His face lit up. He wasn’t numb after all. “I love it when she kicks me.”
“She already takes after her big sister. Raven never stayed still in there.” I wondered how much they’d be alike, especially since my new little one wouldn’t grow up with Raven. I missed her terribly, and was counting down the days until she came to spend Thanksgiving with us.
For a long time it was just Raven and me. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I’d never understand how Jagger’s parents resisted reaching out to him—no matter what they said—once they knew about Jacob. A family wasn’t automatic, whether or not they were linked by blood. It took a lot of hard work to keep it together.
Jagger rolled onto his stomach. His hair was a mess, but his eyes weren’t dead anymore. “We still have to pick a name.”
“What do you think about Violet?” We’d tossed a couple names around, but that was the one I kept coming back to.
“I love it.” He kissed my belly, and Violet wiggled in response. “I’d like to name her after your sister, too. It’s the best way you could honor her request.”
The last words my sister Lisa said before cancer took her away were live for me. I had it tattooed on my arm so I could never forget. Any time I took a chance—moving to Washington, interviewing for a position as an actual interior designer and not someone who sold throw pillows and picture frames, letting Kari book Jagger for me the first time—I knew Lisa was cheering me on, wherever she was. That she’d tell me I’d only lose if I didn’t take a chance.
“What about your family?” I asked. They had such a rich tradition, and I would have loved to make it mean something.
He shook his head. After this morning’s conversation with his mother, I didn’t blame him.
“Violet Lisa. Lisa would love that so incredibly much,” I said. I wouldn’t cry, because Lisa would’ve hated that just as much. “Don’t give up on Jacob—let me finish. It might not be now, but when he can make the decision for himself, I think he’ll surprise you. I know a thing or two about people whose evil roots reach straight to Hell. It tends to take over everything. Rots them from the inside and the stuff that matters, like their hearts and their souls, turns black. Chances are, he knows about you. Kim’s done everything in her power to vilify you. It’s possible that she’s forgotten to protect her son from that hate. She probably thinks he’ll follow her beliefs blindly. But kids don’t work like that. Raven tells me every rotten thing Rich says about me. And she challenges me—giving me a chance to refute his claims. Because she doesn’t take anything at face value, even from me. It hurts and it pisses me off, but I know how lucky I am that she gives me the benefit of the doubt.”
“I hope you’re right.” He sighed. “Speaking of the root of all evil, have you talked to Rich about the lawsuit?”
“No.” After all the painful things I’d asked Jagger to do, I hadn’t honored his one request—to drop my countersuit against Rich. “It was kind of like a little vacation, the first time in twenty years I didn’t have to put up with his crap.”
“Get this over with and you won’t have to deal with him for the next twenty years. Or the twenty years after that.”
“Don’t talk so sexy to me when we have to go to work.” I snuggled back down next to Jagger. “It’s kind of sad. We’re trying to bring people back into your life, and get people out of mine.”
“It’s about having the right people in our lives.” He pulled me in closer, and it was official. We were going to be late for work. “The ones who don’t hold us back.”
I kissed him. “They served their purpose. Without them, I would’ve never met you.”
**
I could barely remember my life without Rich Manfredi in it. We’d been intertwined since we were little—school, church, and my dad even bought cars from his dad. At first Rich kept his distance. We weren’t friends, and no one was more surprised than me when he started paying attention to me. The two of us ran with different crowds by then, and the social pecking order had been set: Rich and his friends at the top of the heap, people like me and Kari somewhere in the middle. I always questioned his motives, but I thought I was lucky.
That’s where the trouble began. My parents were thrilled when I married him because they knew it meant I was staying close to home. Rich made sure to keep me where he wanted me—not as a partner, not as an equal, but as his wife. He defined that differently than I did. My first husband didn’t have many hobbies, other than baseball and feeding my insecurities. Rich only loved me when I was weak, if he ever loved me at all. For too long, I let that shape who I was.
Even though I’d accomplished so much more without him, the end of my marriage had always felt like a failure. Something I’d done wrong. Rich got to keep his life, his job, and his house, and I had to start from scratch. He held me hostage with the money he gave me to raise Raven, threatening to take it away every time we disagreed.
After a while I didn’t need it. But I wanted it, because it was the only thing I could take from him.
He’d taken so much from me. My time, my pride, my self-esteem. Now that I had them back, I knew how much they were worth. That was why I’d wanted to win my countersuit against him so badly. It gave me a chance to strike a near fatal blow to the same place I’d hit repeatedly since the divorce. His bank account. Everything had a value to Rich, besides me. His attitude was infectious. It festered inside me, flaring anytime I spoke to him. A little part of me was forever the woman who was married to him, no matter how high I climbed or how strong I became.
That was what I had to take control over. I’d had no success so far, and it was time to approach it from a different standpoint.
He wouldn’t see me dropping the lawsuit as a victory to anyone but himself. He’d never understand the concept of being the bigger person.
This phone call scared me so much.
I’d said so many times I wanted Raven to know she could accomplish anything she wanted. Same went for Violet. I was smarter now, the second time around. I refused to let another daughter grow up in the middle of a battleground. She’d never learn to use fear as a weapon.
“Rich Manfredi.” Fuck, I hated when he answered the phone like my name didn’t come up on his caller ID.
“Do you have a minute to talk?” Already I was at a disadvantage, asking for his permission to talk to him.
“A couple minutes,” he said. “Raven told me the good news about the baby.”
“Thank you.” I wasn’t sure it was a compliment.
“Are you going to name it after its father? Hooker?” He snickered at his own joke.
Nope. I ignored him. “Actually, we’re naming her after my sister.”
“Oh. That’s nice.” He sounded somewhat sincere. “What do you want, Leah? I have a meeting in ten minutes.”
Ten minutes on the phone with my ex-husband was an eternity. “This won’t take that long. In fact, it’s simple. I’m dropping the countersuit.”
Rich scoffed. “You finally came to your senses and realized it was utter bullshit? Apology accepted.”
My body shook, and I hoped he couldn’t hear it in my voice. He’d take it as fear and not anger. He already thought he’d won. “This is no apology. And there was no bullshit about it. I’ve wasted enough time letting you control my life. You can’t have that anymore. I’m taking it back.”
“Right. Even your bestie can’t win this one for you.”
More bullshit. Kari was so pissed at me, insisting the lawsuit was a slam dunk. “She can, and she advised me not to drop it. I don’t want you in my life anymore, Rich. More than that, I’m not letting you be in my life anymore. I don’t want your money or the constant aggravation that comes with it. You’re not worth it. I’ve got better things to do.”
I could tell him how much better off I was without him until I was blue in the face. I could make charts and graphs and prove my point with pure facts, completely eliminating any emotional consideration, and he still wouldn’t get it.
I was done trying to explain it to him. Insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and believing it would work the next time. With Rich, there were no more next times.
“I do too,” he said. It sounded sincere, too. That’s where he got me so many times over the years, hooked me back when I had one foot out the door. He’d always known there was a huge part of me that wanted to believe in him. Now that I had someone who deserved that devotion from me, that part of me had disappeared. It was never coming back. “What happens now?”
“Nothing.” And it would be glorious. “We go on with our lives. If we need to talk about Raven, we do. But all the shit stops. If you do it again, it’s harassment and you know I won’t hesitate to take action.”
Just like Kim Crowe had said about me. No, I was nothing like her. I’d given Rich every chance to step up and act like a man. Now he had to deal with the consequences of his actions.
I held my breath, expecting him to rip into me, turn the situation around and insist I was the one who’d caused all the trouble. “If you contact me outside of anything about Raven, I’ll consider it harassment, too.”
I laughed. “Don’t stay up at night waiting for that to happen.”
“I won’t.” He sighed in response. “I don’t know what the hell you’re thinking, Leah. Marrying this guy, having a baby. Raven will be almost twenty years older than her little sister.”
“Here’s the thing—I don’t care what you think. That’s what I’m trying to get through your head. The best thing you ever did for me was bring Shelley into our bed. I spent so much time worrying about what you needed and trying to make things better for us. There was no better for us. I finally put myself first and got what I really wanted.”
“Good luck. You need it.”
“Luck is the last thing I need.” Something inside me lifted, knowing this was finally over. “We settled for each other, Rich. Way too early in life. I married you because I thought you’d keep me safe. I thought I wanted what my parents had. But I wanted so much more than that. I needed someone who’d let me fly, not who kept me tied in one place.”
“You could’ve done anything you wanted to—“
“I could’ve done anything you wanted me to,” I corrected him. “And you still think that’s the case. I want absolutely nothing from you—your money, and most of all your permission to do anything. Taking your money gives you power over me. It doesn’t matter if I need it or not. I’m done letting you have that power.”
He scoffed. “Whatever.”
I turned around to find Jagger standing in the doorway. He winked at me. My breath caught in my throat, and I hung up on my ex-husband. It didn’t matter that Rich got the final word. He’d never listen, and I was done wasting time trying to explain it to him when I had this beautiful man willing to lift me up. Roll with the punches, for better or for worse. Words were so overrated when actions showed what a person was truly made of.
Finally, I was free.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Leah
My mother waved off our Christmas tree as soon she walked into the apartment. Her heavy coat was draped over her arm. “This is all wrong. You can’t decorate a palm tree for Christmas.”
I knew she’d freak out as soon as she saw it. We didn’t have much for the holiday, especially compared to the forty-plus-year-old collection that my parents had amassed. I knew their house was completely decorated, lights on a timer, even though they were fifteen hundred miles away.
“Why not?” I’d left all my decorations at the house at DC. Jagger had none. Even before I knew we’d be starting a family together, I wanted to start new traditions with him. After so long without a Christmas, he needed to have a say. We didn’t have a chance to buy much, and every time I brought him shopping, he was completely overwhelmed. Baby steps.
Mom frowned. “Next year you have to have a real tree. For the baby. Did you get the boxes I sent down?”
She’d gone baby crazy. There’d been a present for me and Jagger in the box, a soft, beautiful blanket that we’d lie under for our annual movie night, and about twenty for Violet. “Yes. Thank you. We’ve got a couple years until she understands about Santa Claus.”
“She’ll know about Grandma and Grampy right away.” Mom handed me her parka.
“I think the tree is cute.” Raven hadn’t left my side since she arrived with my parents and Kari, who had her boyfriend Reno in tow.
“The damn balls are weighing down those puny little branches. That’s not a tree, it’s a weed.” My dad poked at one of the balls at the end of a sagging branch. “And why all white lights?”
“You guys have no sense of adventure.” I took my parents’ jackets and laid them on the bed. When I came back, they’d changed their tune about the apartment. Jagger had brought them to the balcony to show them our backyard, Miami Beach and The Atlantic Ocean. “Isn’t it amazing?” I asked when I joined them.
“I’d never leave the house if I had this view.” Reno leaned so far over the railing I was afraid he’d fall over.
“Too bad you won’t be here in the morning. I booked you all beachside at the hotel. The sunrise is absolutely breathtaking.” We didn’t have a guest room, so the only one who was staying with us was Raven. I bought an air mattress for her and set it up in Violet’s room. I hated that Raven didn’t have a room here. We’d have to figure something out before summer because she needed to have a place to come home to. “Is anybody hungry?” I asked.
Raven’s eyes got huge. “Starving.”
That was a change. Everyone else nodded.
“You’re not making the chef cook, are you?” Dad asked.
“No! Reno’s a guest. I cooked. I’m keeping as many of our traditions as possible, but since we’re moving everything up a day for the wedding, not everything will be the same. It’s Christmas Eve eve, so it’s movie night. Raven picks what we watch, as always. I have to heat some stuff up, but I made a breakfast buffet. It’s easy, and everyone likes breakfast. Especially the baby,” I said, rubbing my stomach.
“It’s pretty much all we’ve had for three months.” Jagger headed for the fridge. “I’m in charge of mimosas and Bloody Marys, if anyone wants one.”
He made a cocktail for everyone but me and Raven, who helped me crack eggs after we took everyone’s orders. I kissed the shaved side of her head. I’d missed her so much. I’d just seen her at Thanksgiving but the month seemed like an eternity. “How’s everything? When was the last time I told you how happy I was to see you?”
“Good. And about five minutes ago.” She gave me one of her signature shy smiles. We’d talked on video chat all the time, but it wasn’t the same as actually having her here. That’s when I noticed something new.
“When did you get your nose pierced?”
She turned pink. No matter what changed, she was still my baby. “Couple weeks ago. Grandma flipped out when she saw it. Grampy said it looked like I got in a fight with a pirate and lost.”
“A little bit. I like it though.”
Her eyes widened. “You do?”
“Yeah.” I looked to the living room, where Reno had everyone captivated with a story about his audition for a cooking show. He stood in the middle of the room, reenacting part of his challenge, his hands flailing wildly.
I looked back to Raven when I knew nobody was paying attention to us. “I want this to be a good Christmas for everyone. Especially you. I know this is probably weird—”
“It’s not.” I was glad she cut me off. “So far, anyway. I think it would’ve been weird if we were all in DC. This is kinda like we’re on vacation.”
“This is your home, too. If you want to come here this summer, I’d love that. We’ll have to figure out the sleeping situation, but we’ll make it work. We always have and we always will.”
“I know.” She whisked the eggs for the people who’d chosen to have theirs scrambled. “I always wanted a little sister.”
“You used to ask me all time if y
ou could have one when you were a little girl, like we could go to the store and pick one out.” It pissed Rich off so bad, which in turn pissed me off because it made me think he didn’t want the daughter he had. “It took me a while, but I honored your request.”
She laughed. “I haven’t decided what I’m doing this summer yet. I should get an internship.”
“You can always work for me.” Turned out Claire’s friends had friends as well. I was starting to wonder if I’d actually get a maternity leave, but I was also aware of what a good problem it was to have. “Shannon’s here now, too. She’ll be at the wedding. Tonight she’s with her boyfriend.”
Zach. Who wasn’t turning out to be so bad now that weren’t fighting over Jagger anymore. I’d stopped holding my nose over their relationship because I’d never seen Shannon this happy.
“I can’t wait to see her.” Raven stared out at the crowd in the living room as they erupted into laughter. “This is how you always wanted things to be.”
“It is.” And I’d never had it. The parties I threw with Rich always had this weird tension, especially if he wasn’t the center of attention. Eventually we stopped inviting people over, since we never knew when a fight would erupt. “Everyone’s happy, I get to feed them, you’re here . . . what else could I ask for?”
“Nothing.” She smiled at me. “I’m really glad to be home.”
It didn’t matter what pretty furniture filled a house. It was the people inside that mattered.
**
“This is our last night together before we get married,” Jagger said as we slipped into bed. Everyone had stayed much later than we planned, but about as long as we expected. Then we had to figure out how to inflate Raven’s air mattress. We’d almost pulled an all-nighter.
Bed felt so good. “No more living in sin.” I scooted over to put my head on his bare shoulder. “I told my mom it was ridiculous to separate us tomorrow night like we were on our eighth grade field trip. I have a feeling she’ll put Scotch tape on the outside of our doors to make sure we behave.”
Ties That Bind (The Escort, #3) Page 19
