by Jules Hedger
Cirrus kept back from the sunlight until the heavy curtains settled down again. For a brief moment, the dawn light had illuminated the floor, and I could see it was warmer. The rain had stopped. The sun was finally coming up.
"You see?" he murmured. "Lucan could never protect you. He's full of pride and emotion."
From the floor, the vibrations were making it hard to breathe. The string of energy was tightening ferociously. It wanted me to close the gap and find its partner. I now understood why Cassandra wouldn't allow me to go at this alone. I barely had any control left. Never before had I wanted something so much in my life; the craving was worse than Lucan, so strong the desire was blinding. Cirrus watched me struggle to reach my feet, but stayed by the window.
"I don't trust you, Cirrus." The words tangled around my tongue like sticky caramel. I gripped the edge of the table. "And I don't trust what you are making me feel."
We regarded each other from across the room.
"Of course you don't trust me," Cirrus said finally. "You've misplaced it in every other possible opportunity. But your necklace –" He raised his hand and held it out to me. I had to hold my breath to keep from reaching for him. "That necklace is telling you that you can."
My feet moved forward and he smiled, relishing in his control. The hook pulled me across the room and placed my hand in his. As our temperatures melded, a tremor ran through our bodies simultaneously.
"Do you feel it, Maggie?" Cirrus ran a finger sensuously down my necklace chain, allowing himself to briefly touch the edge of my collarbone. I bit back a whimper. "It's not just your necklace. From the very beginning our souls found an affinity in each other. There was a spark. A flame," he whispered. "The symbol only amplifies what is already there."
"That's not true."
"Of course it's true, Maggie! Give your heart some credit for its good taste. It is just as willful as you are. And it wants me to win. I could take this necklace right now," he said. "But I want you to give it to me. Of your own accord."
"I won't."
"You will," he replied. He sounded cool like the sea, and his voice rung in so many colored tones and echoed as the inside of a sea shell. He leaned in, brushing his hand along my back and up to grip my neck. I leaned into his chest, my body working against my mind. Each touch was like a kiss, felt in every pore of my being and on every inch of my body. I could already feel his lips brushing my shoulder like a butterfly, sending sharp stabs of chaos down between my legs. I tried to grasp onto something else, anything else besides the lure of allowing Cirrus to consume me but it was like catching smoke.
"Are you going to make me take you, Maggie?" Cirrus whispered, "or will you let yourself to be taken and rule with me?" I allowed myself to be pulled back against the line of windows. Air rushed around my ankles from underneath the curtains where Lucan fell.
Lucan.
My body screamed inside as Cirrus settled my back against the wall between the frames. He took a trembling breath and then his head lowered with relief onto my shoulder.
This was it. My death. I could surrender now, give myself up entirely. And would anybody miss me? I could see the lines blurring around my vision and I sensed the darkness creeping into my brain. But Lucan's shocked face suddenly intruded into my mind and the moment of surreal quiet as he fell forced me to fight against the haze. And the necklace, now so close to its partner, wanted something else. It had led me here and was telling me to finish the Walk. I could still win this.
"How long has it been since you've seen real sunlight?" I asked. I felt Cirrus stir uncomfortably against me.
"It's been too long to remember."
"That's so amazingly sad," I murmured.
"I am so amazingly sad," Cirrus replied. Cirrus was so absorbed with the feel of skin, the warmth and the smell, that he failed to notice me raise my hand to pull back the curtains. The morning sunlight splashed into the room and illuminated the workshop in a vibrant orange and red sheet of light.
Cirrus felt the light before he saw it through the lids of his closed eyes. He stumbled backwards with a cry and fell into a corner of the room. My necklace lit up with an amber flare and his hands came up to shield his face: the sun was searing into his brain and bringing clarity to his senses. The smell of me faded from his nose as the sun brought forth the fragrances of wood and dust, sweat and oil. Unable to find a familiar shadow to hide in, Cirrus's pupils shrunk down to accommodate the daylight's sudden explosion. The string between us snapped painfully as the tables turned.
I stood in the midst of the radiance and let the sun wash over me into the room. Golden dust fell through the shafts of illumination, falling off the old curtains in radiant waves. Cirrus moaned again and I turned to see him shrinking in on himself, drawing his skin away from the light as much as he could manage.
"I must be dying," he breathed. "Maggie, you are letting me die."
The necklace with fighting with me now, burning fiercely at my breast. And all I needed to do was reach down and grab his watch. He gripped it protectively but could barely look up through the glare. It should have been like taking candy from a baby.
***
Lucan opened his eyes, but snapped them quickly shut against the morning sun. It glared straight into his face as bright as a searchlight. He groaned, turning over and wincing as the scrapes and cuts under his torn shirt brushed over the dry grass. His hands grabbed a bit of yellow brush and used it to pull him up onto his knees.
Glass shone bright silver, scattered around the yard like an exploded star, and Lucan followed the line of wreckage upwards until he saw the broken window, open to the air and the light. No sounds came from the hole, but he expected the worst. He groaned and clutched his head. Cirrus was right; Lucan wasn't a protector. I'm just a failure once again, he thought.
Cassandra rushed around the side of the house and skidded to a halt when she saw Lucan kneeling in the grass.
"Lucan, what are you doing?" she hissed, rushing forwards and pulling him up. Lucan swerved and shoved her away, moving slower and feeling his legs for any size of breakage. Cassandra watched him impatiently. "Don't tell me you fell out of a window."
"I was thrown out of a window, thank you very much," Lucan said through gritted teeth. He didn't quite know how he hadn't broken his neck but here he was. He motioned up to the silent third floor. Cassandra followed his eye line and shook her head.
"The Riders are on their way. Maggie has more than enough time to grab the symbol and if all the help we can give her is a little fresh air –" Cassandra started to jog back around to the front of the house, "she is better off by herself. We must prepare ourselves for the raid. And I've left Martin by himself on the front steps."
Lucan grabbed her arm and pulled her back.
"Maggie can't resist on her own," he pleaded. "You need to go up there and get her out."
Cassandra yanked her arm from Lucan's grasp and stuck a finger an inch under his nose.
"If you haven't learned to trust the girl by now, you're a damn fool." She started to move away again, throwing back over her shoulder, "Not everyone is as malleable to temptation as you are."
Lucan took one more look upwards before turning towards the sound of running footsteps. The cavalry had arrived. The Riders were here.
Time to bring the house down.
***
I stood over Cirrus as he pushed himself further away into a corner, clutching the pocket watch on his waistcoat. Watching him tremble should have made me feel triumphant – after all, he had lorded over me like a performer pulling the strings of a marionette. But somehow it wasn't as easy I thought it was going to be to kneel down and push away his scrambling hands. He quickly became pathetic and after a few moments I sat back on my heels in frustration.
Cirrus grew still on the floor.
"Would you please . . . close the curtains?" he whispered.
I sighed and stood up, walking back to the window and throwing the curtains across the daylight. The r
oom was immediately enveloped again in shadow, even though I left a large slit across the middle. In the silence that fell over the room, I could hear movement around the house. Cirrus heard it too and rose to his feet. He looked over at me seriously.
"They're coming for me," he said.
"They are," I replied.
Cirrus walked down the shadows of the room. I kept to the other side of the line of sun splitting the floor and found myself facing him in the middle. He reached a hand in his pocket and pulled out his watch. I ran a finger underneath the chain of the necklace and lifted the dreamcatcher from my breast. The foot of sunlight between us sang and the sounds outside grew louder.
"What was the use of it all, Maggie?" Cirrus asked suddenly. "The running and the fighting? The seduction and the dreaming? The Reign Walk wasn't played between us, was it? It all went wrong."
We regarded each other over our shaft of sun as suddenly the house began to shake with the sound of people crashing through the downstairs,
"Shall we die together, Maggie?" he asked.
The ground trembled beneath me, but it was impossible to move. My necklace was sending shivers down my body and as the tingling bled into my veins, it became not only a feeling, but a noise. It sounded like the rushing of a river made up of metal grains of sand and thousands of silver sparks hitting each other in the smallest of shocks.
Footsteps grew louder as the sounds rushed further and further through the house. The crashes of furniture and hammers through plaster thundered across the floorboards. Cracks snacked across the walls lightning-fast as plaster dust rained down from the rafters. Cirrus stayed stock still, the watch swaying in his hand, and as the doors to the third story workshop burst open to reveal a group of rebels, led by Lucan, he didn't even bat an eyelid. His green eyes were locked onto mine.
The men were spreading powder along the walls and as quickly as I took it all in I felt my body lift from the floor and move backwards. A pair of strong arms was wrapped around my waist and the shock of the sudden rise momentarily took away my breath. I reached my hand out towards Cirrus with a shriek – that damned pocket watch! – but missed the gold by a few inches. His hand drew out to mine and for a brief moment my fingertips met his. A shock ran through my body and the chain around my neck broke.
I screamed and screamed as the air was suddenly filled with the sound of voices shouting orders and moving around the room while I was dragged backwards down the stairs. My last vision of Cirrus was him standing behind the line of light, allowing the men to rush about him like water in a stream, and smiling. Smiling because in his hands was my necklace. Smiling because when I was pulled backwards by Lucan, his hands had come away from my breast with the symbol. A crack of lightening nearly split my ears and I smelled burning.
He had won.
And all I could do was watch the backwards journey of my ascent – lit up now while the rebels swarmed through broken windows and pulled down curtains – as Lucan carted me out of the house and onto the lawn.
The grass was teeming with men and woman dressed in dark greens and browns. The Riders were indeed here. Their faces flashed before my eyes as Lucan pulled me far away from the lawn. I passed Martin sitting by himself away from the masses, staring at his hands. I was still screaming as Lucan wrestled me onto the grass and grabbed my face.
"Do not move, Maggie."
"The necklace, he has the symbol!" I yelled, trying desperately to stand up. Lucan pushed me back on the ground and held me there.
"Maggie, be still!" he yelled and we both looked over at the mansion, where the soldiers were pouring out of the doors as rats flee a ship. When they had cleared a shout rang out, echoing off the sudden quiet, and I watched while a trail of fire sailed through the air and into the first story window. The tinkle of glass sounded almost charming before the house crashed around itsellf, imploding in on itself like a failed attempt at a paper airplane and bringing everything down with it.
"It doesn't matter anymore," Lucan said as dust clouded the air with bits of cement and patches of fabric. I couldn't comprehend; it all seemed so far away. Somewhere in that house was Cirrus, buried in rubble or blown into small bits. I shut my eyes and tried to push away the images of smooth, gray suit fabric burning at the edges; ash blond hair crinkling up against the heat; gold chain metal melting down around the white, smooth skin of a gripped fist.
Running feet surrounded me and I rose off the ground yet again. Lucan draped me across his arms and held me tightly against his chest. Without the necklace I felt strangely empty. A kiss whispered on the top of my head and Lucan was walking us across the lawn, following the crowd of rebels running in victory away from the house of Cirrus. The smoke of the burnt away wreck lingered in my nostrils. Gunshots pealed through the morning sky, accompanying the authorities' rush to the scene and as we moved farther away and the sounds grew fainter, I lay my head against Lucan's warm chest and listened to his heartbeat.
And pulsing along to my heartbeat was the faint remnants of the dreamcatcher, a thin veil of remembered weight and the phantom memory of heat. It was the only feeling that made me think again, dare me to hope that it wasn't over yet. If the connection was there, so was Cirrus.
Chapter 25
Darkness and darkness and darkness. Swimming lost in a sea of black tar was all that awaited me when I went to sleep. I could forget the feeling of failure and the loss of a birth right I never knew I had before a week ago. My lips wouldn't remember Lucan's kisses or the uncontrollable yearning for Cirrus that clenched my gut. I couldn't feel his fingers or my toes, the emptiness the symbol had left behind or the conflicted feelings of guilt and something else – something more dangerous that dawdled in my recesses of my mind. I would only have the welcome darkness to spirit me away from the fact that I was getting so emotionally messed-up, Elliot Smith would probably have stabbed me in the chest. Fuck me, right?
The moment after I woke up on the forest ground, I desperately clung to those treasured moments of ignorance. I pretended I was back on the ground of my uncle's dirty apartment, where the wind blew in through the open window and the mud and dust smeared across my cheek was paint and crumbs. It worked for a few seconds and the comfort of it all was totally worth the crash back to earth that inevitably followed when the sounds of the camp began to focus. Reality smashed over me in a thunderclap and I smelled the wet of the forest floor and felt the heavy arm of Lucan thrown over my stomach.
Night had fallen. I must have slept through the entire day. I don't remember much besides allowing Lucan to carry me across the estate lands and back into the forest. At some points we paused and I drank or ate. And at one point we stopped for a longer length of time because here I was, spread out on the ground in the middle of a guerrilla army.
I turned over gently and studied the man still sleeping beside me. His face was calm and untroubled. A dark shadow of a beard was beginning to form up his cheek bones and across his chin, but besides from that I could see how young he was. Asleep he wasn't so angry. He had a leaf near his nose that made his face twitch every minute or so. He didn't snore. He was warm. He was safe. And as the camp kept moving around us, I felt scared to move myself for fear of waking him up and seeing the wolf appear again in his eyes.
Twigs crunched by my head. I looked up to see Cassandra standing above us. She reached down and helped me to sit up, pushing Lucan's heavy arm off my body. I half expected a hug or pat on the back – well done on staying alive, Maggie – but I should have known Cassandra wasn't one for fond reunions. That was fine with me, as I wasn't feeling so keen on hugging it out, either. Plus, she was looking at me in that serious way that made me feel like bad news was going to come bitch slap me in the face.
Lucan grunted and turned over on his back, rubbing his eyes with two large fists. He blinked blearily and sat up. When he saw Cassandra he immediately coughed and scooted a foot or two away, as if she hadn't already seen him lying next to me.
"How are you feeling, Maggie?" Cassand
ra asked. I shrugged self-consciously.
"Fine. Tired. Hungry." I rubbed a place on my back where a root must have been digging in. "Sore."
"Alive," Lucan added. I chose to ignore him.
"Well, you're all of those things, true enough," Cassandra said. She ran a hand over her brow and looked around at her companions settling down for the night. What had appeared to be a large operation looked rather small scattered amongst the trees. Cassandra seemed nervous and unsteady – two things that rang alarm bells in my mind. Lucan must have noticed, too.
"Cassandra, what's wrong?" he asked.
She glanced sideways at me through her hair and blew out a slow breath. Tossing her head back she sat up straighter and looked at me evenly, as if bracing herself for an oncoming wave.
"Cirrus isn't dead," she said.
Lucan's fingers clamped onto my shoulder. This was obviously unexpected for some, although the ghost-feeling around my chest had already alerted me to the possibility immediately.
The relief in my heart terrified me.
"What do you mean, he's not dead?" Lucan said in a hushed voice. "We saw the house go down. He was on the third floor, for fuck's sake. No one could survive that!"
"You didn't exactly break a nail when you fell from three stories up," Cassandra snapped and looked back at me. "Do you understand, Maggie?"
I nodded. "Sure, Cirrus is King now. He won." They were both silent and I knew what was coming next. "So time to go home, then," I said. Lucan's grip tightened and I shrugged it off. "It's ok, I'm fine."
"Maggie –," Cassandra started to say, but I held up my hand.
"No, I get it. You have a revolution to incite. More houses to burn and political figures to assassinate?" I stood up, brushing the dirt off my legs.
