by Lola StVil
Okay, okay. Let’s be logical about this. He’s not my guy; he doesn’t need to call. And I don’t have to wait for him to call. I can go out and just have fun on my own. Kenzy is spending the day with Tony at an art and design expo, so I’m on my own. I decide to go out to the movies; that way, I’m not home waiting like some sad chick in a romantic comedy.
I put on jeans, a white tee shirt, and ankle boots. I pin my hair up and put on a pair of earrings. I apply a little lip gloss and mascara. There, all ready. I grab a light jacket, and I head outside my apartment.
“Hot date?”
I recognize the voice even before I look up. It’s him. Standing there looking way too good. Right away the kiss plays back in my head and I know I’m in trouble.
“Um. Hi,” I manage to say.
“Hello.”
“I was just going to a movie.”
“Oh, who’s the lucky guy?”
“No guy.”
“Girls’ night?” he wonders.
“No, I was just gonna take myself to a movie. You see, I hung out with this guy last night—it was kind of nice, but I didn’t hear from him, so I thought, screw it. I’ll take myself out.”
Shit! Why did I just tell him the truth? Who does that? I was supposed to say something cool. I should have invented a large group of rowdy friends and told him that we had a night of drunken, ill-advised fun planned.
“You went out with a guy last night and that asshole didn’t call you the next day? What’s his problem?” he jokes.
“Good question,” I counter. He steps towards me. My heart is racing. He places his hand on my lower back. Heat emerges from the spot he touches and spreads through me. He pulls me into him.
“I’m sorry, gorgeous. I had a work thing. It turns out even when you’re suspended, you still have to suffer through meetings.”
“You were suspended? Why? What happened?”
“I hit the new guy on my team.”
“Why would you do that?”
“He was wearing a really ugly shirt,” he replies. I playfully push him away.
“Cash, what happened?”
“Just two guys having a disagreement. That’s all. It’s fine.”
“You wanna tell me what it was about?”
“He was out of line. Anyway, it was just one little punch. It didn’t really have any power behind it.”
I cross my arms over my chest and frown with disapproval. There’s more to this than he’s saying; I can feel it.
“Anyway, I think they’ll lift the suspension sooner than they thought. There’s a case they need me on since I have history with the people involved. Now, I just got out of a three-hour meeting, and all I can do is think about you.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yes, really. I thought I’d come by and see if you’d let me kiss you again. It turns out your lips are just as addictive as your curves.”
I smile, uncross my arms, and bite my lower lip. I can feel myself blushing as I look down at the ground. He places his hand under my chin and tilts my head up so that our eyes meet.
“Those eyes—you have to stop taking them away from me,” he whispers as he gazes at me. I feel a rush come over me. He drops his eyes down towards my mouth. “All I could think about last night was how hard it was to stop kissing you. And how I hope to God you won’t ask me to do it again, because there’s no way I could pull myself away from you twice. I’m not that strong.”
“But you did, you pulled away. I loved kissing you, but what I loved more was the way you kept your promise.”
His eyes grow dark with concern as he gazes into my eyes. He leans in close and instead of kissing me, does something even more personal—he asks the question I didn’t think any guy would dare to ask, “Baby, who hurt you?”
***
I don’t talk about my past to anyone except Kenzy. Even my sister, Stacy, doesn’t know the whole story of Josh and me. If someone told me that I would be sitting on my sofa, telling a guy I just met about my last breakup, I’d say they were crazy. And yet here we are back in my apartment, seated in the living room, where Cash patiently waits for me to explain things. I want to tell him, but so far, every time I try to start, the words leave my lips, and I’m left silent. He senses that this is hard and decides to change the subject until I’m ready.
“You have a thing for Paris?” he asks as he looks at the black-and-white photographs on the wall featuring places in Paris. It’s not the typical Eiffel Tower kind of shots; it’s small cafes, rainy nights, and cobblestone streets.
“Yeah, I’ve always wanted to go and explore. It’s such a beautiful city and filled with romance and all that cheesy stuff that I’m sure guys hate.”
“I’ve gone a few times.”
“And did you like it?”
“The narrow streets make it hard to tail someone. The French police hate joint task forces, especially with the USA, so they always drag their feet. But on the plus side, some of the best passport forgers live in Paris. That comes in handy sometimes in my line of work.”
I shake my head with disapproval. “You’re a lost cause. That’s all you have to say about one of the most romantic cities in the world?”
“They have good bread and wine. I’m not even all that into wine, but I’ve had some great bottles in Paris.”
“Well, I guess if you went there for business that would be your mindset.”
“I can see what you mean about Paris; it’s pretty to look at, but there are so many other places in the world that are more…unexpected.”
“Like where?” I ask.
“There’s the Erawan waterfall in Northern Thailand; the water is breathtaking. There’s a sanctuary in Uzbekistan with an intricate, colorful title mosque, and if you go there, just as the sun is about to rise, you’ll see colors we don’t even have a name for. It’s unbelievable, babe,” he says excitedly.
Babe…
“It sounds like it. I’ll have to put that on my list,” I reply as I feel my affection for him grow.
“Nothing is as pretty as the sunset I witnessed in Brazil though; it’s exactly the same shade as your eyes. Right down to the specs of amber,” he says as he looks around my place.
He’s not asking me to believe him or trying to flatter me. He just states it like he’s stating something that everyone else can see. The sky is above us. Gravity holds us down. And Sky has eyes as pretty as Brazilian sunsets.
“It was bad,” I blurt out suddenly. He turns his attention from the artwork back to me.
“Sky?”
“Things with my ex, it was bad. He hurt me. And I want to tell you about it…I just don’t know how. I’m sorry…” I can feel the tension rising in my shoulders as I fiddle with my earrings, uncertain of what to do with my hands. He comes close and takes my hands in his.
“You don’t have to tell me right now if you’re not ready. But when you are ready, I’m here. Okay?”
“Okay.”
He kisses me. It’s an innocent kiss that grows deeper and deeper until my pussy aches with longing. He pulls back. It takes a few seconds for my mind to clear because his touch always leaves me in a fog. I open my eyes, not realizing I had closed them to begin with.
He looks at his watch and says, “Hey, you want to get a jump start on your ‘try a new thing’ campaign for the week?”
“Ah, yeah. Sure. What’s the new thing?” I ask. He doesn’t tell me. He just says to change into sneakers and take a heavier jacket. We race out of the house, and we head to Long Island. He won’t tell me what he has planned. I object at first but then my song comes on the radio—“Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi. He makes fun of me because that’s before my time, but I don’t care. I turn it up and sing along. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m glad it’s with him.
A short while later, we pull up to a one-story building, out in the middle of nowhere. My mouth drops when I read the sign “Skydive City Center, Long Island.”
“I’m going skydiving?” I ask, unabl
e to wrap my head around our current location.
“Yeah, my buddy owns this place. He lets me get a few jumps in when I’m around. Come on!” he says. He takes my hand, and we enter the center. Everything happens very fast. He introduces me to his older, kind-faced friend, Ron. Ron greets me and guides us out towards the field. He begins his ‘How to dive’ speech. I try to pay attention, but it’s all happening so fast.
It’s about an hour later when we head towards the plane. We’re going to dive in tandem. I will be attached to Cash, and we will jump together. Out of a plane. Holy. Shit.
We suit up. Ron says to me, “Don’t worry; Cash used to teach a few classes here. You’re in good hands.”
“Okay, thanks,” I reply nervously. Cash looks me over and inspects the gear yet again. He goes over the rules with me, and he takes my face in his hands, forcing me to really, really pay attention.
“All you have to do is relax. There’s nothing to it. Just enjoy the ride. Okay, babe?”
“Okay. And I’m not gonna die, right?” I ask, only kind of joking.
“No fucking way I’m letting anything happen to you,” he vows. I believe him. I’m still scared as hell, but I know he’s got me. And that feels good.
According to Ron, we are thirteen thousand feet in the air. Cash signals for us to get ready. The door of the plane is open, and the earth waits below. My back is attached to Cash’s chest. I can hear my heart is pounding. My hands are ice-cold. And I have goosebumps all over. Cash whispers to me, “You got this, babe.” And just like that, he pushes us out of the plane.
“OHHHHHSHIT!!!!” I scream loudly, but the wind steals my voice. The rush of the initial fall is so jarring, it feels like the air has been ripped from my lungs. I’m ready to go into panic mode, but Cash makes me place my hand in the position he showed me before we took off. And just like that, the fear begins to go away.
And now, I’m flying. Yes, flying! As the wind whips around me, I feel like I’m free of problems, concerns, and self-doubt. I feel more alive than I have ever felt before. When we land, I lie on the ground laughing, overwhelmed with excitement. Cash detaches us and helps me to my feet.
“I did it! I did it!” I shout like a damn kid as I greet him with open arms.
“Damn right you did!” he replies as he picks me up. I eagerly embrace him, and we kiss.
“I can’t believe it!” I shout as he puts me down.
“You are a natural,” he says, beaming.
“Okay, now it’s your turn!” I announce.
“To jump out of a plane? I just jumped out with you,” he says.
“Oh no, you don’t, Agent Hunter!” I reply as I playfully wag my finger at him. “You made me jump out of a plane. And while it was fun and super exciting, it was also scary. And now it’s your turn to do something that’s scary and terrifies you.”
He chuckles and pulls me into his arms. “Sky, I’m already doing something that terrifies me—I’m falling in love.”
Skylar is running away from me as fast as she can; not physically but in her mind. She’s traveling a million miles away from me—away from us. Damn it! I’m such an idiot! Why did I say that? Now she’s a damn flight risk. As pissed off as I am at myself, the fact still remains: I’m falling for her hard. The messed-up part is if I had it all to do over again, I’d still choose to tell her.
We’re in the car headed back to the city, and she hasn’t really said anything. I tried to have a conversation but she kept her answers short and by the end, she mostly just nodded. So, I gave up and let the radio fill the silence. When I pull up to her street, she’s in such a trance that she doesn’t even realize she’s home. I’d give anything to know what she’s thinking.
“Sky, you’re home.”
“Oh,” she says as she looks around. “Thanks for today, I had a lot of fun,” she says. I nod slowly, not sure what the next move is supposed to be. She starts to get out of the car, but I place my hand on top of hers, and she makes eye contact for the first time since we’ve been in the car.
“Are you…is everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, everything’s good.”
“Really? Because I’ve interviewed suspects that knew they faced decades of prison time and they were less nervous than you are right now.”
“I jumped out of a plane. That’s big. It warrants being nervous.”
“After you land safely on the ground?”
“Sometimes there’s a delayed reaction.”
I swear to God, this girl will be the death of me.
“Okay,” I reply.
“Do you want to come in?” she asks.
“Are you asking to be polite or because you really want me to come up?”
She stops to think about it. That makes my heart sink.
“Cash—”
“It’s been a long day. We should both get some rest,” I offer.
“Yeah, you’re right. Good night.”
Over the next few days, things are a little strained between us. I’m not sure what I expected by telling her that I was falling in love with her, but it wasn’t this. I decide to let some time pass; maybe she’ll be more forthcoming after a while. So, I don’t rush or push her in any way. And within a week or so, we are back to the fun, easy vibe we had before.
We’re in each other’s lives in small ways, every day. There’s a kid in her class named Cody; his parents love to bicker about little things. And the kid picks up on their lingo and repeats it at school. Last week, Sky told him to pick up the crayons he left on the table. He looked at her and said, “C’mon, woman, you gonna bust my balls over this?” She made him take a timeout and then went to the ladies’ room, and she laughed her ass off. She’ll send me screenshots of old ladies giving traffic cops the finger, and random things she overhears people saying in the line at Starbucks.
I love that we get along so well and that we are in each other’s lives in small ways. But what about being in each other’s lives in bigger, more meaningful ways? It’s been two weeks since I told her I was falling for her and she hasn’t said anything back. I didn’t plan it, but when it came out of my mouth, I started to understand just how true that statement was.
I don’t want to push her but I’m out here on a damn ledge, and it’s only getting scarier as time passes. This whole thing has caught me by surprise. I’m usually the one being asked, “Where is this relationship going?” And usually the answer is “Nowhere.” I stay clear of relationships; it’s better that way. Then I meet her, and now, I have no fucking clue which way is up.
***
We’ve been talking to the suspect for over two hours in the interview room. And with every passing moment, it’s clear he’s not gonna give up his supplier. Dragging his ass into a prison cell and letting him rot there is tempting. But the fact is, we need his boss, and if cutting him a deal is the only way to get his boss, then so be it.
“Bosa, we know how it is, man. You’re just trying to get by. But while you put your freedom in danger, your boss is sitting back, letting you take all the risk. Now is your chance for payback. Give us a name, and we’ll make sure it’s his ass in that chair,” Nikko says.
Bosa, a stout, longhaired guy with a birthmark above his right eye, looks down at the floor. Nikko and I exchange a quick glance, and right away we know what our next play will be.
“It’s okay; Bosa has no problem going away for life. It’s not like he’s got a family or anything,” I inform Nikko. Bosa looks up at me.
Nikko picks up the file on the table and says, “Actually, he has four kids.”
“Well, I’m sure they’ll grow up to be strong men who can fend for themselves,” I add.
“Nope, says here all four kids are girls,” Nikko replies.
“Hey, Bosa, do you think it’s okay to leave four beautiful little girls out here on their own? What the hell am I saying? It’s not like bad things ever happen to young girls, right?” I ask. He glares at me as his nostrils flare. He’s sweating, and his eyes a
re dark with anger.
“They love you. Maybe they shouldn’t, but they do. And this is your one chance to protect them, by making sure you get back to them as soon as possible. Tell us what we want to know, and you can still have a life with your daughters,” Nikko says.
Bosa’s eyes drift off to the side; he’s carefully weighing his options. That’s a good sign. He’s about to speak when my boss, Hammond, opens the door of the interview room and calls me outside. I signal to Nikko to keep working on him. I follow Hammond outside; he reminds me of a beanpole. He’s tall and lanky, with beady eyes. He can be a hard-ass, but all in all, he’s fair.
“What is it?” I ask.
“The tech guys were doing a sweep, making sure everyone’s cover is intact for the coming op, and they found this,” he says, and he hands me a tablet and tells me to take a look at the website’s featured content. It’s a conspiracy theory site, and my picture is prominently featured with the words, “Killer Among Us.” I’m past pissed off and have gone straight to murderous rage.
“What the hell is this? Why is my picture all over this damn site? Whose site is this?”
“They are still working on that.”
“No need,” I reply as I grit my teeth. I signal to Hammond to look at the domain name; it contains my ex-partner’s badge number. Hank’s son, Tyler, created this site.
“Goddamn it!” I spit.
“Our tech guys were able to take it down and it’s unlikely that any of the people we’re dealing with on this op saw it, but we can’t take the chance. You’re gonna sit out this next op.”
“What? That’s bullshit!”
“Hey, watch your mouth.”
I try, again, to control my anger. “Hammond, you know this isn’t right! I need to be there when we get these guys; we got close last year and—”
“No, we need to make sure you aren’t compromised. Sorry, you’re out.”
***
Hank’s widow, Claudia Hudson, is taking her groceries out of the cart and loading them into the back seat of her car. I watch her for a few moments. She’s a well-groomed woman in her late forties, but stress has caused her to look older than her age. Her black hair is pinned in a sensible bun behind her head, and she wears Hank’s ring on her finger.
