician and with the support of Taylah and Dave, I waddled my way through the last couple of weeks.
