After a beat, he says, “Yeah,” and orders another. One drink after that, he finally opens up.
“Mark and I went into this new place–the place I told you about, Le Barré–and we met Annie. I don’t know. She got me, man. She dug in deeper than anyone has and you know me, I’m not the kind who gets locked in, but I was thinking things…” he stops, and slowly shakes his head, his mouth tight. “She went to college with us. Do you remember Annie O’Brien? She was a Goth chick.”
Put on the spot, I make the face people make when they’re trying to remember something. I opt for ignorance. “Nah, I didn’t pay much attention to those freaks.”
Brendan stares at me, processing this. He looks away and swirls his new glass. “I guess I didn’t either. But I met her right after college. Fucked her friend Corinne and from what I’m gathering from Corinne running into us the other night, and the things she said to me and Annie, Annie had a thing for me back then or something. I guess it ruined their friendship, but I don’t know the whole story. The thing is, she knew it was me this whole time we’ve been seeing each other. She didn’t tell me. And I asked her! I asked her I think a couple times that first night, the night we got shot.”
“She got shot, too?”
“What?” He looks at me. “Oh. No. I meant the night I got shot.” He takes a sip and licks his lips, asking himself more than me, “Why would she do that?”
“Women are fucking stupid, that’s why,” I scoff, remembering Rebecca trying to look under my shirt. If she’d have seen what I was hiding, my life would have been over. I was this close to losing my freedom just because she wouldn’t listen. “Trust me, never let them in and you’re golden.”
Grimly, Brendan says, “That’s what I’ve always told myself.”
“And you were right.”
I bring my glass up to tap his, but it takes him a second to meet me halfway. I need to hit the nail in deeper. Having that bitch around is only going to endanger me, because the hatred I feel for her is so palpable that who knows what I’ll do if I ever see her again? Brendan and I have been burying the hatchet and while I still hate his fucking guts, I’ve played it cool this many years, I think I can keep going if I’m not provoked.
“Wait, was Annie the one who had the long black hair and blue eyes? Like vampire-bright?” He turns to me. If he were a dog, his ears would be perked up high. He nods. I milk it for all it’s worth. “It’s no wonder she lied to you, man. If it’s the girl I’m thinking of, she hated us. She gave us the evil-eye all the time. She told me one night that we were going to pay for how we treated women, and I just laughed at her, because what’s she gonna do? So, she found a way, huh? Man, you must feel pretty dumb.”
His lips tighten. He downs his Scotch and stands up. “Let’s go.”
I down mine, too, and motion to the bartender to close us out. As the pen hits the paper, I say to Brendan over my shoulder, “Hey, sorry man. Didn’t mean to piss you off more.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He walks away and leaves me to follow him with a smirk on my face.
4
Annie
Golden Gate Park
Sun: annoyingly cheery.
________
Christiano’s quiet concentration is the calm before the storm. During lunch we talked about the people from back home in Tuscany, how I’ve found some new friends in Laura, Taryn, and Manny. I even told him about the girl I had to fire for stealing. We haven’t spoken about Brendan. Truthfully, I don’t know what to say, now that Brendan isn’t speaking to me. There is hope in my heart that that will change and it’s taking everything I have not to lean on Christiano for support. He’s always been a rock to hold onto in an ocean of uncharted territory. It was natural for him to fall into that role when I was so young and a foreigner who didn’t even speak the language and knew nothing about the customs. But now I’m swimming on my own. It’s just so hard to remember that with the familiarity of his presence so close, today. It’s extremely fucking hard.
As a little girl of about five runs by us on the path, Christiano quietly says, “Bella?”
I keep my eyes on the parents of the little girl. They’re talking to each other with smiles on their faces, a family. I want that. “Yes?”
About the family, he smiles, “They look happy,” and then reaches for my hand as he’s done a thousand times. But it’s not the hand I’m used to anymore. I shake my head against the growing knot in my throat. I’m not ready for this conversation. I don’t think I ever will be! “Christiano, I don’t know what to say.”
“You do not have to say it. Do you not think I know every expression you make?” He stops walking and takes my chin in hand. “I can see your confusion. That confusion gives me hope. Do not take that away from me. Let us enjoy each other.” He leans in to kiss me. I close my eyes and feel his kiss rush into my body like a wicked thing, so accustomed to his touch, my body trained to respond to it.
When he pulls away, I look up into his handsome, rugged face, and whisper helplessly, “Okay.”
We walk along the park’s path past teenagers smoking with wayward glances, afraid they’ll get caught, friends lying on blankets on the grass, more families, and couples kissing with a lot less weight on their shoulders than we have. My sweater feels not nearly strong enough against the cold that’s in my heart, even though it’s a bright, sunny day, and after a few more steps, I ask Christiano if we can go now. “I need a nap before work.” The fatigue taking over me is so strong I have to lean on him as we make our way to my car. “I didn’t realize we parked this far away.”
“Let me get the car for you. I can drive it to there and pick you up.” He points to the street where there isn’t a single open parking spot. I nod and slump to the grass.
“That would be great, thank you.”
He looks so tall above me now as he hesitates, glancing my way before he leaves. He kneels and looks at me for a long silent moment, so long that my heart feels like it might melt under the sadness of this decision. Can I turn this love away for one that might never happen?
And then he drops the biggest bomb of all. “What if I stayed here with you until your bar hits success? I do not need to work. I can take as much time as I like. Money is no issue, you know that. I would be here to support you and we could explore the city together, travel to the beach when you have free time. Whatever you like…”
I blink, shocked. “You would do that for me? But you love your home!”
He earnestly searches my eyes. “We could go there after the bar is a success. We do not have to think about that now! Stop with that face. I am not offering you help with my money. I know you want to do this on your self. Your road to walk.”
As always, his misuse of the English language produces a small smile. “No more fighting my need for independence? This is a big switch.”
He frowns and looks to the street. “Even the stubborn can change.”
Brendan’s face jumps into my mind. “But Christiano…”
He interrupts me by standing up. “Think on it, Bella. Do not rush, please. I’ll be back with your car.” I nod and watch his steady gate heading for where we parked. When he passes a family, I see him bow a hello. They all smile. How could they not, he’s so elegant.
With blades of soft grass cushioning my body and thoughts, I stare, dazed, at the scattered, white clouds above me, thinking about what he’s offered. I came back to this city to heal a wound and chase a dream. I got to know Brendan and find out that what I’d felt back then was very real. It may have been a dream, but it wasn’t a fantasy. They say our first instinct is right and that it should be trusted and not fought against. What about our second one? I know that if I accept Christiano’s offer, I’ll be closing the door on Brendan. I can’t imagine running into him with Christiano on my arm. He knows what he looks like…would he even care? The way he looked at me last night was so horrible. There was hatred in his eyes.
A breeze travels over my body and the clouds shif
t, bending and fading, their cotton-ball edges calming. As I watch them, hypnotized, I feel more and more certain I could be happy with Christiano. We’d travel, maybe live in both countries, split our time. If we had children they’d be bilingual. He’d be a good father. They’d love him. That would be a life any woman would want.
“Bella!”
He’s parallel-parked out on the street, his body leaned toward the rolled down window. I pull myself up and walk to him, staring at his face, considering what I could do, what sacrifice I could make. Because I know I would be sacrificing something if I chose him. There’s love and then there’s true love. There’s happiness, and there’s joy. There’s Christiano, and there’s Brendan Clark… the other half of my soul. Could I wait until our next life?
“We have to talk,” I say, climbing into the car.
His face flickers and he nods, putting the car in drive, turning away, and from what he knows is coming.
5
Brendan
Drunk Drunk Drunk Drunk Drunk
________
The lights are on in her place. She hasn’t left for work yet. I don’t know what I want to say to her, but I drove over here when I was aiming for home. I’ve been at different bars since one o’clock and Tommy’s been good enough to keep me company. He even stopped me from fighting a guy I knocked into on my way out of the last place. I wish he hadn’t. I would’ve enjoyed a fight. I need somewhere to put this fury. I’m pissed at her, but I’m way more angry at myself because I want to see her so badly, it’s fucking killing me. Not even what Tommy said about her and how she was back then, has made me feel like it’s over.
Can’t we just get past this?
Fuck. What’s wrong with me? I need to walk away! I know this. How can I trust a liar? But I can’t walk away. When I tried, it just brought me here. I yank my phone from my pocket and stare at it. Should I call her and tell her to buzz me in? My head jerks up to see one of her neighbors walking out with his head down in his phone like most of America, and just like me.
“Hold the door!” I yell, running up the short staircase, my head swimming from the booze and the endorphins. Startled, the guy looks up at me, unsure of what to do. But I’ve already passed him and am halfway in the door. “Thanks,” I say, and shut it on his face.
Pacing in front of her door and mumbling a mantra, I try to talk myself into leaving. “She’s just a woman just like any other woman. I’ll get over this. She’s just a woman just like any other woman. I can live without her.”
The second I hear myself say that, my chest feels like it’s going to disappear.
Fuck. I ball my hand into a fist and knock on the door. Hard.
Footsteps inside.
Deadbolt unlocked.
Doorknob turning.
Her ex opens the door wearing only a towel around his waist with water dripping down his chest, his hair in wet chunks falling over a deep, protective frown. He locks eyes with me.
“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” I spit, pushing him aside. “ANNIE!”
I hear him close the door behind me as I vault into the bathroom, expecting to see her wet and showered, too, spent from the hard fucking he just gave her. I look around the small room, the window and mirror both fogged, and pull back the shower curtain to see if she’s hiding. There’s nothing there but bath soap and hair crap. Flying out of the bathroom, I launch myself into her bedroom, next. She’s not there, but her bed is unmade and the blankets are all screwed up. I stare at it, seeing instantly them fucking like animals. I flip around to confront the bastard.
He’s waiting for me in the living room, arms crossed, bare feet spread wide in a power stance. This guy has to be fifteen years older than Annie at least. What the fuck?
“Where is she? And what the fuck are you doing here?”
He raises an eyebrow. “I’m here because Annie asked me to be here.”
I glare at him in shock. “What?!!” Raking my fingers through my hair, I pace again, the couch between us, but I’m considering flying over it to punch him in the face. “Women are fucking evil!”
“You are drunk. Let me get you espresso.”
“You Italian fuck, I don’t want your Italian fuck coffee.”
He stops walking and raises that stupid, calm eyebrow again, regarding me from the side. “So you are Brendan. This surprises me.”
Pride hits me hard as I realize I must look like a child to this guy. I grit my teeth to hold back anything I might say that would sound immature, and hold my arm in the direction of the kitchen. “Fine.”
He sucks on his cheek and heads there. Following him, I glance over to Jaco who’s back on the shelf. I go to cross my arms, but the stitches still have another week to come out and I have to adjust, so I shove my hands into my pockets and lean against a wall to watch the bastard make me a coffee. He’s about the same size as me. I could take him. I watch him make the espresso in silence, the muscles of his arms making me angry because I keep seeing them around my Annie. He hands me the cup and I take it with a growl. “She asked you to be here.”
He regards me for a few beats. “She did. I could have stayed in a hotel.”
My teeth grit. “You’re her ex. Or was that a lie, too?”
Both his eyebrows rise this time. “A lie, too?”
“Did you fuck her?”
A frown creases his forehead and he turns away to clean the espresso machine as he talks. “I’ve come here to win her back.” He glances my way once, then continues slowly cleaning. “And I can see you are what I thought you would be.”
Anger flicks at my insides. “And what is that?” I walk and land the cup on the counter, contents untouched. Fuck his fucking espresso bullshit.
He glances to it and smiles. “A hot head little boy who does not deserve her.”
I lunge for him and yell out in pain as he knocks me to the side. I hit a chair, crashing to the ground with it. Searing agony tears in from my ribcage. I grab up my shirt and see blood seeping through the middle of the bandage. “Fuck!”
He’s staring at it, confused. “What is that?”
Pissed, I mutter, staring at it and poking it with my finger. “I got shot. I think the wound opened up.”
He walks to me looking genuinely concerned. “Let me drive you to a hospital.”
“Hang on.” Trudging as fast as my dizzy feet will carry me, I go look at the damage in the bathroom mirror. It looks external only, but what do I know? “Is my lung split open? Shit… would I be able to talk if it was?” I mumble to myself, patting down the edges of the tape to help the bandage to do the best it can. But it’s a lost cause. It’s too wet now. He stands outside the open door, and I cut a look his way. “I think it’s just the staples. I don’t know. My lung was scraped... I don’t know if it’s opened up again.” Even as I’m standing here, the blood is soaking through my blue shirt. He and I both stare at it as I hold my jacket open to watch.
He leaves for the bedroom. “I’ll get dressed.”
“Shit.” I push the gauze back on my wound to stop it from bleeding, hold it down like Annie did when I was on the floor. The sting is so painful, but I inhale slowly to see if my lung is filling up with blood. I can’t tell.
Walking out of the bathroom, I call back, “I’m calling a cab!”
He emerges wearing expensive jeans and a white button-up, with shiny, black European-guy shoes. “Be a man and accept my help. I am trying to do what is right.” He waits for my answer and I nod. “I will need to drive your car. Bella took hers to the bar.”
Bella? Ugh.
I toss him my keys, shaking my head. “I don’t want your help, just so we’re clear. But I don’t want to die either.”
“Then let’s go.” As soon as we get in the car he launches into a story, while I stare out the window, the wetness sliding down my chest. I only get pieces about how she came to him when he wasn’t looking. How long they spent together. How much he loves her and could make her happy if I would just let her go.<
br />
On that last part, I look at him from the corner of half-shut eyes, my attention grabbed. “Who says I have her? Turn right. You’re going to go four blocks down and then left.”
He puts his foot on the gas. “She says she has been in love with you since college.”
My throat closes and a weird sensation floats down my arms. I stare out the window, silent. After the four blocks, I give him the next set of directions. “Two more lights, then you’ll see it. Follow the signs to Emergency. She has a funny way of showing it.”
Approaching cars lights flash across his face. “She’s a funny girl.”
I counter, glaring at him, “She’s not a girl.”
He glances to me, struck, and looks away in thought. Looks like I hit a nerve.
6
Brendan
Two Torturous Hours Later
New Sutures: slammed into my chest.
Me: drugged and staggering.
________
As we pull up to my place Christiano asks me, “Can I walk from here to Annie’s bar?”
I nod, drugged to the extreme. They didn’t keep me overnight. It was just the outside I ripped open, and the doctor who sewed me up did it without putting me completely under. The dull, numbed pain felt almost good as he stitched, because it made me stay out of my head. This guy Christiano stuck by me even though I told him to go. I guess where he’s from they don’t understand what Leave me the fuck alone. I’m fine means.
“Yeah. It’s not far.” He comes over to help me, but I shake my head. “I’ve got it. Thanks for your help.” Despite my objections he follows me upstairs and more than once has to catch me from falling. When we get to the door, he struggles with the keys and I’m no help. I tell him the wrong one and insist that it’s right. He keeps trying it until Mark opens the door, confused. He takes one look at me and comes forward, eyes darting to Christiano as he grabs my sagging body.
Hearts Series Bundle: Books 1-6 Page 41
