Tears rolled over my cheeks, a few drops landing and spreading across the creased white paper, smudging the black ink. Despite what she’d done, I cared about Sarah. Could I ever forgive her for what she had done?
Our whole lives, I’d sat back and watched her enjoy relationships. I always tagged along as the third wheel, destined to forever be in the background because I was incurable, a Dreamer. When her mother passed away and she couldn’t bear living in the country anymore, I’d left my family and home to help support her because I wanted her to be happy again. I’d always been there for her, but the one time I needed her to be happy and supportive of me, she’d let me down. Could I ever get past it?
The question lingered in my mind as I read back over the letter where I stopped at one line, ‘Joe cares about you so much.’ Had he said that to her? Or was it something she was just saying to comfort me?
The thought of him caring about me as more than a friend made me smile, and then made me cry again. I’d only just begun getting to know him before all of this. At last I’d met someone who understood me and made me feel normal and special. Would I ever get the chance to see what it could be like?
‘Amelia? Are you okay?’ Rose’s soft voice came from the doorway.
Wiping away my tears, I pushed the note underneath my pillow and pulled the blanket from over my head, my face hot and damp.
‘Sorry, having another rough morning.’ I wasn’t being dishonest, just withholding information that would get both of us into trouble.
She entered my room, the first time she’d been inside, and sat on the chair at the little table.
‘I’m sorry about yesterday.’ Tears welled in her eyes. I moved to sit on the edge of my bed, holding her hand.
‘Please don’t cry. You have no reason to be sorry.’
‘Yes, I do,’ she insisted. ‘I was jealous, and that’s why I was so distant and quiet, after I promised I would be your person in here.’
She began crying. I leant over to give her a cuddle. ‘Why on earth would you be jealous?’
‘Your dreams!’ She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand, and I sat back on the side of the bed confused.
‘My dreams?’
‘The dreams in the recreation centre. I can’t seem to dream no matter how hard I try, but you got it so easily. I grew frustrated and jealous that you find it so simple. I’ve lost them. I’ve lost Ethan, my son. My dreams were the only thing keeping me from going crazy in this place, and they’re gone.’ She sobbed into her hands.
I leant forward, wrapping her in my arms, her body shaking. It was hard to remember why I’d been so upset when I listened to Rose. I couldn’t imagine being separated from a child without contact. I wondered how my mum and dad were handling me being away. Did they even know where I was? Sarah would have told them if the MMC hadn’t. Did they feel the same way as Rose not being able to talk to me or even write me a letter?
Standing up, I offered her my hand.
‘You are my person in here, and I promise I’ll not let you go crazy unless I do first. Then we can be crazy together!’
She smiled, drying her flushed pink cheeks, and took my hand. Rose had probably thought I was crying about her. I’d been so worried about myself that I’d forgotten to be her friend, to be there for her as she was for me.
Was I becoming as selfish as Sarah?
I erased the question from my mind and returned my thoughts to Rose. It was rare to find someone you clicked with straight away, and I’d been taking it for granted. I vowed that I’d be a better friend to Rose. She’d taken me under her wing and given me a safe place to fall in an unfamiliar and daunting place. She’d let me in to her life with her stories of heartache and joy. She was special; I wasn’t going to let her down again.
***
In the dining hall, after breakfast, a lady arrived in the doorway. ‘Amelia Bailey.’
Dread swept over me and my heart thudded faster, tightening my chest. I wasn’t ready to face her again.
Rose grabbed my hand and squeezed it. ‘You can do this.’
I wasn’t sure I believed her. Inhaling a deep breath and breathing out heavily to release the tension, I headed towards Dr. Muller’s office behind the young girl who scanned my wrist on the way.
As I walked around the corner of Dr. Muller’s office, I entered the door. Cameron was in the room, his tablet resting in his lap. His body was uncharacteristically rigid. Despite this, his presence calmed me and helped me to breathe without the urge to throw up. Knowing I had someone on my side, even though he was relatively helpless, made me feel as if I could handle anything she had to say. Another deep breath pushed more of the fear aside.
‘Good morning, Miss Bailey.’ She looked over my manila folder that rested on her bare desk. ‘I wanted to check in with you after our little mishap the other day.’ She paused waiting for a response. I sat quietly and waited for her to continue. ‘Nurse Cameron, whom I have assigned as your personal carer, has been keeping me informed of your progress. He has relayed to me that you are now more understanding about why you are here and what the MultiMind Corporation has done for all of us.’ Again I said nothing, but smiled. I glanced up at Cameron, who gave me a reassuring nod.
‘Well, your attitude appears to be more appropriate this time. I hope you understand, Miss Bailey, that we are doing what is best for you and the others who are here in our facility. We want you to evolve like the rest of us. How are you enjoying the dream interrupters?’
Knowing I couldn’t get away with a smile, I spoke trying to sound genuine. ‘It is definitely a welcome change to have a good night’s sleep.’
She grinned, pleased with my answer. ‘Despite your progress, I still don’t think you’re ready to leave our programme. I do believe if you apply yourself and take the steps to change, it won’t be long before you are.’
Anger and disappointment bubbled inside me. I breathed steadily to try to stay calm and collected, using Rose’s words as my mantra. ‘You can do this.’
‘Nurse Cameron will continue to be your caregiver for the time being. We hope that it won’t be long until you no longer need the one-on-one attention you are currently receiving.’ She was wrapping it up, and I was anxious to leave. ‘Nurse Cameron will take you back to your room.’
Relieved, I stood and walked towards her office door not wanting to give her the opportunity to change her mind.
‘Amelia?’ She rose from her chair. ‘Is there any chance you can tell me about this Joe or Riley that your housemate mentioned?’
The urge to yell abuse at her passed over me. Again I took a deep breath and remained calm. ‘To be honest, Dr. Muller, I only met them once or twice. I don’t know any more than you do about them.’
Disappointed, she sat back down in her chair. ‘That is unfortunate.’
I hurried from the room closely followed by Cameron, and waited for him to pass me along the hallway so he could guide me back towards the ward. I still didn’t know how to navigate the stark white halls. Maybe that was why they were so plain, so you could never escape.
At the ward doors, I scanned my Wristochip and headed for my room. I dropped onto the bed, and Cameron pulled out my little wooden chair and took a seat.
‘You did great. I think she believed what you said about those two guys.’
I sat up, alarmed that he hadn’t believed me. ‘What do you mean “believed” it?’
‘Don’t worry. She would have pressed harder if she thought you were lying.’
‘Cameron, I need to tell you something.’ Remembering what had ensued after the last time I had spoken those words, he slid from the chair to the edge of my bed with a cautious expression.
‘He’s a friend of mine.’ I hoped I wouldn’t have to say his name aloud. Cameron nodded. ‘He works here as a cleaner. I was hoping you could watch out for him and make sure he doesn’t get caught up in all of this.’
Cameron looked irritated, but quickly regained his composure. ‘So how do
I find him? Does he know you’re here?’
‘Yes, he does. I don’t know his last name, but his first name is Jonah. I’m sure there aren’t many cleaners with that name.’
He seemed to think on this for a moment. ‘Amelia, I care about you, and I’m risking a lot to look after you, but I can’t risk anymore.’
‘I’m sorry-’
‘I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you. You’re so easy-going, and I’m comfortable around you.’
‘So do I-’
‘Please, let me finish.’ Realising it must be important, I remained silent. ‘From the moment we first spoke, I’ve wanted to get to know you, but you’ve never seemed interested, so I said nothing. After the last week or so, I think you might like me more than just as your nurse, and I want you to know that I really like you. More than a friend.’ His voice wobbled as he spoke the last line.
Cameron wanted to be more than friends?
The thought had me lost for words. So many times I had fantasised about romantic dates with him or grabbing him and giving him a kiss in the sleep Room. My lack of confidence always held me back, along with the fact that I was a Dreamer. He was so warm, caring, and gorgeous with his dark blonde hair, dreamy blue eyes, and athletic build. But something held me back again. I couldn’t say with complete confidence that I felt that way anymore. I wasn’t sure why.
‘I’m sorry, Amelia. I, ummm, shouldn’t have said any of that.’
His hurt played on my heart, and the doubt fell away. Leaning towards him, his soft lips met mine, and warmth poured through my veins from my mouth to the tips of my toes. His hands pulled me close, and the rush left my mind blank. My only focus was his mouth kissing mine.
CHAPTER TWELVE
When he pulled away, he gave me one last little kiss and sat smiling at me, staring into my eyes. At that moment, I knew how I should’ve felt. My heart should have felt ready to burst with excitement, and my smile should have been wider than my face could manage. Although I mirrored his smile and his kiss still tingled my lips, guilt crept in and I found it difficult to look back into his eyes.
What about Joe?
We had such a strong connection, and I could be myself without fear of judgement when we were together. Being with him felt like belonging.
‘I better go.’ Cameron began to remember where we were. Still in deep thought, I nodded slowly. ‘That just gives me more incentive to get you out of here,’ he whispered into my ear and gave me one last quick kiss before heading out of the door.
Numb, I sat in silence; I didn’t notice he’d left the room until the sound of the door clicking shut redirected my attention back to reality, or what had become my strange reality. For so long, I’d wished for a way I could be with Cameron.
Had the fantasy ruined it for me? Or was the thought of Joe what killed my enthusiasm? I didn’t want to lead Cameron on. Was it was him I wanted to be with or Joe? If I wanted to be with Joe, did he want to be with me?
Confusion clouded my mind, and as I battled with doubts and fantasies, I remained in my room for most of the day. Rose checked on me once and understood that once again I needed time to myself. More than anything, I’d wanted to call her in and tell her about the whole confusing situation. Although I trusted her, it wouldn’t be fair to endanger her because I couldn’t figure out what or who I wanted. When the room fell dark, it was the first time I’d ever welcomed a dreamless sleep. I appreciated a night without the muddle of emotions inside my head.
***
After a few days, I grew worried as I hadn’t seen Cameron again.
Did he have second thoughts? Was he in trouble for our passionate encounter?
Wake, dress, breakfast, tests or psychiatrist visit, lunch, hanging out in the dining hall or going up to Level Eleven, dinner, television, and then bed. The routine became strangely comforting, and eventually, I grew the courage to ask Dr. Muller why Cameron hadn’t seen me again. It took courage to ask her anything as I had been spending most of our sessions agreeing with her and saying what she wanted to hear. It was a risk to question her, but the questions had become too much to carry.
‘Nurse Cameron has returned to his regular duties with his patients on Level Eight. We think you’ve made significant progress and no longer need the one-on-one attention.’ Her amused smirk had me paranoid that she knew about the kiss. Despite this, I was relieved. It was nice knowing I didn’t have to make any big decisions and who knew how long I would be in the Psychiatric Ward? It was a relief to know he was okay.
***
The days began to blur into one, and I lost track of how many days I’d been in the ward. The routine and day-to-day conversation made me comfortable, like I belonged there, as though it was normal to live in a Psychiatric Ward. I had more energy because I was getting restful sleep every night. Joe visited our floor to clean once or twice, but I avoided him as best as I could. Some nights I would go to bed early, just to make sure I didn’t have to face him. He was the only thing that reminded me there was a world beyond the walls of the ward. I told myself I was avoiding him for his own safety, to avoid people finding out we knew each other. But deep down, I knew I couldn’t look at him the same way after kissing Cameron.
Rose and I spent most of our time together. It was so nice to have somebody to talk to, someone who was there for me. Our bond grew closer as the days continued, and I began to fear having to leave and not have her by my side. Her confidence made me feel stronger, and her motherly instinct made me feel safe. It wasn’t until early one morning, as I walked towards the dining hall, my right arm entwined with Rose’s left, that I entertained the thought that leaving might be possible anymore.
Everyone whispered as Anna, an older lady who’d always been quiet spending most of her time alone, pulled her bag out of room 27.
Dr. Muller ushered her towards the doorway to make an announcement. ‘Ladies, you will all be pleased to hear that Anna has been cured.’ Her mouth curled up in an unfamiliar expression, and a proud smile spread across her face. ‘She has put in the hard work in therapy and has been very patient. It has paid off, and she will return home this morning.’
Anna looked at her feet, uncomfortable being the poster girl for fixed Dreamers. Dr. Muller led her back through the hallway, her bag rolling loudly behind. It was the first time somebody had left since I’d arrived, and I’d thought there was no chance of being set free. Seeing her leave lit a fire inside me that had been extinguished days, maybe even weeks before, without my noticing. Hope slowly seeped back into my thoughts. All I had to do was be like Anna, stick to myself, and do what I was told, and maybe they would let me leave. I could hold my mum again and tell her everything that had happened while she tenderly stroked my hair. My dad could wrap me in his strong arms that made me feel safe. Sarah and I could celebrate with a few vodka, lime, and sodas at the Tavern, and I could lay on the beach and enjoy the warmth, the freedom. It was a long shot, but it was the only choice I had.
***
The next few days, I chose not to add to the discussions around the table. I spent my time on Floor Eleven, working out with Natasha the trainer. My focus was on getting out of the Psychiatric Ward, and if that meant distancing myself and being a loner, so be it. Nothing and nobody else was as important, and once again, I reminded myself that I needed to look after myself instead of everyone else for a change. Dawn said that my dreams were trying to tell me to find myself, put myself first. It was about time I started.
One afternoon, I’d swiped my wrist, following the other girls back to our ward after an exercise session in the indoor recreation centre when Cameron swooped in, grabbing my hand.
‘Come with me,’ he said anxiously as he swept me towards my bedroom.
He ushered me through the doorway and slid the little black curtain over my window before entering himself. He then led me to the bed where I sat on the edge, and he knelt in front of me. The urgency in his eyes panicked me.
‘I wish I had more time, but I need to be
quick.’ He pulled something from his coat pocket; it looked like a piece of clear tape. ‘Put this in your pillowcase.’ I did as he instructed. ‘Tonight, Joe will be cleaning, and as he leaves, he will tap on your door twice.’ As the information poured in, I tried to remember every piece. ‘Open the door, and he will pass you a nurse’s coat.’
Overwhelmed already, I nodded to show him I understood.
His stern face showed that his message was important. ‘Hide it under your bed until morning. When everyone goes to breakfast, put it on and place this tape on your left wrist where your Wristochip would be if it were on your left side. Then you need to use it to scan out of the ward.’ Focusing on his every word, I hoped that my brain was absorbing at least the important parts. ‘Once you scan out, you need to turn right at the end of the hallway, and then take your next right. Don’t use the lift. You then need to take the first left, and you will come to a stairwell.’
‘Right, right, left, and stairwell,’ I confirmed his directions aloud desperate to remember.
‘You will have to scan your left wrist to open the door. Now it’s a long way, but you need to get down to the door that has “Floor One” written on it. Scan your left wrist again and make your way through the hallway turning at your first right and you will be in the front foyer. Leave through the front doors and turn left towards the side of the building where Joe will be waiting in a getaway car.’ He looked towards the door, and I got a sense that he’d been with me for too long, ‘Right, right, left, stairs, right, home,’ he confirmed.
‘Got it,’ I struggled to find words, ‘thank you.’
‘Don’t thank me yet.’ He stood up. ‘And remember to scan your left not your right,’ he stressed heading towards the door.
Repeating the instructions through my head, I sat in a daze. Before Cameron left, he turned back and kissed me again. Immediately, I relaxed and the anxiety slipped away. With that, he ran to the door and, after taking off my window curtain, disappeared down the hallway.
Was this happening? Was I going to escape?
Dawn of the Dreamer (Dreamer Trilogy Book 1) Page 9
