razorsedge

by Lisanne Norman

  “Dear God,” she whispered as he came down on top of her again, his long fur stroking her belly as he began to move more urgently. His mouth closed on her cheek, alternately licking and nipping her till he reached her mouth. She held him there with a kiss as wild as he could wish for. They climaxed as one, bound now into a Triad.

  Images continued to flicker through her mind, images of his life, until she knew him as intimately as she knew herself. As the Link faded, leaving them once more separate, she felt Rezac begin to move away from her, both mentally and physically, tensing himself as he did.

  Her Talent now fully awakened, she sent to him, wanting to know why. Even before he responded, she knew what it was, that it touched the very heart of his trouble with Zashou: her inability from that first knowledge of him, to accept him not only for what he was, but for what he’d been. He was expecting an outburst of anger from her similar to Zashou’s when she’d discovered they’d formed a Leska Link. She remembered then how Zashou had yelled at him, what she’d said and felt about having a Link to him, and realized with shame that she’d behaved no better than his Leska.

  He withdrew from her, sitting back among the rumpled covers.

  “I’m sorry, Rezac,” she said, reaching out to touch him. An echo of the fire they’d felt was still there, sending a tingle through her. This time, she didn’t let go. “I was only thinking of myself. I forgot that you have feelings, too. I had no right to say what I did.”

  He looked up, ears hidden by his hair, and shrugged. “It’s all right, Jo. You weren’t to know, especially considering what you went through with the Valtegans.”

  “It’s not all right,” she insisted, sitting up and moving closer to him. “I am sorry, and you were right, we did enjoy ourselves.”

  His ears lifted slightly. “We did, didn’t we? I made a mess of it with Zashou. She’s never forgiven me for that— or for being what I am.”

  For a moment she saw the unsure young male who hid behind the battle-hardened warrior. She smiled, taking him by the chin, drawing him close enough to kiss. The magic’s still there, she sent as she felt them once more sharing sensations.

  I know.

  Do we have Link days?

  Perhaps. There were no Links like this when we left Shola. She felt his hesitation. Will you stay with me till it passes?

  She moved closer. “Hold me, make me want to stay,” she whispered, her mouth catching hold of his ear. “I would like to.”

  He began to purr, a sound she’d never heard a Sholan make before. “Let me speak to Zashou, tell her what we’re doing.”

  “Will she mind?”

  His laugh had a bitter edge to it as he scrambled to his feet. “No, she’ll be pleased.” He took a couple of steps away from her, then returned to her side, kneeling down again. “What about Kris?”

  “I want to be with you, Rezac,” she said gently. “You said tonight was ours.”

  “You really do mean it,” he said, surprised. “But how can you, when you know what I’ve done?”

  “We’re the same, Rezac. We’ve paid a price for freedom that others can’t understand. You were forced to join the packs because of your family, to pay a debt they owed. That’s not your fault. The authorities pardoned you when you were recruited for the Telepath Program. It’s not what you were that matters, it’s what you are now.” Again she kissed him.

  “How can you see it the way you do?” he asked, between kisses.

  “Because we’re alike, you and I.”

  He stood up reluctantly, letting his fingers trail off her cheek till he was no longer touching her. “I’ll not be long,” he said.

  Taking his tunic from the chair, he hastily pulled it on before going into the lounge. It was empty apart from Kris, who sat there waiting for him. He slowed to a stop as the Human looked up at him.

  “I figured she’d be staying the night with you,” Kris said, indicating a small bundle on the table. “Her things. Washcloth, towel, clothes, you know the stuff.”

  “Thank you,” said Rezac, stepping over to pick them up. “Zashou?”

  “She’s in with us.” He got to his feet. “She says you can use the bed.”

  “I’m sorry, Kris. I wouldn’t have come between you if I could have helped it.”

  “Leave it for tonight, Rezac,” Kris said tiredly. “I found out what I wanted to know. Go on back to her. She’ll be worrying about you because I’m here.”

  Rezac picked up the bundle and turned to leave. “Kris. The only person who won tonight was Jo. She’s beginning to heal now. I can promise you that the Valtegans won’t bother her dreams again.”

  “I’m glad. Now go back to her, Rezac. I’m fine.”

  *

  Jo, draped in a blanket, was returning from the chest where the wash basin stood.

  Rezac put the bundle down on the chair. “Kris gave me some clothes for you,” he said.

  “Kris?”

  He nodded, going over to his pallet and sitting down. “He cares a great deal for you,” he said quietly as she came over to join him.

  “I know. I like him a lot, too.” She stepped past him, sitting next to the fire.

  “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather be with him?”

  “I’m sure, Rezac.”

  She edged closer to him until he grasped her at the waist with both hands and lifted her up beside him, tucking her against his side. She let out a small cry of surprise, never having felt his full strength before.

  “What happens now?” she asked, relaxing against him.

  “Anything we want. I suggest sleep, unless you’re hungry. I always bring some food into the room at night.”

  “Sleep sounds fine,” she murmured. “But take off your tunic first. I like the feel of your body next to mine— your fur feels so good.”

  He began to purr, a gentle, rumbling sound that came from deep within him. “You are just so unbelievable,” he said, his hand caressing her neck. “If we don’t have Link days, will you still want to spend a night with me when we can?”

  “When we want,” she corrected him. “Tell me, though, why do we need to stay together for a whole day? We don’t need to exchange memories, do we?”

  “It’s safest to be alone when we’re this highly sexually charged. It can affect those around us with rather embarrassing consequences. As to not having to exchange memories, look into your mind and you’ll find I’m there. I’ve been sensing your presence within mine for several days now. Not intrusive, just there.”

  “I’ve felt the same,” she agreed, mouth opening in an enormous yawn.

  “Sleep time, I think. We can use the bed if you wish.”

  “Is this where you sleep?”

  He nodded.

  “Then here is fine. This will be our space. Now take off your tunic!” she said, sitting up and tugging the hem of it upward, much to his amusement.

  As they settled down in the warm glow of the fire, Rezac knew that in this alien female, he’d at last found a soul mate.

  *

  T’Chebbi was leaning against a fence where the path to Noni’s joined the main road.

  “Am I not even allowed to leave Stronghold alone?” he asked quietly as she fell in step beside him.

  “Want you kept from hurting yourself,” she said shortly. “Not my idea.” Her breath formed small clouds in the crisp air.

  “Do they expect me to climb a mountain and throw myself off?” he asked, turning to look at her, eye ridges raised in mock surprise. “They don’t know me very well.”

  “Who does, these days?” she retorted.

  They walked in silence for some time, Kaid trying to fathom what was wrong with her. “Is that you speaking, or them?”

  She stopped abruptly, turning to face him. “You want truth, or polite answer?” Her ears were pricked forward.

  He winced and looked away for a moment. “Truth.”

  “You drive Kusac too hard; you forget his upbringing. Why put yourselves down on duty roster?
No need. Could pick and choose missions— achieve same! No need to do execution detail!” She turned away from him and started walking again.

  He felt her anger like a physical blow and by the time he’d collected his wits again, he had to run to catch up with her. “Did Kusac complain?”

  “No. Carrie did. Loudly, to me, after he’d left. Why take him on that detail?”

  “Because of the U’Churians that trade on Jalna. He’s never really fought our own kind, never had to kill Sholans. I don’t want him freezing up on me if we have to shoot U’Churians.”

  She stopped again. “That’s fighting. This was legalized murder.”

  “They chose their death,” he said reasonably. “They had the choice of a lethal injection or mental reprogramming. It was their decision.”

  “Even we aren’t given that duty till near graduation, and you take him after only a month!” She made a noise of disgust.

  “He coped, didn’t he? We don’t have long until it’s time to leave for Jalna.”

  “Carrie didn’t. I had to calm her!”

  “She has to learn, too. The world’s still too bright, too soft for her now she’s a new mother. That has to be left behind. At least she only experienced it secondhand.”

  T’Chebbi snorted. “What you trying to prove, Kaid? That you have no feelings even though you are a telepath? Were never this hard before.”

  He grasped her arm, angry with what she was saying, angry because it echoed what Noni had said.

  “Is that what you think?” he demanded. “That I don’t care about them? Why d’you think I’m pushing so hard? I’m to take two complete novices out into the field on an alien world to rescue nine people, that’s why! If it was up to me, I’d take more than six months, maybe as much as a year, to get them properly trained!”

  “May be true, but you expect too much! Don’t need to teach them everything. You’re trying to show that you’re the same, that nothing’s changed— that’s what this about! It has— you have. Only you won’t admit it.”

  Angrily he pushed her aside, heading back to Stronghold at a pace that wasn’t far short of a run.

  Once inside, he hesitated at the temple doors. A month and a half ago, he’d have gone there, but not surprisingly, he was now barred. He continued up the stairs to his suite, going into the bedroom and closing the door. His head hurt, and he massaged his throbbing forehead as he sat down on the bed.

  Maybe she was right and he was pushing Kusac too hard, but he couldn’t risk taking them to Jalna untrained. The duty officer had offered to reassign the execution detail to another team, but he’d refused for the very reasons he’d told her— they might have to fight U’Churians, and they were remarkably like Sholans if the Chemerian vids were accurate. T’Chebbi was right that it had been too soon, though, even if Kusac had coped with it.

  Kusac had balked when he’d realized why they were there, and had seemed about to object, then, jaws clenched, ears back, he’d stood in line with the rest of the detail. Afterward, he’d refused to talk about it.

  Lying down on his bed, Kaid wondered if he should see the physician about the headache but decided against it. He’d only say it was due to his Talent developing and there was nothing he could do.

  Were Noni and T’Chebbi right? Was he sinking himself so deeply into his work that he was losing sight of the people involved? For T’Chebbi to openly criticize him like that was unprecedented. Tiredness and pain claimed him, and he was drifting into sleep by the time he heard T’Chebbi enter the lounge next door.

  *

  It was dark when he woke. Someone had drawn the drapes and thrown a rug over him— T’Chebbi. Reaching out, he passed his hand over the light sensor till a gentle glow filled the room. He pushed aside the rug, got up, and went to the door, activating it. The lounge was empty.

  Instinctively he reached for her mental pattern, then headed downstairs to the refectory. As he got nearer, the smell of hot food made him realize how hungry he was.

  Looking around, he located T’Chebbi before going up to the counter to collect a meal, then he joined her.

  She acknowledged his presence with a flick of her ear.

  “Thank you for looking after me,” he said quietly.

  She afforded him only a grunt and continued eating.

  Sighing inwardly, he attacked his roast fowl with his knife and fingers.

  She waited till he’d finished, then, picking up her plates, got to her feet. He followed her over to the trolley, stacking his dish on top of hers.

  “I’m taking a shower,” she said as they left the refectory and headed back toward the entrance hall.

  “Use mine,” he said. “Unless you particularly want to use the communal one.”

  Again she grunted, but chose to accompany him back to his rooms.

  After she’d gone into the bathroom, he sat in the lounge thinking over what she’d said earlier, trying to understand why it had angered him so much. His thoughts kept returning to the few times they’d been intimate and it wasn’t long before he was forced to admit to himself that he’d enjoyed her company. The female side of her he hardly knew at all, and he had been fascinated by it. Almost immediately came the realization that he wanted and valued that side of her.

  His decision made, he got up and entered the bedroom. Taking off his robe, he flung it aside and went into the bathroom. Going over to the shower unit, he reached out to touch T’Chebbi’s shoulder, drawing her attention to his presence.

  “Would you like some help?” he asked, ears folding back despite his efforts. “It’s easier for me to scrub your back.”

  Suspiciously she eyed him over her shoulder, then, picking up the bottle of soap, she handed it to him and moved over to allow him into the shower.

  Stepping under the cascading water, he gasped briefly at the suddenness of its heat. T’Chebbi stood with her back to him, tail hanging down till it almost touched the ground, her unbound hair lying forward over her chest.

  Pouring some soap onto his hand, he put the bottle back on the rack and began to gently massage it into her pelt, quickly working it into a lather. As he rubbed it into her sides, he watched the soapy waves trickling down to the small of her back, parting on either side of her tail before running down her legs.

  He let his mind become still, just enjoying the firmness of her body beneath his hands, letting his massage gradually become a caress. Crouching down, he worked his way lower, smoothing the suds over her flanks, feeling her muscles clench under his hands as he stroked her lower back just around the base of her tail. She turned her head and looked down at him, blinking away the water that clung to her eyelashes.

  He let his hands trail around her thighs and as she began to sway, he felt the tension leave her body. Standing up, his hands circled her waist, steadying her, letting his cheek rest against the side of her head.

  “Easy there. You should have left it a little longer before showering. The heat’s making you light-headed.”

  “Perhaps.”

  He slid one hand slowly across her chest, encouraging her to lean against him. “Perhaps you were right,” he said. “Perhaps I care too much and don’t know the way to show it.”

  She started to purr, a low sound of pleasure, as his tongue began to lick her ear.

  “It’s not lack of caring,” he murmured.

  “I know.” She turned round, arms outstretched to hold him. “You needed to.”

  *

  Afterward, he lay curled around her, enjoying her body warmth and the quiet contentment that flowed from her to him.

  “Will you have him?” she asked.

  “Mmm?”

  “As swordbrother.”

  “Maybe. Why?”

  “Does he know what it entails?”

  Kaid snorted gently with amusement. “He thinks he does! He’s full of fears and uncertainties now.” He reached out to run his hand through her hair.

  “Why? He trusted you before.”

 
“He didn’t know me before.”

  She turned her face till she was looking up at him. “Did either you or Garras ask…” She let her voice trail off into silence.

  “No. The situation never arose.”

  He sounded unconcerned by her question. She could afford to push the issue. “Would you have?”

  “I took the oath with him,” he said. “It wasn’t part of our pact, but had the need been there and he asked, then in those days, yes. You’re very curious all of a sudden.”

  “Never had a swordbrother, so don’t know. About Kusac, would you ask him, if the need arose?”

  Kaid stretched his body to its full length, tail flicking against her leg. “He’s afraid I might ask,” he yawned. “Afraid of what he’d say.”

  “Would you?” she insisted.

  “Who knows? He could be the one to need me. Why is it so important for you to know this?”

  “Tell him if it’s not part of the ritual. Don’t keep him afraid.”

  “He needs to decide what he wants to bring to this relationship. If I tell him that, then he doesn’t need to look inside himself for the answers.”

  “Did you do this to Garras?”

  He began to laugh softly. “You’ve got it wrong, kitling. Garras did this to me!”

  She hadn’t expected that. Somehow she’d always thought Kaid had been the senior.

  Kaid reached out for the brush that lay on his night table and began to run it through the long hank of hair that lay in his other hand. “You know, you do have beautiful hair,” he said in the voice of someone to whom it had just come as a revelation.

  “Every time I return, she hopes for a message from you,” T’Chebbi said quietly.

  The brush strokes stopped and she felt his body tense. “She?”

  “Carrie. Your mate. I’d take a message.”

  He didn’t know how to answer her.

  “There’s no danger to her or cub now. Visions and memories both stopped.”

  He began brushing her hair again, but it was more automatic now. How had she known? He didn’t remember telling anyone of that fear. “I’m not ready to see her yet. I have to get used to the changes in my life— know who I am first.”