“Wow, nerdy much?” I teased. “I forget how big of a nerd you are.” I took a bite of cheesy bread.
“Maybe we should just get back to the movie before our friendship disintegrates,” he said.
Thinking of our interrupted kiss, I wondered if we were more than friends already.
My phone went off, and I froze. It was a video call. “It’s my mom,” I said. “I’ll be right back.”
I slid off the couch and headed toward the kitchen, tapping the answer button as I went.
“Hey, Mom,” I said.
Her hair was up, and she wore her favorite diamond earrings. It looked like she was getting ready to go to whatever fancy dinner she and Dad had scheduled for tonight.
“Your father and I are about to meet with one of his clients, but I just wanted to check in and see how you two are doing.”
“We’re fine,” I said. “Just hanging out and watching a movie with dinner.”
My mom hated when we watched TV and had dinner at the couch. She looked like she wanted to say something but didn’t. Instead, she asked, “So what’s for dinner?”
“Pizza,” I admitted. “We hadn’t had pizza in forever, so we ordered some.”
My mom frowned. “Pizza? Really, Tori? Just a few days before nationals and your sister’s big swim meet?”
I looked away. “We got some veggies on it. No big deal. And nationals is a week away.”
She hardly let me finish. “You know it is a big deal. Eating junk really takes a toll on your performance. Your team is counting on you. I thought you’d at least think of your sister. I told you she’s been struggling with her weight lately.”
I sighed. I hated where this was going. “Isabella’s fine, Mom. Eating a few slices of pizza won’t do any harm. We’ll eat something good tomorrow. Promise.”
But it was too little too late. For both of us.
My mom pursed her lips. “I taught you better than this, Tori. You have got to take care of your body. Cheer is—”
“What, Mom?” I said, my voice growing louder. “Cheer is what? The most important thing? More important than getting enough sleep or finishing my homework? Getting good grades?”
Her eyes hardened. “You know what I mean. You’ve put so much time and effort into this. Why jeopardize that? Why jeopardize your sister’s swim meet? She’ll be doing cheer again soon, and she looks up to you. She wants to be just like you. You have to be a good example for her.”
“Because you’re such a great example for me, right?” I began. “You know what? I don’t want Isabella to be like me. She shouldn’t have to do cheer or swim if she doesn’t want to. And if she wants to have a burger and fries once a week, why is that so bad? She’s only eleven, and you’re already putting so much pressure on her.” When I finished, I was out of breath and shaking.
Tears of anger filled my mom’s eyes. “Victoria, what has gotten into you? I have to go, but we’re not done here,” she said.
She hung up, and I was left alone with tears of my own. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. I had never gone off on my mom like that. Ever.
I thought lashing out would make me feel better, but instead, dread filled my stomach, and I wished I had just lied about the pizza.
I must have stayed in the kitchen too long because Noah popped his head in. “Everything okay? I paused the movie. I didn’t want you to miss—” He caught the expression on my face and stopped.
I turned away from him and wiped the tears away. “Sorry, I just—need a minute.”
Noah came closer instead of getting the hint. “Are you sure you’re okay?
I nodded, with my back still to him. “I’m fine. I’ll be there in a minute.”
But he hung back, not saying another word.
My face burned hot. I couldn’t believe he was seeing me like this, quiet tears flowing down my cheeks in front of the kitchen sink. I grabbed another napkin and dabbed at my eyes. I was not wearing the right mascara for this.
I hated feeling like this, giving in to the way my mom made me feel. It wasn’t often I felt helpless like this, but tonight, it was like everything from the past several months had piled up against me. It all felt like logs in a dam. The pressure of the water had finally become too great, and now the wall was broken. The rushing water was pouring through, drowning me.
I tried to calm my breathing, but it was hard when the tears wouldn’t stop coming. I gripped the counter in front of me to keep me steady.
Noah appeared beside me, and his hand slid over my own. Then he gently pulled me toward him and wrapped his arms around me. I buried my face in the space between his chest and his chin. I fit perfectly.
My own arms held onto him, wrapped around his waist, before I realized what I was doing. I pulled back. “Sorry, I shouldn’t—”
“It’s okay to feel like this, you know. It happens to everyone.” Noah tried to find my eyes, but I kept my head down.
“Is it okay?” I said. “When my life is like a hundred times better than yours? You and Emma have it so much harder…” The tears came again. A silent sob wracked through my chest.
Noah exhaled, his hands on my arms. “If I’ve learned anything since I met you, Tori, it’s that everyone has it tough one way or another.”
I wiped away the tears again. “This is so humiliating.” Letting him see me like this. Letting anyone see me like this. I hated it more than anything.
Noah brushed my hair away from my face. “You’re beautiful. In more ways than you know.”
He wrapped his arms around me again, and this time, it felt right to let him be there. I closed my eyes and slowly let my lungs fill with air.
After a while, I said, “We should get back to the movie.”
He stepped back but held onto my hand. “I’ll go check on the girls. I’ll be right back.”
When he came back downstairs, I was already waiting for him on the couch.
He sat down beside me. “They’ve moved on from makeovers and selfies to watching YouTube. There’s talk of them making their own YouTube channel,” he said with a small smile.
I nodded but didn’t say anything. It was hard to meet his eyes, so instead, I kept my gaze on the TV.
But when he took my hand and squeezed it, I did the same.
Seventeen
On Saturday morning, I woke up confused, not sure about what had happened last night.
Oh no.
Did I really have a complete emotional breakdown in front of Noah?
I wanted to bury myself deep under my covers and go back to sleep, but I couldn’t. The bright morning sun streamed in through my bedroom windows, and I was wide awake.
Lamenting the fact that my room faced east, I threw off the covers and headed to the bathroom. My eyes still looked a little puffy from all the crying I did last night, so I applied a cool washcloth for a few minutes. One of the tricks I had picked up from my mom.
The feeling of overwhelm after talking to my mom last night already felt so far away. I wasn’t sure if it was because Noah was there for me or because I got a good night’s sleep. Either way, it was gonna be pretty embarrassing to see him this morning. Thankfully, the girls hadn’t seen my episode. That would have been the worst.
I put my hair up into a ponytail, changed into some jeans, and a bright pink, long-sleeved shirt and headed downstairs. First, I opened Isabella’s bedroom door, and sure enough, they were still asleep. Instead of finding Emma and Isabella in bed, though, they were snoring on the floor in side-by-side sleeping bags. I smiled and closed the door again.
The house was empty downstairs, and the door to the guest bedroom remained closed, which meant Noah was also sleeping in. Thankfully, cheer practice didn’t start until two o’clock, so we had plenty of time for a slow morning, even if I wasn’t looking forward to my mom coming home later.
By the time everyone did come downstairs, breakfast was just about ready. I’d cooked it enough on my own that I had my routine down. There was a big stack of
hot, buttery pancakes waiting for Noah, Emma, and Isabella when they sat at the kitchen table. I added the last few slices of bacon to a napkin-covered plate. The scrambled eggs were last. I hated cold scrambled eggs.
Noah walked over. “Anything I can do to help?”
I stirred the eggs and glanced up at him. “Um, get out the orange juice? Or do you like coffee?”
He shrugged. “Both?” He walked over to the fridge.
I turned to Emma and Isabella. “You guys want to set the table?”
They got up and found silverware and glasses for the orange juice. Noah set a cup of coffee beside me.
Cautiously, I took a sip. It was still hot. Without meeting his eyes, I said, “Thanks.”
I preferred my coffee iced from Starbucks, but for now, this would definitely do.
Instead of joining the girls for breakfast—they were already popping pieces of syrupy pancakes into their mouths—he stood beside me, leaning on the granite countertop. “So, you okay?”
I nodded, setting the pan of fluffy scrambled eggs aside and picking up several dirty dishes to toss them in the sink. “I’m fine.” I turned on the hot water and added soap.
Noah paused then said, “Okay, just making sure.”
I slapped on a happy smile and finally made full eye contact. “I’m great. Last night was just—I’ve had a tough week, but I’m good. I think I was just tired.”
I moved past him and grabbed two clean plates for us. Handing him one, I said, “Hungry?”
He took it without another word, but the expression on his face told me he probably wasn’t satisfied with my answer. I didn’t know why. Anyone else would have been. Especially my mom. Luckily, I wouldn’t have to see her until tonight, and by then, we’d each have time to get past our argument. We wouldn’t talk about it. We’d just go back to normal. I liked that. I wished Noah would do the same.
Noah and I ate in silence, and I ignored the way his eyes kept sliding back to me even as the girls told us about everything they did last night and showed us pictures of their ridiculous makeovers.
After breakfast, Emma and Noah grabbed their stuff, and I took them home.
When we got to their house, the girls squeezed each other for five full minutes, and they made us promise that we’d do another playdate.
“Wow, when did we turn into parents, huh?” Noah said with a chuckle.
I nodded, keeping my eyes on the girls. “Yeah. They had fun. I’m glad they get along so well.”
Finally, Isabella and I got back into my car and waved goodbye. Noah gave me one last wave from his porch, and deep down, I was glad I wouldn’t see him until Monday. Maybe by then we’d go back to normal.
No more hugs or holding hands or letting him look at me the way he did, making my heart pound like no boy ever had.
Not right now, with nationals coming up. It was not a risk I was willing to take after all. Maybe not ever.
Monday arrived too soon. And because I didn’t want to face Noah just yet, of course, the first half of the day passed by in a flash.
When I walked into literature, I had half a mind to ask Harper to switch seats with me. I knew she’d totally do it without badgering me. She’d understand why, but Ms. Holloway would make me go back to my assigned seat.
Taking a deep breath, I told myself to calm down. I moved to my desk and sat down. No need to get worked up about this. It was nothing. No big deal. I just had to act normal.
But the first thing Noah did when he saw me was search my face, like he knew something was up with me.
I shifted my gaze down, but not before my chest squeezed at the sight of him. A forest green long-sleeved button-up covered his lean frame. He wore it open, revealing a gray t-shirt underneath. Seeing him now, it took me back to the moment I let myself surrender to him and lean against his chest.
“So how was the rest of your weekend?” Noah asked.
Maybe I should have hidden in the bathroom until the bell. I gave him a tight-lipped smile. “It was great.” Wow, that sounded snippy. I sighed, keeping my eyes shut for a second or two.
He gave a slow nod and turned his body to the front of the classroom. “Okay.”
I chanced another glance at him during the daily class discussion, but he kept his gaze forward. And unlike most days, he didn’t raise his hand once.
“Tori, what do you think?” Ms. Holloway’s voice pierced the jumble of thoughts inside my brain.
She stood at the front of the room, waiting for an answer.
I stumbled over my words. “Sorry, what?”
A few snickers echoed throughout the room.
“Do you think a person can really change? Or is someone ‘stuck’ with their personality, their inner qualities, for good?” she asked.
I opened my mouth to come up with some kind of answer on the spot. “Um, well…” For some reason, my thoughts went to the expression on Noah’s face a few minutes ago and the way he had turned away from me. “I think they can. It might take something—or someone—to really make them change, but as long as they’re willing to, they can. Maybe most people just don’t want to. They’re fine being the way they are, even if they have to convince themselves of that…but they’re really not.”
Ms. Holloway nodded several times and put her hand on her chin as she replied. “Okay, so you’re saying a person is capable of truly changing, but most people will resist it.”
A girl across the room chimed in. “Change is hard. Most people don’t like change.”
Glad the attention was off of me, I exhaled.
After class, I grabbed my stuff and stood up. Harper was already waiting for me by the door.
Noah stood up too. “Are you gonna tell me what’s going on? Did I do something?”
I shook my head. “Like I said, nothing is going on.”
But he wouldn’t let it go. “Is this about the other night? The phone call from your mom? We can talk about it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. It was nothing.” I held on tight to my books. “Can we go back to me being the mean cheerleader and you calling me out on it?”
He looked down.
The silence between us felt unbearable. Just as I was about to turn to leave, he said, “I could never go back to that.”
And then he left, sliding past Harper.
I walked toward her. “Sorry, let’s go.”
She looked between me and the open doorway. “What was that about? I thought you guys were friends now?”
I shook my head and entered the busy hallway. “Yeah, well, can a guy like Noah and a girl like me even be friends?”
My voice sounded even and firm, but my eyes were rimmed with tears.
Gone was the daily verbal sparring with Noah, asking me what I was up to, or making me laugh. Maybe he took what I said as me not wanting to hang out with him anymore.
Of course, I didn’t mean it like that, but he had a way of drawing out the best and worst in me.
By Wednesday, it was like we were never friends. He didn’t say hi in the hallways or in lit. No more smiles from across the lunchroom while I was chatting with the squad or catching up with Lena, Ella, Rey, and Harper. He hardly even looked at me.
Harper leaned in while the others were talking at lunch. “How are things… with Noah? You two still not talking?”
Ella took notice of our conversation and leaned in too. “What happened? I thought you guys were hitting it off.”
I focused on my food, not the knot in my throat. “No, it’s not like that. We were just friends.”
Ella’s brow furrowed. “Were?”
I shrugged but didn’t say anything. By then, Lena and even Rey were listening in.
Rey put down her pen. “I thought you guys were becoming a thing?”
“Definitely not,” I said. “He’s…him, and I’m me.” Like that explained anything, but they knew what I meant. Two completely different people, like Noah and me, never even crossed paths in high school. It had only been
a chance encounter that had brought us together, and now things had gone back to the way they belonged.
Ella’s voice was quiet but hopeful. “I thought Emma and Isabella were besties now?”
“They can still be friends,” I said.
Lena put down her fork, her eyes on me. “Will you two still be friends?”
“Probably not,” I said, getting up, tray in hand. “I’ve gotta go.”
I left without waiting to hear what they said.
Eighteen
“Let’s play a game of truth or dare,” Lena said, settling into one of the bean bags I had borrowed from Isabella’s room. “Who’s in?”
We had finally made good on our plans to have a sleepover, and we had picked my house.
Ella lay on her stomach on my bed, her feet resting on my pillows. “Do we have a choice?”
Lena raised her finger. “Uh, no.”
We smiled. Rey put her notebook and pen down and turned in my desk chair to face us while Harper joined Ella on the bed. I sat on the chaise near the window.
“Who goes first?” I asked.
Lena smiled. “You, since you asked.”
I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “Fine,” I said. “I’m the queen of this game.”
“I’ll take that as a challenge,” Lena said. “So. Truth or dare?”
I thought for a minute. My parents were out to dinner and would be back later. How bad could a dare be? But I didn’t feel like getting up from my comfortable spot. Cheer practice had worn me out. “Truth.”
Harper’s eyebrows raised, and she looked to Lena for her question along, with everyone else. Rey pulled her notebook into her lap again.
“Tell us the names of the boys you’ve kissed?” Lena asked, eyeing me carefully.
Noah jumped to the forefront of my mind, but did our lips touching for the briefest microsecond even count? All I knew was that talking about it still didn’t feel right.
I looked at the ceiling as I counted in my head. “Three. Gary, of course. Plus Jacob Miller last year, before he moved away. And Tommy during freshman year on a dare.”
#LoveToHateThatBoy (#BestFriendsForever Book 2) Page 11
