by Kurtz, Timna
I was now looking closely at him, noticing the dark Mediterranean look that always appealed to me. His olive smooth skin, his dark thick hair, his big black eyes and long dense lashes where my Achilles heel. He had a wide face with a strong square jaw and an aquiline nose that added to his rigid masculinity—all these created a look that seemed much older than his twenty two years of age. He wasn’t as tall as Eddie or Jack, nor was he as handsome. But, it was his solidness and his presence that foretold of strength and courage that awakened the attraction vibe in me when he defied Eddie.
Confused by the new attraction that came onto me, I watched how Eddie came towards Cole, alert and tense. He now stood in Cole’s face, towering above him by nearly a head, ready for battle.
“You are lucky I am injured—otherwise I would plaster you right now on a wall, showing you what happens when you exaggerate!!”Eddie hissed. The rage he felt caused him to shake, almost driving him crazy. He gave Cole a close look of threat, trying hard not to lose control.
“Are you threatening me Eddie?” Cole had the audacity to defiantly stand up, nearing Eddie that they almost touched noses.
“This is what I was just talking about!” I leaped from my spot, putting my arms between them, trying to stop them from fighting. “Do you understand Eddie? Such situations will happen if we do not prepare for them in time! What is your wish? To fight each week with someone else? Or maybe you would prefer separating fights every other day? Or even worse, what if someone really gets hurt? I dare not think of something more than that!”
I was now standing between them, with my back to Cole, pushing Eddie back while trying to convince him I was right, seeing his rage-filled eyes piercing Cole over my shoulders, while Cole kept on standing erect in his place, unhinged by Eddie’s threats. “When weighing the situation, the price tag on violence and conflicts will be much higher than the price of sharing my bed with other men! Even if it means losing you…” I whispered with suffocating pain. Eddie’s gaze slowly migrated to my eyes. “I can’t believe what I am hearing! How can you say that?!”
He looked at me with complete distrust, as if I had just stabbed a knife into his back. “I thought that after you got married you would stop your sluttish behavior! I can see now that it is probably deeply ingrained in your blood,” he lashed at me without mercy, deliberately hurting me.
“I will not renounce my past. Correct, I had my fair share of men, but that doesn’t change my love for you! Not then, and not now! This has nothing to do with love, Eddie. None of them will win my heart. You know what?!” I kept on trying to persuade him, “let the group decide. We will have a vote, so you will not feel as if I pushed my opinion on anyone, and we will even take twenty four hours when each of us can examine himself. We shall reconvene tomorrow at the same time and decide on the matter—we will both have to respect the tribe’s decision, whichever it may be. At least give me that much,” I pulled the last card I had in my torn sleeve.
“I sure hope,” Eddie muttered, “that people will get some sense in their heads and make the right choice tomorrow! Otherwise—get used to sleeping alone!!” He turned away from me offended and hurt, limping on his crutches out of the cave–and I felt my heart sour.
“I have to talk to him…” I started running after him, but Roan stopped me with his strong arm, while looking at me with understanding and sympathy.
“Let him go, Grace. You are aware that Eddie needs to make his own considerations, and I am guessing it will take more than a day or two. In the meantime, maybe you should practice sleeping alone,” he winked and semi-smiled at me, as this was no laughing matter. “You realize that eventually he will come back to you. One or two days tops…” Roan, unlike Eddie, was an open-minded man. He was not raised in a family that kept traditional values, and he was a well-traveled commerce man. “I find it hard to accept these things too,” he said and looked at Violet, the Amazon woman that fit his large proportions to a T, after whom he gently pursued in the last few weeks. “I would like to think that she will be mine and mine alone. To tell you the truth, I have a better chance of that actually happening since she is larger than most men, and as you know, not many men are attracted to a woman like that. But in our found reality—who knows? Right? But I really think we have no choice here, and we just witnessed a “live broadcast” of what can happen. By the way, if Cole gives you a hard time—one word from you and I will take care of him! You know this, right?” This time the wink was accompanied by a full smile. I smiled too, alleviating the tension of the past few minutes, but the pins in my heart kept hurting me.
I sadly remembered Eddie’s possessive behavior towards me when we were a couple. He was jealous and not only of my relationships with other men. Even when I met up with my girlfriends, he would constantly check up on me, demanding to know when I was coming back, where I was going and who I was with.
Initially it wasn’t like this, but the more our relationship deepened, jealousy started nesting in his mind. A big part of it was the fact that I was confused and had no sense of purpose in my life, as opposed to Eddie who had his whole future mapped out and clear. This situation caused a codependent relationship between us—when he, the reliable and focused one, took me, the disoriented and lacking direction one, under his wing, relying on him for support. Each time the issue of a future came up in a conversation, he would always make me feel small and unreliable, lacking a sufficient adult discretion. This kind of patronizing behavior, together with erupting jealousy, is what pushed me way from Eddie and my love for him.
The crowd started to disburse. One by one the group members retired to their places. Rebecca and Jezebel came to me and gave me hugs of support and encouragement.
“Be strong!” Rebecca patted my face, and I couldn’t stop this one tear from coming down on my cheek. “You know that this will be, and you also know what the future will bring. We can’t turn the wheel back now. Eddie will have to make his choice,” she comforted me.
“Thanks mom…” I thanked her quietly, embracing her with warmth. I stroked Jezebel’s head, she who had to grow up too soon, and they both turned to their sleeping area.
Lastly, I was on my own. In my heart I knew that Eddie would be sleeping somewhere outside that night, if he managed to fall asleep at all. My heart went out to him. How could I make him understand that my love for him would not be harmed by my connections with other men? But at the same time I knew that Eddie would not be able to share me with others; therefore, I decided to keep my relationship with Jack a secret for as long as I possibly could. I never had to deliberately lie before, but I understood now that if I wished to gain a few more graceful days with Eddie, I’d better lie through my teeth! A slight clearing of a throat turned the vibe in me on again. Without turning, I knew well who was standing there behind me, waiting for the right moment…
* * *
Chapter 14
Cole grew up under his father’s tyranny. Violence and force were the upbringing tools at his home, streets and neighborhood where he lived. He came from a struggling family in which his mother was the main breadwinner, earning starving wages from cleaning houses and apartment buildings. His frustrated father couldn’t hold down a job and changed employment frequently. During his unemployed phases he would drink and gamble, unleashing his frustrations and anger on his wife and kids.
The main driving force in Cole’s life was to arrive at that day when he would go as far away as he could from his father’s intimidating shadow. His entire childhood he shared a room with his five siblings, him being the middle child. He witnessed his elder brother succumb to his father’s violence, crack and then withdraw from everyone. When his brother joined the armed forces, as soon as he received his rifle, he shot himself committing suicide.
Rage filled Cole’s life, and he began taking it out on his surroundings—unloading it on his younger brothers and sisters, his school mates or anything else he couldn’t manage to handle. Very quickly he started changing schools, thrown out f
rom one educational system to the other. Later on he went through a series of foster homes that were not able to fill his agonizing soul with love or warmth. Eventually he wound up in a juvenile correctional facility, which according to him saved his life. It was there that he learned to unload his frustrations in a constructive and more creative manner, and he began taking responsibility for himself and his life.
His Father, despaired after his first born committed suicide, had a stroke that left half of his body paralyzed, forcing his mother to nurse him, thus not being able to work like she used to.
When Cole turned the legal age, he decided to follow his older brother’s footsteps and join the armed forced as well, as it provided a steady income without having any special skills. He felt like he had to take responsibility for his broken family. He received special service conditions in spite of the fact he chose to become a combat soldier. When he came home on vacations or special leave he would smuggle firearms from the base he was stationed in, and find small strange errand jobs for drug and firearm dealers from his neighborhood and town, making it possible for him to support his family.
Cole’s survival skills were especially strong. He was always alert, with keen senses, his eyes following everything that was going on around him, like a hawk stalking its prey, with eyes in the back of his head—in fact, his eyes missed nothing! And now, he wasn’t about to miss the opportunity that came his way.
~*~*~
Cole walked around me stepping silently, like a hunter closing in on his prey, aiming his spear, ready to jab it into my weak point. The vibe in me went wild, but this is the first time since it had awakened that I felt a strong urge to resist it. My instincts were telling me that this attraction would be devastating, and that Cole would not be satisfied with touch or the joy of sex.
Although I was aware of Cole’s bleak life story and maybe even he was worthy of a little compassion, I felt he was driven by a dark force that blackened his soul. Even after rehabilitating his life and learning how to survive, he still stirred his life through the paths of force and violence, just like his dad before him.
My head was telling me to get out of there, but the vibe stopped me, planting my feet in the ground, my chest heaving as I breathed heavily. I wanted to scream and call out to Roan and the rest of the men in the tribe, to come running to my aid, my mouth opened but no sound came out of it, my vocal cords refused to cooperate with me.
“Are you scared of me Grace?” A disrespectful tone of voice was sounded as he hissed at me like a snake in my ears, sending shivers of passion fused with fear through my body.
“I am not afraid of you, Cole!” I hissed back, my voice trembling from the effort. “I am scared of what will happen next. The dark cloud hanging over your head is a bad omen…” My voice was cracking as his hand abruptly grabbed my throat, his thumb pressing on my larynx, forcibly shutting me up.
“Shshsh…” his snake like whisper again sent shivers down my spine. I felt his increasing greed. “Yes…this is how I like you—silent and obedient. You think you’re all that, ha?! You started telling people what to do? I will not accept this! Where I come from a woman kisses her man’s feet and does whatever he tells her to do. You too will do as I say, and you will obey me. Leader of the tribe. Ha…” he snorted with contempt. “A woman leading the tribe—not in my tribe! When I am done with you, you won’t want anyone else to touch you, nor will you be able to anyway, and your Eddie—he won’t be able to even look at you…” with his free hand he felt up my body, like a merchant checking the quality of his goods, his eyes followed his hand with contempt, while his other hand stayed firmly on my throat.
The fading candle light cast dark shadows on Cole’s face giving him an even scarier look. I was struggling to breathe, barely swallowing the lump of fear in my throat. I closed my eyes, praying in my heart for salvation. His breath on my neck was too close, too violent…
“Grace? Is everything ok?” A familiar voice was heard in the darkness of the cave.
With the same abruptness he had grabbed me, Cole disengaged his hold and pulled back slightly, releasing me to take a life saving breath. His silhouette faded in the cave’s shadows when he took off, but his dark eyes glowed in the black, telling me of the darkness that was about to befall upon us.
My knees weakened and my legs failed. I collapsed on the ground with my entire body shivering, just as a couple of strong arms took hold of me. I felt my consciousness twirling and becoming vague just as the candle in the cave also died out, hiding the face of my savior in the dark.
Soft lips kissed my forehead and stroke my hair. With my impaired senses I could tell it wasn’t Eddie. It was obvious that Eddie couldn’t have carried me on his shoulders when he was still supported by crutches himself.
The solid warm touch was familiar. I recognized his body odor, but the tenderness and gentleness used to carry me threw me off, and I wasn’t sure that it was in fact Jack. He came out of the cave through a back secret opening I didn’t know existed, but I could tell by his confident moves that he knew the way well.
The clear night air started to revive my senses. A few steps after leaving the cave, he entered an opening of another cave hidden in the folding of the mountain. His little cave wasn’t much bigger than the niche I spent my nights with Eddie in, but the place was warm, sound and quite safe.
Jack carefully place me on a bed of dry leaves that he probably collected from the few exposed trees. All of his moves told me of a tenderness I never knew before. I looked at him in the dark with wonder as this new side of his character was revealed to me. He lay down beside me, and when he noticed my widely opened eyes he pleasantly caressed my face, brushing my hair back. There was concern in his touch and on his face, I noticed as my eyes adapted to the dark. I was excited by this sudden display of emotion and by the fact that he came to my rescue at just the right time.
“Thank you…” I tried thanking him in a whisper, but he shushed me, placing his fingers gently on my lips.
“Shshsh…” his whisper was soothing, and induced confidence in my body as opposed to the snake like hiss he saved me from a few moments ago. “You’ll be safe here tonight…” he stroked my face again speaking quietly, “and every other night, if you need to…and want to…” he said revealing his feelings.
I reached out caressing his beautiful face, in awe of his personality change. I wasn’t positive that this would be the right solution to my predicament, but for now I couldn’t risk another encounter with Cole. I clang to his body kissing him with gratitude and passion, and he responded by kissing me back, from deep within him, his arms surrounded and covered all of me. He then turned me on my back and lay on top of me, and for a few long moments looked into my eyes, asking me a mute question, for which I supplied an answer by kissing him again, warmly. This time we made love without being guided by my vibe that wasn’t even felt at this time. On the other hand, I could sense my feelings and senses waking up, responding to Jack’s emotions.
If there was intensity in his animal like savagery, it was now poured into his tender touch when he made love to me. We fell asleep, worn out, holding each other, with him still inside me, filling me with his love…
* * *
Chapter 15
I opened my eyes even before dawn.
A strange dream troubled my sleep. I woke up in a fright, cold sweat running down my spine, my heart pounding in my temples: A black bird of prey circling above me in the sky as I was bathing in the lake. Suddenly it dove towards me trying to grab me with its claws, its sharp curved talons imbedded in my flesh, cutting and tearing my skin.
A big blue eagle emerged from somewhere. It stroked the black bird, jabbing its claws in it carrying it away from me, casting it in the center of the lake, where the bird sank into the lake’s clear waters. The blue eagle landed on a branch looking at me from afar, watching over me and keeping me safe. Another eagle arrived, its wings glowing in shades of green. It landed on the branch next to the blue eag
le, also guarding me with its eyes. It then flapped its wings, trying to push the blue eagle from its place. The two birds rose in the air, circling each other, their wings pounding against each other. Bright blue feathers were mingled with shiny green feathers—until suddenly the two eagles got caught in a powerful whirlwind. They clutched each other’s claws, trying to save themselves, but the wind was twirling swiftly, carrying them away from the lake until they disappeared from sight.
Worry started eating at me. Will they be back? I heard the flapping of wings behind me. A great white eagle appeared in the lake’s sky, extending it claws towards me as if it was about to swoop over me and grab me, but instead of imbedding its talons in me, it landed on the water towering over me.
My heart was beating fiercely as it shaded me with its white wings, bowing its head. When its beak opened, I was positive that it would peck me! Panic started eroding my slumber, and my consciousness started invading my dream. As I was awakening anxiously, words said by the white eagle were echoing in my head, the meaning of which I couldn’t understand: “I am on my way to you…my way to you…to you…” Its deep voice still echoed in my ears as I sat up on the soft bed of leaves in Jack’s little cave.
A very pale first light came through a little opening. Jack moved in his sleep, extending his hand to feel my body’s warmth, opening his eyes when he sensed I wasn’t lying next to him. His toasty hand touched my back. His touch was soothing and most pleasant. “Is anything the matter, Grace?” His sensitivity warmed my heart once more. He probably felt the cold sweat on my back.
“I had a weird dream. I could understand the first part, but how it ended left me distraught and I woke up in a fright. Bad things are about to happen, Jack—and we must be on the lookout. We have to keep a very close watch on Cole. I am almost certain he will try to harm me. But more than that, I am afraid that if he does not succeed, he might be on a lookout for a casual victim in one of the women, taking his rage and sexual frustrations out on her. I also saw more: I saw you and Eddie fighting and being carried far away, and something new, grand and powerful is about to befall on us. But that was the part of the dream I could not understand. Promise me Jack—promise me that you will stay away from Eddie, even if he tries to drag you into an altercation, you will do whatever you can to avoid it. You have to promise me!” I leaned towards him in a desperate plea, and he kissed my forehead and held me close, shielding me with his arms.
