She would probably hate me if I told her. God, why did I have to find those files? Why me? I would rather have not known. Now the responsibility is weighing me down. If I don’t say anything, I could put my own career in jeopardy.
Lord, I wish You would tell me what to do. To relieve the mounting stress I’ve been doing things that I know I shouldn’t. My life’s out of control. I want to come clean with my wife. She’s so beautiful, God, I don’t deserve her.
He started to weep. The words stopped coming. He felt his wife’s presence as she knelt down beside him.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” she whispered quietly.
He grabbed and rocked her.
“Baby, what is it?”
Rex finally faced her and grabbed her hand. He placed the palm of his other hand on her face.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I know I haven’t been myself for a while. It’s just, honey, I have something to tell you and I didn’t really have the strength. Honestly, I have several things to tell you. I’ve been dealing with something and it’s been causing me to make one bad decision after another.”
She stood up and sat on the bed and he did the same.
“I’m scared, baby, just say it,” she demanded.
“Well, I guess I’m struggling with staying at the firm. I was reviewing some old files I know I wasn’t supposed to see. Baby, I saw the evidence myself. Your dad’s practice has a shady history. Honey, he’s paid off a lot of people. He’s paid off ambulance people, police officers, and even a judge or two. I can’t be a part of it. I could lose my license.”
She took a deep breath and hung her head down. After a long pause, words slowly crept out of her mouth. “Rex, I know.”
His head shot up. “You knew? You didn’t tell me?” His eyes narrowed as he focused in on her.
“I, I, my father, I swore . . .”
“You are my wife! You kept this from me?” His hand stretched back, then met her face with a force that almost caused her to fall back on the bed.
She fell down and hid her face in shame. Her tears soon saturated the bed.
Soon he realized what he’d done. He sat back down on the bed and touched her shoulder. “Baby, I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. But Jermane, please tell me you have an explanation. Please,” he said.
She looked up at him, still stunned by what he’d done. Through tears she said, “Rex, I went to my father myself years ago because of the rumors I heard. He admitted it to me. I mean he is not proud of what he did, but he said he did what he had to do to start his business. But I swear to you, it’s over. That was at least twenty years ago. He’s run a legitimate practice since then. I don’t blame you if you want to resign. But before you do, I want you to go to God, because my father has. No he’s not perfect, but he’s confessed all his sins to God. God has forgiven him so maybe you can too. Rex, above all things, you are my husband. I will respect whatever you want to do. But all I ask is that you go to God first.” She touched her husband’s arm.
“Forgiveness, that’s a good word. Yeah.” He looked up, “I feel really confused right now. But forgiveness is a really good word. I don’t even know who you are. I’m not sure who I married. I love you, but I just need time to think,” he said as he took a deep breath. He stared past her out the window. He could see the backyard garden in the distance. For a minute it provided some sense of serenity and peace. He was almost in a daze.
“Rex, I understand.” She waited for a cue from her husband to know what to do next. “I’m going to leave you alone for awhile. But before I go, you said you had a few things to talk about. We might as well get everything out. What else were you going to tell me?”
“Never mind. Don’t worry about it,” he said still facing the window.
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Godmother Connection
“Hello.”
“Hey, how are you feeling? This is Godmother Two. Are we going to look for your baby furniture this weekend or what?”
I rolled my eyes. “Jewel, I’m in the middle of drafting a petition. Can we talk about this later?”
“The shower’s set for the end of September. But I’m a planner, so you know I like to stay on schedule. I’m trying to come up with shower ideas too. I know, I know, nothing over the top. No live storks and no shower games—how boring.”
“It’s my shower, Jewel. Anyway, this is Fourth of July weekend. I need to rest. But then again, I can probably catch some good sales. I’m just looking for that one layette. I guess we can go to a couple of places this weekend. I just have so much work to do. All of a sudden we’ve been getting a lot of business. I’ve even had to refer some business elsewhere.”
“It could be worse.”
“Yeah, you’re right about that. It’ll be nice to get together at Capri’s Saturday night.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. Boy, everybody seems so lovey-dovey since that Las Vegas trip. I haven’t heard any complaints,” Jewel said.
“Girl, I’m not gonna ask any questions. Chris has been wonderful and he tells me how beautiful I am every day. Boy do I need it, I feel like a boat. To be five months pregnant in the summer in Houston? It’s torture. Chris has been working extra jobs so we can prepare for my time off work. At least I can do some things at home and we’ve hired a law clerk from Thurgood.”
“That’s smart. I wish some of that planning would rub off on Kevin’s ex. I can say she’s been a little more low key even though the child’s father wants nothing more to do with her or the baby. She has cut back on the damsel in distress syndrome.”
“So, I guess she is finally getting a life of her own. Are you doing her shower too?”
“Lexi, let’s not get ridiculous. I still think Kevin is a little too concerned about her. I don’t argue anymore, but when I do mention it, he says we just need to be ‘Christ-like’ and have empathy for others. I think that’s a bunch of crap. I guess I feel left out a little sometimes,” Jewel said.
“Well, unless he’s really giving you a reason to worry, I suppose you have to let it go. They always will have a connection, but I think he’s gotten the message.”
“I’ve been praying on it and God must be doing something with me. I’ve never been this nice to her. I notice, the more I let go of that resentment, the less of a problem it is.”
“Maybe God was waiting for you to change.”
“Um, maybe. I’m just tired of being the one who always has to change.”
“You know, Jewel, I think the sooner we stop looking at it that way, the easier it is for God to work. It’s all about obedience.”
“Lexi, why do you always have to say the right thing? Can’t you just let me be selfish in peace?”
“Nope. I have to let you know what the Lord drops in my Spirit.”
“I guess that’s why I love you, girl. Okay . . . Godmother Two out.”
“Oh brother.”
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
Fireworks
Everyone except Jermane and Rex had made it to Capri and Anthony’s Fourth of July barbecue. Capri and Anthony had a pretty big turnout because Anthony had invited some of his teammates. Still, I missed Jermane. I was worried about those two. I knew they were having problems. The last several times I called Jermane she’d rushed me off the phone, and Rex was just as antisocial. I kept them in my prayers, feeling this was just something God would have to work out.
On another note, I knew I was going to pay later for all the sausage I was eating, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. “Girl, you getting big,” Kevin said as he saw me walking across the room with my plate.
“Shut up, boy. You know you don’t say that to a pregnant woman,” I said as I slowly eased into my chair and wrapped my bread around my sausage.
“Yeah, don’t talk about my baby like that.” Chris came over, sat on the arm of the chair, and kissed the top of my head. “My wife is still fine.”
We finished playing just abo
ut every board game in the house and ended with a round of Taboo.
“So, when are y’all going to find out the sex of the baby?” Jewel asked, then stuffed a mouthful of potato salad in Kevin’s mouth. She slapped her thigh as she adjusted herself on his lap.
“I told you, we aren’t. We want a surprise.”
“That is so boring. There are absolutely no cute yellow outfits out there. I guess we can do the mint green . . . I’ll go by Chase’s Closet this weekend.”
“Baby,” Kevin said. “Can you please let Chris and Lexi do what they want. It’s their baby. You just focus on the shower.” Then he opened his mouth for another bite of potato salad.
Chris and I laughed. Soon the fireworks were lighting up Anthony and Capri’s backyard. After watching the sky light up for a few minutes the men, as usual, went off to the game room and the women went to the kitchen.
“Lexi, you relax, we’ll start cleaning up this mess,” Capri said.
“Oh, don’t worry, I wasn’t trying to help. I’m just putting away my plate,” I said as I sat down at the kitchen table. “It looks like Mr. Anthony is all up on Ms. Capri. Y’all might be getting a visit from the stork soon,” I said as I grabbed a piece of cake.
“Girl, please. I can barely take care of the big baby I have,” she said and started to laugh. “But I have to tell you something . . . and you better promise not to say anything.” She looked around to make sure her husband wasn’t anywhere around. “We had some issues before he left for Vegas. Do you all know Anthony was almost addicted to pain killers?”
“What?” I said. “How did you know?”
“Well, I found a bottle of Vicodin almost half full and I knew the doctor only prescribed them during the time when he hurt his back. I’d found them before his last game of the season. He denied having a problem. But when he came back from Vegas, he finally told the truth. It explained why he was tired all the time and, well, why we hadn’t made love in a while and Anthony never had a problem in that area. I don’t know, I guess Vegas did him some good. We had a long talk and we both realized we had gotten away from our prayer time. Ever since he got back from Vegas we’ve been making more time for fellowship and devotion together.”
“Wow, that’s deep,” Jewel said with her elbows propped on the table and her chin resting on her fists.
“Yeah, we’ve been talking a lot and yes, we want to start a family soon. But, I will say, when he was in Vegas, I did lay down some prayer! I woke up in the middle of the night the Saturday they were there and Anthony was heavy in my Spirit. The Lord put it on my heart to fall on my face and pray. Even before he left that weekend, Anthony was not himself. The enemy was really stalking him. I prayed until I felt something lift, until I felt a peace.”
All the ladies were silent.
“Hey, I think we all need to take a trip, because after they went out of town they all came back like new men,” Jewel said, breaking the silence. “Well, he isn’t taking those pills anymore is he? I mean, he doesn’t have to go to Club Promise, or whatever that place is where Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan went.”
I pinched her leg under the table.
“What? I’m sure he’s fine. Isn’t he, Capri?”
“Well, we’ve been going to a few counseling sessions. He was really depressed after the playoffs and it could have become a major problem. But God has a way of exposing things. We’re also going to go to a class Angel recommended at Lakewood. Honestly ladies, I’d rather not talk about it. I’d rather talk about a girls’ getaway. I think we all could use one. We need to head to a Spa Retreat!”
“Sounds good to me,” Angel said quickly as she raised her fork after shoving a piece of cake in her mouth. “So what’s the date of the baby shower? I need to put it on my calendar.”
“Um, the third weekend of September.”
“Are you sure that won’t cut it too close?” Angel said.
“No, it’ll be okay. I’ll have several weeks to spare,” I said as I felt my belly.
“Girl, I am so glad we took you shopping for maternity clothes,” Jewel said. “You are looking awfully cute in that sundress. We couldn’t have you walking around here looking like you don’t care.”
“It’s about all I can fit now. Especially going to work. It’s tough trying to look professional when you’re as big as a beached whale. I had to go out and get new shoes, my feet are so swollen. It’s a good thing we can get away with sandals in Houston,” I said.
“Speaking of work, how’s that going?” Angel asked.
“It’s getting rough, girl. Capri and I have been holding it down and we’ve been getting a lot more business.”
“Well, I don’t want to put you guys on the spot, but I can help,” Angel offered.
“Girl, they keep you busy enough at your job,” I said.
“Not anymore. I’ve been praying really hard on this. I’m leaving the legal department at the oil company.”
“What?” Capri and I both said at once.
“Yeah, I’m just not fulfilled. I’m taking my 401(k) and I’m gonna run. I have enough savings until I figure out what to do. I can step in and help you all.”
Capri and I looked at each other.
“I’m thinking this is answered prayer,” Capri said.
“Yeah, Angel. Don’t you want to join Reynolds and Stanton?”
“You know, I was sort of feeling that in my Spirit, but I’m gonna pray on it and make sure that’s God’s will for my life right now. But I feel a peace about it. In the meantime, I’m at your service!”
“Oh, thank you, girl . . .” I tried to stand up to hug her.
“That’s okay, Lexi, don’t try to get up. It’s gonna take you all day to get out of that chair.” Angel reached down to hug me around the neck, as everyone laughed.
“Okay, y’all. Since I’m doing you a favor, I want you all to keep Octavio in prayer.” She lowered her voice, although she knew the men were way at the other end of the house in the game room. “He still hasn’t been back to see his father and I believe this man is holding on until he sees his son. I’ve never seen Octavio so stubborn about anything. He has such a good heart. He must be in so much pain.”
“Definitely, as a matter of fact, we can pray right now. We got a lot of power in this room,” I said. We all grabbed hands and I led the prayer. Before it was over, so many other things in addition to Octavio came up in my Spirit. Sitting in the kitchen praying with my friends, I was convinced more than ever how special our bond was. I realized all the love that would surround my child. I am truly blessed, I thought. The next thing I knew, I had broken down in tears and everybody was hugging me. They thought something was wrong, but I was just so full of joy. “I’m just so blessed to have you all as friends.”
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Obedience Is Better Than Sacrifice
“I had a good time tonight,” Octavio said, his eyes glued to the road as he and Angel drove home from the Fourth of July barbecue.
“Yeah, me too,” said Angel as she turned on the radio. The smooth sounds of jazz on radio station 95.7 filled up the car.
A few moments passed. “Angel, you know family and friends are so important. You do know I want to have children one day and I want to be a really good father.”
Angel didn’t say anything. She let him talk.
“Yeah, family is important.” She wanted to talk about her decision regarding Lexi and Capri’s law firm but didn’t want to interrupt the moment. She sensed he really needed to talk.
“Angel, I think I’m ready,” he said.
Ready for what?
“I think this whole issue with my father is really holding me back from a lot of things. I’m going to see him, this weekend. I know I need to go, and I just feel like I need to let God have His way. Besides, it’s making me miserable. I just needed to get strong enough,” he said quietly.
She didn’t speak for a couple of seconds. She was smiling on the inside, knowing their prayer in Capri’s kitch
en had had a lot to do with it. Thank you God. You are so faithful. “Baby?”
“Yeah, sweetie.”
“I’m so proud of you.” She leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. He grabbed her hand and rubbed it. “Do you want me to go with you?”
“Yeah. Yes, I would really like that.”
She took a deep breath. He’s finally going to be free from all that bondage. Her heart rejoiced at what she knew God was doing.
As soon as he arrived at the hospital Octavio started shaking. As he walked closer to his father’s room he turned into a little boy all over again, and when he walked into the room, he was terrified. Angel was about to head for the waiting room, but he held her hand and said, “No, I want you to come with me.”
When he walked up to his father’s bed, his father’s eyes remained closed. His breathing was shallow and he had shriveled up to almost nothing. All the hate Octavio had refused to let go was instantly released at the sight of this feeble man. He was drawn up into a tiny ball, frail and barely able to speak. Soon his eyes slightly opened, barely resembling two slits. Angel walked over to the window. She felt like she was intruding, but Octavio insisted she stay. The least she could do was turn away so Octavio could have a moment.
He reached down and rubbed his father’s hand, feeling the protruding veins with his fingers. His father’s eyes opened a little more. His father’s mouth opened a little and all he saw was his gums moving slightly. Then he closed his eyes again.
“He’s been waiting for you.” The priest standing in the doorway said, “Hi, I’m Father Stevens. You must be his son.”
“Yeah, I mean yes, I am.” Octavio was a bit puzzled. He squinted as he shook his hand. “He can barely speak. What makes you think he’s been waiting for me?”
“He didn’t say it with his voice. He said it with his eyes. When your mother comes to visit, she says your name and his eyes open and he smiles a little.”
The Sunday Brunch Diaries Page 19
