“What happened?”
“Did you know that a bullet can travel faster than the speed of sound?” He swallowed a few times before continuing. “There was this kid, just nineteen, still wet behind the ears and fresh out of combat training. He’d just joined Golf Company the week before. He was walking down the middle of the dirt road toward me with this big cocky grin on his face. It was his first mission, and he was feeling pretty revved up.” He exhaled a shaky breath. “I saw the damned hole in the middle of his forehead before I heard the shot. I’ll never forget the stunned look on his face before he collapsed.”
He pressed the base of his thumbs against his eyes as if trying to push out the images haunting him. “I should’ve told him to take cover, not to strut down the middle of the road like he ruled the desert. I knew we were in a vulnerable position, and I did nothing. I was too damned preoccupied with my own petty problems, and I let my troops down.”
A shudder racked him. “All hell broke loose after that. We were in a bad situation with fire coming at us from the surrounding hills. One of our Humvees was hit by an RPG, and it exploded into flames with four Marines inside. We managed to put out the fire, but none of the Marines inside survived. I’ll never forget the smell.” Another shudder went through him.
“I called for air support. Helicopters made a Hellfire strike. They got the building where most of the fire came from, but the Taliban had snipers and grenade launchers scattered throughout the surrounding hills. The only cover we had were our trucks, and those were easy targets.” He pulled his hands away from his face, and the bleakness in his expression stole her breath.
“We went into the hills after the enemy and lost two more Marines. My job was to keep my platoon safe, to prepare my troops for every possible contingency. I didn’t do my job as well as I could have. I was distracted by my own personal problems, and because of that, seven Marines made the ultimate sacrifice that day.”
“You can’t blame yourself for what happened. You weren’t the one who put your troops in that situation, and nothing you could’ve done would have prevented the losses your unit suffered.” Her heart bled for him. “Even if you had made sure your Marines took cover while you were pulling out, you said yourself the Taliban were targeting the trucks. More troops might have been lost if they had used the trucks for cover.”
“Like you can’t blame yourself for the direction your life took when you were just a kid.” He shot her a hard look. “The adults who should’ve been taking care of you failed to do their duty.”
“I made choices. It’s not the same thing at all.” She slid off his lap.
“I don’t see it that way.” He leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands. “Carlie, I have PTSD. I can’t sleep at night like a normal person, and I have . . . issues. I’m not good at . . . I’m not partner material, but don’t think for a minute that your past makes you any less in my eyes. You’re amazing. You’ve overcome so much, and you’re a terrific mom, not to mention you’re hot as hell.”
He shot her a lopsided grin. “I’m not going to pretend that I don’t want you, because I do.” He shook his head. “But I just don’t have it in me to—”
“Get personal?” She choked out a laugh and stood up. “We both have issues, Wes. I have lousy judgment when it comes to relationships, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to trust a man with my heart again. Plus, I have a son to consider. I’m not sure I can allow another man into our lives again, not after what Tyler and I have been through with Jared. I don’t even know if I want to stay in Perfect after my ex is caught. I love it here, but I can’t stand the thought of everyone knowing about my past, or the way gossip travels around town.”
She scrambled to hold it together. Wesley Holt was everything she’d ever wanted in a man, but way too many obstacles stood between them. Could they get through them? Was it worth the possibility of devastation to even try? “I’m not going to pretend, either. We’re obviously attracted to each other, but if we take that next step, it means getting involved, and I’m not sure either of us want that.”
She studied him. “Would it be better if I stayed somewhere else while Jared is on the loose? Because it’s obvious where things are headed, and I don’t want it to become awkward between us. I don’t see any other outcome but awkward if we continue to stay under the same roof without agreeing on where we’re going with this.”
He opened his mouth to respond, and she shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore right now. I’m tired, and so are you. Don’t say anything until we’ve both had a chance to think.”
“All right.” Wes’s gaze met and held hers. “If that’s the way you want it, we’ll leave it for now.”
“Good night, Wes.” How did she want him to respond to her questions? She didn’t even know what her own answer would be, and what about Tyler? She could not allow her son to be let down by another man in his life, and honestly, she’d already allowed Wesley in too deep. Had she once again used poor judgment when she’d agreed to stay with him in his apartment? Of course she had. The longer they stayed, the more her son would be hurt when they left—the more she would be hurt.
Would she never learn? Her heart aching, Carlie went back to bed, more aware than ever how empty her life would be once things returned to the way they had been. It wasn’t just Jared’s sudden appearance causing all the upheaval. Wesley Holt had turned her life upside down and inside out.
CHAPTER SEVEN
WESLEY YAWNED AS HE APPLIED the last coat of varnish to the end table before him. After the past few drama-filled days, being at L&L felt more like a break than work. He hadn’t reached this level of exhaustion since his last deployment, not to mention the degree of sexual frustration plaguing him. With all the worry he carried for Carlie and Ty, he held more coils than a box spring mattress. “I sure will be glad when things return to normal,” he muttered to no one in particular.
“You’re kidding, right? You don’t really believe things are going to go back to the way they were.” Ken snorted. “Do you?”
“Why wouldn’t they?” After the talk he’d had with Carlie Saturday night, he planned to make it clear that he’d keep his hands to himself. No involvement and no awkwardness. That way, she could continue to stay safe in his apartment. Eventually Jared would be caught. Then she and Tyler would return to their own house, and he’d go back to his predictable routine.
“Yeah, bro. I gotta agree with Kenny on this one.” Miguel shook his head. “You didn’t think it through before you moved Carlie and her boy into your place. Things are never going to be the same for you.”
“Everything will go back to the way it was once this is over.” Except for his commitment to Tyler, but right now he didn’t want to think about how he’d manage that. Ty was one thing, Carlie another. He glared at his crew, daring them to contradict him. All four pelted him with snorts of incredulity.
“Don’t count on it.” Ken shot him a pity-filled look. “Before all of this started, you didn’t know Carlie and her boy. Now you do. The three of you have a relationship, and there’s no use pretending otherwise.”
“I’m not pretending anything. Carlie needed help. I’m helping. We’re all helping, and that’s all there is to it.” Wes focused on the piece of furniture in front of him, sliding his brush over the grain. “We’re friends, and friends help each other.”
“You can fool yourself all you want.” Ken shrugged. “But the rest of us know better.”
“What do you think you know better?” Wes challenged.
“Do you really believe you can go back to square one after living under the same roof with Carlie, like you two never shared the same space?” Ken shook his head. “That’s not how it works. You can’t go from being that intimate with a woman to being mere acquaintances again. Especially not with a woman you look at the way you do Carlie. We’ve all seen the look, Wes. We’ve all worn the look at one time or another.”
“He
’s right. Besides, you’re irritable as hell, and we all know why, bro,” Miguel chimed in. “You got it bad for Carlie, and that’s a fact.”
“Yep.” TreVonne smirked. “He’s got that right. Man, I’ll bet your balls are blue by now. Unless you and Carlie are already—”
“That’s enough,” Wesley snapped. “Carlie is my guest until her ex is back behind bars. You are all reading way too much into the situation.”
“Ha! Irritable and in denial. It’s just a matter of time, Wes. Just a matter of time.” Ken glanced around the production area. “Hey, if any of you are interested, I’m starting a pool. It’ll cost you a five spot per square to get in. I’ll make up the calendar on my break. Whoever calls it closest to the day Wes caves, wins. Who’s in?”
Laughter and predictions about how long it would be before he and Carlie had sex and were officially a couple filled the room. Heat flooded Wes’s face. “Rex needs to go out.” He slid varnish over the last corner and put down his brush.
“Rex is snoring.” Miguel chuckled. “That dog doesn’t need a thing.”
“Well, then I need to go out,” Wes muttered.
“Cold air is not going to cure what ails you. What you need is a cold shower.” David, their newest addition to the graveyard shift, took out his wallet and turned to Ken. He handed him a five-dollar bill. “Put me down for November eighteenth. I give it a week, tops. Be sure to include the first and second shifts in the pool so I win a nice big pot.”
More laughter erupted. Wesley growled and stomped across the room. “Rex,” he called, reaching for the dog’s leash. “Come.” Rex raised his head and thumped his tail a time or two. Then he yawned and put his muzzle back down on his paws. Wes would’ve sworn the dog shrugged at him. At least he didn’t flip him the paw for his attempt to use him as an excuse to leave the room.
“Fine. Stay.” Wes hung the leash back on the hook. He strode out the door into the cold night air. The chill cooled his overheated face. He scanned his surroundings, checking the rooftops, windows and shadows for signs of danger. He leaned against the bricks. As much as he wanted things in his life to go back to the way they had been, the guys were right. He and Carlie had gotten to know each other. They’d shared things. Deeply personal things, dammit, and that couldn’t be undone.
The crew was wrong about one thing, though. His balls weren’t blue. They were purple. He’d touched her. Blood rushed to his groin and his breath hitched at the memory of the way her skin had felt against his palm. He thumped his head against the bricks and groaned.
No doubt about it. If he and Carlie continued to stay under the same roof, they were headed for bed. Hadn’t she said as much when she’d issued her ultimatum? Are we getting involved, or should I go somewhere else to stay? That’s what she’d boiled it down to, and he wasn’t about to leave her unprotected while Jared was still on the loose. Talk about being in a bind. His apartment really was the safest place for her and her son. So where did that leave him?
With all the PTSD and trust issues between the two of them, did he and Carlie have any real shot at a future together? The thought of not having her and Ty in his life left him feeling as hollowed out as a spent artillery shell. He wanted her with a desperation that defied reason.
Wait. What about a friends-with-benefits arrangement? Could he manage that? Could they form an agreement of sorts—one where they remained close friends, involved, but living separately? Involved, but with limits and boundaries . . . that could work. It would have to be exclusive. Plus, he’d made a promise to Carlie’s son, and Tyler had to factor in when it came to any decisions he and Carlie might make. At least it would give them something to consider, something that would keep them together.
Wes thunked his head against the bricks again. What the hell was he thinking? Carlie would never agree to such an arrangement. Why would she? He’d really gone and done it this time. He was caught like a fly in a drop of honey—sweet but deadly. One thing was for sure, he and Carlie had to talk—and soon.
Wesley held Tyler’s hand as the two of them walked into the Perfect Diner. The sheriff had made arrangements for Wes and Carlie to meet the two US Marshals at the Warrick County sheriff’s office in Boonville that afternoon after Carlie’s shift. “Hey, Harlen.” Wes nodded a greeting to the older man.
“Hey, you two.” Harlen grinned. “Carlie’s in back. She’ll be out in a minute.”
Jenny approached. “And you get to come to our house, Tyler. We’re going to make cookies. How does that sound?”
“What kind?” Tyler’s grip on Wes’s fingers tightened.
“Why, chocolate chip, of course. Your mom said they’re your favorite.” Jenny retrieved her things from under the register. “Wes’s dog is coming with us.”
“He is?” Ty flashed Wes a questioning look.
“That’s why Rex is in my car, partner,” Wes told him. “Harlen, the three of us will follow you to your place, and Carlie and I will head to Boonville from there.”
Harlen agreed just as Carlie appeared. Wesley’s heart did its familiar calisthenics routine. She was just so damned pretty. Their eyes met, and his knees nearly folded on him from the hit. He smiled. “Ready?”
“Yes.”
Worry lines creased her brow, and the need to touch her overwhelmed him. Wes placed his free hand at the small of her back as they followed the Maurers out of the diner. He and Harlen kept an eye on their surroundings while Carlie locked up, and then they moved in a tight, protective group to the parking lot.
Once Tyler and Rex were settled at the Maurers’ house, he and Carlie headed east through town for the drive to Boonville. Carlie sighed heavily. “You OK?” he asked.
“Sure.” She turned away to stare out the window and twisted the hell out of the strap on her purse.
Clearly not OK. “All right. Out with it. What’s bothering you, Carlie?”
“Other than my ex on the loose and wanting to end me and steal my son?” She shrugged. “My mom called today. She and my grandmother want me and Tyler to come home for Thanksgiving.” Another mega-sigh filled his SUV.
“That’s good, right?” He glanced at her. Hadn’t she told him she’d lived with her mom and grandmother for a while before moving to Perfect? “Why do I get the feeling you’re not happy about the invite?”
“My brother and his family will be there, too.” She shrugged.
“You have a brother?” This was news to him. She hadn’t mentioned a brother before.
She nodded. “He’s older. I haven’t seen Ron for years, and I’ve never even met his wife and kids.” The corners of her mouth turned down. “I wasn’t invited to their wedding.”
Now that just made him mad. “Where was he while you were sliding into the dark side?”
“He was busy being a straight-A student and the perfect son.” She let out a shaky laugh. “I guess we both reacted differently to my parents’ divorce and everything. Ron became an uptight control freak and a judgmental perfectionist. I became an addict and a—”
“Don’t say it, Carlie.” Wes gripped the steering wheel. “He should’ve been looking out for you. That’s a big brother’s job.”
“I get why you think that, Wes. You were expected to look after your younger brothers and sisters while your parents worked. I’m sure that message was drilled into you from day one, and with your nature, of course you took it to the nth degree.” She shook her head.
“But that’s not how it was in my world. My mom and grandma didn’t put that on my brother. He had his own life. By the time we moved in with my grandparents, Ron was a senior in high school and getting ready to go off to college. The two of us were never what you’d call close, and once I got involved with drugs and ran away, he disowned me altogether.” She kept her eyes fixed on her purse. “We haven’t spoken since the day I was arrested for prostitution. I’m sure he was relieved to hear I’d changed my name, so there was no association between the two of us.”
Anger on Carlie and Tyler’s beh
alf exploded in his chest. No way was he going to let her face her brother without backup. “We’re going.”
“We’re going?” Her eyes widened. “They don’t know about . . . I mean, they know Jared escaped from prison. It’s been on the news, but I didn’t mention you or what’s been going on in Perfect. I don’t want them to worry.”
She hadn’t even mentioned him? That bit. “What did you say?”
“I told my mom I’d think about it and get back to her. I figured it would be best to hear what the sheriff and the marshals have to say before making a decision. I don’t want to put anyone else in danger, and with Jared armed and on the loose, it might be better to stay put.”
They’d reached the outskirts of Boonville, and Wes turned onto Indiana 62. With everything else going on, he’d completely forgotten Thanksgiving. He and whatever siblings and their families were around always gathered at his mom and dad’s. Once all their children had grown and gone, his parents had bought a little two-bedroom bungalow in an older first-tier suburb of Evansville. “Jared isn’t so stupid that he’d approach a houseful of witnesses, and he’s not the only one armed. If the marshals won’t let you leave town, you and Tyler will come to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving.”
“Is that an invitation or an order?” She scowled. “Thanksgiving is two weeks away. Hopefully, Jared will be behind bars by then, and you won’t have to drag me and Tyler around with you wherever you go.”
“It’s not like that.” He pulled into the parking lot of the Warrick County jail. The sheriff’s offices and dispatch were housed on one side and the jail on the other. “I’d love to have you and Tyler there. I . . . we’ve . . .” Heat crept up his neck and filled his face. “You should know I’ve made a commitment to Tyler. He had a bad dream a few nights ago, and he and I—”
“A commitment?” Carlie’s eyes flashed sparks. “What kind of commitment did you make to my son without talking to me about it first?”
The Twisted Road to You (Perfect, Indiana Book 4) Page 11
