‘No, it’s my fault.’ His voice comforted me, giving me the strength to keep walking.
Continuing along the hall, the whole time I fought the urge to turn around, run to him, and wrap him in my arms. I wanted to ask him how Dawn was and how they both were. But instead I made myself walk as steadily as possible to my bedroom, where I said good night to an oblivious Rose. I lay in my bed, staring towards the little window on my door.
Had that been real? Had I really seen Joe?
The scene played over and over in my mind. I was unsure if everything I replayed was real or just added in to manipulate the memory to feel safer and happier. It had to be real. That must have been what my dream was trying to tell me, ‘Don’t forget Joe.’ Now he knew where I was, he could help me from the inside. His face peered through my window distracting me from my thoughts, allowing me to believe it had indeed been him.
He mouthed, ‘Found you,’ and smiled his cheeky grin before leaving.
The smile that spread across my face was so wide it tugged at the corners of my mouth, threatening to tear them if it stretched any wider. Joe would be able to get me out of there. I just knew it. Seeing him in the ward and remembering the dream of us together on the beach, it reminded me how strong our connection was. If the roles had been reversed, I would have done anything to rescue him.
Would he do the same for me?
My smile began to fade as the adrenalin of the encounter wore off. Just because I felt that way, it didn’t mean Joe did; he had so much to lose if he were to be caught setting me free. He had his job, and of course, he would never risk getting Dawn into trouble, and the most important thing was his freedom. He barely knew me, the girl he met at a pub in a small beach town.
Was I worth saving?
The doubt dampened my spirits, and I let my head sink further into the thick pillow. I was just happy that Joe and Dawn knew where I was. I wasn’t confident they would attempt to rescue me, but at least they knew I hadn’t abandoned them and their ideas. Instead I’d held on to them, and was being punished for it. That’s what I told myself as I wiped a tear that ran over the side of my face with the crisp white sheet.
Seeing Joe roused so many emotions, and I was uncertain and full of questions. The reminder of the world outside reignited the fire I’d had inside me to do something about the MMC. I knew I had to stay strong, so when I got out, and I would get out, I could find a way to expose them, show the world what they were capable of. It took me a long time to fall asleep, the excitement of seeing Joe and the doubt wrestling in my mind. When I did fall asleep, I didn’t dream, and I woke up with an uneasy feeling.
Was it a coincidence that I hadn’t dreamt since the day after my visit with Dr. Muller? I’d had the dream of the beach while on the indoor recreation floor, but that was the only one I could remember. My thoughts were disturbed by the arrival of my clothing. As usual, I made my way out of my room once I was dressed. I ran into Rose as she came out from hers.
‘Don’t tell me I almost beat you this morning,’ I teased.
‘I was trying to remember the last time I had a dream,’ she looked puzzled, ‘but it feels like I haven’t dreamt in nights. I guess that’s a good thing?’
She looked at me as though I held the answer.
‘I haven’t had a dream in a few nights either.’ Confused we headed towards the dining hall.
After breakfast, we sat with our regular group of ladies, discussing the absence of our dreams. None of us had dreamt for the last few nights, and I worried silently they’d found a way to stop us from dreaming altogether. Soon everyone in the room was talking about it, and it seemed no one was dreaming anymore. The stir of the room must have alerted the staff, because Dr. Muller arrived in the doorway.
‘Good morning, ladies, can I please have your attention?’ She exuded authority as usual while even addressing a large group.
The room fell silent, and Betty, who was sitting next to me, whispered, ‘She’s never done this before?’
‘It has been brought to my attention that there has been speculation and concern in regards to the absence of your dreams.’ Her smile proved that I wasn’t going to like what was about to come out of her mouth. ‘Unfortunately, we have not been able to cure you as we would have liked. But we have devised a way to mute your dreams whilst you are in our care, and we hope that in the not too distant future, we will have the answers to your illness. This may be upsetting for those of you who had hoped you were cured, and we will discuss any personal disappointment during your appointments today.’
With that, she strode off back along the hallway, and a girl announced, ‘Jane Vickers, Dr. Muller will see you now’.
A lady in her late forties to early fifties, it was hard to tell when we wore the same uniform, walked over from the couches nervously. She proceeded to follow the petite lady along the hall, glancing back before she disappeared looking for reassurance. Understanding how she must’ve felt, I smiled in support along with the others.
Once we could no longer see her, to my surprise, Cameron walked through the doorway, squeezing past the ladies as they left. He greeted me with a confident smile, beckoning me to go to him, and I rose from the table.
‘And who is that?’ I pretended I hadn’t heard Rose and I continued towards him.
Reaching him, he smiled again. ‘Let’s do this in your room, Miss Bailey.’
I followed him to room 24.
Once inside, he sat on the wooden chair and signalled for me to sit on the side of my bed. I sat comfortably and crossed my legs, laying my hands in my lap.
‘It’s all business today, I’m afraid.’ He still was pleased to see me. ‘You seem to be in good spirits today.’
‘Yeah, I’m feeling much better.’ Embarrassment crept over me as I recalled our last meeting. ‘I’m a bit confused about not being able to dream anymore.’
Cameron was prepared for the question and replied with an explanation that sounded as though it would have come from Dr. Muller’s mouth.
‘Dr. Muller feels it is best for your rehabilitation if you no longer dream and understand what it feels like to be cured from being a Dreamer. Dream interrupters have been installed in the building that will ensure you experience a restful night’s sleep and begin your journey taking the next step in human evolution.’
He choked on the last tagline, which came directly from the Wristcuff advertising. It was clear that he had been coached. Although I nodded, I was still concerned about not having my dreams anymore. I dare not say anything about my dream in the indoor recreation centre or they would have installed them in there as well.
‘How are you really?’ He was back to his normal friendly self.
‘Much better. I’m sorry about yesterday. I wish you hadn’t seen me like that.’
‘Don’t be sorry.’ He moved to sit next to me on the bed and lowered his voice. ‘I just wish I could do more for you right now. I promise I’m working on it.’
His closeness was soothing, and I leant my head on his shoulder. ‘I believe you.’
He put his arm around me, and we sat there for a moment while I enjoyed the comfort of a familiar person and the warmth of a meaningful hug.
‘You better go.’ Abruptly, I lifted my head from his shoulder, and he dropped his arms from around me. ‘I don’t want you getting into trouble.’
‘I will be back to see you in the next day or two. Hang in there, Amelia.’
‘I will. I’m so glad you’re here.’
After a quick hug, he left the room, this time not looking back.
Falling onto the bed, I tried to put everything together in my mind. Now that my dreams were gone, I had no insight on what may be coming, although I wasn’t sure how to interpret them without Dawn’s help. At least I had Cameron and now Joe looking out for me.
As my thoughts drifted, I found myself missing Sarah’s friendship and having her to talk to. I pushed those thoughts aside. She had betrayed me, and I didn’t know if I could ever f
orgive her. Since I’d met her, I’d done everything she had asked of me. I’d moved closer to the city away from my family because she couldn’t bear the pain of her mother’s memory. I’d been her wingman more times than I could count. Being nice to the unfriendly mates of any guy she was interested in and being ignored by the guy himself.
Frustrated, I pushed thoughts of Sarah to the back of my mind. My life had been about Sarah for far too long, and it was about time I made decisions that were best for me. I needed to find a way to talk to Joe. Let him know about Cameron and that I’d be okay. I was afraid of getting him into trouble. If anyone was to discover he was the Joe that Sarah had spoken of, I’d gotten the sense that he would be in a worse predicament than me.
While I sifted through my thoughts, Rose poked her head through my doorway.
‘You hungry? It’s lunch time!’ I hurried outside, needing a distraction from my once again crowded mind.
After lunch, we played a few games of pool and ended up back at the tables talking amongst ourselves. If I was being honest with myself, I hoped Joe would walk through the door. Long after dinner, when Rose, Lisa, and I were the only people left in the dining hall, the realisation that he wasn’t coming back that day made me sad. Maybe he was never coming back. With no way of knowing if I was ever going to see him on that floor again, depression squeezed its way in, and I fell to sleep feeling lost, alone, and vulnerable.
***
The next morning began as usual: uniform delivery lady, meet Rose on the way to the dining hall, eat breakfast, and hang out in the hall. The routine made me comfortable in such an odd environment. The repetition made my days feel normal in an unsettling way.
After lunch, Natasha the fitness instructor bounced in the hall and whisked us up to Level Eleven for another trip to the indoor recreation centre. On the way, Rose advised me they usually went every second day. When they had a new arrival, they went into lockdown so they could settle in. It was a relief to know I would be able to get some sun and a sense of being outdoors every second day, but felt awful that they had been kept inside because of my arrival.
Most of us spent our time relaxing on the daybeds, soaking up the sun. The other girls had interesting stories, especially the older ones like Betty. She had two daughters in their forties who she’d always shared an extremely close bond with. Between them they’d given her five grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. Before the Wristochip was introduced, they would visit Betty most weekends. It all changed, though, once she was labelled a Dreamer and she came to realise that she didn’t want to lose her dreams.
One of her daughters was a Dreamer too, and was adamant that dreams were a terrible thing to have. More than anything, she wanted to be normal. Like myself, she volunteered to attend sleep sessions. After a few months, she hadn’t been cured. She lost her job and discovered her husband was cheating on her with a Non-Dreamer. Depressed at the thought of being so different and having something wrong with her, she took her own life, leaving behind a daughter, a son, and grandchildren.
Her passing frightened the other daughter into believing that Betty needed serious help, and took her to the MMC in an attempt to save her. Betty’s stubbornness battled against the emotion that danced around her wise eyes that wrinkled at the corners. The loss she felt was a hundred times worse than the betrayal from Sarah.
Jaime, a girl younger than me, began to explain the story of how she ended up in the facility, and I relaxed back into my thoughts of the beach. Using the warmth from the sun filtering through the large glass windows, I imagined the sun burning above me in a clear blue sky.
The sounds and smells of Sandhaven beach came to me effortlessly, and sensing I had company, I turned to my left to find Joe once again, leaning back onto his forearms, looking out at the horizon with a content smile.
He turned and looked into my eyes. ‘Don’t forget me!’
The warmth of his eyes drew me in. For a moment, I was mesmerised by the connection between us. A calmness filled me with happiness. The sun faded out, and darkness fell upon us. The ocean became frothy and wild, and my contentment was replaced by the fear of an unnerving presence. Turning to look behind me, I saw a giant bear reared up on its hind legs ready to lunge at a blissfully unaware Joe.
‘Amelia,’ whispered Rose, urgently, ‘don’t get caught sleeping up here.’
Again I had fallen asleep, and again Joe had asked me not to forget him.
What could that possibly mean? I couldn’t, wouldn’t forget him! He means too much to me. But why? I hardly knew him. The bear? Was it a warning that something terrible was going to happen to Joe?
I would have given anything to be able to visit Dawn, her hair tied in a messy grey bun, wearing her loose clothing swirling with different colours, out on her old but welcoming farm. To have her explain this to me would have put my mind at ease. But instead I could only wrestle with conspiracies and my imagination.
Maybe not having dreams was a good idea, at least while I was in the ward. They confused and upset me every time, and I had no way of understanding what they meant without Dawn’s knowledge of dreams. In that moment, I decided to make a conscious effort to never fall asleep on Floor Eleven again, even if it meant not seeing Joe.
After our time in the indoor recreation centre, we made our way back to Floor Ten. I ate dinner, had a shower, and then chose to relax on my own on the couch. Rose had been acting strange since rousing me from my slumber earlier, so I let her be with her other friends while I stared uninterested at the television. Soon everyone slowly slunk off to bed, until it was just me sitting on the couch staring at the television screen which had been turned off without my noticing.
‘Hey.’ Although it was only a whisper, I jumped with fright. ‘It’s getting late. Shouldn’t you be in bed?’ His eyes hinted at a hidden meaning.
‘Yeah, umm, of course.’ Still in shock at seeing him again, my arms yearned to reach out and hold him, my earlier dream still vivid in my mind. Rising from the lounge, I walked casually to room 24, and as I pushed the door open, a small piece of paper fell to the grey vinyl floor.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Bending and pretending to scratch my toe was the most subtle way I could come up with. I picked up the note and tucked it into my pants before letting the door shut behind me. With anticipation and excitement at once, I folded it open only to fold it back up, frustrated at my impatience. The lights turned off. Left in darkness, my chances of reading it had faded for the night. The anticipation of reading it the following morning led to a restless night of sleep and plenty of staring into the surrounding blackness.
When the fluorescent light flickered on the next morning, I sat in my bed impatiently, awaiting the clothes delivery girl’s arrival. I feared that if I opened the letter any earlier, I would be caught. I was unable to decide if I was more afraid of her confiscating it and never knowing its contents or of the repercussions of having it.
At last, she entered the room with her gaze lowered and a friendly smile on her face. She placed the pile of grey clothing on the foot of my bed, bowed politely, and left the room. Excitedly, I hid under my heavy blankets, pulling them over my head as best as I could while still making sure light was able to creep in. I folded the page out, then out again, and the anticipation bubbled inside me. One last time, I folded it open, ready to read Joe’s note. But as the page revealed familiar handwriting, I knew with disappointment it wasn’t from Joe. I dropped it on the bed with a mixture of frustration and anger. Joe had merely been the messenger; this letter had been written by Sarah.
What could Sarah possibly say to make any of this better? Why were Sarah and Joe talking at all? Last time I’d seen her, she hated him, and me for being associated with him. All that excitement and anticipation only to throw it away. What was she trying to achieve by sending this? She could have gotten Joe into trouble. Sarah was selfish, putting people in this position to try to make herself feel better.
I refused to read anything writte
n by her. Pulling the blanket from over my head, I piled it on top of the letter. I dragged the chair nosily from under the desk.
What could she have to say to me?
‘Sorry’ was never going to be enough.
My thoughts drifted to Betty and the horrible things that had happened to her because she was a Dreamer. Despite her daughter’s betrayal, the pain in her eyes and words didn’t contain anger. They longed for her daughter to say sorry and remove her from this horrible place.
How could I be angry at Sarah if Betty wasn’t angry with her daughter? Maybe the letter was important, and not reading it could mean never being free.
Any correspondence from the outside world, even if it was from Sarah, was better than nothing.
Cautiously, as though something might leap out at me, I sat back on the bed and lifted the blanket over my head. Taking a deep breath, I spread the letter flat.
Dear Amelia,
I don’t know where to start. I feel so terrible for what I told those people, and I don’t know how to show you how sorry I am. I was so busy being jealous of you and Joe, I forgot that you are my best friend. You always look out for me no matter what and would never want to hurt me. As soon as they left our place after interviewing me, I knew I’d made a huge mistake. I did everything I could to find Joe and let him know what I’d said and where you were. Once I found him, he already knew, and he is so angry at me for being the reason you’ve been in there for so long. I promise I will do everything I can to get you out of that horrible place and show you that I’m still your best friend. I made an unforgivable mistake. Joe cares about you so much, and it’s obvious he isn’t a bad influence on you at all. He will do anything to get you back. Be patient, Amelia. I promise we’ll get you out of there as soon as we can. You’ve always been a rock for me when I needed you, so I know you can stay strong through this.
Love always,
Sarah
Dawn of the Dreamer (Dreamer Trilogy Book 1) Page 8
