“Uncle Will, are we gonna keep sleeping out in the barn?” Jake interrupted his thoughts again.
“I...I don’t know.” It was another topic he had been debating.
The weather wasn’t going to let him put off the decision much longer. The last three mornings he’d woken to frost on the ground. Soon the snow would come and then he and Jake would need to be sleeping indoors. Maybe he should rebuild the soddy where they had first lived. But was he being foolish to ignore the warm, sturdy house he’d built just because he’d have to share it with Abby? They were married, her reputation was secure—and of course, they’d continue to sleep not just in separate rooms but on separate floors. There’d be no harm in that, surely...except for the way it would make it feel as though they were all one, united family that would be staying together all winter. And that was something he knew couldn’t be true.
* * *
Abby had been listening for the sound of a wagon since the day before, or more honestly, since the minute Will and Jake pulled out of the barnyard a few days before, but when it finally came, she almost missed it. She was canning some of the late tomatoes from her garden, her face matching their color from the heat of the stove. Will had promised to bring more canning jars for the squash and pumpkin, as well.
“They’re here! They’re here!” Tommy came bursting into the kitchen and swept past Abby, out the door and into the yard before Abby could even react. Willy was only two steps behind his brother, leaving the door wide open in his haste to see his father and cousin.
“Willy!” she called after him. He rushed back long enough to slam the door behind him. She had to fight the urge to hike up her skirts, dash out after the boys and throw herself into Will’s arms just as his boys were doing now. Instead, she turned back to the stove before she gave in to the impulse. She tried to rein in her thoughts; she had never before wanted anyone to hold her, save her father when she was small. She gave herself a sharp rebuke about wayward daydreams and forced her attention on the tomatoes.
But even her eyes wouldn’t obey and they kept straying to the window where she could see the men hugging and laughing with the boys. The sound of the boys’ happy chatter mixed with the deeper notes of praise and questions from Will and Jake. All the voices floated on the wind and comforted her in the lonely kitchen. Colin met the group at the door of the barn.
By the time they had all trooped back to the house, Abby managed to set the table and have the roast, mashed potatoes and salad served and ready. Glasses of chilled milk were poured and standing at attention as the door opened. She had wanted everything to be perfect, not that the men would ever really notice little details.
The minute Will entered the room, Abby felt her breath catch in her throat and her heart speed up. The noise of the boys and men talking seemed to fade into silence, and for an instant, her eyes connected with Will’s. His face lit with happiness and he stepped closer. She thought maybe he would pull her close and hug her as a normal husband would, but then the light in his expression dimmed to something more controlled and polite. Friendly, but nothing more.
“Looks like a meal fit for a king, Abby,” Will commented, taking his place at the head of the table, not having come close enough to shake hands, much less hug her. Her disappointment choked her and she just nodded.
“How were things here while we were gone?” he asked as she settled in the chair next to his.
“Fine, everything went just fine. And how did your trip go? It’s good to have you back,” she blurted out.
“It’s good to be back!” Jake answered from down the table. “Uncle Will’s cooking hasn’t gotten any better since you’ve been here, that’s for sure. I’d like to have starved if it weren’t for the thought we’d be coming home to your fine meals. Ain’t that right, Uncle Will?” Jake tossed his uncle a knowing grin and ruffled Tommy’s hair.
Colin said grace and thanked God for His protection on the men who had traveled and the family left behind. Once “Amen” was uttered the silence was broken only by the scrape of a fork on the plates and the boys chewing with their mouths open. The boys seemed to be in a race to see who could finish first and then they waited impatiently while the others finished, peppering their father and cousin with questions and squealing with delight when Will promised if they helped unloading supplies, he just might be able to find the stash of peppermint sticks he’d bought.
Soon, Abby was alone again with the dirty dishes. As she worked in the kitchen, she smiled to herself and hummed a hymn. At least for the night, her family was all home, safe and sound. Tomorrow would bring enough worry. As the men started filling her pantry with the sacks of flour and sugar, spices and dried fruits, Abby thanked God for the provisions for the winter months. It looked to her as if Will had purchased enough to hibernate for two winters.
She put some water on the back of the stove to heat for tea for the men as Will went up to tuck the boys into bed. They had missed their father the last few nights he was away and she wanted to give them time together.
“Ma,” Tommy called down the stairs almost as soon as he had dressed in his nightshirt. “You need to come up and hear me say my prayers.”
“Why don’t you let your pa listen to them tonight?” Abby called back up, standing at the foot of the stairs.
Not only did she want to give Will some time alone with his boys, but she was also afraid of what would show on her face if she were in the room with just him and the boys when her heart was so full of happiness to have them all together again. If only Will shared her joy at their togetherness! But it was his right to want her out of his house and life, as much as it hurt to think that after almost six months, he hadn’t grown to care for her the way her heart had become attached to him.
“No, Ma, we want you to tuck us in. You need to give us hugs and kisses and all that,” Tommy argued.
“I’ll be up in a moment.” Abby sighed, looked around the room for something else to straighten up. Wouldn’t you know that everything was in its place? She ducked into her room to search for her knitting but couldn’t find it.
“Ma?” Willy stood at her door, his eyes following her search.
“Yes, Willy?” Abby answered absentmindedly.
“Are you coming up now?”
“I was going to, but I can’t find my knitting.”
“It’s up on the chair next to our beds. Don’t you remember? You started to knit there last night when Tommy was scared.”
“You’re right. Thank you, Willy. Let’s go on up.”
Willy took her hand and they ascended the stairs together. He let her go only to climb between the sheets and then patted the bed so she would sit down next to him. Once prayers were said and the boys had been given their good-night hugs and kisses, Will escorted her back downstairs. It was the first time they had been alone in more than a week and she found herself suddenly shy. Her nerves weren’t helped by the worry that a letter had come from his mother that he’d collected while in town. Would this be the conversation where they made the plans for her to leave?
“So.” Will sounded as uncomfortable as she felt. “Did the boys behave for you?”
“Yes. You should be proud,” she answered, glad he had chosen a safe topic.
“Most of their good behavior comes from what they’ve learned from you these last few months.”
“It’s been my pleasure to be here with them, but you laid the foundation.” Her mother had always encouraged her to say something nice and true at the same time. If ever a statement were true, it was that. Abby had so enjoyed getting to know and love the boys. How could she possibly walk away from them now? She bit her lower lip and tried not to give in to the urge to cry at the thought.
“I really appreciate all you’ve done out here. I know the conditions aren’t what most women would expect and we’re certainly a little rough around the edg
es….” By now they had entered the kitchen and Abby started to prepare two mugs for tea without even asking.
“I don’t mind. I’ve come to value all your hard work and sacrifices to make this place work. And look what a harvest God’s blessed you with. Out here, it’s easy to be mindful of our Creator. After all, if He doesn’t send the rain, you don’t have a harvest. If He sends too much rain, you won’t get a harvest, either. I can see why Jesus asks God for our daily bread. In the city, we can forget our food and livelihoods don’t come from the market but from God. The silence and the richness of this land, the flowers, the plants, the sky….”
“It sounds like you have gotten used to this place. But you haven’t seen a winter here. That might change your mind a bit.”
“Hmm... I don’t think so.” She bit her lip and wondered if he would give her the chance to make up her mind for herself or if he was even now holding the tickets for her to return to the East.
He swiped his hand through his hair, standing it on end. Abby recognized his tic, hinting at his frustration. Maybe it was a good sign. Maybe he was at least a little bothered to have to send her off.
She handed him his mug of tea and instead of leading her to the table, he motioned to the door. “It’s still light out. How about sitting out on the porch awhile?” he offered.
“Sure, let me go get my shawl.” She was gone and back in a few seconds.
Seated on the rocking chair, she waited for whatever news Will wanted to share with her. He seemed suddenly nervous as he settled on the swing. He sipped his tea, looked over his land, put the swing in motion and then tried to sip more of his tea, succeeding only in spilling some down his shirtfront. Abby had to bite the inner part of her lip to keep from chuckling. He set the mug down on the windowsill behind him and continued swinging.
“Listen, Abby, I don’t know what to tell you. I was hoping that by the time I got to Twin Oaks I would find a letter from Ma. Not that I want to get rid of you. Just the opposite. I see how much the boys have come to depend on you. They love you. Jake wasn’t joking about my cooking. It hasn’t gotten any better over these last months. If anything, it’s gotten worse or maybe it’s just that we’ve gotten spoiled by your expertise. And you have to know how good you’ve been for Jake, how you’ve helped him believe in himself. While I...I can’t tell you how grateful I am for all that you’ve done.
“But it’s not fair of us to think only about us and not about you. You need a family of your own. You need to be in the city where you’ll have everything you want and someone who can give you more than just a load of dirty laundry and backbreaking work from sunup to sundown.”
He stopped the swing and stared straight into her eyes. “I have to admit that I don’t want to see you go. You lighten our day and make me smile. You should’ve seen Jake in town. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get him to come back home. He had so much fun talking with all the young ladies. And I happen to notice the shirts and pants you made for us were as nice as the ones that Mayor Hoffman was wearing. Somebody, I think it was the waitress at the restaurant, made a comment about how nice Jake’s hair looked.”
“So, why are you so set on sending me back?” Abby whispered, her heart breaking with each word.
“Caroline always said, ‘No woman on the face of the earth would want to be stuck out here, in the middle of nowhere.’ She said she ‘didn’t want to spend her dying days out here,’ but that’s just what happened. This land is inhospitable for most, especially women.”
Caroline had really said all of that? Abby knew Will’s first wife hadn’t liked the prairie—he’d told her as much on their wedding day—but she hadn’t known the woman’s opinion of the place had been that low. It went a long way toward explaining why Will was so convinced she’d be better off somewhere else.
But why wouldn’t he believe her when she tried to tell him otherwise? Maybe Caroline hadn’t wanted to spend her dying days out on the prairie, but Abby did. She wanted to spend every day she had left cooking and cleaning in this house, laughing and playing with the boys, being part of the family that Will had made. Maybe it would have to be enough for her to see his family was well cared for. Maybe they would never truly be her family, but it would be the closest she would ever come to having one of her own. After this summer, she would never be the same. She was sure because she would be leaving the biggest part of her heart behind with Will and the boys. Maybe there was still time to convince him. She could be happy as long as they were happy.
“Ma didn’t write back,” Will said, breaking the silence. “At least, I haven’t gotten a letter from her yet. I’m of half a mind to send you on back to stay with her until she can get you established with someone from town. I don’t know what’s taking her so long, but if you stay too long, you’re liable to get snowed in and then you won’t be able to get out for a few more months.”
“Please don’t send me away yet,” Abby urged. “I’m not ready to leave. There’s still so much to do….” She thought franticly of all the chores she still had before she felt ready for winter. “I haven’t gotten the entire garden in yet. And the pumpkins are just about to ripen. You can’t possibly tell me you know what to do with pumpkins or how to make pumpkin pie if you can’t even make oatmeal! There’s still the sweaters I’m knitting for the boys. That’s why I asked you to bring me more yarn. I need to still take a look at all of your winter wear and patch anything that’s gotten threadbare. I—”
“Abby, there’s nowhere I can send you just now, so don’t get yourself all worked up. I don’t want a repeat of the first day.” His eyes, full of compassion and something else, held hers for a moment before she remembered what he was referring to.
“There’s something else we need to talk about,” Will stated, and once again Abby held her breath. “It’s gonna get too cold at night to have Jake and me sleeping out in the barn. I was wondering if it would be okay with you if we started sleeping upstairs, in our old rooms.” He hesitated a moment and then continued, “You could still keep the parlor and of course we’d respect your privacy like always. If there were some other way I’d do it, but the snow is going to come soon and I don’t want Jake getting sick.”
“Of course!” Abby exclaimed, laughing out loud. The silliness of the owner of the house, asking her to let him sleep under his roof, tickled her funny bone. Or maybe it was the relief that Will wasn’t set on sending her away quite yet. “I’ll make up the beds right away.”
“No, not tonight, Abby. Tomorrow will be soon enough,” Will reassured her. “In fact, it will be sometime next week since Colin will be staying for a few more days.”
Abby watched as Will looked out toward the barn. He looked distracted, probably thinking of all the things that needed to be done around the farm now that the harvest was in. The chill of the night stole into her bones, making her tremble with the reminder that summer was truly over, and her remaining days in Nebraska would soon be coming to an end. “I think I should be going in now,” she said in a quiet voice.
She stood and picked up her mug. Will stood just as she tried to pass him and she tripped while trying to avoid a collision. His hands caught her upper arms and kept her from falling. Instead of letting her go once she was steady, though, he waited, seeming to force her eyes to meet his. When she did, she wondered at the emotions there. She saw fear, kindness, endearment and something more. Something that made her confused and excited all at once.
With a start, she realized that this was the first time in months that Will had touched her for more than the bare moment necessary as he handed her up and down on the wagon when they went to church. Maybe it was his warmth that pulled her like a magnet or maybe he really did pull gently on her arms, but suddenly she was taking a step closer and found herself engulfed in his arms, buried in the strength of his chest. She closed her eyes and pretended she would never have to leave the shelter of his arms.
“Oh, Abby. I...” He swallowed but didn’t continue.
This was what he had kept himself from doing earlier in the afternoon. This was what she had seen in his eyes—the need to hold her close. His hand slid in a circular motion on the center of her back and she felt safe, protected and cared for. She let her arms wrap around his waist and felt as if she had finally come home. Was this what it felt like to be loved by a man? There was no doubt now, she loved him.
Almost as if he could hear her thoughts, he pulled away from her, holding her at arm’s length. “I’m sorry, Abby. I guess I’m just tired tonight. I’m not thinking straight. You’d better get inside and stay warm.”
The trembling started again, as the cold rushed in to embrace her much as Will had. Only this time, the cold started from inside. It had been too good to be real; Will hadn’t held her close because he had feelings for her but because he was tired and lonely.
Without saying anything more, Abby rushed into the house and straight to her room. She heard Will enter a few minutes later, put the dishes in the sink, walk halfway to her door, then retrace his steps and leave out the back. Once again, she found herself weeping on her bed, wondering if she wouldn’t be better off leaving. Living here, near a man she loved, and yet never having him return her feelings, would be harder than living miles away from him with just the memories to keep her company. Memories of being held and a fleeting kiss on her wedding day. Those two precious memories might be all she’d ever keep from her marriage to Will, but she cherished them and would remember them always.
“God, only You know the plans You have for me.... But I’m not happy about them right now. It hurts to not belong to Will while he holds my heart in his hands.”
“I know the thoughts that I think toward you...” The verse from Jeremiah echoed in her heart. “Thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”
Instant Prairie Family (Love Inspired Historical) Page 18
