“I honestly don’t know.” She sighed. “When the scandal was everywhere, Mom asked me if I’d heard from him. It was the first time she’d mentioned his name in I can’t even tell you how long. But she’ll follow my dad’s lead. He doesn’t tell people he has a son anymore. The sad part is, it’s kind of true.”
“We can change that.”
“Let me talk to my mom. If you call her out of nowhere like you did to me, it will upset her even more. I can’t promise anything, but I’ll do my best, Leah.”
“Thank you.” It wasn’t even close to expressing how I felt.
“One more thing,” she added before she said goodbye. “I’d really like to talk to Jagger.”
Yes. Baby steps were good. Better than good. The best I could hope for. This was going to take a lot of getting used to on both sides. The important thing was she was willing to try. “I’ll have him call you.”
I had to hope he was, too.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Leah
I couldn’t wait to get home and tell Jagger the news. The rest of the day passed in a big, happy blur. Every trip to the Design District took longer than I expected it to. I let myself get lost in the colors and the textures. Working with Jagger and combining the gallery with my business had given me a fresh outlook on what I did. I needed that. People wanted different things down here. At first it made me nervous I wouldn’t understand or be able to deliver Miami style, but now I felt confident I was ready to give it to them.
The apartment was in shadow when I got home. Jagger often went to the gym after work, and it was possible I got back before he did. I put my stuff down and noticed the slider to the balcony was open. Hoping Jagger was home, I clutched my phone and approached the open glass door.
I’d never been so relieved to see the back of his head. His hair wasn’t wet from a post-workout shower. It caught in the breeze, the only part of him moving. It looked like another storm was headed our way.
“Hey.” I put my hand on his shoulder before I kissed him.
He flinched.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
It was my turn to flinch when he turned around. His eyes were stormier than the clouds that rolled behind him. It scared the hell out of me.
“Have a seat,” he said, voice flat.
I did as he asked, and spotted the vodka bottle in the middle of the table. “How much of that have you had?”
“Not enough.” Oh, shit. We drank often together before I was pregnant, socially, casually. Since I told him about the baby, I hadn’t noticed him drinking without me. I never considered he had a problem with it. “Tell me what you and Kari did last week.”
I swallowed hard, wishing I could have some of that vodka. “We went to Orlando.”
“To a conference?”
I shook my head.
He leaned forward, just like he did many nights when he was about to come on to me, when he’d punctuated whatever he had to say by taking my clothes off and ravishing my body. He still managed to make me feel naked. “What did you do in Orlando?”
I was pretty sure he already knew the answer to his question. There was no point in complicating the situation with another lie. “Kari found out where Kim Crowe lived.”
Jagger exhaled heavily, leaning back in his chair and raking his hand through his hair. He tipped his face toward the sky, and I wasn’t sure what he was looking at, or if he was seeing anything. “I asked you not to do that.”
“I know. And I’m sorry.” He glanced over at me. Sorry only scratched the surface of what I’d done. There was only one way he could’ve found out about this. “Did you hear from Kim?” I asked.
“Yup. Said you tried to bribe her son away from her. Threatened to have you arrested. Attempted kidnapping or some shit. I wanted to chalk it up to another one of her crazy bitch episodes, then it dawned on me that you happened to be out of town at the time she claimed it happened.”
That woman was out of her natural damn mind. “So you believe her?”
He turned back to me, picking up the bottle and refreshing his glass. I was relieved when he didn’t pound it in one gulp. “The thing with Kim is there’s always a shred of truth in there. That’s how she gets you on her side. But then it all takes a left turn. Fill in the blanks for me, Leah.”
I hated his tone. It made me doubt there was any way I could fix this. Never once when I put together this scheme did I think that Kim would tattle on me. Stupid. I wanted for him to connect with Jacob so badly, I forgot to consider that others didn’t. “All I wanted to do was see him. To know he was happy and healthy. We were on a fool’s mission, I knew that. We got to the neighborhood and took a walk. As soon as I saw them—”
“You saw him?”
“Yes.” I willed myself not to cry. This wasn’t about me. “He looks just like you.”
He closed his eyes for a long blink, swaying in his chair. When he opened them, I wasn’t sure he knew where he was. I should’ve never gone to Orlando. Not only did I piss off Kim, but now I had the one thing Jagger so desperately wanted and I couldn’t give it to him. I’d probably robbed him of the chance to ever see his son. He licked his lips, but he didn’t say anything.
“Kari and I agreed that we wouldn’t make any contact with Jacob. All we wanted to know that he was okay. Ever since you told me about him, I lay awake at night—“
Jagger scoffed. “You lay awake at night, thinking about Jacob?”
“I do. It doesn’t diminish what you feel. This haunts you, I’ve known it for much longer than you’ve been willing to tell me about it. Kari helped me find Kim. If I’d told you—“
“I would’ve told you that it was a horrible idea.”
“He’s a happy little boy.” I went to Jagger. He was shell-shocked, and he didn’t put his arms around me when I sat in his lap. I didn’t expect him to. I pushed the hair away from his face. I wanted so badly to kiss him, to make this all go away for him, but he had to work through this pain. I’d given him more, and I couldn’t take it away. “We saw Kim taking Jacob and a little girl to the park.”
Jagger’s brow was furrowed, and he stared past me at the ocean. He managed a nod.
“I don’t know what came over me. I should’ve kept walking, not even saying hello. But I went up to her.” I had his full attention again. “She knew who I was. And she assumed you put me up to it, that you were there. I told her you didn’t, and you weren’t.”
This was the hardest part. “I told her that you wanted to see him.” I could barely speak. Jagger took a deep breath, and I was so close to losing it. “And she wanted to know how badly you wanted it. If I’d make it worth her while, she’d consider it.”
Jagger looked so much like Jacob, so young, so lost. “Did you think I haven’t thought about finding him every day? There’s a fucking reason I forced myself to walk away. Because I decided it was better that my son not know me instead of hate me.”
I shook my head. “You have to let him decide that for himself.”
“It’s been decided for me!” Jagger slammed his fist against the table and the vodka jumped out of his glass. “It’s a game I can’t win. A trap I can’t get out of. Do you believe me now? She wants to press charges against you. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did. You should’ve never gone up there.”
“I’m sorry.” It didn’t help this time, either. The first tear escaped, and neither of us made any effort to brush it away. “It wasn’t the only reason I went up there.”
Jagger narrowed his eyes at me.
“I wanted to see her, too. To find out what kind of mother would actually take her son away from his father, because I threatened Rich with it so many times. When he told me I was a piece of shit, pulled my hair, slapped me across the face, and when I caught him with Shelley . . . But I could never make myself go through with it. Raven needed him. I couldn’t convince myself I wasn’t like Kim unless I saw her.”
“Are you?”
“No.” It came out as
a whisper. “It was never my intention to hurt you. But I did it anyway. I expected my search to fail miserably, and it did, but I didn’t think this would happen. I went because I want you to have all the things you deserve.”
“It’s doesn’t work like that.” His voice was graveled with emotion.
“I know.”
He exhaled. “What happens now?” His body tensed under mine, like he wanted to get up, his fight or flight instinct kicking in.
I wouldn’t let him get away. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Leah, you fucking lied to me.”
“Yes, I did. I’m going to screw things up. You are, too. We can either get through it together and be stronger for it or let it tear us apart. I know I’ll have to earn your trust back.” And from the steely expression on his face, I had a steep uphill climb. “I know you haven’t been in a healthy relationship before. Neither have I. It will take a few tries to get it right.”
The pain had yet to fade from Jagger’s eyes. I expected it to linger for a long time. “It’s not just that you did it. It’s that you did it, after I asked you not to. I thought I made you understand why I wanted that. And then you’re wondering if you’re anything like the woman who’s put me through absolute hell for the last ten years of my life. I can’t go through that again.”
“I never considered myself a bad person, I thought I was doing what was right for me and Raven. Everything isn’t black and white. I wanted to figure out why. Even when I talked to Ruby today—“
“You talked to my sister?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Yes. That was the first thing I wanted to tell you when I got home. It was good, Jagger. Really good.” I’d never been so relieved to see the corners of his mouth twitch upward. Jagger didn’t do emotion, and the poor guy had been on an old rickety roller coaster of them since I walked in the door. “She wants you to call her.”
He closed his eyes. I took advantage of it and kissed his cheek. A low moan vibrated in his throat, and he held me close to him but didn’t open his eyes, didn’t speak. Even though I’d been sitting in his lap, Kim had driven a massive wedge between us. The divide seemed insurmountable just moments before. I couldn’t blame her for my actions. She amplified them, but I’d set it into motion.
I’d been through some shit—when my sister was sick, when Rich was at his absolute worst. But I’d never been alone. I always had Lisa, even when the cancer was ravaging her body, her gentle presence comforted me. I had to fight so she could fight. I had Raven, my parents, and Kari. Jagger had none of that. He’d kept his feelings bottled up to protect himself because he had no alternative. No wonder he always wanted to run. Solitude had been his only comfort. In some ways he’d lived so much more than me, seen things I couldn’t imagine. But in other ways he seemed so innocent, like now when he brushed his thumb on the back of my neck, and I savored the flicker of light at the end of the tunnel.
“She saw you on TV.” It would’ve been harder for her not to see him, since we’d been plastered everywhere. “The day we announced Second Chances. She told her daughter that you were her uncle.”
He opened his eyes. “She’s got a daughter?”
There were a few fault lines on my heart, and some of them belonged to Jagger. I’d prepared myself the best I could for the rumble and crack. “She’s four.”
His smile was undeniable now. “Ruby’s six years younger than me. I loved grossing her out. Like when I told her where babies come from.” He chuckled. “She freaked out and ran to our mom, who grounded my ass even though I’d told her the truth. Anyway, Ruby swore she’d never have a baby. Even when she got older. Between the two of us my mother had probably given up on grandchildren.” He sighed, and I squeezed his hand.
“I never believed in wasting time with all that stork crap. Although I didn’t get technical with Raven until she’d reached double digits. I’m sure you can imagine how many shades of red she turned. She insisted we never talk about it again.”
“Probably the same number that Ruby turned. She’s actually a lot like Raven. Smart and quiet but tough as nails.” Some of the sadness crept back in. “At least she was.”
“Now you can find out.” I kissed his cheek again, scraping against the little bit of stubble. I loved how rough it was at the end of the day. Jagger undone, the version of him only I got to see. “The number’s on a piece of paper in my purse.”
He nodded. “Thank you.” He laced his fingers into mine. “I was going to give you something tonight, too.”
“You were?” I hadn’t expected that. Minutes ago we’d been on the brink of an epic argument, and I’d been afraid of losing him, even if it was only for a few days or hours. And before that I’d been filled with the rush of having something to give him. I knocked our hands against his thigh, much closer to his shaft than I expected. The bolt of electricity it sent through our bodies made us both jump. “What?”
A sly smile spread across his face and he guided my hand back to the danger zone. “Your ring.”
I gasped. “You have it?” He nodded. “Go get it.”
I started to get up so he could carry out my request, but he grabbed my waist, sending me crashing down on him. “Not tonight. It deserves its own night, without Ruby or Kim or anything else.”
Oh, that wasn’t fair. “But I want to see it.”
“Nope. I want it to be a surprise. Although, now I get to see that look on your face twice.”
I pouted. “Then why did you tell me?”
“Because.” He pulled me in closer and kissed my forehead. I landed with my head on his shoulder and either way I looked, I had the best view in the world. The sun setting over Miami Beach and Jagger. “I wanted you to know that I’m serious about marrying you. I love you, Leah. And all the things you’ve brought into my life. Some things are going to be hard for me, and it’ll take me a while to get comfortable asking for your help. Even if it’s a bitch for me to actually make the words come out of my mouth, I know you’ll be there for me. And I want you to know, I’m not going anywhere. Ever.”
My eyes stung. For Jagger to make a declaration like that was nothing short of mind-blowing. “Good. Because there’s no place I’d rather be.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jagger
I didn’t deserve to have someone like Leah in my life. Hearing from Kim dragged a lot of horrible shit up, and I was still bullshit at Leah for lying to me. And when she said she thought she was just like Kim, I thought I was going to lose my mind. There was no way I could go through that again, especially with my baby growing inside her.
At one time those words would’ve sent me out the door without a second thought. No looking back. The difference this time wasn’t that I needed Leah—and I did—but I wanted her. She’d accepted me with all my fucking baggage. I had to do the same for her.
I’d been burned so badly I didn’t think I could feel anymore. It was a shock to find out I could. The pain hadn’t lessened with time.
All the shit I’d done in the past got me nowhere. It was time to be a man, for my baby and my future wife. I escorted for so long because it was easy. As long as I was numb to the pain, it didn’t matter.
Actually committing to someone was scary and confusing, but so worth it when Leah put her lips on mine. She needed the kiss as badly as I did tonight. I needed to connect to her, let myself flow into her, knowing that she’d give so much more back to me. She was the bravest woman I’d ever met. Standing up for what she thought was right, even when it was the hardest thing to do. She risked everything to get what she wanted, lost it all more than once, and still managed to dust herself off and get back on the horse.
“What do I have to do to convince you to show me the ring?” she murmured against my lips. “You don’t have to give it to me, I just want to see it.”
I cradled her face in my hands. “What fun would that be?”
“Plenty. I like shiny things.” She slipped her hand down my chest, settling on my crotch
. “And new toys.”
“I think you should keep playing with the toys you have.”
She attempted an exasperated sigh, but it ended in a giggle. “I could, but what if I get bored?”
“Why don’t you show me what you have in mind, and if that bores you, I’ll help you mix things up.” I shifted underneath her, my cock was so hard it would rip my pants if she didn’t unzip them.
“That’s not fair. I asked you to show me the ring, and now you want me to show you things?” She shook her head. “Nope. Not doing it.”
But her hand was on my cock, moving back and forth on my pants, like she was trying to start a fire with two sticks. It was working. I could barely see straight. “Fine.” I put my hands on the arms of the chair. “I’ll take my toys and save them for another time.”
It was bullshit. I couldn’t go far with her on my lap. Leah narrowed her eyes at me, pretending to be offended. She had this acting thing down, and once she gave me some relief and my thoughts weren’t in a dirty jumble in my brain, I’d ask her if she was up for a little roleplay. It took forever to establish, and I didn’t have that kind of time. “Maybe I’ll see what I can do.” That little smile wrecked me every time.
I leaned back and let her unzip my pants. My cock sprung out and she caught it. She kept her hand still. The feel of her fingers holding me in place but still aching for whatever came next was torture. I meant to protest, but it came out as a groan.
“Shh.” She slipped off my lap, not letting go of me. Stopping to meet my gaze for what seemed like forever, she dipped her head down and kissed the tip. She brushed against it, like she’d done to my lips so many times. I shifted under her, needing more. Her tongue darted out, rounding the head. A flurry of quick movements, each one stealing my breath away.
“Nope.” She let go of my shaft and stood. “That’s not what I want to do.”
“Then what?” I couldn’t play twenty questions when I could barely remember my own name.
She unzipped her skirt and stepped out of it, catching it on her foot and putting it on the table, using the vodka bottle as a weight. Clothes had a way of disappearing on the deck unsupervised. Fifteen stories up, there was always a breeze. “Help me with my panties,” she said.
Ties That Bind (The Escort, #3) Page 15
